Dearest Diary
by Anzel Wolveine
Summary: Dear Diary, it appears I am starting to have numerous confusing feelings about my friend Kevin Barr...oh dear. (KevEdd, Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d) (cover art by Asphyxion)
1. Dear Diary Entry No 1

**My first KevEdd fic. I'll slowly work on it over time, I'm not very strong with prose, so bear with me. This story will switch between Edd's Diary and Kevin's e-mails. Since they are 90's kids, cell phones weren't really a thing. E-mails were. That's my logic and I'm sticking to it. And thanks to c2ndy2c1d for Nat's character, for he's a much-needed catalyst. Try not to be _too_ harsh on me; I'm a poet, not a prose person, and I have a different creative process than most people. Thanks for giving me a shot :D Enjoy!**

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Dear Diary,

…Oh goodness, I never expected to see myself writing something like this. Um, how do I begin? Oh yes, I suppose I should start from the beginning.

My name is Eddward Vincent, or Double D, to my friends. I only recently received this, ah, assignment, you might say, from my counselor. You see, my parents aren't around as often as they'd like, and they long ago decided it would be best if I had someone to speak to about any and all concerns I may have. She is a nice lady, and I enjoy my meetings with her no matter the purpose behind them.

Now, onto the matter of you, Diary. My counselor, or Diane, as she insists I call her, has insisted I start keeping you as a record of any changes I go through, and for the sake of ensuring I know what to bring up to her at our next meeting.

You see, I am going through a much belated puberty. Whilst several of the physical aspects of puberty had found themselves unpleasantly present in my life, it wasn't until recently that I started to develop actual interest in the opposite sex. Or…well, never mind that, it is something I can write about soon, for now I will continue to inform you of my present state.

I have been rather befuddled by my most recent urges, things that are not gentlemanly in the least. My mind has been wandering to places I would rather not discuss right now, though I will admit readily that it hasn't been an altogether unpleasant experience. The source of my concerns, and the real catalyst behind my writing in you, is something I feel is beyond me to grasp.

You see, there's a boy. Well, I should say a man, for he's not much of a boy any longer. I've known him since childhood, and I suppose you could say we are good acquaintances now, if friends is a bit too presumptuous. Upon seeing him the other day, my mind seemed to wander to a place it's been going more recently, and though it is not unfamiliar, it is…not something I would ever expect to think of him.

I, um…oh gosh, I suppose this is all private. Very well then…I was walking to my locker between classes, and happened to see him as he passed by a sunlit window, when the thought occurred. We have been acquaintances for some time, and would occasionally give a casual nod to one another upon our passing. I was…caught by surprise, you could say, this time.

I greeted him as I normally would, a smile on my face and an acknowledging nod. For some reason, his greeting was different. Not to say he realized it; maybe it was the lighting, or, more than likely, he was thinking of something else. But he had this…I can't find any other words to describe it, this _beautiful_ smile on his face, and the way his hair framed it...I felt a little…strange, to say the least. He nodded back, and as he passed, I couldn't help but notice the pleasant scent of his body wash, the fresh scent of conditioner in his hair.

And for the life of me, I couldn't get that gorgeous smile out of my mind.

It's still in there, too. I can see his eyes, pale and sea green in the mid-morning light. His hair, mostly tucked beneath his signature ball cap, was firey and captivating. It all framed his face, freckles dotting his pale cheeks above that _smile_.

And that, Diary…that is why I need you. Because though I don't believe anything is wrong with me, I'd rather be certain before I make any assumptions of any permanence towards my being. I know you won't judge me, nor will Diane, and nor will my parents. But I need you to help me keep track of these…feelings…and possibly, these urges as well.

Because it still keeps replaying in my head, and it makes my eyes flutter shut every time…and I'd like to know why.

I must head to bed now, Diary. Tomorrow is a new day, and I must be well-rested. I shall tell you of my happenings tomorrow, should there be any. For now, keep my secrets safe.

Yours truly,

Double D


	2. A Night Of Mild Debauchery

Hey dude!

Hey, so I got some news for you. Something I think you'll be ALL over, but whatever, it's not like I can tell Nazz nowadays…guess she'll get over it but jeez, it sucks right now.

So, yeah, like, I had this dream last night. No it wasn't one of those stupid whatever dreams that people interpret and shit, it was the real deal. It was also kinda sissy, but I kinda figured that'd be right up your ally. BURN!

So, like, there I was in this dream and I was standing outside some door, kinda like when I was gonna pick up Nazz. But it wasn't Nazz's door, and I didn't know who I was waiting for. So I turned around and the door opened, and someone just, you know, hugged me. And it felt amazing. Like it was real. I woke up with this warm feeling and I dunno what to make of it. Then I got kinda sad cuz I screwed that shit up with Nazz.

Anyway, I couldn't get it out of my mind all day. I probably shoulda sent you something earlier just to get it outta my mind but I woke up without a lotta time to spare before I had to head off to class. But yeah, it just wouldn't go away. I ended up daydreaming in a lot of my classes, and it was all, like, sissy stuff. Cuddling, you know, like that stuff you made me try that night I screwed up. Don't let me drink again, okay?

I think some people could tell I wasn't all there, cuz like I heard some people chuckling and stuff. Then, and this was the weirdest one, I walked passed Double D. You know the one with the Beanie? He was in the Yearbook I showed you, dorky tooth, tie…yeah, you know the one. Yeah, it was like he was the only one who like, really _reacted_. Like straight up.

I mean, I was just heading for class, and was daydreaming again. Haha, I know, it's fucking frilly and girly but fuck it that dream was nice. So when he passed by and nodded, I nodded back, and he like, just froze for just like a second. Whole body just froze, it was fucking weird. And then he kept walking, and kinda smiled a little wider than he had been. Did I tell you that? He's always smiling. Idk why man, he just does.

It's like, he doesn't have any reason for it. His friends are fucking retarded, or one of them is, and the other one's just a dick. That's basically it. What the hell is he always smiling about? Idk and I don't fucking think I'll ever know.

Anyways Nat, hope you get back to me soon. Never been like this before, it's kinda fucking with me. I'm starting to get pissed off, I guess cuz I just wanna go back to being normal, you know? Not that things will be normal for a while. Just glad you're fine with just being friends, dude. I need some right now, from the looks of it.

E-mail me back soon dude, don't hold off or I'll start calling ya! I'm losing my head here!

From Kevin


	3. Dear Diary Entry No 2

Dear Diary,

It is now Tuesday, and having had a night to rest on my feelings, I have come to the conclusion that it could simply have been my overly hormonal teenage body doing its best to scramble what was once a much clearer mind.

Now, I would love to say today went as any other would have, but that would not be the case. In fact, I had yet another peculiar run-in with Kevin; this one self-initiated.

The talk of the lockers was of Kevin and Nazz's unfortunate break-up, that apparently had occurred over the weekend. It was saddening to hear for several of us from the cul-de-sac, who had been rooting for the couple since they finally got together, but apparently it was not to be.

Nazz seems to be taking it well, or as well as a girl with a broken heart could, I suppose. I've watched the women from the Cheerleading Squad surround her most of the day, where-as young men of much different motives seemed to be waiting on her every step. As much as I am loathe to admit it, Eddy is one of those with less unsavory interests, stalking over Nazz as one would a dragon's abandoned hoard.

On the other hand, Kevin seems to have gotten much less attention that usual. I noticed a few awkward exchanges from his fellow Football teammates, however they seemed rare, and calculated, as though someone may 'disclose their alliances' to Nazz, I'd imagine. It was sad, really. From what I'd heard, Nazz was the one who broke up with Kevin, but refused to give the reason. No one had any idea what had actually happened, and yet, everyone sided with the beautiful blonde. Kevin was left on his own, and I felt this…unfair.

The day had progressed towards a Study Hall I had reserved for eight period, a refreshing way for me to get a head start on homework, as I digested the day's wondrous new facts. I discovered myself finishing my homework rather quickly, only to find I'd left my novel of choice in my locker. I refuse to "waste" Study Hall as so many do, so I obtained a Hall Pass to go procure it from my locker.

Upon entering the hallway, I noticed the familiar figure of Kevin slumped in front of what I assumed was his locker. His hat hid his face, and his arms were pulled around his knees. Now, he had rarely done much for me, since my friends and I were somewhat "rivals" to him, but I did not feel him deserving of being so miserable. Nazz had been afforded attentions all day, why couldn't anyone bother to ask Kevin what was wrong? I supposed I had a few minutes to spare, as the Study Hall teacher trusted me, and I was using my privileges for a good cause…wasn't I?

As I advanced towards him, his head moved — I assume he had heard my shoes and looked to see who it was — only for him to return to his prior position. I was both relieved he didn't find my presence worth noting, and confused as to where the normal Kevin Barr had gone. I decided that he deserved an ear just as much as the next person, and since no one else would be that ear, I would. I wanted to know where that smile from yesterday had gone, as well…

"Greeting, Kevin!"

(I must note, Dearest Diary, that I have somewhat of a photographic memory, and important conversations like this one stay quite clear in my mind for days afterwards)

"What do you want, Dork?" I couldn't hear him too well; his voice cracked, though, and that worried me. Kevin never showed weakness. At least he was trying, I thought, with that old nickname of his.

"I merely wondered if you would like someone to talk to? I know I am not your first choice," I looked to the ground as my voice lowered, "if a choice at all," and my confidence returned, "but I consider you a friend, Kevin, and I don't like to see my friends upset."

He huffed air out his nose, paused, and moved his head up, staring blankly at the floor in front of him.

"Why do you care, Dork? It has nothing to do with you. Go join Nazz's pity party like everyone else." I noticed his brow crease, and the way he practically spat 'pity party'.

"I have seen the, 'pity party,' as you call it, and fear I do not empathize solely with them." I must have piqued his interest, because he finally looked at me. But stayed silent, so I let my voice tremble out, "No one knows what happened, and I would be quite ignorant if I assumed. You deserve just as much attention as she does, since no one knows the truth."

Kevin made a 'tst' sound with his teeth, before slowly moving his arms to push himself up. He looked my way, those eyes of his taking in every detail of my face before, finally, his ever-present frown lifted, if only slightly. Thoughtfully, you might say.

"Yeah, well…chicks, right? Always gotta be the dude that fucks up," I winced at the language, and I think Kevin noticed, because this tiny smile crept up the corner of his cheek, "Can't ever be an accident…not that anyone gives a _ship_ …"

I never thought Kevin would humor my distaste in swears, but it made me smile. Just a little.

"It is very human to err, Kevin. And, if you are sincerely sorry for it, I believe you deserve to at least be heard out. Though your peers appear uncaring, I-I'm willing to be an ear for you at any time. It is the least I can do."

He smirked with the corner of his mouth and walked up to me, one hand in his pocket. He reached up and messed with my beanie for a second; I was afraid for a moment, until I realized there was no malice in it, as he said, "You know, dork, I'm glad you got that brain of yours. You're the first damn person to give a fuck about me all day…"

I watched him smirk wider and walk off, a hand raised in the air. He said something under his breath, but I could only hear the gravel in his voice. The feeling I got when I caught his clean scent as he walked off was…uplifting.

Feeling accomplished, I approached my locker and quickly obtained my novel, making my way back to class.

Diary, I am not certain why fate has decided Kevin Barr will become a part of my life, but I have no complaints. A new friend is never a thing to mind.

Take care until next time, and keep my secrets safe.

Yours truly,

Double D


	4. A Fair Trial

Hey Nattttttt

Dude, today fucking sucked. Ass. Like, majorly. I didn't think a day could suck so bad. Even you couldn't have stayed happy. I know, right? Not even possible.

So I showed up to school, and even the people _outside_ were whispering. So I thought, 'wtf?' right? Well, guess the news got out. Idk if they figured it out on their own or what, but like EVERYONE and their mother was all up with Nazz, and all I could hear was 'Nazz this' 'Nazz that' 'Kevin is a blah blah' and you know, the usual shit gossip has.

Now, get this. No one fucking knows what happened besides us, right? But they still only care about Nazz. Sure, she's popular and everyone loves her, but am I really that bad? Even my teammates aren't on my side. I mean, they would say things like, 'that sucks man,' but it's like all they cared about was that they had a shot at getting in her pants. Pfft, if only they knew.

So like, that was the whole day. People asking her what was wrong, guys throwing themselves at her like fucking morons, and me just watching all the stares I'd get from…everyone. It was kinda depressing.

I even sat alone at lunch, you know? Like, I sat with the jocks, but they didn't really talk to me, and were just like slightly too far from me for me to say anything. I mean, come on! What the fuck did I do?

So then I had a few more classes and then home, right? Yeah, well, Nazz was in every fucking one of them. I ended up losing my fucking mind and just walking out of my last class. I didn't want to leave the school and get in trouble, so I just sat down at my locker and waited. No one gave a shit about me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?

But anyway, when I was sitting there, that kid from yesterday, Double D? Yeah, he showed up outta nowhere and started asking me how I was and shit. I thought he was just making fun of me, cuz Eddy put him up to it or something, but he really seemed to…care. He even said I was his friend.

I can barely remember what he said, something about how I was human and how I could talk to him anytime. He also said he didn't side with either of us cuz no one knew what really happened, which is good to hear at least. I basically told him thanks. I mean, I said it after I got past him, but you know me. I'm Kevin Barr. Kevin Barr doesn't just say 'thank you' to someone. Idk, maybe he heard it. Whatever.

So I guess I'm just glad that at least the smart Dork gives a crap about me. Kinda pathetic he's the only person in the whole school though, huh? Well, better than nothing.

Maybe I'll ask him over sometime. It'd be easier if you didn't live so far away. I need someone to vent to over this shit…and even if I don't trust him too much, it's like…I need to tell someone or I'll lose it on someone else. I guess Edd's better than some dumbass gossip right?

Idk man, get back to me on that before tomorrow. I need to play some games and chill out. Talk to you later dude.

Kev


	5. A Pause Between Social Gatherings

Dear Kevin,

I am -so- glad you've asked for my advice. You won't regret it.

Well, you know what? I say go for it. I know you can be a little foggy in the noggin sometimes but you know what's up. If you think this guy can keep quiet, he probably can. I mean, Nazz did. She could have told everyone immediately after she found...you know. But she didn't. You sure know how to pick good friends. Am I right or am I right ;) You know I'm right sweetie.

So yeah, man, give him a shot! Take him out, have a ball, gossip and flirt and have a night for the boy...s? Hey, I'm not saying go for it right now, but that Double D of yours sounds like a fine piece of ass. Though I doubt you remember anything you said that night, do you? Nah never mind, it's all the past now.

Just take a dive, darlin', maybe you need a splash of cold water on your face to get you out of this funk. I hate seeing you down. I mean, I'm not seeing your gorgeous face either way, but I don't even wanna IMAGINE it sad. You must look like a kicked rottweiler. Probably not a puppy. You're not really the puppy type, you know?

Now, this Double D may be...I digress.

Hun, do what feels right to you, but do something, ANYTHING to get yourself out of this funk. Don't make me fly over there and get you slammed. First of all you wouldn't remember it, and second of all I don't have THAT much money to blow since our weekend.

Trust in your heart, Kev. As cliché as it sounds, you should.

Cheer up buddy, I gotta head out now.

Talk to you again soon :)

With much love,

Nat


	6. Dear Diary Entry No 3

Dear Diary,

Today was an interesting day. I'll note that not all of it was interesting; to start, I simply had normal classes, a normal lunch, and my standard inane conversations with my best friends, Ed and Eddy. To give you a general example of their antics, Diary, Eddy was talking about some sort of popular, cheap novelty pencil grips that he knew would sell like popcorn at a theatre. Ed immediately got excited and asked if we were going to watch a movie. He then got confused as to what zombies wanted with pencil grips. This gave "Eddy" an idea, and I just shook my head and smiled.

I will note that I adore my friends. Eddy, despite his dabbling into the vice of Greed, does truly care about me, whether he knows how to express it or not. And Ed? Ed simply has a good heart. Surrounded by inanity, of course, but he is a lovable oaf. I wouldn't trade their friendship for the world.

Now, though this is true, I was rather fortunate today that neither of my friends were present when Kevin decided to approach me after lunch. Eddy and Kevin could be considered Rivals, and though they've been better since the discovery of Eddy's older brother, there will always be a lot of tension there. I suppose their personalities simply grate on one another.

Back to the matter of Kevin, I was rather surprised to see him walk up to me. I'll recall that situation as best I can.

He came up to me with his hands in his pockets. He looked up and flashed a crooked smile, "Hey Dweeb."

I'll note there was no malice in it. The nicknames he gave me as a child were now nothing more than that these days; any bitter connotations were long gone. I smiled and responded, "Salutations, Kevin! I was just about to head off to Calculus, but I have a moment to spare. Is there anything I can help you with this fine day?"

"Yeah, um," he asked, looking down and…biting his cheek? It was hard to tell, but when he looked at me, that player smile of his showed through, "Think it'd be cool if I came over later? Like…I know I don't _know_ you well, outside of school, I mean, and we don't really get along, but…you know…" He grunted a little, sounding almost annoyed. I decided to help him along.

"Of course, Kevin! I would be thrilled to have some company tonight. I actually have a study session organized for myself tonight, a sort of ritual, I suppose, but you'd be more than welcome to join in. You can join in the studying as well, if you'd like, but I won't mind if you simply stop over for a bit. Two is a party, as they say!"

The half-amused grin he gave me made me a little worried I'd said too much. Then he smiled with his teeth, "Yeah, sure, Dorko, sounds rad. I'll head over after practice…" He paused for a moment, before saying, almost hesitantly, "Think I can grab your number in case something comes up?" His shoulders looked caved in and unsure.

"Most certainly, Kevin!" His shoulders fell, and I was glad. There was no reason a friend had to feel unsure around me, and of course I'd give him my number. Why wouldn't I? I pulled a sticky note out of my hat, grabbed a pen, and wrote my number for him. I heard him chuckle.

"Thanks, Dork." He smiled, a genuine smile like the one I saw on Monday.

"You're very welcome, Kevin. Have a great rest of your day!" I tried to return the smile in kind, and he paused for a moment, grin widening, and walked off.

Dearest Diary, Kevin is still at practice right now, and I needed to write this all out to you because…despite how confident I may have seemed in my writing, any confidence I had then has faded to near nothing now. I fear I will bore Kevin, and I have so few experiences with the matters that he is going through that I am afraid I won't be able to empathize with him properly, as a good friend should.

Wish me luck, Diary.

Your Friend,

Edd


	7. History Project

Yo dude,

Guess what I just did? Yeah, I did. Yeah, really. Go stick a sock in it. No you can't come watch us, you creep.

Dude, it was actually easier than I thought it would be, too. I mean, once Lumpy and Skipper got out of the picture, I just walked right up to him and asked if I could come over. I ended up kinda chickening out from saying why, but I swear, you can't get anything past this kid. He got all excited and started spouting off about a study session. It was kinda cute, in a dorky way.

So yeah, he let me come over. And get this. I got his number too. Yeah, I know, I've got the moves. But honestly I think he'd give his number to, like, anyone who was nice to him. I almost feel bad I used to make fun of him. I mean, sure, he's a geek, but he's like the nicest guy I've ever met. Yeah, nicer than you. Don't give me that look I know you're giving me.

I know, I know you too well, I can guess everything you're gonna ask. You're pretty predictable you know, even if you wanna be random. Outside of that night, that is. Ugh…

So anyways, I'm in the Computer Lab right now, working on a "History Project". I keep going back to some dumb wikipedia page so the teacher won't see me writing this. I think they're on to me, so I'll keep this short.

I dunno if I'm gonna tell him the truth about what happened, but fuck if I don't need someone to talk to. You're too far away, Nazz looks at me like I killed her brother, I need someone to talk to who has my back in this backwards-ass small-town school. If I'm wrong and Double D ends up gabbing, I'll be booking the first flight out to NYC. This is all your fault, you know; yeah, I know alcohol makes the boys love you, but you shoulda known better. I should have too. Idk man. I just gotta figure out what to do now.

Teacher's coming back around, I'll catch you later dude.

Kev


	8. Dear Diary Entry No 4

**The chapters are going to vary in size greatly. I apologize if it's a bit strange, but it's only natural for some "entries" to be longer or shorter. Enjoy.**

Dearest Diary,

Let me...relay to you what has happened tonight, lest I forget any important details that may be useful to me in the future. Whilst I still have a clear head.

It began with my doorbell ringing at precisely 5:02 PM. I had freshly showered, changed, and had brought all the necessary reading materials and supplies to the living room table. I had just begun to dive into the wonders of fatty acids when the doorbell notified me of my guest's arrival.

I smiled, closing my book with a carefully-placed bookmark, and walked to the door. Upon opening it, I was not surprised to see Kevin. He, however, seemed out of place, if only with his actions. The confident, cocky jock I knew well was replaced with the likes of a guarded dog.

"Good evening, Kevin! Please, do come in!" I let my voice linger in its sing-song tone, knowing that addressing the tension would do little to lift it. His shoulders, which had been up and defensive, drooped a little, and I saw a half-hearted curve in his lips. He kinda nodded and walked in, hands in his pockets, as is common for people to do when they're uncomfortable. I truly hoped I could do something to prevent further discomfort.

"Please feel free to take a seat on the couch. I have located myself on the left side, but if you'd prefer that, I have no problem changing sides." I smiled, and he just shrugged and walked over, plopping onto the right side of the couch and letting out an exasperated huff. I decided to try and engage conversation with him. "Would you like any refreshments?"

He looked at me, a little distantly, before looking to think and responding, "Yeah, some pop would be cool."

I smiled knowingly and nodded with a quick 'mhm,' and went off to gather a 'pop'. I preferred more natural things myself, but I always had sodas in stock for Ed and Eddy. I hoped the brand was alright. Upon turning around, I caught his eye, and he looked away. I hoped I hadn't done anything wrong.

Regaining my composure, I walked back to Kevin and placed the drink on a coaster, before taking my seat beside him. The fresh scent of body wash wafted over, and I relaxed a little. I had worried he might have come over straight after practice without cleaning, but it appeared he was kind enough to shower before arriving.

I pulled my book back onto my lap, crossing my legs and opening the book up to where I'd left off. I decided to let Kevin know what I was doing first.

"I have several subjects I need to study tonight. If you'd like, I can read aloud. I often do so with Ed and Eddy when they need help with their homework. I can also stay silent if you'd prefer to simply have company. And don't hesitate to say anything to me, I do not mind interruptions in the slightest." It wasn't entirely true; generally I didn't like interruptions, but I knew Kevin needed someone to talk to, and was prepared for this tonight.

Kevin had been watching me, and I thought perhaps I'd let my mouth run on a bit too long this time. I was relieved when he finally responded, "Um, sure. Yeah, I guess I can read with you. I mean, most of my classes aren't advanced, but...it's not like there's much else to do, right?"

He seemed so awkward. I felt my cheeks heat up, realizing how embarrassing a situation this was for me. Here Kevin was wanting someone to talk to, and all I wanted to do was study. I actually felt a bit rude, but...I didn't know what else to do. I looked at him, and smiled.

"Well, how about while I study, you can ask questions if you want, or simply talk. I am very good at multi-tasking. Besides, I know that's what you came over for in the first place, all things considered..." I slipped back into my old speech mannerisms to try and regain some semblance of comfort in the room. It appeared to work, and Kevin smirked.

"Sure, dorky. I guess it's just nice to be out of the house. No one wants to hang right now...t'sucks..." His eyes glazed a little, looking at the table. I smiled and finished the page I was on, before deciding to respond to him.

"I'm certain it's nothing against you, Kevin," I looked at him, smiling, and he looked back baffled.

"Whadya mean? If I was still with Nazz none of this would be happening..."

"Now, Kevin. It isn't good to look at the 'what ifs'. What has happened, has happened. And remember, Nazz is a very popular girl. People are sympathizing with her because they don't want to see the bubbly, happy girl they knew be upset. Unfortunately, interacting with you wouldn't help in that regard..."

I watched as Kevin threw his hands behind his head, leaning back in the couch and looking at the ceiling. He huffed, "Even my own fucking," I took in a breath quick, habit, he looked over, before continuing, "-friends don't want to talk to me. They all want something easy. Dude, Nazz isn't easy. She doesn't want any of 'em. If they even bothered to ask me they'd know." He stared at the ceiling as though it offended him.

"I find that young men our age often only think with a certain aspect of their anatomy..." I was glad I'd slipped into a more complicated manner of speaking, thinking Kevin didn't hear my less-than-mature comment, but a sharp laugh proved me wrong.

"Dude, did you just say what I think you did?" He snorted, covering his mouth. The smile on his face was brilliant, and his eyes were shining like they hadn't been all day. I decided it wasn't the worst thing in the world that I let that one slip.

"I suppose I let my less mature side speak for a moment, but yes, I believe I did. But seriously Kevin, remember that your friends don't dislike you, they simply are thinking more about... _sexual advances_...than they are about maintaining friendships." The blush on my face was very visible, I knew it had to be. That lopsided smirk proved it.

"Damn, D, I didn't think you even thought about sex, let alone knew what it was." He chuckled a little, and relaxed. It was as though all the tension in the room went away...all because I let myself speak freely. It wasn't ideal, but...I supposed, just for tonight, I could permit it.

"I'm afraid I'm not as innocent as you'd like to believe. I don't _engage in activities_...but I have read up on the subject, and of course I've seen photos..." My mind wandered on but my lips caught themselves, and I was relieved they had. Speaking freely about such matters was not something I was used to.

"Yeah, well, I guess everyone does things. Well, _almost_ everyone..." I saw him look down.

I looked at my lap to my book, reading a little bit more before replying to him, "From your current demeanor, I suspect there's someone else other than me that might be relevant to your current situation?"

He looked at me, furrowing his brow for a moment before sighing, face settling on a more calm expression.

"When I said Nazz wasn't easy...I meant it. Like...well...dude, can I trust you?"

I looked at him, shocked he even had to ask. "Kevin, you have known me for how long? You know I would never, ever betray a confidence. I respect my friends far too much for that."

Kevin smirked, "Yeah, I know, it's just...well, it's not something I want getting out. Nazz didn't tell anyone what I did, and I don't want anyone knowing something like this about her, it just...it's...kinda why I fucked up..." He scratched the back of his head, under his hat. I ignored the swear because I could see how troubled he was. I simply remained looking at him, waiting for him to go on.

"I mean," he closed his eyes, then looked up at me, "She never...wanted to do anything. Like, at all. I dunno if it was just me or what, but it was just...non-stop rejection. I could take her places, go on dates, hang out, talk on the phone, but she never wanted to...you know...or anything even remotely like that! It's like I fucking grossed her out or something. But I guess, well...when I said something to her, she just told me she was 'asexual' or something. I guess I get it, it just...was she just dragging me along? Did she ever even love me..."

He looked genuinely perturbed, and, dare I say it, hurt...and I felt my heart ache for him when he said 'asexual'. I had never been in a relationship, but I felt I needed to say something, anything...so I just let myself talk, without even thinking about it.

"No, Kevin. I believe she did love you. Just...not in the way you loved her. I've seen you grow up together. You were always close, but...asexuality, well...do you understand it well, Kevin?"

He bit his lip, looking down to think, then replied, "It means she doesn't like sex...right?"

"That's not precisely it, Kevin," I could feel his eyes clinging to me questioningly, "Asexuality means that a person can feel attraction for someone but with no desire for any of the more intimate parts of a relationship. A person who is asexual can feel strong emotions and even love for someone else, but they lack that primal drive towards lust and...other things, that the rest of us do. It is unfortunate, but it is not her fault, nor is it yours. It honestly may make it difficult for her to find someone in the future..."

Kevin slumped forward, palms on his forehead, elbows resting on his knees.

"Kevi-"

"So basically, I fucked up and now she's going to be alone forever. Just great." His voice was cold.

"Kevin, listen to me," my voice took a deeper, more concerned tone, and he looked over at me, face scowling, "I don't know what you did, but you can't blame yourself. Asexual people can often be happy without being in a relationship as well. And if you aren't asexual...it would have been likely that, eventually, your subconscious would desire something your current relationship could not provide..."

"Like making out with someone else?" His face showed no emotion, just concerned contemplation.

"Precisely. A-" I stopped, seeing that Kevin was visibly hurting. My brain caught up and I realized he'd just admitted what had happened. Empathy washed over my expression as I turned a little in my seat.

"Kevin..."

"I fucked up."

"No, Kevin, you're human. You wanted something your current relationship could never provide, and you made a mistake. You can't dwell on it," I reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He tensed, "You can only learn from it, and better yourself for it. I can see you truly regret what you did. I know she must realize that too, and will forgive you. It will simply take time."

I felt his muscles ripple under my palm as he ran his hands through his hair, removing his hat for a moment with his right hand. He let out a long, tired sigh. My hand slipped as he moved, over his shoulder. I immediately pulled away, hoping the blush would disappear before he next looked over. _Curse my shyness_...

He looked over at me and just...stared. It was as though he was trying to figure out how I worked. Eventually, he looked back down. I decided he needed time to think, and returned to my book. I quickly finished the chapter I needed to study, and moved on to another book. After retrieving the second book from the table, I heard Kevin make an 'umm' sound.

Turning, I saw him looking at me, "Dude...I...you sure I can trust you? I mean, like...how do I know you won't just tell someone all this shit tomorrow just for laughs?" It wasn't as though he was asking me; rather, it was more-so him trying to reassure himself. Still, I answered him regardless.

"Kevin, you know better. I could never do that to anyone, no matter how they acted towards me in the past. Though you truly do not have to tell me anything you don't feel comfortable with..."

"It was a guy."

"Pardon?"

His hat was on his lap, one handing gripping it while the other rubbed his neck. "It was...a guy, that I made out with. I..."

He paused, but I kept silent. He had gone somewhere in his mind and I felt it was my duty to hear him out.

"I met him a year ago when me and Nazz went up to NYC to see the Ball Drop. He was fucking rad, I mean..." He paused, like he was thinking hard about something, "He chilled with us, got us a nice hotel room and everything, and we stayed a few extra days because of him. Brought us to the coolest places and was just...well, he was him. He was fun as hell, and even after he came back home, we kept talking to him.

Every month he'd fly on down and chill with us for a weekend. He's rich, and like, brought all this cool stuff every time he came over. Like, this weekend he brought over this really expensive wine. We drank the whole bottle, and..."

The silence was palpable.

"Next thing I knew, there he was in bed next to me. I freaked out. I started trying to figure out what happened, when he woke up and explained it to me. I guess we'd cuddled and made out after watching a movie, cuz Nazz had left early to have dinner with her parents. Didn't know until later that she'd come back and caught us...didn't even see her, just...got the voicemail break-up."

Did Kevin Barr have tears in his eyes?

"I didn't even know I swung that way...you know?...Heh...it's...kinda funny...I'm such a fucking idiot..."

The tears never came down, they just shined, little pools beneath his eyes. I couldn't help myself. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, even as he tensed. He stayed stock still for a moment...until he just fell apart, slumping back against my arm. I could practically see the ache in his chest from the sobs I knew he held back.

"Worst part is..." he chuckled grimly, "if Nazz decides to tell someone, no one's gonna look at me the same again. And let's face it, she has every right...I cheated on her. I fucked up and I deserve it..."

"No, Kevin," I said calmly, "You don't deserve it. And Nazz would never do such a thing. A person's sexuality is a very personal thing, and she is as likely to divulge yours as you are hers...excluding that you told me, of course." I blinked myself away from my slight contradiction, "I...think I understand now why you were afraid of telling me though."

He shrugged.

"If it makes you feel any better..." I couldn't believe I was saying this, "I can share something with you."

He looked up at me, the twinkle in his eyes barely there anymore.

"I...umm...well...recently, I've been...questioning my own... _feelings..._ and...I'm not entirely certain that I'm..um...entirely straight, anymore..." Why did I say that? He didn't need to know that.

Ugh. FOCUS, Eddward, you can ramble AFTER you've written out the rest of what happened.

Either way, I got a reaction I wasn't expecting. It could have been a trick of the light, but I thought I saw him blush. If nothing else, he tensed beneath my arm. After a moment I realized the implications and took my arm away, a blush invading my face.

He grinned. Just slightly.

"Yeah?..." My blush grew. This seemed to amuse him. He smiled at me for a second before looking to a table and picking up a book. He flipped it over, read a bit, then opened it up. Though I wondered what else he might have wanted to say, I wasn't about to test my luck. I'd just admitted something very few people knew about, and if Kevin wasn't going to ask anything about it, I wasn't about to tempt fate. I returned to my studying post-haste.

And that's pretty much all that happened for a while. We both read, and by the time one of us looked back up at the clock, it was 9:15.

"Jeez, it's getting late. I better get home." He headed towards the door, book still in hand, and looked back at me, "Hey...mind if I borrow this? It's actually not half bad."

I gasped internally, then broke out in a wide smile, "Of course you can borrow it! Just be careful with it, it's one of my favorite books. I'd originally brought it down to read if I finished studying, but you're more than welcome to read it. Just take care of it, okay?"

"Choice." He smirked and turned the knob. As he stepped out the door, he turned and smiled, "Thanks, dork."

"It was my pleasure. I always support the advancement of knowledge in all of its forms."

"I mean for tonight." Oh. Of course.

I stuttered, "Th-that too! I will see you at school tomorrow, Kevin. Have a great evening!" I tried to keep my confidence from wavering, but I think he saw through it. His smile was warm, and his eyes piercing. As he waved and shut the door, I got one last whiff of his pleasant, clean scent.

I then sighed to myself, and mumbled, "Oh dear..."

...and I suppose that's that.

I...actually feel rather better having written that all out. It has given me a better perspective on my feelings. I am quite glad I have you, Diary. I don't know what I'd be doing right now if I didn't have you to help calm my thoughts.

I suppose it's late enough now for me to rest. Tomorrow is another day. I'm a bit worried, that Kevin knows, but...I feel I can trust him. I've been wrong before, but...

Dearest Diary, and Kevin, keep my secrets safe. Please.

Let's hope for another great day.

Your Friend,

Eddward


	9. You Think You Know A Guy

**Alright, last chapter likely for a while. I have to work for the next 5 days, and I have no clue when next I'll be inspired, so wish me luck. Enjoy!**

Hey Nat,

So...today was...different. I mean, not bad kinda different, but like...D kinda different, you know? I guess I should probably explain, huh?

Well, after practice I went home and showered, because, I dunno if you know this, but Double D's a neat freak. Like, to an extreme. That, and he was letting me come over to _his_ house, so I kinda had to wash up. I don't think he'd have let me sit down if I didn't, not that he'd have much of a choice. But he's been the only person who gives a shit about me recently so I guess I'll at least give him that much.

Still, it was... _weird_ walking up to his house, or even thinking about going in it. This was a place where that dork Eddy used to come over and make these ridiculous scams all the time. I figured it could have been some big trap and Eddy was in on it, it wouldn't surprise me.

Then Double D answered the door and I remembered Sockhead couldn't be devious if he tried. He was so damn happy about...studying, of all things. I couldn't believe anyone could get so excited about studying. Then he started talking about where I could sit and I just decided to plop down on the other side. I dunno why he thought I would want his side. I'm not that much of a douche, right? Don't answer that.

So now here's the weird thing. Weird for me, not for you. He asked if I wanted a drink and I asked for a pop, so he went over to the fridge and leaned over to grab them. He was smiling for some weird reason. But the stupid thing is where my mind went. He leaned over...yeah, you know, Nat. I know. I think it's your fault, showing me all those damn magazines. But I know a nice ass when I see one. Guess I'd never bothered to look at his.

I looked away when the dork came back, tried to forget where my mind just went. Look what you've done to me, dude. You have me all confused. I don't even know who I wanna hit on now. It's confusing and frustrating and...it kinda sucks. I see where you're coming from. Not knowing if a guy's into that thing sorta sucks. Whatever, it's Double D, he's not into that kinda shit anyways. I'm just glad I have someone to talk to I guess. Other than you, yeah, I know you're there. But you're THERE. So yeah.

So while I was thinking about NOT thinking about his ass, he must have grabbed a book and started talking to me. I caught most of it, just took a sec to realize he asked me if I wanted to study or whatever. I didn't really, but it was his house, I asked to come over, beggars can't really be choosers.

Then he blushed. I dunno why. Thought maybe I'd offended him or something, but then he smiled all dork-like and said we could just talk. So I did.

And I kinda...yeah, went down that road. The one you don't want me going down. I started beating myself up because...you know. But everything I said, he had some sort of counter for it. He kept telling me it wasn't me, it was just that people wanted Nazz happy, and I guess I can see that. It just sucks, you know?

Still, I got kinda pissed and even cursed, which isn't something the Dork likes. It's kinda funny to offend him, he makes this little gasp like I stepped on his ancestor or something. Tried to tone it down anyways.

Then he dropped a bomb on me.

Guess what. Dorky knows what sex is. I know, I know, everyone does, but he is, like, the most non-sexual person I know. I wasn't even sure if he ever hit puberty.

But like, he was going on about how all the guys going after Nazz were thinking with their dicks. He said it in 'fancy words,' something about anatomy and some other shit, but still. Hard to believe he had it in him. Wonder if he knew he had a nice ass. Probably not. I think he's still pretty clueless.

Then I ended up rambling and kinda maybe told him Nazz is asexual. But I...guess I trust him not to tell. I'm also kinda trusting you to be right about trusting him. This isn't shit I wanna get out.

He knew a lot about it though. Like, got me to understand why Nazz was like she was, better than her explanation of 'I'm not into that sort of thing'. But it kinda got me thinking, cuz I guess it's not easy for people like her to find love...cuz they don't like all the sexual things. Or even making out. So I basically thought I left her there to be alone.

So he told me that if I'd stayed with her, I'd have eventually fucked up, and...basically gave examples that match what I did. So I asked him if it matched and yeah. I guess I'm just a fucking example.

But he wouldn't stop there, and kept insisting it was all normal, and I...guess I just gave in. Now, I know you don't know Double D, but he's not someone who lies. Other than those stupid scams, he seems like the most honest guy you could ever meet. So when he told me she'd forgive me, and that I just had to learn from it...I guess I just listened.

That, and I kinda freaked out for a second when he touched me. Like, put his hand on my shoulder. Surprised he didn't wear a glove. It wasn't bad or anything. It'd been a while since I'd felt like someone really gave a shit about me. I guess he was right, I can't stand not having physical contact in a relationship. It just makes me feel like shit. I'm not surprised I screwed up. Or, well...found some way to get it, I guess is what he'd say, since he insists it was so 'human' of me.

His arm kinda moved over my back when I moved, cuz at that point I'd been holding in my tears for fucking ever and my lungs felt stapled, and I think it freaked him out. Actually got him to blush again, but this time I had no clue why. I looked at him for a bit, but I guess he didn't know what else to say cuz he started reading again.

I just kinda sat there and thought about what he'd said for a while. Things started to fit together in my head, and I was kinda glad. I just...wasn't sure about something else. You know, the thing. I mean...Edd's so smart. He's so fucking smart I can't believe it sometimes. I just figured...if anyone could figure it out, maybe he could? It couldn't hurt to try...could it?

So I told him. I told him about how we met and about the meet-ups and about the night I made the biggest mistake of my life. And yeah, I know, you weren't _bad_ , but it doesn't mean I'd do it again. Don't go bitch-mode on me for calling it a mistake. Cuz I barely remember most of it, so it's not like I can judge. I mostly just know what you told me.

And after all that, I ended up realizing I was kinda scared Nazz would tell someone. I mean, I don't even know what I am right now. What if the school found out? I didn't know what I'd do. He put his arm around me to like, comfort me, and I told him about my...stupid fear.

He just told me...I didn't deserve to be ignored and shit, that Nazz wasn't gonna tell anyone kinda like I wasn't gonna really tell anyone about her, and he said he understood why I was afraid of telling him. It sucks to hear one of the most cowardly guys in the school talking to you about your stupid fears. I'm a jock, I'm Captain of the Football Team, and I'm scared of what some girl can say about me...

Still...it was kinda nice to have his arm around me. I just kinda wanted to enjoy it for a while, without having to feel guilty, or having Nazz pull away because she didn't really see the point in it after a while. So I did. And he kept talking.

And he told me something you're going to be excited about. I can hear it now.

He, in some roundabout way, said he liked guys. Idk if that means he's bi, or gay, or what, but it kinda put a whole new spin on his arm being around me. It wasn't a bad thing, exactly, I just got caught off-guard. I think my cheeks went red and I hope to God he didn't fucking notice. Either way, his did too, and he took his arm away. Guess he realized what he said.

So yeah...that was the night, for the most part. I picked up a book he had on the table and read it. Couple hours flew by and next thing I knew it was a quarter past nine. I asked if I could borrow the book because it really was good. I dunno man, if there's more books out there like this, I might actually bother reading. But anyways, he agreed.

And I...thanked him. Cuz, you know...he was there when no one else was. He didn't even realize what I was thanking him for at first. The dork. When he realized though, it was nice to see him smiling.

It's like, he's always smiling, but that was the first time I saw him actually - _smiling-_.

I got home and did my homework. Or, well, fudged it. And now I'm writing to you. And all I can really think about is talking to him again. And that my clothes smell kinda like his house. Ugh, I probably just need some sleep.

Message me back and remember, don't bitch at me, Queenie!

Talk to ya later.

Kev


	10. The Double D Report

**I have the next chapter-combo planned out, I just need time to write it. Thank goodness for long bus trips. No Double D this day, he had no time to write. Enjoy!**

Hey dude,

Guess you didn't have time to read my e-mail. No sweat. You probably looked at it, whipped your head back all dramatic and fainted. I'll probably wait a while. Sorry it was so fucking long though, Idk why I wrote all that. Guess it's cuz you'd probably ask questions if I didn't tell you everything.

So yeah...today was a thing. Didn't get to hang out with Double D, but his friends didn't either. I saw him a couple times running around like a chicken with its head cut off. It was kinda funny, but weird. I mean, normally he has like, all these schedules and shit, so I dunno why he'd be going crazy like that.

I don't even think he saw me when I walked past him at his locker. He was talking to himself, and practically ran out the door the moment his pack was filled. Really weird.

Other than that...I guess things are kinda how they were yesterday. Not as many people talking about shit, but no one really wants to talk to me. It's like I offended everyone's Great Grandma or something. Ridiculous.

So I guess that's it. It's kinda stupid that the only thing in my life right now worth talking about is D, but there's fucking **nothing** going on. Literally. It's...stupid.

So yeah. That's it. Guess I'll catch you later then dude.

Kev


	11. Dear Diary Entry No 5

**I am getting hit with the sleepies, so not sure I'll be able to write and publish Kevin's e-mail tonight. I should be able to tomorrow. Enjoy :)**

Dearest Diary,

Today was...well...again, I feel I should simply expand on my day rather than give a quick summary of it...a lot happened.

I suppose I'll have to tell Diane soon, fortunately happenstance has prevented me from requiring an immediate appointment. But I digress. Diary, here is a full detailing of the results of this evening, in the case that I need return to and study them.

The school day went fairly regularly. My panic from the day before had enabled me finish all my chores, fix up the house, and finish all my assignments prior to the weekend, and so I was exorbitantly ready for anything that could perchance come of today and this weekend. Now, I do not expect you to know yet, Diary, but today happens to be my birthday. And though I believe Diane knows my customs when it comes to my birthday, I am not certain she knew the exact date. The dates can easily be determined via the mark in the corner of each page, for anyone reading, though goodness knows I hope no one does besides Diane...and myself, of course.

The day took a turn for the...well, to be honest with you Diary? It took a massive nose-dive into a great body of water as I received a summons to the Nurse's Office. It was peculiar, but not all that unexpected, seeing as I was quite good friends with most of the faculty in the school. It did, however, worry me, seeing the day it was. Unfortunately, my worries were entirely founded - I found a bed cleared for me in the Nurse's Office, and the long cord of the phone pulled over. The nurse nodded at the phone, and...I knew.

I closed the curtain around the bed and took the news as best I could. My parents were entirely unable to come home for my birthday weekend, as was tradition. They had been tied up at the Hospital. I even heard my father cursing as my mother told me the news. So far in my life, I'd lucked out and had every birthday weekend with my parents. It appeared this time, my luck had simply petered out.

My mother had so much sadness in her voice, and I felt I could not let her hear a single tinge of disappointment in my tone. I held myself to a big smile and understanding words, because I knew they loved me very much, and would never have done this on purpose.

You see...my parents don't live where I do, Diary. They are able to come home for holidays and my birthday, as is afforded them for their prestigious positions in the hospital, but they are a several-hour drive away. It had been many years since I'd moved to Peach Creek when they told me we were to move again. At this point, I'd grown extremely attached to my new friends, and the community. They had a big discussion that night amongst themselves, that they believed I was not privy to, and had decided I was mature enough to care for myself. They would have groceries sent to the house, and left me notes as to my chores, but did not ask me to come with them. They were so proud of me, and so glad I was happy, they couldn't bear to take everything away from me.

So that is why I held it together, for them, when they told me the news. I missed them dearly...I always miss them. But I cannot fault them for saving lives...

However, upon ending our conversation, the nurse took the phone from me, and asked me how many periods I would need. I told her one. I was old enough now, I could handle the bad news better than I used to. But the nurse knew, from Diane's notes, that these events were something that could really rattle me, and I was afforded special privileges. I silently thanked her as I let myself sob wordlessly into the clean pillow cover. I only needed half a period, but took the other half to regain my control. I couldn't let my peers see me like this, it would be most unbecoming.

I hid it well, I would hope. No one seemed to notice, or if they did, they hid their reactions well. However...of course...Kevin noticed. Or, at least, he hesitated when he saw me, and the look in his eyes...well, later on I found out what was up, but we must wait for that, Diary!

Now came time for me to head home...alone. Ed and Eddy had gone home long before me, running out the door the moment the final bell rang, as they knew about this weekend, and knew better than to intrude without invitation. I supposed it was for the best. I wasn't certain I would be able to keep it together when I returned home.

Unsurprisingly, upon arriving home, I started my standard birthday rituals. I suppose it was something of a comforting action for me, focusing on a task at hand kept my mind from dwelling too much on matters I had no control over, but at the same time it was rather depressing to think I couldn't simply be myself on this day. Sadly, the logical part of my mind would have none of it, reminding me that this was my birthday and these were my birthday confections I was baking, and they would not be baked otherwise. So I gave in to auto-pilot and became a zombie of sorts to my actions - unfeeling, set to my task and not acknowledging anything else. That is, until the doorbell rang.

My heart leapt for a moment, as I dashed to the door at a scurrying pace, opening it to find...Kevin. I was...more than a bit disappointed. I suppose he noticed; well, I know he noticed, by the way his face scrunched up in confusion.

"Um..g-greetings Kevin. How are you this fine and lovely day?" I forced a smile. Not that forcing a smile was new to me, I simply had to focus on doing so after the disappointment I had just faced.

He looked me in the eyes, and said, "D, you look like shit."

I blushed at the unabashed accusation, and replied, "That's not a particularly kind thing for you to say. However, I will ignore it for now. Did you need something?"

"Yeah, dude," he cocked his head, "What's up with you? Yesterday it was like you weren't there and today...you looked like a bus hit you. What the fuck happened?"

"Language!" I widened my eyes, but closed them and sighed, "It is nothing, Kevin. Now go on and have a nice day. You've been through a lot recently and there's no reason to disturb your evening on my account." I smiled at him.

"Bull-shit." I gasped inwardly, but held my tongue. "Dude, I know we're not, like, good friends or anything, but I've known you for, what...ever? Just as long as Dorky and Lumpy." I rolled my eyes at the names. "I know when something is up. I spilled my guts to you, so tell me what the fuck is making you look someone kicked a kitten or something?"

"I...would hope no one has been kicking kittens. However, Kevin, my day hasn't been one of particular note. I simply received a small bit of bad news, and would like to return to my rituals for the evening without questioning."

Kevin crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows at me. He didn't walk away, just stared. I have never been a very confrontational person, and I knew it was about time for me to check on my muffins. Rather than slam the door on a guest, I sighed and mumbled, "Alright, come in and take a seat, if you insist. I simply have to go check on something for a moment, and will come back when I am done. Sit anywhere you'd like."

He did come inside, much to my chagrin, and made himself at home in the same seat he had two days prior. I returned to the muffins to inspect them, and, upon finding them needing a bit more time to bake to perfection, I set a timer. I knew I had said I would return to the living room, and braced myself. I simply couldn't understand his gall, but decided I could tolerate a small amount. My patience felt limited today, and that was a rare occurrence.

"How may I assist you today, Kevin?" I asked, smiling still. He grunted.

"Tell me what's eating you." he replied, arms still crossed as he stared at me accusingly.

"I am afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dork, don't make me come over there." I watched a hand fall to the couch cushion.

"Really, Kevin, it's nothi-" he began to get up, and before I knew it, he had his hands on my shoulders, staring at me angrily.

"It's not fucking nothing. Dude, you did me a solid the other night, at least let me hear you out. Something's eating you and I wanna know if there's anything I can do to help, you dig? Just give me a chance, man. I don't bite."

"I...suppose you don't. But it's-"

I felt a hand grip at my beanie. He wouldn't.

"What are you-"

"And I thought Dorky was stubborn. Tell me what's up or I take it off."

"You wouldn't dare."

He tugged. My hands rushed up and gripped it.

"Kevin, please..."

"Then tell me what's up. I give a shit. Come on, dude."

I looked down for a good minute. He just kept staring at me. The timer went off.

"I got a call from my parents today. I can...tell you more, I just...can I please go tend to my muffins?"

He let go wordlessly, a snarled look watching me as I went to retrieve my birthday confection. I felt his eyes before I heard his footsteps enter the kitchen. I sighed.

"If you must know, my parents and I were to spend the weekend together. They have duties, however, and could not attend this year. It was unfortunate news, but c'est la vie."

He looked confused.

"That means 'such is life,' Kevin."

He mouthed an 'oh,' before looking down, and up at me, "So...why this weekend? Is this what had you all weird yesterday?"

"I did not receive news of their...lack of arrival until today, so no. I was, however, preparing for this day yesterday, so I suppose that was what you saw."

"And why this weekend, Dork?"

"It bears a very personal day to me, and to them. They normally make it, but this year..." My thoughts wandered down. Kevin approached, hands in his pockets.

"So it's like...what...your birthday or some shit?" I winced, and nodded. "That fucking sucks man...where are your friends? Aren't they, like, always with you?"

"Normally, yes. However, they knew of my normal plans for this time of the year, and made plans without me for the time-being. They were simply respecting my wishes to have family time, even if this time it happened to turn out that I will be spending the weekend alone..."

"That's harsh, man..."

An awkward silence fell, as I removed the muffins from the tray into a container I had left out for them...leaving two out.

"Hey, if it isn't much trouble...think I could hang?" I turned to him, perplexed. He shifted uncomfortably, "I mean, if you want. No big deal, I just...figured I'd offer. Cuz, you know, Dorky and Lumpy aren't around, I figured maybe..."

"I..." I looked down at a muffin in my hand. I thought, then reached it out to him, "I...suppose I wouldn't mind terribly. If you'd want to, that is..."

He half-smiled at me, grabbing the muffin.

"Choice."

So we went to sit down. I took my spot from two nights previous, and he did the same again. I turned the television on, and he looked at me, a question in his features.

"I...it's tradition that my family and I watch a movie together each birthday, to catch up on each other's lives to the background noise of something light and carefree. I already went through the trouble of renting the film yesterday, so I feel it would be a waste not to watch it. That is, if you don't mind..."

"What movie is it?"

"Finding Nemo."

"A kid's movie?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes; as I said, a light and carefree movie promotes conversation, rather than one that is too deep, which would draw attention away from conversing. I...hope you don't mind." I watched as he smirked, and put a hand on his neck.

"Dude, 'course not. I just thought you were all nerdy and stuff and would watch something dorky like some nature documentary and shit."

I smiled a little, because I knew he meant no offense by it. "My apologies, Kevin, I shall pick one of those up specifically for you next time."

"Bring it on, Dorky." He chuckled, and I couldn't help laughing just a little bit in return.

"Well, shall we get this started?" I asked, picking the remote back up.

"Shure" he replied, mouth full of muffin. I was going to scold him, but I simply didn't have it in me to. I was, honestly...glad he was there, Diary.

Most of the movie went off without a hitch. We both laughed at the little jokes, saying little things we thought of at random throughout the movie. It was very much like hanging out with my friends...but with Kevin. It wasn't something I minded.

But as the scene where Marlin abandoned Dory came in, I found myself tearing up. It wasn't the scene, mind you; no, it was what I'd kept inside earlier in the day, bubbling to the surface. This was simply the catalyst. Kevin immediately looked over when a slightly larger sob shook the couch, and I tried hard to hold back more. His smile dropped, and his eyes were filled with...concern?

Just then, the phone rang. I jump. My tears were all but forgotten, and I ran to the telephone. I didn't notice Kevin had followed me, as I answered.

"H-hello?"

It was my parents. They had taken a break during the current surgery, to speak to me, and see how I was doing.

"Oh yes, I'm doing w-wonderfully!" I sniffled away from the phone, "Oh, it's fine! In fact, I'm having a nice night. I completely understand. Don't blame yourselves..." Though, secretly, Diary? Some small place inside me _did_ blame them. And I hated it. But it still made me shake.

I almost squeaked when I felt an arm snake around my shoulders. I looked and saw Kevin, looking at me with immense concern. Did I really look that terrible? I suppose I wouldn't know; it was rare I ever got like this, let alone looked in the mirror to determine my expression as such. My mother asked a question, and I missed the beginning of it in my stupor.

"Could you repeat that? Apologies, I have a friend over, and they...distracted me for a moment." Kevin smiled, a genuine smile, that...beautiful smile. God, why did he have to make my brain all flustered _now_? At least I managed to catch my mother's question that time.

The call lasted no longer than 5 minutes, before they had to return to work. When I hung up after saying my final good night, my arm dropped listlessly. I felt a strong arm pull me back over to the couch. I sighed and flopped down on the cushion, as Kevin did the same, his arm still around my shoulders.

I just stared at the carpet for a bit, before clicking and turning the movie back on. Kevin's arm shifted, but it did not appear that he was going to remove it. At this point, I was in no position to complain. I felt rather close to a dam that was going collapse, and his arm was something to keep me up straight. I leaned back into it, though whether he noticed or not was up to debate.

The movie ended, and I felt his arm move away. My shoulders fell. I hadn't noticed how tense I was until just then, and wondered if he could tell. I hope he didn't think I disliked it. Either way, he looked at me with those...eyes, of his. So filled with caring, I could barely believe it was Kevin, if I hadn't seen him with that expression on Monday as well. His smile, however, was not present, simply a very concerned line, as we both stood up and walked to the door.

"Double D...why don't you smile?" I was taken aback.

"Pardon?"

"Like," he looked straight into my eyes, "You're always smiling. I get that. But, like, I think you're faking it. I dunno why, but now that I think of it, you're like, never happy. You know?"

I thought about it, before replying, "I'm...not sure what you mean, Kevin."

"Like, earlier, when I teased you about the movie, you smiled. I saw it. But like, right now? Looks like you've got a mask on. Do you fake it?"

This was...deeper than I expected Kevin to be. I sighed, because I knew lying to him would be useless, "I admit that most of the time, I smile for the sake of others. The best way to make others happy is to be happy yourself, you know. I suppose that, since I always want people around me to be happy, I am always wearing a smile for their sake. I suppose I never really thought about how often I actually _do_ smile..."

He cocked his head and put a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch, "Alright then, dude. How about this..." He furrowed his brow, and closed his eyes, before looking at me again, "How about you do this: Smile for me."

"Smile for...you?" I was a bit caught off-guard by the request.

"Yeah...I mean, you fake a smile for everyone else, but that's just it. You fake it. You shouldn't have to fake it all the time, it's bullshit. So just _smile_ for me, like, really smile. And don't when you're not actually smiling. It's like...you should be yourself around someone, and I think it's stupid you have to fake it all the time. I mean, dude...you're a nice guy. You should smile because things make you smile, not because you're trying to keep other people happy. You deserve it."

It made me blush that he cared so much, and I felt the tiniest real smile turn up the corners of my mouth. I looked up at him, "I...I can...well, I can try." My voice broke a bit, because something inside of me was both touched, and hurt. I...never realized how much of a mask I put on. Funny that Kevin figured it out before I did. I barely knew him, and he knew me better than I knew myself, it appeared.

"Rad." He smiled and gripped my shoulder, "Well, dude, I gotta get going, but...I may give you a call tomorrow. And don't try and pussy out of it again," I cringed at his wording. "I'm not gonna take no for an answer if I think you need someone over. You can't fool me, Double Dweeb." He said it with a cherubic, mischievous smile, and my blush deepened. Hopefully he thought it was simply embarrassment.

"Of-of course, Kevin. My apologies for today. I will try to keep you... _in the loop_ , as they say. I...did rather appreciate your company tonight. I suppose it wasn't too bad a birthday after-all."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot!" He smirked, a devilish spark lighting up his eyes, and he said in a gravelly voice, "Close your eyes, dude."

I was confused, but...closed my eyes. And gripped onto my hat, both out of habit and precaution.

I did not expect to feel arms around my waist. This time, I squeaked, and I heard a growling laugh come from Kevin.

"Happy birthday, Double Dork. Smile for me, kay?" I blushed harder than I thought possible, and nodded quickly against his shoulder. I felt him pull away, and opened my eyes.

I watched as the door closed, and my heart fluttered.

It...wasn't that bad of a birthday, after-all, Diary.

No. No it wasn't.

Your Friend,

Eddward


	12. The Cheese Stands Alone

**I did it~ I managed to get this one written tonight. Enjoy!**

Nat

Alright, so, remember yesterday? I was right. Something was up with D. He came in all happy today and then later looked like someone had strangled a kitten or some shit. So I thought, what the fuck?

Went over to his house a bit later, and he basically just denied it. I know I'm not a genius, but it's not fucking hard to know a guy who looked like that earlier was totally -not- okay. So I just stood there until he let me in. He went to check on some muffins, yeah, I know, weird, but he came back out and still tried to act all fake-ass cheery. Told him to cut the BS. Had to kinda _hold something above his head_ to get him to talk. I know it was a shit move, but this guy was fucking asking for it. It's like he couldn't believe I cared, not that I blame him. I kinda was a dick in the past, but this is now, so...

He finally told me something and then walked back to his muffins, so I followed him cuz I wanted to hear more instead of him trying to get around saying stuff again. And I guess it was his birthday. His parents like, don't come home...everyone knew that, but I guess I never really thought about it much. I guess they had to work and couldn't be there for his birthday. It sucks, but I'm guessing there was more to it than that.

He looked...really upset, so I decided not to ask more. Least he spoke to me, yaknow? So I asked to hang and he gave me a muffin and let me. Watched a dorky movie, too. Finding Nemo, ever heard of it? Not a bad one.

I won't spoil it, but we got to this sad part and I guess it hit D pretty hard or something, because he started sobbing. I felt pretty bad for the guy. I guess I'd be pretty upset if my parents missed my birthday party...'specially if it was like the only time I saw them for a while.

Then they called, his parents I mean, and Edd looked like he was gonna break or some shit. He looked so fragile, I...couldn't help myself, man. I had to do something, else what the fuck was I there for? To eat his food and watch his tv? I put my arm around him and he kinda freaked out but I...think it helped? He blushed a little, and it was kinda cute, in a dweebish way.

Then he got off the phone and I basically had to pull him over to the couch. I didn't move my arm because he really did look like he'd break if I let go. We watched the movie and he was so tense under my arm. He didn't pull away, but...I dunno. I hope he wasn't just too polite to ask me to move or something. Whatever.

So the movie ended and I went to head off, and D followed me. I was kinda surprised cuz he looked like he just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I hated seeing him like that. Where was the guy who was trying to make me feel better the other night? This wasn't the Double D I knew, so I asked him what was up, you know. Why he didn't smile.

Cuz that's just it, he didn't smile, like, not really. I know a fake smile when I see one, at least when I know what the real thing looks like. And Double D always faked it. It was stupid.

So I basically told him not to fake it around me I guess. I hope he doesn't, he seemed to agree not to. I don't want him to have to put up a front around me, if I'm gonna be trusting him with all this shit I'm dealing with. It's not right, you know?

Then he, like, blushed again, and he reminded me it was his birthday. So I gave him a birthday gift. Hugged the dork. It was cheesy and stupid but it was dorky, so he probably liked it. Made him all red so guess that worked. Got out the door before he could see me do the same.

Yeah, I know. You're so proud of me, blushing. I'm not proud. Kevin Barr doesn't blush. But I guess it's hard not to when you're being cheesy and when you see a smile like his. God, I can't stand what I'm saying right now, Imma stop there.

Get back to me, bro! Take a break from your damn parties for once!

Talk to ya later, OKAY?

Kev


	13. Dear Diary Entry No 6

Dear Diary,

I shall recount to you today's happenings to the best of my knowledge.

As you know now, Diary, I had a certain expectation of my birthday weekend, and those expectations were not met due to circumstances far outside of my control. And so, though it is something I so rarely do that I cannot recall the last time it occurred, I slept in this morning. I suppose that was my first blunder of the day.

I awoke long after the last birds let their songs reign over the sky, and, to my disbelief, Diary, it was due to my phone's incessant ringing, rather than an alarm, which I had neglected to set the prior night. I picked up the phone groggily.

"Double D speaking..."

"Hey dork." Of course it was him...he said something about this yesterday, right? Calling me?

"Salutations Kevin."

A short pause. "...you there, Dork? Not like you to say two words and then quit."

"My apologies, Kevin. I simply..." I took a long yawn, a side-effect of my less-than-acceptable amount of sleep, "...woke up late, that is all."

"Oh, okay. Well..." A pause. "Think I can come hang? Like, if you're not busy."

I almost replied with a defensive-yet-appreciative decline, but...I caught myself. "I...suppose I don't have anything else to do today. I could not decline your request in good conscience." I paused, thinking, "...Very well, I'll be expecting you in an hour's time then. Until then, au revoir!"

A chuckle could be heard over the line, "Catch ya dork." Click.

Well, I supposed that was my second blunder. It was as though Fate had her own plan for me today, and who was I to argue with her?

I got up, grabbing some clean clothes and trying to keep my yawning to a minimum. A quick shower would clear my head, I thought. Ten minutes later, I felt much better, though the haze still lingered in the back of my mind. I decided a bit of coffee would stave off what the hot shower could not. Fortunately, I was correct, and still had time to spare before his arrival.

I relaxed on the couch and read ahead in my Biology textbook, if only to pass the time, and it wasn't long until I heard the serene chime of my doorbell. I took a deep breath, set my book down on the living room table, and went to answer.

Upon opening the door, I saw Kevin standing there in the same lackluster pose as always. I greeted him and invited him inside...it was all as it had been before, no need to write out our casual words.

We quickly discovered we didn't have much to talk about. I did not have much planned for the day, however, and Kevin appeared to have a similar situation, so we simply sat and read. He had brought along the novel he'd borrowed from me, and I was impressed how far he had gotten through it. In truth, I...suppose I did appreciate the company. In a metaphorical way, having someone around was keeping the chilled feeling of loneliness at bay from the living room...and that was very much welcome.

I must depart from my recount for a moment to note, Kevin has never been a reader. I truly didn't believe he even read in class, outside of glancing at what the teacher had on the board. Not that I thought him stupid; no, far from that. I simply felt he had no interest in education or anything like reading, as is true of many of my peers. Perhaps it is simply the book that has caught his attention. If so, I must thank Orson Scott Card for his marvelous gift to literature yet again. To watch someone like Kevin truly ensconced in a novel made me quite ecstatic. I held myself back from saying anything, however...I'll wait until he's finished with it.

Now, returning to the retelling of my day...

I was startled from my reading by Kevin's ringtone...or, I'll imagine it was a ringtone specific to this person. A very fitting song, I must say, thinking back. It was "Don't Stop" by Foster The People, and it fit both his voice, and his personality. Oh, and by him, I mean Nathan. Nathan is Kevin's friend.

Apologies for the tangent; returning again.

So Kevin picked up the phone, and seemed to roll his eyes as he answered.

"Sup dude?"

"..." Kevin smirked at whatever Nat said.

"Yeah, I'm good. At Double D's at the momen-.."

"...! ...? ...! ... ...! ...?" I could almost hear the words, Nathan spoke so loudly. I didn't know it was Nathan at the time, of course.

"Gimme a sec dude, calm down." I heard continued talking as Kevin set his phone down on the table.

"Yo D, Nat's on the phone and he wants me to put it on speaker. He's the...uhh...guy..." It took me a moment, but I realized and felt my cheeks heat up. I blinked. He cleared his throat, and I realized I zoned out for a moment.

"I...I suppose I have no objections..."

"Great...just, uh...he's kinda out there, so like...try not to freak out."

"I know Ed, why would...?" Kevin picked up his phone and clicked a button.

"...is that him~? Is that the Double Cutie I've been hearing _so_ much about?"

Kevin groaned and his face went five shades of red. "Dude, knock it off. He's my friend."

"Oh, hush, silly. You can't tell me who I can and can't flirt with, right sweetie?"

I flushed, "I'm...flattered, really, but I'm afraid I don't even know your name..." I hadn't felt much more awkward in my life.

"Oh, darling, I apologize! My name is Nathan, but you can call me Nat."

"I'm Eddward; it's a pleasure to meet you, Nathan." Kevin chuckled.

"It's Nat, babe~ ...oh, whatever you wanna call me, I suppose."

Kevin spoke up, "So what's going on, Nat? Can't believe you had the time to call between dates."

I could hear the dramatic gasp over the phone, "I know, right? I'm actually going to be on my way out soon to meet with someone. Cute Latino, you'd love him." Kevin rolled his eyes. I imagined it was difficult not to around this 'Nat' character, with how he acted.

"Yeah yeah." Kevin smirked.

"So what brings you over to Darling D's? Did something else happen? Did something else not happen? ..." A sudden gasp, "Or wait, it couldn't be! Are you..."

"I _said_ , knock it OFF Nat." Kevin huffed. He didn't really seem angry, just irked.

"I tease, I tease. Now, Double D darling, I've heard so much about you. But I want to know about _you_. Tell me about yourself!" His enthusiasm leaked out the phone.

"I..." I cleared my throat, "I like to study, read, and I generally have a strong interest in science, amongst other things. There's not much else about me, I'm afraid."

"Tsk, that's all I needed to know! Well, that, and I have a single, unrelated question for you."

I was confused. I looked at Kevin, and he shared the sentiment. "I...suppose you can ask, if you'd like, and I can try to answer to the best of my abilities?"

"Alright...on a scale of 1 to 10, how fine is your ass?"

I went beet red as Kevin clicked his phone. He looked rather annoyed; strange, because I assumed he'd find the question hilarious. Either way, I felt rather flustered after being asked such a private question by someone I barely knew. The nerve! I was honestly glad Kevin had turned off speakerphone, because, honestly, I didn't know how I'd answer.

"Dude."

"...!"

"For what!? ...whatever! I'll talk to you later, dude."

"... ...! ..."

"Seeya." Click.

There was an awkward silence as I tried to regain my dignity. Kevin had to break it.

"Sorry about that..." he looked ashamed. His voice was deep, gravelly, "Told you he was fu-lippin' weird." I heard the hesitation, but I did appreciate the gesture in his censorship. I still felt out-of-sorts, but I knew Kevin meant nothing by it, nor did he have control over what his friend said.

"It's quite alright, Kevin. You did warn me beforehand. I should have heeded your advice before I tossed it away so carelessly. No harm done." I smiled at him.

"D," he rolled his eyes, "You're _smiling_ again..." He kinda glared at me, and I knew what he meant...and, with a bit of effort...dropped it.

I sighed. Smiling tended to help improve my mood, if only by way of it relating to a good mood. Not allowing myself the forced gesture of a smile let my mood drop to something I loathed to allow it be near company, if I could help it.

Kevin moved over some and put a hand on my shoulder. I blushed and looked down at it.

"Dude...can I say something?"

I nodded, "Of course, Kevin."

"Promise you won't kick me out of the house?"

"Why would I?-" I stopped myself, remembering what dismissing things did to me earlier, and simply decided to answer, "I promise, Kevin. You may say whatever you desire."

He smiled, just slightly. "Good..." he paused, as though he was unsure of himself, "I kinda know why he asked that."

"Do tell." I asked immediately, a knee-jerk reaction.

He looked at me, worry in his eyes, his free hand rubbing his neck, "Umm...I...kinda mighta told to him you have a nice ass...so..."

That did it. Not just my face, but my entire body went red. It was one thing hearing it over the phone from a stranger, but to hear it in person from a life-long acquaintance? I _truly_ had no idea how to react. I just sat there, shocked, wishing the blush would leave.

I forced out one word, "Oh." I cringed my eyes closed in embarrassment, and felt his hand move away. Immediately I opened my eyes and looked to Kevin, who was leaning his face into his hands for whatever reason. I hoped I hadn't upset him. Though, he was the one who was more likely to upset, in this situation. Still, I felt no ill feelings towards him...I wasn't sure what to think.

"So...guess I'll get going...k?" He said, after a few minutes had passed. I felt the couch shift as he sat up, and he walked to the door...and I called out to him weakly.

"W-wait..."

He glanced back weakly, his face almost betraying anger. At what, I could not be certain.

"I...applaud you for your honesty. Truly, I do appreciate it. I...I simply don't...h-have a response to...that...You know I am not that familiar with...that sort of thing...s-so...I..." I could barely keep my words from stumbling. I felt so flustered, but I truly didn't want Kevin to leave. It was strange; I would have welcomed it yesterday, and here I was, about-faced on the issue.

I saw his lips form a half-smile. "It's fine Dork. Imma head out anyways, getting close to dinner. I'll catch you tomorrow...you know...if you-"

"Most certainly, K-kevin."

The grin on his face was...lovely. "Choice."

And out the door he went. He'd left the book. I picked it up and read where he was at...maybe we could talk about it tomorrow.

Recount finished.

I...suppose I should tell you, Dearest Diary, my true reaction to the...question and accusation. Accusation first.

Though I was slightly...untruthful about how aware I was of certain things, I still don't feel I have a nice...you know. I suppose I don't look at it much, however. I'm fairly scrawny, not much to look at, even clothed. I would almost wonder if he said it to cover for his friend, but...I don't believe he was lying. I suppose...I should take it as a compliment.

As for the question...I am at a loss. I suppose it is impossible, anyhow, for a human to rate their own features, since we always look upon ourselves in the most critical light. I shan't have an answer for Nathan without someone else's input, and I don't plan on getting a 'rating' anytime soon.

In the end...I suppose I really am flattered. However, Kevin is still a bit of a mystery to me, so I don't think it would be safe to give him a reply. Especially since the reply my mind wanted to push on me was, "You do too." I also...haven't looked, so, if I'm ever to say something quite that risqué...I should at least form an opinion.

Dearest Diary, what am I to think of this?

Your confused friend,

Eddward


	14. Nat's Song

**The chapter title refers to Kevin's ringtone, "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)" by Foster The People. Been listening to it on repeat for a few days now. Reminds me of Nat's childish, will-do-whatever-for-what-he-wants attitude. The third chorus in the song is what I envision his voice as, as well. Enjoy!**

...dude, really?

Like, okay, I know I've mentioned him a few times. But did you have to? I mean, you **know** better. Oh wait, you're _Nat_. You don't give a shit, do you?

He got pretty upset, you know. He's not into that shit.

And what did you mean, "You're welcome." The fuck? I almost hope your date went bad, but I can't hate you forever. Don't think you'd let me. Ugh. You're just so damn fucking frustrating sometimes!

Ugh!

You're lucky I decided to be a bro and "cover" for you. Yeah. I told him what I told you about him, cuz...I dunno, man. I don't wanna ruin shit with him, but it'd be shit if he hated my best friend. Yeah, you are, put a sock in it. No, not his sock, you pervert.

So I took the heat off you cuz he knows me, and I guess it didn't bother him too much. Guess he just doesn't really know much about these things, makes him all awkward.

Guess the only good news is I'm allowed to come back over tomorrow. I don't even know what we'd do, I just...guess I wanna be there. I don't have anyone else to hang with, and I guess he's pretty cool...under that hat. Never thought I'd say it, I think I'll keep saying that cuz it'll never be real to me.

Whatever...I'd give it an 8.5. But I guess I'd need to see it first. Who knows, right?

You and your fucking Gay Ass Magazines. Literally. You screwed with my head.

Whatever, it's dinner. Don't call tomorrow.

Seriously.

~ Kev


	15. Dear Diary Entry No 7

Dearest Diary,

This Sunday wasn't a particularly eventful day. That isn't to say it wasn't enjoyable - no, it appears any time I spend with Kevin is quite pleasant, really. Strictly as friends, of course...though that isn't to say my mind hasn't been inching me towards desires of more.

I must admit, Diary...I'd been distracted by my melancholy to the point of forgetting the reason behind my original writing in you. Today reminded me, quite intently, that I do not simply desire Kevin to be a friend. No...I fear whatever attraction I felt towards him in that minor moment has done nothing more than grow since then. I had been pushing it to the back of my mind; though whether I did so on purpose or subconsciously is beyond me.

I was reminded of my attraction by way of a sudden heat wave. It is nothing new for Peach Creek, though none of us ever particularly enjoyed it. I had the house shut and the fan on, hoping the wind of the fan would help my body's own natural cooling system in its workings. I refused to remain in my room during such days, as heat rises, and it would have been foolish to dwell in that furnace while I had a perfectly good sofa to read on.

And so, I read, until time came that I heard a familiar bell tone at the door. I was wearing nothing but a pair of sport shorts, and quickly grabbed a white tank top I had sitting on the arm of the couch for this very occasion. I may have thought of Kevin as a friend, but I wasn't comfortable strutting around half-naked with company around. I could only imagine Kevin's face if the meek Double D did something so blasphemous, and though the thought was amusing, it was not something I was willing to act upon.

I opened the door...and was reminded immediately how _fit_ Kevin was...

He was wearing an Army-green tank top, though admittedly it was a bit more form-fitting than mine could be said to be. I daresay my eyes lingered a moment too long on him, as when I met his eyes, he seemed to be trying to figure me out. I felt the heat seep into the room, and took in a breath quick.

"Greeting, Kevin! Do come in, we'd not want to let all the cool air out!" I said, rushing to close the door behind him. He walked in a few steps, and as I locked the door, I didn't hear him take his usual seat. I turned around and...his eyes darted away. I suppose he was shocked to see me wearing something such as this, as it was in no way my regular outfit. I could help but smile...just a little bit. I had to make a conscious effort not to smile around him without a reason.

There was an awkward silence, before his signature half-smirk took over. "Sup D?"

I smiled a little warmer, "Not much. I was simply reading a riveting novel prior to your arrival, whilst trying not to let the heat get to me. It is rather strange how warm it gets here at times, is it not?"

He chuckled, and responded...though honestly, from that point on, there wasn't much worth writing. He and I spoke a little, before he took his seat on the sofa, kicking back and pulling out the book I had lent him, nearly done. I, in turn, pulled my own out, opting to sit up straight. We would occasionally banter, volleying a question or comment here or there. He would occasionally ask me what a word meant, and I was more than happy to reply. In return, I would ask him little questions about himself, nothing too prying, but just enough to learn more about this person I'd been coming to know more recently.

It was...pleasant. Though I love my dear friends, neither of them can maintain a conversation for a long period of time, and though my speech with Kevin was generally questions and answers...it was fulfilling to actually have conversations, for once.

At one point, he inquired as to how the 'Dork Trio,' as he called it, met. I was happy to recount the story, and honestly...I'm surprised he was even curious.

It was a little past 1 when I realized I hadn't made anything for lunch.

"Oh dear, it is getting rather late for lunch, don't you think? I'd be happy to make something for you if you'd like; I am going to make a simple sandwich for myself." I placed the book down, feeling Kevin's eyes following me as he thought, the book closed around his thumb.

"Mmm...yeah, sure."

"Was there anything in particular you'd like, Kevin?"

He chuckled, "Just don't give me something _too_ healthy, dorko."

I couldn't help but giggle at the jest, and nodded. As I gathered the ingredients, I heard him get up from the couch. From the corner of my eye, I saw him leaning in the doorway, his arms folded. I turned and had to blink my thoughts back to lunch.

I...suppose I must admit my preferences to you, Diary. In regards to the _male_ body, I...there's no denying it. Though the curves of a woman are beautiful in an artistic sort of way, they never quite caught my attention in the same way that fine-toned muscles seem to be able to. It's as though each muscle is a piece of a tapestry woven by the physical labors of the body...I could go on. But in truth, I simply find them eye-catching.

Kevin was no exception to my preference. In fact, whether he realized it or simply came to it naturally, the way his muscles rippled beneath his skin...did something to my brain, and I had to physically force myself to look away before it wandered to places I'm...familiar with, but...not fully 'acquainted' with.

As I continued to create our sandwiches (a simple ham and veggie sandwich for me, and a PB&J for Kevin), my mind...unfortunately, went where it _shouldn't_ have gone, and I regretted my choice of shorts. Fortunately, my tank top was long enough so I could... _hide_ the uninvited problem, lest I be greatly embarrassed. I simply went on with what I was doing, and made sure to hold the sandwich plates in a specific fashion so to hide things as inconspicuously as I could. I may be a genius, but...I suppose I have urges just as any male does, and may even have less control than others do, in some ways.

Gathering drinks, we both sat down at the table and spoke as we ate. The familiar gravel of his voice soothed me, and I let any tension my _visitor_ had caused dissipate as the conversation traveled into its normal lull. Afterwards, we both washed up and decided to watch some tv. It was something lighthearted, and allowed for us to continue talking, though a pause took hold at some point during the episode of the show we were watching, and it let my mind linger.

I would be naïve to say I thought Kevin and I would be this close of friends for any length of time. No...I strongly expected this friendship was akin to a 'rebound,' and that as soon as his life had bettered itself, I would find myself feeling foolish I'd ever thought this could be more. I...I mean, it's naïve...it's so very, very foolish of me...but...anyhow...I decided to ask him...

"Hey Kevin...would you mind if I asked you something that has been troubling me for some time now?" I tried to hide any concern on my face, and unfortunately, I couldn't read his expression as he replied.

"Yeah, sure, Double D."

"When..." I cleared my throat. "When 'this' is all over...will you still consider me to be a friend?"

The look on his face was concerned, and pensive. I worried for a moment, before he said, "Dude...the fuck kind of friend would I be if I just dumped you like that?"

I couldn't help but blush at his expression, my eyes flicking to his arms as he stretched them out over the back of the sofa, and I stuttered out, "I simply...kn-know that you have a lot of friends, and are very much considered 'popular' in the school. Once things have returned to normal, I...simply fear that all of this will be forgotten..."

"Dude," his hand landed at the nape of my neck, though I suspected he was aiming for my shoulder; I did not mind in the slightest. He continued, "That'd be bull. I mean..." He furrowed his brows, lost in thought for a moment, before he leaned his head back, sighing, "I know I used to be a jerk, but I'm not **that** much of a jerk, Dork."

I smiled, just slightly, and let out a slight relieved breath, "I know, I simply...worry, I suppose."

"Yeah, well," he looked over at me, a full grin plastered on his face, those eyes grasping at mine and making me pause, "don't. Cuz you're pretty cool. Heck, I'm kinda glad Nazz broke up with me. I never woulda known. I mean..." another pause, "you're like, smart. About real stuff. Not just science and math, but life. You're pretty rad, you know that?" His grin was so warm, I almost blame it for the redness on my cheeks.

"W-well, I supp-pose I should thank you for that compliment." I pulled my hat down slightly, out of habit. I felt his fingers slide up my neck as he moved his hand to my hat. I shivered. He paused, and tilted his head.

"So dude...my turn to ask something."

I felt my body freeze up, "Y-yes, Kevin?"

His smile softened, "Why are you blushing?"

"Umm..."

I was caught up with relief at that time, for he didn't ask about my hat. I'll tell you about that another time, Diary. It's something I prefer not to think about.

"I..." I jerked to look as Kevin snickered, 'ruffling' my beanie as he did that first day we talked in the prior week. I wanted to reply with anything, but my words caught in my throat as I felt his arm slide against my shoulder, just slightly. It was enough to blank my mind...goodness me, no control.

"You're freakin' adorable." That was my tipping point.

My hat came down over my cheeks as I hid my face. I could hear Kevin's laughter, though it was lighter than usual. I felt his hand pull away and I sighed in relief. I may have adored the attention, but...everything in my mind was...it's...I just can't let myself hope, Diary. I don't want to get into it. I have with Diane in the past, and it's...it's simply not something I'd like to bring up again...anyhow...continuing...

"I'm just teasin' you, Dork. It's not bad or anything," I let my breathing even out, and he continued, "But yeah. I mean..." I let my beanie go back to its normal position slowly, looking to see Kevin with his hand behind his neck in his standard 'unsure' position.

I looked at him curiously. He looked back and I...could see the faintest red on his cheeks. I...it could have been the lighting, too. Don't let me become an optimist, Diary; hopefully you're aware how that tends to turn out.

"...Yeah, you know...I'd like to hang out more. Like...I'll give you a call, man. If you want." I could feel he wasn't quite sure what to say either.

"I would love that, Kevin. I suppose you're to head home for the evening?" I felt my cheeks slowly return to normal...and then I watched him stretch, and the taut lines on his body just...well, you know by now, Diary.

"Yeah," he gave me a funny look for a minute, and I hoped I hadn't been looking at him weirdly before. He half-smiled, "Thanks for being there. You know, when no one else gave a flying r..." I heard his voice trail off. I appreciated the censorship, as per usual.

"I...can say the same to you. Th-thank you...for making my birthday quite memorable." I flashed a sincere smile his way. He returned it, and my heart did a little flip.

"Yeah, no problem. So..." he scratched his neck, "Imma just...head out now..."

"Of course, Kevin. It was nice 'hanging out' with you." I stood up, and he followed suit, walking to the door.

"Yeah..."

He took a deep breath, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen. We stood there for a few moment, when suddenly...light as a feather, I felt his lips brush against my cheek. I felt as they trembled, and he pulled back, and I swear Kevin was pure red when he practically ran out the door.

I heard his signature, "Later, Dork!" It was spoken with a lot less of the cocky attitude than I was used to, but it was signature Kevin, alright.

I...stood in the doorway, warm air lapping at my skin, trying not to collapse as my heart fluttered and I reached my hand to my cheek. I didn't touch it, I just...wanted to cover it, hide it from the elements, so I wouldn't lose this.

I didn't want to hope...I didn't want to chase a shadow only for the light to go out yet again...

But Diary...I'm sorry to say that even if I try not to hope...I still do.

Your friend, with love,

Eddward


	16. Freakin' Adorable

**I basically have to become the characters as I write...needless to say, when I caught myself grunting and holding my head, I realized Kevin _couldn't even_ right now. So that's his general mood for this, so if he's confusing...that's why. Enjoy!**

Nat,

So I kinda, like...did something today. Idk why I did it, I just did. I...fucking hell dude, I don't think sometimes.

So I hung out with the Dork again today. I mean, it's kinda sad I don't have any other friends to hang out with, but I don't mind or anything. He's pretty cool. Like...he knows a lot of shit. You'd know that, but you screwed up your one chance to talk with him, so yeah, can't blame me for that.

Like, I went over to his house, and he was eyeballin' me when he opened the door. It was kinda cute really. Kinda like what you do, 'cept you're not cute when you do it, and you want people to know you're doing it. I don't think he even realized. But man, he didn't look half bad himself. Guess he can't take the heat either, he was in these tight shorts n' shit and it was kinda hot actually.

Talked for a while about random shit, and he made some lunch for us. He couldn't keep his eyes off of me, dude! Guess he caught on that I noticed cuz he was walking all nervous and stuff.

Nothing else really happened 'til he got all sad puppy and asked if I was gonna be his friend after all this Nazz drama is over. Guess he thought I'd just forget about him. Kid must not think much of himself. Tried to comfort him, and he got all nervous, so I decided to do something ridiculous and asked him something stupid.

He freezed up and it was fucking **adorable** dude, the way he went red and pretty much hid against my arm, though I dunno if he noticed. Heck, I told him that he was adorable, even...and then I think his brain broke.

So I tried to play it off all cool, and...I guess I got nervous too. Cuz he's so damn smart, you know? How do you flirt with a smart dude without them realizing? Ugh. Yeah, I am at that point, Nat. Yeah, I tried. No, I didn't end up saying anything. You weren't there, you can't tell me what I shoulda done.

Either way, thanked him for the weekend and said we should hang again. He looked like I'd just given him Christmas, his eyes were all lit up and excited. Then I kinda...yeah. I did something I dunno if I shoulda.

Don't kill me, dude. I mean, heck, you'll probably say I shoulda done more, but this is Double D. He's a fucking brainiac with a sexy lean body and if I fuck this up I'm gonna beat my head against a wall. Heck, I don't even know if this is just a fucking rebound yet, but I still fucking kissed him. Like, on the cheek. Then ran off like a fucking weak-ass coward.

 _Fuck_ me, dude. Why can't this be fucking simple. Don't fucking let me screw this up, Nat. Or hurt him. Damnit, my brain's a mess. What's wrong with me, dude...

I thought I'd calmed down but fucking hell...why did I do that. He probably won't even talk to me again.

Dig me a grave, Nat, I'm under and I've got it deep. Ugh.

Bye dude.

Kev


	17. Don't Worry, Lovely!

Kevin, sweetie,

Don't stress! I hate to see you so down! You just got over all of the Nazz drama, you -don't- need more. And trust me, this Double D? He seems like a sweetheart. Hell, from what you've told me of him, I doubt he'd ever hold a thing against you. You gotta trust me on this, or just trust yourself, since this is all coming from YOU, boyo.

Sweetheart, it sounds like he likes you. Now, I know you don't believe me, love, but -trust- me, please! If nothing else, think of him like you would a girl...or me. A kiss on the cheek doesn't HAVE to mean anything! If he truly didn't feel comfortable with it, well, why would he even allow it? Wouldn't he have shouted after you how it was 'inappropriate' or something? Lighten up!

I find it cute. You're getting all worked up over Double D, it reminds me of back when you were all over Nazz. It was just unfortunate neither of us knew at the time that she wasn't _into_ anything. It would have spared you being strung along, and me from temptation. I admit, I do regret hurting the two of you, but I wouldn't take back that night, darling. You were so alone, and the alcohol let you speak about it. Whether you remember or not is anyone's guess, but I for one am glad I could give you a night to...sort-of remember.

Now darling, don't let go of this one. I know you think it's just a little thing, a 'fling', so-to-speak, but this guy seems like an absolute sweetheart! Don't hurt him. At least give him a chance. Take him out, as a friend...slip in a few flirts here and there. Subtle, though I know that's not your talent. It sure as hell ain't mine. I'm certain he wouldn't simply stop talking to you just because you have a little crush!

Go and ask him to hang out or something tomorrow! I don't care what you do, just make sure he knows he's not forgotten. And -always- keep me updated.

It's sad Nazz won't speak to me. I've been trying to get in contact with her, but...she's still upset. I suppose she won't have a choice next weekend, however. Needless to say, I have a surprise in store. Been working the Nat magic; don't make any plans ;)

And again, lovely, don't worry. This guy isn't your usual, stubborn asshole. He's a cutie patootie I'd die for from the sounds of it, and you need to branch out there!

I'll talk to you again soon my love, just keep your head high, mmkay?

Your Handsome Wingman,

Nat


	18. Dear Diary Entry No 8

Dear Diary,

Things have gone back to a semblance of normality today. It is Monday, after-all. Ed and Eddy came back from a camping trip they had decided to go on this prior weekend, and filled me in at lunch as to their goings-on.

Apparently Ed had befriended a raccoon (his name was "Scrumpy", he insisted), and they'd ended up having to fish for their food after Ed 'donated' it to the poor, homeless animal friends of the forest. I could help but grin at Ed's kindhearted, yet misguided, actions.

Eddy, on the other hand, was more excited that he'd finally gotten those pencil grips in the mail. Honestly, I found myself zoning out a bit as he went into one of his 'scam' rambles, something to do with zombies, weaponry, and...pencil lead? I decided it best for my sanity that I wasn't involved. Eddy's a big boy now, he can generally handle his scams on his own. If he needed muscle, he always had Ed.

We continued talking after lunch (or, Eddy talked and I smiled...and Ed interjected inane comments every once in a while), as I went to grab my necessary materials for the next class. I noticed lime green from the corner of my eye, and noticed Kevin alongside two women I only knew as being fairly popular. I looked and smiled a true smile him, trying not to let the girls notice me. His eyes caught mine, and a half grin played across his face. It then fell, and they walked on. That was...peculiar. I couldn't help but worry my prediction was true.

Before I could dwell, Eddy interjected, "What's with you and Shovel-chin?"

I was shaken by his observation, and I felt a blush tinge my cheeks, much to my chagrin.

"He and I have bonded recently over current events, and I consider him a friend. This does not bother you, does it Eddy?" I glared at him worriedly, "I will remind you I am old enough to make my own friendships." Though that never stopped him from intruding and disrupting them in the past.

Fortunately, my worries were unfounded.

"Whatever. Just keep him away from me, dude. I'm not your mom, you can talk to...whoever. Hey, I gotta get to class before Ms. Nemith bites my face off for being late. Catch you later Double D!" And he ran off.

Ed had been there as well, with this big, confident grin on his face. I smiled and shook my head as Eddy ran off, and looked up at my large friend. He showed his...unclean teeth, in a wide grin.

"It's springtime for Double D! You're a little birdy! Ooh, can I fly too?"

Now, if there's one thing I can say about Ed, he's nothing if not observant. However, his mind works in very different ways than anyone I've ever known. This does not mean everything he says is without reason, however. It links up somehow in his mind. Occasionally, I could interpret him. Now, looking back, I think I have a guess as to what he meant...and I feel he was surprisingly astute. At the time, I simply grinned at the inanity of the statement.

"I'm afraid you don't have wings, Ed, so flying would likely resemble falling in your case. However, you should go join Eddy before your teacher decides to mark this on your attendance as well."

Ed gasped and ran off, yelling, "Eddy, teacher's gonna clip my wings!"

Oh, the lovable oaf.

Fortunately, my class was only a few doors down, unlike the others who had a few minutes walk to theirs. I decided to sort out my locker for a moment before class, ensuring everything was in its proper place. So when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I jumped, not expecting company.

"Hey, Double D." That smooth gravel voice...oh dear, my blush seemed to have free reign today.

"Oh, g-greetings, Kevin! I must apologize, I did not expect you!" I smiled at him, fakely, before his analyzing eyes made me catch myself. A smooth smile graced his face in return.

"S'all good. Just was wonderin' if...you know...you got any plans for, like, Wednesday." He was nervous again; his tells were so easy to spot. I found his neck-holding endearing, however.

"Not that I am aware of, but it's always best if I inform my friends prior to any occasions. Did you have something in mind?" I let a very small smile creep onto my face. He seemed...relieved. His shoulders relaxed and that...beautiful smile of his took its rightful place on his face, beneath shining aquamarine eyes.

"Yeah, well, there's this movie playing that I wanna catch, and I figured, hey, maybe you'd wanna too." I knew what movie it was; brand new and interesting, at least in theory.

"I would be elated to join you! I simply need a time, and to know whether I need to procure a ride." The theater was a bit of a distance away, so I generally did not go there unless I was invited.

"Nah, I got one. So I'll catch you at 6, k?" That smile entranced me.

"O-of course, Kevin! I shall seen you then!" I nervously fumbled with my hands...then realized I had to get to class.

Kevin must have too, because he waved and turned around, "Later, Double D!"

The rest of the day was more or less uneventful, and right now I'm simply pondering what Wednesday could entail. I'm trying to keep my over-excited thoughts for after I've finished my homework, but it's difficult. Such an outing...I never expected.

If I close my eyes, I can still feel the phantom sensation on my cheek...it's silly, I know. But I feel my hopes soaring.

I can only hope now that no one clips my wings...

Your friend,

Edd


	19. Gold Dust Women

**Title from Fleetwood Mac's song, "Gold Dust Woman", since I need to reserve the only other fitting title for another chapter. Enjoy!**

Nat,

Alright, so I asked him to a movie. Don't even think the Dork took it as anything, but whatever. He said yeah, so that's cool...

I guess things are going back to normal though. It's like people have forgotten all about last week. Like, some of my teammates are still flirting with Nazz, but they're talking to me in the halls again. And now? I have these dumb airheads following me around like I'm fresh meat or something. They're probably easier than **you** , dude.

So yeah, saw D again and didn't want the girls to see me smile at him cuz they were probably the type to be complete bitches. I wasn't gonna tell em to fuck off unless they did something to piss me off, but didn't want D caught in the crossfire if they got jealous of my attention. Fucking women, man. It's like, last week everyone ignored me, now I'm the fucking Hot Topic!

It kinda sucked I had to ignore him, he looked pretty genuinely happy to see me. Was a relief though...yeah, I know, you're always right. I don't think Edd could hold a grudge to save his life.

But yeah, saw him after lunch and talked with him. He was all red. It's cute, I guess. But I'll pick him up on Wednesday. He's gonna fucking kill me but I think that's half the fun of it. Yeah, I'm taking her out. It's a special occasion, and hell, I doubt someone's gonna graffiti her at the theater. It's pretty public there, I'll risk it.

...and yeah, half the reason is because it'll give me an excuse for that. Ha, I'll definitely tell you about it afterwards. Hopefully he doesn't just chicken out. Heck, if he does, I'll just go on my own. Been too long since I've had lil Brandy out. Doubt anyone in the cul-de-sac even knows about her. She purrs like a kitten, dude.

Yeah, I know, you don't care. Pfft, like I care about the guys and girls you bang, but I still deal, haha. So yeah, I'll catch you later, dude!

Kev


	20. Dear Diary Entry No 9

Dear Diary,

Eddy was...not thrilled about my arrangements. Something about the 'biggest scam of the century'. He was getting all passionate about it...fortunately, he turned to Ed for back-up. That never ends well. Classic Ed. His response this time?

"So you don't like movies Eddy?"

Needless to say, Eddy just gave up and stomped off. C'est la vie.

I must be honest, I'm...quite looking forward to tomorrow. I'm actually rather jittery. I'm not certain I'll sleep well tonight if I don't calm my mind before bed. Maybe a soothing tea will calm my nerves. Ugh, nervousness, it isn't something I particularly care for. It's yet another human trait I wish I could think my way over. It does nothing for me but stress me out, but...I suppose, fixating on the issue _does_ have its benefits, and comforts...still, Diary, it's not what I wish to do.

I'd rather work on my homework right now and rest. Instead, I'm speaking to you, the only one who would hear me about this, because goodness knows I can't speak to my friends about it. I mean, Ed would listen, but whether he'd hear is another matter.

Don't even ask about Eddy.

And then there's the subject, Kevin...and you must agree with me, Diary, that would be a _terrible_ idea.

Either way, I'm hopeful that **Sinister Feelings** will be a good movie. If nothing else, I hope it won't be boring. I've heard decent enough reviews on it, so I am willing to risk it. Besides...I suppose I'd risk anything if Kevin asked me to.

...

Sometimes, Diary, I only realize what my mind is saying in post.

Oh dear...what am I to do? I am seemingly falling head over heels...oh, how I try to deny it, but I can't help but come back to the few pleasant memories we've recently shared together. Oh, curse Hope and her torturous ways, tempting me with things I might never taste. But still, despite the Fates, I love the feelings, ride on the rush, beg for just one more moment of this...and I don't want it to end.

Oh, Dearest Diary...

What if it does?

Your "Hopeless" Friend,

Eddward


	21. Short, Sweet Irony

Nat,

You gotta tell me how you do it all the time. I mean, I'm a day away from a date and I'm actually pretty freaked. I mean, sure, I've hung out with Double D before, at his house. Watching his movie, reading his books.

What if he doesn't like the movie?

What if he's just coming to be nice? You know how nice he is, dude. What if I already fucked up?

Ugh, I'm gonna go grey-haired at this rate. I need to watch something and go to bed before I seriously lose it.

...wish me luck tomorrow, dude. I need it.

Kev


	22. Dear Diary Entry No 10

Oh, Dear Diary...

I must relay to you this former day and evening post-haste!

Oh, goodness me...

So I suppose today's events began with school; however, Kevin and I were not fated to meet at anytime during the day. I suppose, though, that was for the better. I was nervous enough as it was, I did not need his smile weakening my mind from its already-jittery state.

Upon returning home, (and taking a shower, of course), I found myself with the unpleasant dilemma of something I never believed would present itself in my life...a choice of clothing.

Thirty minutes were wasted on comparisons and inane ridicules towards said clothing that I shall disregard; in the end, I found myself in a fairly casual outfit.

I chose a comfortable, autumn green t-shirt, matched with a pair of skinny jeans that Eddy had forced me purchase on our last outing to the mall. He was trying to make me look 'cool', and it was the only thing we could both at least tolerate. In this case, it seemed a nice fit - not something I'd wear every day, but I admit it didn't look bad. I was simply glad that Eddy would have no knowledge of my wearing them.

And, afterwards...I went downstairs to sit on the couch. Thrilling, I'm aware. I twiddled my thumbs and thought of the millions of ways this evening could go wrong. I am nothing if not predictable, no, Diary?

Then, at last...the doorbell rang. I jumped from my seat and practically raced to the door. I blinked, took a deep breath, and opened it.

Before me, he stood, as he always does, in that slightly slouched stance and a half-cast smile. His eyes did a once-over and he chuckled.

"Jeans, Edd?"

I was caught so off-guard by his use of my proper name that it took me a moment to reply, "Yes. I felt them appropriate attire for the evening. Was I wrong?" I felt one of my many fears beginning to rear its head, and-

"Nah. Looks cute. Let's go." He turned on a heel and walked back towards his house at a slow pace. My heart fluttered, and I had to consciously remind myself to move after him. We walked to his garage...I supposed his parents would be giving us a lift.

I was wrong. Oh, goodness me, I was very wrong.

As the garage door opened at the command of a little clicker in Kevin's hand, the early evening sky shined off the red paint of the pristine motorcycle...which I knew was Kevin's. I knew, I knew what was going to happen, and goodness, at that point I was tempted to just walk back. If it wasn't for the past week...I just may have.

Kevin mounted the cycle and smirked at me. Oh my, that beautiful smirk...that damnable, mischievous, sweet smirk of his. I'm hopeless, am I not?

"Hop on, Double Dork. Saved you a seat." He patted behind him and I looked to the heavens, before swallowing and accepting my fate. Or, attempting to.

"I...assume this is our ride for tonight."

Kevin let his head cock to the side, the smirk widening, "Got a problem with it, Dorko?"

Why yes. "No, it's simply..."

"You're scared?" He looked like he already knew the answer.

"Not of you, per se," his eyes seemed to lock onto me now, curiosity brimming, "I'm...well aware of how much you care for your vehicles, and of your skills when riding them, I simply...don't trust others to have the same abilities."

He smiled understandingly. "You know I'd never let something happen to you, dude. Or Firebrand here. Don't worry..."

Oh, I worried. I simply was at the beck and call of his gravel voice and alluring eyes. Though I suppose, in the end, it doesn't matter.

"I...assume you have a spare helmet?" I inquired, having moved next to the motorcycle with slow, inching steps.

One appeared before me, presumably from somewhere beside Kevin, hidden behind 'Firebrand'. He chuckled at me as I took it in my hands, staring at it.

"...need a hand, dude?" I felt both nervous now, and a bit mortified that I didn't even know the proper way to secure a motorcycle helmet. I suppose we all forget things in moments of great stress.

"I'd be much appreciative, Kevin."

He quickly took the helmet from me, turning it and pressing it down over my head. As he secured the straps, smooth calloused fingers ran under my chin. It was enough to make me freeze. He noticed.

"You ok, dork?"

I was quick to recover, "Of course, Kevin, I was simply calculating...odds during our ride. However, I suppose it is time we depart. I..." I looked down at the seat, and found my face heated from the previous touch, "How do I do this, exactly?"

At least he seemed to understand what I meant as he thought for a second on his words, "Just sit down behind me, and hold on tight." Oh, the vagueness...he must have enjoyed my naïvety.

And so, I did as he said. The place I was supposed to hold on to was not clear to me...and so I fumbled for a moment.

"Gonna hold on, dude?" I could hear the teasing in his voice. I realized at that moment what to do, and felt quite embarrassed.

"Excuse me for taking a moment to consider the possibilities, Kevin." A little bit of snark was in my voice.

His chuckle was smooth, "Yeah yeah, no need to get sassy, Dork. Come on, we gotta go."

I am not sure how I forced myself to do it, but I managed to slip my arms around his waste and hold on. He started the motorcycle, and the moment it began to move, I went from holding loosely to clinging tightly against his back. I could feel his laughter through my limbs.

I could also feel his muscles within my arms. I...wasn't complaining.

It took not even ten minutes to arrive at the theater. Ten minutes of breathing in the heavenly, clean scent that was Kevin, and practically stealing his warmth from him. If I hadn't been so nervous, I'd have been afraid my body would have acted on...thoughts, that tried to intrude. I was quite glad they were kept at bay.

Kevin sat for about 15 seconds before finally pulling from my grasp. I suppose he was simply giving me time to rejuvenate from the frightening ride, that was not nearly as frightening as it could have been.

My own attempts to get off the motorcycle ended in a stumble as my foot caught on something. Kevin caught my shoulders, and I looked up, taken aback yet again by the sight of his face. Goodness, I am hopeless, Diary...

He chuckled, and we went in to grab our tickets and some concessions. The prices, as always, were ludicrous, but Kevin paid for us both. I felt guilty, having not had the forethought to bring my wallet, but he was having none of it.

As we made our way to Theater 3, Kevin took the lead. I watched as he went all the way up to the back middle. I didn't mind; it meant no one behind me talking. If nothing else, the central location was a positive. I loathed being at an odd angle in relation to the screen.

We chatted a bit during the trailers, which may as well have been the length of the movie itself, until, finally, the feature presentation showed itself.

I...suppose I must say, I enjoy horror movies, but jump scares are in no way the sort of horror I am used to watching with Ed and Eddy. And, therefore, I found myself jumping at every little thing. I bet Kevin found it quite hilarious.

After a particularly bad scare, one where I almost inhaled a piece of popcorn, Kevin seemed sympathetic towards me, a lop-sided frown on his face. I felt an arm snake around my shoulders...

I practically melted, Diary.

The rest of the movie did not disturb me as it had before. Anytime a scare occurred, I felt a hand squeeze my opposite shoulder as the arm around me tugged, and it...really did wonders. I was thankful Kevin didn't simply see me as a 'sissy' for my reactions.

...far too soon, in my opinion, the movie ended. It wasn't something I planned to watch again, but...what occurred during the movie had a lasting impact on me.

The sun had set, a tinge of dull orange teasing the horizon as the stars flickered to life overhead. Kevin led the way towards his parked motorcycle, and I was much quicker to follow him on. I did, however, request his assistance again...you could say it was a 'white lie', since I was confident in how to secure the helmet. I couldn't help myself. And as the fingers grazed my chin again, I didn't regret it for a single moment.

The ride home was...peaceful. I had long grown accustomed to the fresh scent Kevin's clothes carried, and simply enjoyed the warmth of his back. I only hoped he didn't mind that my cheek was pressed to his back. If he minded, he never said a thing.

Then...we finally arrived back home.

Kevin dropped his motorcycle off in his garage, closing it behind him, as he followed me back to my house. I assumed he was simply being polite. We didn't have much to say.

When we arrived at my doorway, I felt a cool breeze flicker at my skin, goosepimples rising to the surface. Kevin just watched me with a soft smile. I looked down, holding an arm in my hand.

"Th-thank you for bringing me with you tonight, Kevin. It was quite an enjoyable experience."

His smile grew wider, "Yeah, totally..."

The stars twinkled, the scent of decaying leaves teasing the wind with reminders of autumn's end. There was nothing being said, but it wasn't awkward. Not to me at least...

He spoke up, "Hey D?"

"Yes?" I asked, my fingers having found their way to twiddle each other nervously. Habit, I suppose.

"So..." he scuffed the ground, hands in his pockets, looking down, "Yeah...umm...I...don't stop being you, 'lright?"

It was...fairly out there, but I smiled at the sincere request. He looked like he wanted to say more, but couldn't...and I felt this tiny little spark of confidence in my chest. I suppose my inhibitions had lowered throughout the night, else I may never have done this, but...

I stepped forward and hugged him, arms around his waist. I was around the same height as him, fortunately, so I was next to his ear when I said, "I could say the same to you."

He felt so tense...I thought I'd made a huge mistake. Then...slowly...I felt his arms slide around my back, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder.

He didn't say anything. We just stood there like that for a while. I couldn't tell you how long. Not long enough?

When I pulled away, I suppose out of utter nervousness, his face...had that smile again. The genuine, true smile I adored. The darkness couldn't hide his blush, either.

"Yeah...I'll catch you later, Edd, alright?" The tone of his voice was...hopeful.

"Without a doubt, Kevin."

He backed up a little, hands in his pockets, eyes glued to the ground.

"Oh, and Kevin?"

He looked up.

"Pleasant dreams."

He turned around, head back towards the sky, and walked home.

"Heh..." his voice was almost inaudible, but...at least it let me know I didn't make a mistake.

So, Dearest Diary...

I am sitting here, writing to you, because I needed to replay this wondrous day again. And so I can always remember, when I look back, how happy I am this night...

I am head over heels, Dear Diary...oh, please don't let me fall too hard...

Your contemplative friend,

Eddward


	23. Firebrand

Nat

I chickened out, but it was pretty rad anyways.

Kev

* * *

Kevin,

Deets or I'm gonna slay you, babe.

\- Your Friendly Neighborhood Nat

* * *

Kevin,

I warned you.

Nat

* * *

"-click- Hello?"

"Sweet thing, how dare you simply leave it at that, I can simply **not** have that!"

"-groan- ... Dude...it's late. I'm tired."

"-tst- You're lying and you know it."

"...-light clap sound-"

"Don't you facepalm at _mua_!"

"What do you want, Nat?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"...-exasperated sigh-"

"Pleeeeaaase? With sugar and hone-"

"One condition: No squeeing like a little girl."

"No promises! But alright!"

"-deep sigh- Can I just...type it to you...it's like..."

"P'sha, of course, Kevy! Whatever suits you, I just need to know or else my pretty little head is gonna explode."

"-ugh- Later."

"Seeya!"

* * *

Dumbass Nat,

You win, happy?

Ugh. I really don't wanna fucking do this. Can't even fucking let me sleep on it. You know I can't talk about this shit like this, man...you're such a pain in the ass. Fuck you. Whatever!

So I went to his house, right? He was wearing jeans. Yeah. Skinny jeans. Fucking hot, yeah, I know, no, no pictures you dumbass. I know you'd never let go of them and I don't want to think about you fapping to them at night. It's fucking gross.

He was freaked when he saw Firebrand. Don't regret that one bit. Got all nervous, couldn't even put his helmet on. Whatever, it was cute. And he held on, like, really tightly when we got going. Was so used to Nazz not caring what happens. Guess Edd was scared to death. Wasn't bad though; I don't mind his hands on me. Least I had the road to keep my mind busy 'til we got there. I didn't really wanna get up though to see the movie when he was doing that though.

Movie wasn't half bad, but it freaked Edd the fuck out. Got to use it as an excuse to get my arm around him, though. So that was choice. He didn't even try and pull away so I guess he didn't mind.

The way home was even better than the way there. He wasn't just holding on, he was like...idk man. It wasn't bad. At all. Sucked it had to stop.

Walked him back to his house...still can't believe the Dork doesn't think it was a date. He must have, like, the most pure mind or something. I mean, what friend does any of this shit? Is he just fucking with me? He's smart enough to, but Idk...seems legit, right? I guess if it's BS I'll find out sooner or later.

But yeah...was gonna give him, like, a kiss or something, and just froze up. Coulda just said something, but nope. Said something stupid and corny instead. No, you're not allowed to know what it was. Maybe when you're 40 and not still playing these damn scenes in your head like they're soap operas I'll tell you.

But get this...he, like, walks up and hugs me. Real hug, not some friendship hug...but I guess he doesn't know the difference. I almost freaked out cuz I really didn't expect it, but I got over it. He smells pretty good, you know. Gotta say, never expected a Dork to be this good at...anything. But he felt pretty fucking right in my arms. Wish he didn't see me blush, but I couldn't do shit to stop it...didn't really wanna either, even if he really DOES think I'm just a friend...

Then he told me, 'pleasant dreams'...yeah, he always speaks with bigger words than he needs to, so it's not that odd. No, he didn't see my reaction. Didn't let him. Probably would let everything out and what good would that do me?

I'd rather not fuck everything up right now. Baby steps, man. I have it pretty good as is. He's...Idk man. I don't wanna lose him.

...happy now, dumbass?

Now let me go back to sleep, whore. God.

Kev

* * *

Kevin, deary,

Whore is a compliment ;)

Good night, prince charming. The princess is in your reach!

Trust me!

Love,

Nat


	24. Dear Diary Entry No 11

Dear Diary,

I shall expand upon today, as per usual, before I forget it as sleep overtakes me soon. Hopefully I won't neglect any significant details.

Ahem.

School today was fairly average. Everyone was pepped for Friday and the weekend, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. Ed and Eddy were, as per usual, no exception.

"So what'd you do with Kevin yesterday, huh?" Eddy pried, walking backwards in front of me down the hall. Ed's mouth was agape.

"I'm afraid tha-"

"Can I walk on the moon too Eddy?" And, thus...Ed began to mimic Eddy, many people getting knocked over as a result.

Eddy pushed down on Ed's head, "No, doofus! Now spill, Double D!"

"As I was saying, it is none of your business, Eddy. I do not disclose to Kevin about your scams, so I shall not disclose to you about any outings I have with him. Unless, you'd like me to share with him..."

"Eurgh...whatever, Sockhead! Come on, Lumpy, we gotta grab lunch before the Traitor steals our seats and gives them to Kevin."

Ed gasped, "But that's where I store my gum Eddy!" And thus, they raced off.

Oh, those two. I was glad that, at least, Eddy conceded. I knew his comment was in jest, even if there was a tinge of malice to it. Old grudges tend to be difficult to get rid of.

After lunch had ended, I saw Kevin coming over to greet me. I removed myself from Eddy's presence (and his glare...sigh) and met him halfway.

"Sup, Double D?" His Cheshire smile was enthralling.

"Not much, Kevin. What brings you to me this fine day?"

Kevin snickered, "Dude, you always gotta talk like that?"

A red hue covered my cheeks, as I stuttered out a response, "N-no, it is simply how I ensure everything I say is well-thought out. I'd rather not speak something that I would later regret." It was true. By wording things complexly, I had to think about what I was saying, rather than simply spilling my guts out before anyone who could be passing by.  
His half-smirk played across his face.

"Well, anyways. I finished that book. Was pretty good."

"I am pleased to hear that, Kevin! There is nothing more enjoyable than knowing someone else enjoyed something you shared with them!" I beamed.

"Yeah, well," he huffed in a slight chuckle, "Wanna come over and pick it up tonight? And maybe bring something new for me, too."

"I-o-of course, Kevin, I would be happy to." I suppose it was best that Kevin didn't know some of my stuttering was me catching myself before saying my true thoughts. I'd rather not tell him 'I'd love that', thank you very much.

"Cool. Catch you later then. Like 8ish."

He waved as he turned and walked away, and I sighed happily. I didn't mind visiting him in the slightest. Even for a mere book drop-off.

And so, fast-forward to this evening.

Right on the dot, at 8 PM, I let my presence be known with a firm knock to the door. I was greeted by Kevin not but 4 seconds later - I suppose he was expecting me.

"Hey," he said coolly.

"Hello, Kevin; I've come for the book. I also have another novel I'm hoping you'd-" I was cut off.

"Yeah yeah, I got the book up in my room." And he walked off, towards the stairs. I stood there for a moment, but when he turned his head to look at me, I realized I was expected to follow him. And so I did.

I hadn't particularly planned to be led into his room that evening, but...who was I to complain?

It was much cleaner than I expected.

Sports memorabilia littered the shelves. Pieces and trinkets of all sorts filled the spaces between them, all related to Kevin's love for motorcycles. I supposed it wasn't surprising for him. A desaturated sky blue bed cover was lain over a white pillow and sheets...of course my eyes would gravitate there. Curse you, subconscious.

Kevin didn't appear to notice. Instead, he went over to his bag, laying on the floor near his bed, and pulled out the book in question. I put the dots together fairly quickly, and smiled as he handed the book to me.

"Here's the book." He said with a sheepish grin.

"Thank you Kevin, but..." I paused, thinking of my next words. He looked rather confused. "...you did not need to make something up simply to have a reason to invite me over, you know. I would have come over regardless of the reasons behind it." My smile still upon my face, Kevin looked doubly confused.

I only kept smiling, and narrowed my eyes as I nodded toward his backpack. He looked back, and I could swear I saw the gears in his head turning. He sighed. His hand crept behind his head. It was an appealingly familiar sight.

"Dork...why you gotta be so smart all the time?" I saw a smile play upon his face, though it was tinted with embarrassment. I giggled into my hand, and his smile widened, seemingly comforted by this.

"I suppose it is simply my natural affinity for observation. I apologize if I ruined any carefully laid plans, I just...don't understand why you wouldn't think I'd come over without a specific reason." I tilted my head at him curiously.

"I just..." he grunted, "You're just..." a long pause, but I waited. "You're really smart, y'know? Sometimes it's, like...intimidating to talk to you. Like...you'd have better things to do than hang out with me and stuff. It's not like we're best friends. I was a jackass to you when we were kids, yaknow?"

"Indeed that might be true, Kevin, however, we are young adults now. Childrens games are for children. And...I'm sorry if I seem intimidating. I...did not realize I came off as such. You can say anything you'd like to me...I would never rush to judge you for it."

He bit his lip, "Yeah?"

"Certainly. You are my friend after-all."

"Yeah...mm.." He furrowed his brow, staring at something interesting at the foot of his bed, before kicking at the air, "So...what are you, dude?"

"Pardon?"

He chuckled, "Like...you know...do you, like, like guys or something? Or both?"

Did he really think I'd mind answering this? There were far worse questions.

"It appears that, although I thought myself interested in the female gender...the male seems to take precedence. So...I suppose I could be classified as, as it would be termed, "gay". Or bisexual, with strongly leaning preferences towards the male gender." It wasn't embarrassing to me, but my face still changed, as it had the unfortunate tendency of doing as of late. Kevin sat down on his bed, as I still stood, slightly pacing to prevent sore feet.

"So, like...how'd you figure that out?"

"I...I suppose I can blame Eddy for that one." He snorted.

"Don't tell me you have a crush on Eddy!"

"GOODNESS no!" I was flustered, and I must have looked quite amusing, because Kevin laughed, hard. "I...no, it wasn't him, specifically, that caused me to realize. More-so it was the...paraphernalia he had come in contact with."

"Oh yeah?" His eyes were focused on me, and I withered under the glare, feeling judged...

"I...happened upon a magazine that did not contain entirely women, as Eddy obviously prefers. I was surprised. And no, to stop your giggling, I didn't look for 'that' sort of reason...Eddy simply has a million of them, and I'd been stuck in his room for a good two hours waiting for him to do some task his parents desired of him. I admit...my mind did wander, and it was strange, because...before then, I'd never found myself even the slightest bit aroused by the sorts of magazines Eddy owned. And for once...I was. I put it off into the back of my mind then, but...recently it's been cropping up again." My face was scarlet, and Kevin looked surprised.

"Tst...can't even imagine -you- looking at porn, dude." His tone was teasing.

"You know very little about me yet, Kevin. Refrain from passing judgement until you know more."

He chuckled, "Mmk Dork."

Then he patted on the bed beside him. I hesitantly walked up and sat down.

"So Dork...recently?"

Of course he'd ask that. I twiddled my fingers together, trying to think of something to say without giving anything away. A minute passed, and I felt a hand rest on my forearm.

"You're pretty cute, Dork."

"Th-...thank you, Kevin. Y...Yes, thank you." Goodness I almost slipped there.

"What were you gonna say?"

Why did I have to slip. Ugh. "You're...quite palatable to the eyes as well."

He snickered, and I felt him tug my arm. I nearly fell against him, when I felt him move over and slip his arm around my lower back. My heart fluttered and stole my breath.

"You can talk smart all you want, but I know what you meant." His eyes were hungry. Oh gods, my chest was flittery and electric, I couldn't move.

I couldn't even speak. My face was frozen with a mixture of fear, and bliss, from the events taking place.

The hand on the small of my back curled, fingers running down my lower spine. I...felt myself become...rather excited. Fortunately...or unfortunately, I question now?...something inside of my head clicked and I pulled back, clearing my throat and straightening my shirt. Kevin looked...let down.

"Yes, well...I'm afraid I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, and I must get my rest. I'll leave the novel here on the table, but I must be going. It was nice be-hanging out with you again, Kevin. Pl-good night, Kevin!" I darted out of the room as fast as my little legs could take me, completely forgetting to grab the original novel from Kevin in my haste.

I raced home, and...here I am, writing in you, Diary.

And I'm...also fighting with a certain part of my Anatomy to permit me sleep.

Unfortunately, my mind is _not_ helping it cooperate.

Oh dear...forgive me, Diary, if I do something out of character tonight.

And...and I don't believe I want Diane to see you now.

This stays between us.

Sincerely,

Eddward


	25. A Little 'Motivation'

Nat,

So I woke up today with a fucking hard-on after a hot dream. It wouldn't go away. Had to take care of it in the shower.

Ended up thinking of you-know-who...who was the star of my dream. Ugh. It went away, but, I mean...all day, couldn't get him out of my mind. You don't even know, man. I could go on, but I'd rather you not fap to this.

So I came up with a brilliant plan - lure Edd over with the book he lent me. It was good btw. Really fucking good. But yeah, he took the bait.

Got him to follow me up to my room to give him the book, and...he figured out I'd had the book with me all day anyways. Yeah, I felt fucking retarded. Can't pull the wool over his eyes if I tried. No, no gifts, Nat.

He told me how I could say anything to him, and that I coulda just, you know, invited him over. So I was like, honest to him. And asked him some stuff.

Guess he's definitely gay. And he, like, slipped, I think. Said it'd been, like, coming up in his mind recently, so I asked him what that meant, and he didn't respond. Double D always responds. I kinda felt like a God for figuring that one out.

Told him he was cute, so he told me I was 'palatable' to the eyes...glad I know you, else I'd wonder wtf that meant. You and your weird-ass fancy food. Still. Gave me some confidence...and damn, I think I know what kinda guy I like. He looked so fucking cute, I couldn't resist wrapping an arm around him.

Guess I went too far when my fingers kinda...had a mind of their own, you know? He got all flustered and ran out the door.

'Least he seemed to like it, so...not all that bad.

So yeah. Maybe it's not all that hopeless after all.

And dude...if you can give me some advice on how to make a move on smart, shy guys, dish it out. I don't want to fuck this up.

Thanks.

Kev


	26. Dear Diary Entry No 12

**A review reply is at the bottom; answers a question some of you might have had in the previous Diary Entry. Take a look if you're curious :) Enjoy.**

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today was...an...it was... _interesting_...

Oy vey...I shall simply start from the beginning.

To start with, school was fairly average. I'd made plans to hang out with Ed and Eddy, since they'd been pestering me all week. I didn't mind hanging out with them, I'd simply had other things on my mind and schedule. As such, I happily conceded.

We made our way home together, deciding to hang out at Eddy's house and watch a few movies. It was enjoyable to catch up...even if the majority of things I missed were, as one would suspect, failed scams and schoolwork complaints. Ah, but they were my friends. If nothing else, I had them both allow me assist them with their homework. Nothing makes me feel as accomplished as helping my friends finish their homework. Otherwise, they'd have likely put it off until Monday morning, and that was unpleasant for everyone involved...especially me.

I made my way home rather late-ish, a bit after 8, actually. Upon arriving home, I was surprised to hear the doorbell...and, upon opening it, was even more surprised to see Kevin there.

I...won't say I minded it being him, however.

"Greetings, Kevin! What a surprise; it appears you have perfect timing as well, as I've only just arrived home!" I let the thinnest smile cross my lips, and felt rather amused when I noticed slight embarrassment play across Kevin's features.

"Heheh, yeah, timing..." My smile became more true.

"Oh Kevin, don't tell me you waiting all evening just to come see me?"

"No!" he said in a sudden defence, then, softening his tone, he said, "I mean, I was doing other stuff, so..."

"Really, I am rather flattered, Kevin..."

We made our way over to the couch. It had almost become a custom at this point. He took his regular spot, and I mine. He was quiet, so I decided to speak up.

"To what do I owe this visitation?" Kevin looked funnily at me in response. I suppose my... _manner of speech_ was a little difficult to interpret at times. I breathed in, thought, and tried again, "I should say...what is up?" The words felt rather foreign in my mouth, but it coaxed a chuckle out of Kevin.

"Not much, you know...the usual."

And from there on, we simply...talked. About everything. School, his motorcycle, Nat, my hobbies. Somewhere in the middle Kevin flicked on the television, putting it on some old sitcom just as background noise. I didn't complain. It wasn't long, however, until the conversation got a little more worth noting.

"So Double D...you ever tried, like...not pussyfooting around your words and stuff?" The terminology wasn't something I enjoyed, but I supposed it was a good description for what I did. I bit my lip, an eye closed as I stared up, making a 'hmm' sound. Kevin simply smirked at me.

"I suppose...I may have, long ago, when I was a child. But I learned in school that it was best to think over things before saying them. It meant for...less embarrassment." I looked down, remembering sour events.

"It's not like you could embarrass yourself around me, dude. I've seen a lot of shit."

"Language!" I said quickly, then covered my mouth. I had begun to accept Kevin simply said these things without realizing, and felt it rather useless to keep saying it. It was an impulse...and, I suppose, one thing I **did** do that was embarrassing. Kevin just smirked.

"But really, dude. Just talk normal to me. Promise I won't think you're weird or anything. Like, weirder than you already are." He chuckled, the gravel of his voice comforting me as he shoved playfully at my shoulder. I couldn't help but share the smile.

"I...suppose I can try to, Kevin. For you."

"I mean, heck, you're smiling for me, might as well talk for me too." His wording made me giggle, and yet again, I smiled widely at him.

"Of course, Kevin."

"So what happened last night?" He said quickly, almost as if he just had to get it out. I froze up. I was thinking to myself, _Oh dear, Eddward, what have you just agreed to? This is not something you want to explain without thought._ He must have noticed me stalling, because his arm took a firm hold of my left shoulder, and I was pulled to face him. He continued, "Sorry if I freaked you out or something..."

"No no, you didn't, I just..wasn't..sure how to respond. I just felt like I..had to do something, and I didn't know what. I just..." I was twiddling my thumbs again, and he was smiling at me.

"Nah, I shouldn't have done something I didn't know if you'd be okay with or not, dude. You're not, like...used to this sort of stuff. Guess you dunno what to do yet, do you?"

I blushed, "I-I suppose not, Kevin..."

I felt Kevin's hand loosen its grip, slowly sliding down towards my collarbone. Fingertips slid teasingly over the protruding bone, moving down to my sternum. His eyes were watching his fingertips...as were mine. I was entranced. My heart was fluttering and pounding at once, and as his fingers reached the center of my sternum, I heard a very soft breath from his nose. He smiled up at me, and good lord, I couldn't resist how beautiful his eyes were. I rarely looked into them, but when I did, I couldn't look away. I was putty in his hands...oh, Eddward, what has become of you? I think that _now_ , but at that moment, I could not think anything at all.

"Heh...you nervous too?"

...too? "It's...n-not something I'm...used to, no. It's normal to be frightened of the new and unknown..." My eyes fell back down to his fingertips, which had begun to slide down between my ribs. I gasped inwardly and closed my eyes. I wasn't sure what I'd do if he went any lower, and then...

He chuckled and started tickling me. Immediately I gasped and tried to get away, but he kept at it. I grabbed at his wrists to try and push him away with all my might, but it was like I was trying to move a concrete wall. I curled up in response, unable to control my laughter, my head going against his collarbone and me desperately clinging to his wrists.

He stopped abruptly...and I felt his arms move around my waist and pull me close. I only just then realized what sort of position I was in - almost under Kevin, leaned back with my forehead against his chest. I felt rather foolish, awkward, and...oh my goodness I couldn't ignore how wonderful he smelled. It was...comfortable. Strange, awkward, embarrassing, and something I didn't want to end. So warm...

Yet again, I heard his gravelly laughter, and he let go of me. I was slow to pull back, moving into a sitting position again, my legs dropping off the couch where I realized they'd gone to whilst I curled up. I looked up at him, and his face was...probably as red as mine. In that moment, he looked so beautiful...

"Heh, glad that worked." His voice was proud.

I was at a loss, "Glad what worked?"

"Glad I was able to score a hug out of you from that. Worth it." I'm not sure he even realized what he was saying until then, when I suddenly saw him bite his lip. It was cute. I couldn't be mad at him for pulling that on me. It was, as he said, 'worth it'.

He rubbed the back of his head nervously, and I smiled, looking at the couch between us, his unused hand lying in the space between us.

Did I dare?

My hand, beside his...crept just slightly closer. I let my pinkie touch his, and...it appeared I was too shy to do something like that.

Then his hand slid over mine. I melted a bit. He squeezed, and I could barely breathe.

"God, you're so damn cute, Double D..." I almost wondered if he was saying it to himself, or me. He was looking away, almost like he wasn't saying it without making himself.

"I find you 'cute' as well, Kevin..."

His eyes widened and he went red. I know I said it to him yesterday, but...when said in casual terminology, it tends to have a greater impact, I suppose. He looked at me, cheeks red and freckled, and a half-smirk played across his face.

"Yeah?...Huh..." His fingertips lightly grazed over mine, a slow dance as his hand held mine. My entire body was warm and bubbly, and I wasn't sure I couldn't handle how lovely it felt any longer.

He sighed, his head falling back onto the couch, eyes closing, almost peacefully. His hand never moved from mine, and the things it was making me feel...oh deary me, I didn't realize I could get worked up so easily. I was glad I had decided on a thick pair of briefs and a baggy t-shirt...hopefully I'd go unnoticed. My pants, however, were growing tight, and I itched to squirm and readjust myself. I was simply too shy to give him a clue what I was doing. He was a guy...he'd know. Or I believe he would. His eyes may have been closed, but I didn't want to take the chance.

As the tv whispered aimlessly in the background, I let myself melt into the moment. The heat in my abdomen was driving me crazy, but the flutter in my heart kept me still.

We sat there for...God knows how long. However, when he shifted his weight in the couch, it was at the point where the fluttery feeling was a warm, trickling stream inside of me, and the comfort didn't appear to be leaving anytime soon. He sat up straight, his hand very slowly sliding off of mine. The clamminess was apparent as the cold air danced across the back of my hand, but I didn't mind. I could still feel it.

"I...gotta get home. Dad's gonna want me to watch something with him. Something stupid, but it's, like, family n' stuff..." There was an unsure, sad look replacing his fading smile.

I simply smiled at him gently, and replied, "I understand. I..." I looked down and closed my eyes, a bit afraid to continue.

"You..." he pried.

"I wouldn't mind...doing this again...wh..whatever...-this- is..." Goodness I was nervous. He made me feel so lovely, I didn't want to shake the feeling for the life of me. And I felt I didn't want anything in the world more than what I was feeling right then. I suppose now I understand all those sappy romance novels...anyhow, to continue...

"Alright...catch you later, Edd."

The way he said my name was saccharine. I'm glad he didn't hug me again, because...I am not sure I would have let him go.

Maybe...maybe it's not all that hopeless after-all, Diary?

Let us simply hope he still wants me when these first, intense feelings I've read so much about, have passed...

Also...writing all that did not help with my 'problem'. Oh goodness, what am I becoming...do not judge me for what I must do.

I am merely human, after-all, Diary.

Your flawed friend,

Eddward

* * *

 **nekon3kokitty-sama said: oh my gosh...cute. i...couldn't exactly picture edd looking at p***...maybe reading it but not looking at it.  
**  
 **My response: He was trapped in Eddy's disgusting room for two hours with some freshly-purchased magazines, unlike all the other 'contaminated' things. Edd's gotten over the majority of his neat freak tendencies, but he knew exactly what happened in Eddy's room. He only knew so much about 'things', and decided to look and see what exactly all the fuss was about with p***. It never stimulated him in the past when he'd chanced upon seeing things by accident. The reading was dreadful, but he was bored out of his mind in there...but he'd promised Eddy he'd wait for him. It'd be rude to leave. And thus, eventually, the events happened. Fortunately, Eddy returned long after Edd's 'situation' had passed, but the 'damage' had already been done to Edd's knowledge of himself.**  
 **  
If at any point anything doesn't seem to 'fit' in the story, feel free to say something, and I'll try and explain it in my chapter notes. I have my own views on how Edd and Kevin would be at this stage in their lives, and it's not always going to make sense with what the characters decide to write, without my added context.**


	27. Baby Steps

**I made a button-pressing mistake and deleted my chapter for this, so...had to wait several hours until my grumpiness at a mis-click passed. Rewritten chapter, away!**

* * *

Hey Nat,

Wish you'd get back to me. I'm screwing up major, or, at least, I think I am...I just, I don't wanna fuck this up, okay?

Ugh...so I went over again. Didn't ask for permission this time, he kinda made it clear he'd let me over whenever, and he did. But I was stupid and he realized I'd kinda been waiting for him to get home. I felt like a fuckin' stalker, you know? Whatever...too late now. He's too smart not to catch on.

Least he didn't mind or nothin'. He made a mistake after anyways, asked 'what is up', it was fucking dorky and I love it. Idk why, just cute.

But yeah, we just talked. Random stuff. Feels like I've always done this, like, talked to him. I really do kinda believe him when he says he'll never judge me or anything. He's just sweet inside n' out and shit. Might as well be talking to a stuffed animal with how threatening he is. Pretty fucking different from the girls at school, or the other jocks. Hell, I'm no genius, but I'm not a fucking brain-dead dolt either. Edd treats me like an equal, it's kinda nice, yaknow? I mean, I'm not...he's totally smarter than me, but it's the thought that counts, right man?

Look at me, gushing all over the Dork...what've I come to, man? He kept talking all smart though, so I figured, hey, why not ask him why he does that. Guess he's, like, scared of saying something stupid. As if! So I got him to agree to try and talk normal, since he already smiles for me. Sounds kinda mushy when I say that. Eugh. Whatever.

Asked him about last night after that, cuz he ran off. He got all nervous, so I said I was sorry, cuz I kinda went too far I think maybe. So he said no, I didn't, he just didn't know what to do. He's never done this sort of stuff before, so he's shy, right? Honestly, I don't mind. Least I won't bore him.

Made another move on him...Idk why, I just kinda had to. My hand was already on his shoulder, and I kinda just...ran my fingers down his chest. Got there and felt his heart freaking out. When I went lower, thought he was going to run again, so figured I had to either stop or change it up. Then I remembered your stupid thing you did that one time to get close to me, and figured, fuck it, worth a shot.

Well, it worked. He curled up against me when he tried to grab my wrists and stop me. It was fucking **adorkable**. Yeah, I said it. Been thinking it a while, just sounds corny. Whatever, you'll probably love it. Let him go before he freaked, cuz Idk what'll be too much yet man...

Then I just started rambling cuz I couldn't believe it worked, and I was glad it did. Probably shouldn't have said anything, but he didn't mind, and I was too happy to care.

He smells kinda like flowers. You know, when it's spring and everyone's got those big lilies growing? Yeah, like that...it wasn't, like, super strong, but it was nice.

Anyways, so I felt his finger touch mine...God, man, it was so freaking innocent, but damn it was sweet. Think he was too nervous to do anything else, so I kinda put my hand on his and squeezed. God, it was soft...then, if he's like he used to be, he cleans religiously, probably uses 15 kinds of lotions. Makes me wonder if his lips are that soft...

Couldn't help telling him he was cute. And this time? He actually told me I was cute back. Thought my heart stopped, it was fucking precious and mushy and God damn man this is soooo not me...

Ugh, I'm fuckin' twitterpated. Uuuggghhh...

Blegh...either way, I just kinda...sat there after that, kinda enjoying the feeling in my chest cuz it just felt...nice. I haven't felt like this since the early days with Nazz. And even then, it was nothing like this. Probably because, well...I think Edd liked it too. He looked like it.

Eventually realized it was getting late and dad'd be home, and we planned to watch the game. So had to leave...

Guess what?

He said he 'wouldn't mind' this happening again...not that he knew what 'this' was. I don't even know. Flirting? What even is it? Either way, I said goodbye to him...think I even used his name, couldn't help myself. He kinda earned that much respect, you know?

Well, get back to me soon you idiot. Take a break from the parties for once.

I'm gonna head to bed, that game was a long one. I'm barely awake.

Night dude.

Kev


	28. Dear Diary Entry No 13

Dear Diary,

Today, Nat came over.

Now, if I ever desire to relive this...odd day, I'll remember from that note.

And now, unto my recollection of today's momentous events.

I had just finished lunch, having begun to do the dishes before any stains hardened, when I heard the doorbell ring. At this point, I assumed it could be two things - my friends, or Kevin. Kevin is, of course, a friend, but it's difficult for me to refer to my friends as 'the Eds' as everyone else does. It's a bit awkward when your name is theirs.

Anyways, I put down the dishes, letting them soak in the thin layer of warm water, as I dried my hands and went to greet whoever was at the door.

I was correct in my assumption of it possibly being Kevin; I was surprised, however, by the fellow next to him.

The young man, who I know now was Nathan, was a little taller than Kevin. He wore a slate blue sweater with a white dress shirt underneath, and lime green skinny jeans. He wore white high-top sneakers to complete the look. Still, was stood out the most was his hair. A vibrant teal; and well taken care of.

I may have hesitated, but I cleared my throat and spoke, "Greetings, Kevin. I must say, I was not expecting you to bring someone with you...who is this fine young gentleman?"

The teal-haired boy gasped. Kevin sighed exhaustedly.

"This, is Nat. Sorry-"

A high-pitched squeal sounded as Nathan cut him off, "Oh, my gosh! He's even cuter than you described him to me!" Kevin went pure red, eyes wide and locked on the teen who had reached out to grab my hands. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you!" He pulled my hands up, then...

"Knock it off," Nat's arms were slapped away. He made an angry, injured puppy-dog face...yes, that's the best way I can describe it, Diary...and rubbed at his arm.

"Meanie."

I was confused, still standing there. Kevin shot me a soft half-grin and rolled his eyes, "So yeah, this is Nat. He dragged me over here. I'll try and keep him on a short leash but it's not easy."

"Pfft, why try to dampen the mood, Kev? I am just excited to meet the boy my friend has been telling me -all- about. I have so many questions! Come, let's sit and chat!" Nat made a motion to grab my wrist, but a glare shot his direction by Kevin seemed to make him rethink, and instead he gestured for me to follow him. Nat sat on the far left side of the couch. Kevin took the middle, and I took the remaining spot on the far right.

I must note, Diary, that I'll refer to him as Nat here if simply because it's easier. I only refer to him as Nathan because I...suppose I find it rather amusing how much it seems to bother him. I suppose we all have our vices. Oh, I feel rather deviant about it, but he refers to _me_ by so many peculiar nicknames, it's only just that I return the favor.

"So, Delightful D, tell me -all- about yourself. How did you meet Kevin? How was he as a child? What are your hobbies? Please, spare no details~!"

I suppose I'm too polite...but I found myself answering him. All the little facts he inquired about, I replied with. Kevin seemed to listen intently as well. But the nicknames, well...they made me feel a tad uncomfortable. I think Kevin noticed, because...halfway through yet another round of questioning, I felt a smooth touch at the side of my finger. Kevin linked his little finger around mine. I felt nervous Nat, with how...obsessive he was, would see us linking fingertips. But Kevin and I were too close to one another. It...well...I appreciated it. A lot. It gave me the courage to stay, and _not_ just ask Nat to leave and retreat to embrace the rest of my lonely Sunday.

At one point, he pulled out his phone, begging me for my number. I had to respectfully decline. I could feel Kevin's chuckle reverberate through the couch as Nat pouted. It was rather cute. **He** was rather cute, actually. His features were smooth, his arms were well-sculpted and his eyes were a vibrant amber yellow. I almost wondered if he wore contacts, but wasn't about to let Nat know I was even _slightly_ interested, because...well, his boisterousness was...a bit much for me.

When he pulled out his phone, and I'll be honest, Diary, I barely recall any of the conversations we had during his question escapade (possibly due to lack of interest), he gasped and grabbed Kevin's phone out of his pocket. I was surprised Kevin didn't even flinch at such close contact. Then I remembered...this is Nat. This is likely normal for him, if what I knew so far was any indicator.

He mumbled something about how Kevin truly didn't understand music, then I heard a loud, "Tada!"

I recall this bit.

"Congratulations, Nat, it's a phone."

"No, you silly!" He patted Kevin's head, who just groaned in response, "I customized Edd's ringtone! You'll thank me later. Now, where were we..."

Kevin sighed. I would have, too, if it was not rude. This was Kevin's friend, and if I had any hope of Kevin respecting my friends in the future, I had to show respect for his now. His finger's barely-perceptible strokes over mine were also good at distracting my mind from the overwhelming barrage.

My saving grace was a phone call.

Just like that, Nat was gone. He made some motion to Kevin, and Kevin nodded his head up once, and he was out the door. Kevin and I sat there in the silence for a moment, simply soaking it in, relief wrapping around us. Not to say Nat was a torment, but...well...he is a bit much, for me.

"Sorry about that, Double D..." Kevin sighed, removing his finger as his hands went behind his head. He looked frustrated.

"It was nothing, Kevin. Nathan was polite, if nothing else. Just a little bit...talkative, for my tastes, I suppose." I blushed. I let myself be slightly wordy, but still let him know how I felt about Nat...at least somewhat.

"Yeah, well, he showed up out of the blue this morning and bombarded me. By the time the topic of _you_ came up, I was already beat. You can't really tell Nat 'no'. I mean...well, you can. But it's not like he hears it, you know?"

This elicited a chuckle from me, as I hid it behind my hand. Nat didn't seem the type to take 'no' for an answer, that was true. Kevin smirked back at me, a playful look in his eyes.

"Least I got to see you today, yeah?" He smiled a true, lovely smile at me, before looking down, staring at the carpet. I looked back, my heart a-flutter, my eyes and smile glazed with flattery. He couldn't see it, so I didn't hide it, until I turned to look at the carpet as well, in shyness.

"Yeah..."

*bzzz*

Kevin sighed. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, looking at what must have been a text. Texting isn't all that popular, but if Nat was as rich as I had been told...I suppose he had the money to get all of his friends phones and text them too. That was my assumption, anyways.

I watched him slump down in the couch, closing his eyes. My smile faded, and I looked upon him with concern. I hoped it wasn't bad news. Kevin took a deep breath.

"Double D can I take you somewhere tomorrow night?" It came out in one sentence, all flowing together without any sound of punctuation, as if forced to be said. I was a tad confused, but I replied anyways.

"Of course, Kevin...where was it you'd like to go?"

He bit his lip. It was rather cute to see him nervous.

"That's the thing...I...wanna keep it a surprise, I guess."

I smiled lightly, "Alright then. Just let me know when, then, I suppose."

"Late. Like...I mean...you okay with being up late on a school night?"

I thought for a moment. It wasn't something I enjoyed doing, but...I wasn't foreign to doing as such, and honestly? Just knowing I'd be somewhere with Kevin gave me my answer. I only thought about it for the rational part of my brain's sake. It agreed, begrudgingly. Not that it had any choice.

"For you, Kevin, yes."

The words slipped out, but I didn't regret them when I saw the wide smile on his face. He chuckled.

"Mmk...well, I better go check on Nat. Umm...before I go..." Kevin looked down nervously, before he moved over to close the short distance between us, and I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders. I blushed brightly, not that he could see it...as his chin was resting on my head, from the way we were positioned. It was actually resting in a...spot I felt a little weird about (and one day I'll tell you why, Diary), but...he didn't say or do anything, so maybe he didn't notice. Or maybe he was just being polite...

We just sat there, and I inhaled deeply, relishing the position, and wishing I could just stay there.

We didn't part for almost two minutes. I counted.

He shifted, and pulled away. His cheeks had touches of rose red, and his eyes shone as he met my gaze. I looked down at my lap, smiling widely. We were still close, and he let a hand rest on my knee. Oh, good lord, did that have an effect on me. Curse my wandering mind...

"Catch you tomorrow, alright Double D?" The affection in the nickname was not lost to me.

I looked up at him once more and nodded, smiling.

He sat up slowly, fingers slipping off my knee as he walked to the door, almost hesitantly.

"Have a pleasant day, Kevin. I'll be...looking forward to tomorrow's events."

He chuckled in response.

"Me too."

And he left.

Oh, what I would give for a time machine right now. But, alas, my knowledge is not that far advanced...

Where could he be taking me? Oh, Diary, I need to know. My heart's all a-twitter with nervousness and anticipation!

Well...

Until tomorrow, Dear Diary!

Your friend,

Double D - Edd

P.S. Oh dear, I let my mind write for me. I suppose the way he said my name is still circling in my mind. Oh my...

Ah well, au revoir!


	29. His Song

Nat,

First off, thanks for not playing the song when he was there. Second off, I can't keep that as his ringtone dude. Not saying it's not accurate, just...I'm not you, dude. Someone hears "Head Over Feet", they're gonna think things. I'm not ready for that yet dude.

Anyways, I guess I should thank you for _kinda_ being on your best behavior. I mean, I guess I should have expected you'd try that shit. I think he'd have let you, even. But you're not kissing his hands while I'm there, dude. Seriously though? Whatever.

Wish you'd given me fucking warning before showing up at the crack of dawn. Bet you got a kick out of it, but I didn't. Ugh. Can't believe my old man was in on it...you're such a jackass!

You're lucky I was there to do damage control, with Double D, I mean. You're too much for him! No, I don't mean it like that, you perv, cuz I know you'd say that. But he was kinda freaking out. He's nice, sure, but you were, like, pushing him over the edge. Why do -you- need to know so much about him? I'm the one who wants to get to know him better, not you. Meh...I don't get you.

Yeah, I **was** glad when Mike called. Guess you were too, but still, Edd needed a break. And yeah, he said you were a blabbermouth. Haha, with fancier words, yeah, he did.

Ugh...anyways, I WAS going to ask him. On my own time. I know we went over everything this morning, but...I didn't need the push. I dunno. Whatever...Idk man, it's not easy. It's so not me.

But I asked him. He said yes. Even got to hold him...yeah, I know...really corny, but...I guess something about him brings that out in me, you know?

Been thinking about it all night. I know it's nothing amazing. It doesn't even need planning, we just go there. I just...hope he likes it.

He means a lot to me, dude. It's like...I just kinda wanna hold him. I don't wanna rush. I don't even know if I -can- rush, with what Nazz did to me. I feel like half the things I do could end up going too far sometimes. I know, it's fucking ridiculous, but how the fuck am I supposed to know? I don't wanna fuck this up, man...

Blah...good luck tomorrow. You'll need it. Nazz hasn't looked as pissed this week but she's not gonna let you in without a fight. Can promise you that. Probably don't wanna go into her house by the way, her parents probably know. You'd be bait, man. And as funny as that sounds, I'd rather your pain-in-the-ass cheery self stick around instead of whatever they'd try and make you feel like.

Just...wish me luck, I guess. Send me an e-mail when you get back to NYC. Hope the hotel you're in's nice. Don't e-mail me back right now, though, I've had enough of you for one day. Haha! You'll be fine, you drama queen.

It was nice seeing you, even if you are a jackass.

Later.

Kev


	30. Dear Diary Entry No 14

Dearest Diary...

Tonight...let me tell you about tonight...I never want to forget.

The day began of no note, and it ran through with little to say but for Eddy trying to get me to come over. Though it would have been fine, I'm certain, I didn't want to risk missing anything tonight. Eddy was insistent, but I was not budging. He asked me what was so important...and I told him.

From the look on his face, I fear tomorrow's discussion won't be the most pleasant one.

But, such is life.

My day, outside of studying, was simply filled with reading, and waiting. I fear the anticipation didn't let me stay up in my room for very long. I didn't know how late, 'late' was. Once dinner had finished, I was a mess of nerves. Why was I so nervous? I...suppose it could have been because of the cryptic nature the evening seemed to hold. And because any time spent with Kevin was something that I, at this point, craved...

It was 8:43 PM when the doorbell finally rang. I jumped up, my heart boiling into a heated flutter of anxiety, as I went to greet Kevin. I'd heard his motorcycle, but didn't want to assume...oh, who am I kidding, I'd spent the entire day waiting for him and every moment I had been listening for it. I'm obsessive...shame on me for that. I would hope that I would have more control over my desires...

I looked upon Kevin, wearing a brown jacket over a green shirt, a pair of black cargo pants...and, of course, his hat. He looked rather handsome; but then, he always did. That smile of his was there. What I'd give to know the reason behind it...

"Hey..." he said coolly, hands in his jacket pockets. His head cocked towards 'Firebrand', "Ready to go?"

I nodded a little faster than I probably should have, but excitement had overtaken me. "I am, Kevin." I tried my best not to let myself ramble. The temptation was definitely there.

We walked over, and he moved to put his spare helmet on my head. Yet again, I didn't protest. Smooth fingers ran across my jawline...it almost seemed intentional. Then he smirked, putting his on. He got on, and I took my place behind him, securing my arms around his waist, trying to forget where my mind wanted to wander. I noticed there was a blanket on Kevin's lap now - had it been there before? I felt the engine rev, and Kevin chuckled.

"Hold on tight, it's gonna be a bumpy ride."

Oh goodness, I should taken him more seriously. Though I suppose it's all but forgotten now.

Not long into the drive, Kevin made a turn onto a dirt road. We rode down it for several minutes, before the road ended and grass was all that was before us. He drove slow, the path there though barely visible. And by the time he stopped, I realized I had no clue where we could be...

But goodness, it was beautiful.

The sky was dark, the moon absent from its perch in the sky, but the stars flickered and shone high above us. The Milky Way was subtle, and thin wisps of clouds hung in the air, painted by distant streetlights from the town far below. We were on an isolated hill, somewhere I'd never been, and wonder how I'd never known about.

"You can get off now, you know." I blushed when I realized I'd simply been staring into the darkness, and quickly removed myself from Kevin's motorcycle. He did the same, bringing it over next to a thin tree. He had removed his helmet, and approached me.

"Want your helmet off, Dork?" Oh, where was my mind today. I nodded, and fortunately he could see it, as my words were caught in my throat for some reason. He undid the strap carefully, his fingers moving slowly across my chin. It felt heavenly, but I knew he simply was doing his best with how dark it was. Once it was removed, he brought it over to the bike...and returned with the blanket I'd seen earlier.

"Scooch over, Dork."

I did. I didn't mind the nickname, by the way. It may seem like an unkind one, but at this point, the way he said it was...endearing.

I heard the blanket spread out and whip the air, as Kevin laid it down on the cold evening grass. He sat down on it, arms back to hold himself up. He looked at me. It was serenely dark, but I could see the curve of his hat as he moved his head, and slowly took a spot next to him.

I felt a tad awkward, sitting next to Kevin in the silence of the night. Katydids and crickets playing their tunes in the forest, but no wind within the trees. I could hear myself think. I could hear him breathing. I could hear when he sighed.

"So...whadya think?" His voice was wary, probing.

I wasn't quite certain what he meant, but I replied nonetheless, "It is a beautiful spot, Kevin. The sky looks spectacular..."

A single, breathy chuckle was the response.

Kevin laid down. So did I.

My mind wandered for...five or so minutes, I'd say? It felt like forever, but I know that's not logical. I watched the clouds move ever-so-slowly across the depths of the sky, and smiled at the wonder of it all. I was surprised when I turned my eyes to Kevin...to see he was looking at me. I blushed and looked back up. I swallowed, then tried to think of something, anything, to distract myself from obsessing over what he could be looking at me for...

"Hey D?" I turned to look at his shadowed form.

"Yes, Kevin?"

"You ever feel like...you know...you don't even matter?"

I furrowed my brow. "How do you mean, Kevin?"

"I mean, like...look at all of them," his ghostly hand gestured to the sky, little flickers going out as his arm blocked them from sight, "we could just disappear one day and it wouldn't even matter. There's so many of them, it's like...how can we mean anything compared to all that?"

"Well," I sat up on my arms, looking down at the nothingness where my knees should be, "without us, there would be no one to see them."

"Huh?"

I smiled, "There's countless stars in the sky, but if no one was there to see them, would _they_ even matter?"

We stared up in silence.

"...It's rather lonely, being a star."

Kevin's eyes fell upon me again. I could almost feel their prying, their warmth.

"There you are, floating within the ether of space, surrounded by nothingness. Some are lucky and have a planet or two, but...most of them just linger in the nothingness of space for their entire lives. They burn so brightly...but no one's ever around to see them." It was somber, I know. But sometimes I felt like a star. No matter how brightly I burn, how big I grow, how brilliant I glow...I will simply be another speck in the endless sky.

"So what about the Sun?" Kevin's gravel voice questioned, sounding unsure.

"Hmm?"

"I mean...if what you were saying about the stars is true, then what about the Sun? It has us, right?"

I sighed, a somber smile on my face, "Very few stars are a Sun to anyone. As of yet, we only know that ours is. But I suppose, yes, the Sun is one of the lucky few that isn't alone. The rest of us must simply glow in the darkness."

His eyes watched me, though I couldn't see them.

He sighed calmly. We sat there again, for longer this time. I could lay there for an eternity, watching the stars. It was peaceful. I could almost fell asleep, but a slight nip of cold kept me awake.

"Hey Double D?" The smooth gravel of his voice felt in-tune with the sounds around us.

"Mmm?" I felt too comfortable to say much else.

Silence fell.

I look in his direction. He was watching me again. We stayed like that for a bit...when I noticed his hand moving towards me. I was confused, until I felt the back of his fingers slide over my cheek. I gasped inwardly, my heart fluttering. His fingers moved so slowly, his hand uncurling, tips sliding very slowly down my jawline. It was excruciatingly lovely, but I had to consciously keep myself from gasping as those gentle fingers ran down my sensitive neck. I bit my lip as they began to slide back up.

I let out the slightest gasp in my throat as they continued to move over skin I rarely touched, myself, and never in such a way. They curved under my jaw...over...under my lips...

I couldn't help but let my lips part as his fingers ran over them. The feeling was so new. My mind was blank.

"Heh..." I heard Kevin say under his breath, his fingers slowly pulling away from my lips. I could still feel them. I could feel everywhere he touched, and I longed for more.

Kevin leaned back, lying down once more. I watched him. My mind was flickering, just slightly, and I knew what I wanted. I was so afraid, though...what would he think? What if none of this meant anything? What if it...

"You're like the Sun to me..."

He said it so lightly, as though he was simply letting his mind speak. But it didn't matter. It was all I needed to hear at that moment...as I turned, placing a hand on his chest, and quickly, before I changed my mind, before I chickened out...kissed him.

I could feel him gasp as well as hear it. I had met his lips only partly, the darkness obscuring me from meeting them as I would have liked. I was thinking about rectifying my mistake, when I felt Kevin turn, grab hold of me, and pull me on top of him.

To say I was flustered would be an understatement.

He slid his hands down my thighs...which did nothing to stop my body from doing things...and pulled them around his waste. Pulling back from the kiss, he moved his hands slowly up my spine. I shivered as they glided upwards, slipping behind my head and neck. I felt him tremble. I wonder how much _I_ was trembling...and he pulled me into a soft, and proper, kiss.

I'd read things about kissing, but the real thing wasn't something that could be so easily described. It was also so new to me, I felt myself unsure what else to do. Kevin didn't seem to mind, but may have noticed it, as I felt his lips guiding mine. They were warm, so plush against mine, and I couldn't even focus on the things my body was doing. All I know was that my arms were around Kevin's neck.

The kiss moved on its own. We both trembled still, and it comforted me, to be honest. To know I wasn't the only one feeling nervous.

I felt his lips part. I parted mine in turn. And, when a moment later, I felt something warm and wet stroke across my bottom lip...I gasped.

He chuckled. Our lips parted, slowly. I was in no hurry. I don't imagine he was either. But we both had to catch out breath sometime, I suppose. One forgets to breathe through their nose when things are so...involved.

He looked up at me. I couldn't help but do the same, down at him. I could barely see him within the night's veil of darkness, but I could see him smiling. And I knew it was beautiful. And this time, I could do something about it, as I leaned in and kissed him more fervently than before. I felt his fingers curl, pulling at the few strands of hair that fell out from my hat from behind. No one ever touched my hair, so I suppose it's only fitting I didn't expect or prevent myself from moaning against his lips.

It was then that I realized that I had a bit of a "problem". Well, by a bit, I mean a major problem. I was surprised Kevin wasn't saying anything...especially when he hugged me tight against him, the kiss dying out with slower movements. I could barely handle the pressure, though, and squirmed. Kevin chuckled.

My cheeks burned and my heart was dancing, but I felt electric and euphoric and I didn't want it to end. With the way Kevin's fingers practically dragged down my back, I knew he didn't either, but I was afraid of what might happen if we continued. Curse this body of mine and its easily stimulated anatomy.

It...didn't help that...I...perhaps...felt something underneath me as well.

I sat up and immediately moved to sit beside Kevin, facing out towards the open sky and not the wooded area behind us. Kevin sat up and sighed. It was a beautiful sigh. Everything about him is beautiful.

"Double D?"

"Y-yes?" I trembled out, my heart still a-flutter.

A pause, before he forced out breathily, "I think I like you."

I answered without hesitation, "I like you too, Kevin."

Dear Diary, I'm...not sure what else to tell you about the evening. We just sat there, and he had his arm around me. It was getting late, so we went home. We hugged before we said our good nights. No more kisses, not yet...it was lovely, but...my courage had since passed, replaced with exhaustion from worrying all day, and the passionate encounter from not long before. In his case...I imagine he didn't want to push me too far.

I'm not sure he realizes I would have pretty much done anything right then. But I suppose it's for the best...

Gives me something to look forward to. To dream about...and...ehm...forgive me, let my mind wander about.

For now...

Good night, Dearest Diary,

And guard my secrets well.

Eddward

* * *

 **I've had a tough time writing the past day or so, so I may take time with Kevin's chapter. After that, it may be a bit, things in my mind are a tad scrambled, and I need to sort them properly. Hope you enjoyed!**


	31. Sun Spot

Hey Nat...

So, um...

Tonight was fucking fantastic and I can't get out of the high of it. I'll tell you what happened, just don't tease me or anything. It's mushy but it's special, you know?

Showed up when it was just about dark enough, to pick him up. He seemed pretty excited. Still needed me to put on his helmet, not like I mind. Just gave me a chance to feel him...dude, just bear with me, okay? You know I'm being serious right now. You're, like...the only person I can talk to. And I want to write this down so I never forget it. Please just...let me be corny for once I guess. And don't laugh at me for it...

Rode him out to The Spot. It's always been kinda a sad place for me, you know? I mean, I always wanted to bring Nazz there for things...I had this, sappy idea, we could have our first time there. Yeah, whatever, I'm a fucking idiot, alright? Whatever. I never brought her there anyways. But it still hurt.

Put the blanket out and we both just laid down and looked at the stars. My mind just stewed about the things I've been through in the past...year, more? I don't know anymore. She's always been a part of me, and now she's gone. She never did anything wrong. I just...dunno...

Found myself staring at Double D, because he's, like...so different from her. But...the same, you know? I mean, it was so fucking dark I couldn't see my nose in front of my face, but I saw his shape and just thought about everything that'd happened. All the mistakes I'd made, all the things he told me, all the things you and I might have done, and what I wanted to do with someone...and how I really, really wanted that someone to be Edd. Because he's just...different. He's so different, and I don't want to lose someone like that again.

Yeah...Nazz was different too. I can't believe I hurt her.

I felt worthless. So I told him, and looked at the stars, and remembered how insignificant I am to the world.

He replied. And there he was, being brilliant again.

He told me how if it wasn't for us...the stars wouldn't matter. Which, I guess, is true. He went on about how lonely it was to be a star, stuck out there with no one to care about them. Little dots in the sky...I guess I agree. How much can a little dot in the sky mean. But...I remembered the Sun.

So I brought it up to him, and he seemed...so sad. I watched him, even if I couldn't see more than this dark shadow next to me. He spoke of himself as though he was just another star with no one to care about him. But he's so much more than that...I couldn't believe this brilliant guy I was laying next to wouldn't realize how absolutely amazing he is. I just...

I wanted to ask him if I could kiss him, but I couldn't. The moment wasn't there. I didn't want him to think I felt bad for him, and was just doing it just because...so I just reached out and touched him. He's, like...so soft. Hard to believe. It was soothing, just moving my hand over his cheek and neck...and when my fingers ran over his lips, because I just couldn't resist...they parted. It was so sweet...

So I leaned back and stared up again, and thought about this amazing guy I was laying next to. How he didn't think he mattered. How much he really did.

So I just...said what I thought. That he was the Sun to me...so corny, but...it just came out.

And he kissed me. _He_ kissed _me.  
_  
My mind kinda when blank, and I just...knew I wanted him closer. I couldn't stand being so far from him. So I pulled him on top of me...and I hope you're still taking this all seriously, dude, because you know my mind wasn't _there._ Not...at that point. I just let my hands wander, and when I ended up running my fingers through his hair...he moaned. And...that put me _there._

I just let myself loose to whatever came naturally for a minute, but...kinda felt myself getting 'excited'. And he was too. Yeah, pretty much the whole time I think. But he's, like, really new to this stuff. And it was pretty hot, so...no complaints. Wasn't gonna tease him when I was in the same position, both literally and figuratively. Ha, guess the Dork's rubbing off on me with all the words.

I think he finally noticed...and, being how shy he is, he pretty much sprang off of me. It was kinda funny. But I just looked at him.

And I told him I liked him.

And he told me he liked me too.

I slipped an arm around him and we just sat there, staring at nothing, until I pulled my phone out to check the time. Decided it was late enough. Brought him home, and fortunately the 'excitement' died down before that, else it woulda been awkward.

Dropped him off, and hugged him...we were both spent, I think. His eyes were glazed, in a good way. I bet mine were too.

Dude...thanks for letting me tell you all this shit. Thanks for pushing me. I know you're a pain in the ass, but you're awesome. Just please don't tease me for this. I needed this. I needed to write it out. I never want to forget this. Forget him.

Ugh, I don't know what I'll do at school tomorrow.

Whatever. I'm going to bed before I think the mood away.

Seeya later dude, talk to you soon.

Kev


	32. Swing With Me

**The next couple chapters I'm writing not because I want to, but because they occurred and I'd rather not skip over them. One because it's part of Kevin's life, the other because Edd's not just going to -not- write about something because it's not Kevin. So I just need to get this out and over with so I can move on.**

* * *

"-sigh- What."

"Nazz, I miss you, girl! Please don't leave me hanging!"

"I said, what..."

"Darlin' dear, we need to talk. Like, girl-man to man-girl."

"-grunt- Look, I'm still not-"

"I know, I know. You can hate me forever. But we -really- gotta talk. Like, now. I'm bursting, girl!"

"We're talking, Nat."

"In person."

"Just...no, Nat."

"Please, baby, I need this!"

"Why would I want to see your face again..."

"Because you know you're not really mad at me."

"Pfft. Yeah. Sure."

"You knew it was gonna happen, hun. I'm sorry you had to see it go down, is all."

"The fuck are you calling me for? Jeesus man! _So_ not cool!"

"Because I love you like a sister and I really really REALLY need to talk to you right now."

"Then say something that doesn't make me want to punch you."

"Umm...babe, you know that's not my forte. You'd still punch me anyways. I'd let you, too."

"Look...I..I've been thinking a lot, and that's, like, the only reason I haven't hung up on you. So just spill it already or I will."

"Hun, I know you've been hurt and all, but I know it hasn't been nearly as bad for you as you've said."

"What do you mean by that..?"

"Kevin's my bro. Yes, I know that makes me a Southern boy but he isss! And he's been heartbroken, darling! But you...you've gotten the choice cut."

"..."

"You're not stupid. You saw him after the school found out. Literally only one person spoke to _him_ -all- -week-. 'Cept me. Cuz, you know. Amazing."

"-huff-"

"Care to guess who that person was?"

"Someone easy?"

"-uproarious laughter- Oh oh Nazz, Nazz sweetie, you have no idea how wrong you are! Hehehe! Oh, my chest!"

"And... _this_ is what you want to talk to me about? Some guy my cheating ex-boyfriend's going after? Why the fuck would I care?"

"Because you still love him, just as much as I do. And I know you love a good romance novel as much as me."

"So what? He-he broke my heart, Nat..."

"And you broke his, slowly, for the past year, love."

"..."

"We have a lot to talk about, Nazz-baby. I know you don't like me as _much_ now, but...please. Let's talk. Let's get this straightened out. I promise, I'll be on my best behavior. I'll even pinkie promise."

"-chuckle- A Pinkie Promise from Nat...who would have thought. I...still don't like you, though, you know."

"Yeah, we'll work on that. So..."

"-long sigh- ...Where?"

"Meet me on the swings."

* * *

Kevin,

I forgive you. Doesn't mean I'm not pissed at you, but I forgive you.

I'm sorry about the other week. I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm not -that- much of a bitch.

And...I guess I shouldn't have expected you to be able to love me without all the...physical stuff...and I guess...Nat kinda convinced me it could have been way worse. So, I guess...thanks for not just cheating on me with someone neither of us know. I guess, stupidly enough, I'm glad it was just Nat.

But if you dare fucking hurt Double D I will break you.

Got it?

Love,  
Nazz


	33. Dear Nazz

**Short again, but I need to figure out what'll happen during the rest of the day. Nazz wrote her e-mail a bit before Kevin went to bed, Kevin saw it in the computer lab on Monday and replied. Next chapter will also occur on Monday.**

* * *

Nazz,

You have no idea how much it's been eating me. I didn't mean it. I just didn't want to bother you. You looked like you wanted me to just...not be there.

I'm so sorry, Nazz. I really am.

And I'm guessing Nat told you, huh? Yeah, well...I didn't mean for it to happen. And I don't plan on hurting him. One, I know for a fact you'd split me in half because fuck you're stronger than you look. Two...

I don't think I could even make myself hurt him. I'm not that much of a dick.

Besides...stuff.

You know.

But...thanks.

Kevin


	34. Dear Diary Entry No 15

Dear Diary,

Today began...with grogginess.

Though last night was...beyond words, and perhaps the most wonderful night of my life, I can't help but regret the sleep I am now lacking. It dragged at me all day.

And when Eddy decided today would be the perfect time to discuss my "relationship" in relation to Kevin, well...I was less than thrilled.

I had until lunch to prepare. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that Eddy had signaled this the day prior. Woe is me.

Lunchtime...

We sat down together, and the silence had a heartbeat. Eddy drummed his thumbs on the table, fidgeting, grunting, and...surprise, surprise...he exploded on me, as he is prone to do.

"Who the fuck was that weirdo with the hair dye, Double D?!" He practically pulled himself onto the table with the force his hands placed on it. I dabbed my lips with a napkin. I was too utterly exhausted to even feign that his outburst had an effect on me. I simply could not care, in my state.

"That would be Nat, Eddy. He is a friend of Kevin's, and that is all you need to know."

"As if! I saw him go all googly-eyed on you! Was he gonna kiss your hands?"

I gasped, "Eddy, were you...spying on me?!" I wasn't surprised, per se...just frustrated at his lack of trust.

"So? Good thing I did. Kevin's up to something. I can smell it. What's he makin' you do, huh?"

I blinked unamusedly, "He is making me _do_ nothing. He is simply a close friend."

"Close?! But we're your friends, Double D! Not Shovel-Chin and his lackeys!"

Meanwhile, Ed simply watched us converse, scooping mashed potato into his mouth periodically.

"I do remember, 'friend', that you said you had no say over my friends. Kevin is no exception."

"I'm not gonna let that jerk use you!"

" _Use_ me?!"

A dramatic gasp...from Ed, "But Kevin and Double D are like the pigeons and the flies Eddy!"

I caught on immediately, "You mean 'the birds and the bees', Ed..."

"Wait wait wait..." I cursed my automatic correction and Eddy continued, "You...and Kevin?"

I was not in the mood for this. I just needed to eat, get through the day, and sleep.

"What, are you butt-buddies now?"

"Eddy!"

"Oh oh, I wann-" I covered Ed's mouth, as disgusting as that was for me to do.

"We are merely friends! Just...it's none of your business, anyways! Now, I'm going to finish my lunch elsewhere. You're welcome to join me, Ed. At least -you- can be mature about this situation."

Eddy was, as you'd expect, steaming. I tuned him out.

I will say this...Eddy has nothing against my sexual preferences. Or, I assume he doesn't; he's always been fairly 'whatever' about that sort of thing. I believe he is taking offense in my...choices. I imagine if I liked anyone else, we wouldn't have been having that discussion.

Onto brighter matters...I did see Kevin today. Twice. The first time, he was talking to Nazz...it looked awkward. I felt it best not to intrude.

The second time, we passed in a crowded hallway, and he (purposefully, I imagine) rubbed his arm against mine as he passed. His scent wafted past me and the warmth of his arm rubbing against mine, well...it was enough to make me smile. Widely. Even if he didn't see it...

I wish he'd come over tonight. Or called. Or...anything. I dare-say I...really miss him.

Goodness...we're nothing more than, erm, 'friends', and here I am, yearning for him with every passing thought. I look out the window at his house occasionally, fingers crossed I'll see him. Last night has consumed my thoughts, and appears to want to keep me from my restful sleep as well. Strangely...I don't care as much as I would have in the past.

But I suppose I've put it off long enough. I must bid you good night, Dearest Diary. Thank you for being someone I can talk to, truly, faults and all...

Oh, Kevin...what have you done to me?

Your questioning companion,

Eddward


	35. Make-up Break-up

Nat,

So...Nazz pulled me aside today.

It was kinda awkward, you know? I still feel like shit for what I did, and she was still pissed. Yeah, I know she said she's not, but I know her pretty well, and she's just hiding it. Still, I know she meant it when she said she forgave me, so...I guess that's a thing.

Then she started talking about Double D.

Ugh...how much did you tell her, dude? Whatever...it's not like she was mad. Actually think she was...I dunno, intrigued? To use an Edd word, haha. She...kinda made me promise her I'd ask him out. Well, she might have kinda grabbed my arm and wrestled it 'til I agreed cuz that's just, you know, Nazz.

I'm...glad though. It's been eating me up, the shit I did to hurt her. I love her, just...you know. I know, I've said it a lot. I just...ugh.

But yeah...kinda just thinkin' now, man.

Like, at this point? I know Double D is interested. Like, he _admitted_ it to me, how the fuck could I not know. How could he **not** know how much I dig him? Seriously. He's so fucking smart but it's like he doesn't know I'm pretty much fucking obsessed with him. Goddamn, man, he's got me in a fucking bind. And I kinda like it.

But, like, how do I ask him out, dude? I can't just fuckin' drop the line out of nowhere. Ugh! Why does he have to be so damn smart. I'd just make a fool of myself.

Should I, like...write him something? Plan another date? What should I do, man? I need to know how to do this, even if it's the simplest damn thing in the world, cuz, well...

Nazz kinda reminded me today as well that I could lose him. I mean...even if I don't think it could happen. It could. Who the fuck knows, shit happens all the time. He could head off to college tomorrow with how damn smart he is, and I'd never see him again, cuz it's not like he has a cell phone. I'm just some guy in his life. Maybe he just thinks he _is_ a rebound and like...

I just gotta know. I really gotta do something. Ughhh, I don't want anyone at school finding out though. I mean, fuck what anyone thinks of -me- at this point, they can eat my fucking fist if they wanna say shit about me. But I don't want that shit falling on Edd. I know what they do to people, dude...I mean, you told me what happens. I've seen it, too, and it's BS.

He's not as strong as you, Nat. Not physically. And no one's fucking strong enough for that shit mentally, no matter how smart they are...

I gotta think about this. I want him. I do, dude. I want him bad, and yeah, I want him in that way too, but like...I just want things to work out. And I don't want bullshit people to fuck it up.

Nat...I need to go to bed. I've been thinking about this all fucking night. Actually, since Nazz talked to me at school, I've been thinking about it. 'Bumping into' Edd at school just reminded me that I really, really don't want anything bad happening like what happened to you. I know...I'm fucking late to think of everything. But I guess it never really clicked until now that he's the one in danger, not my stupid reputation.

Help me out, man. I just...I like him too much. How do I make this work out?

Reply soon, dude.

Kev 

* * *

**It seems a few people aren't sure why they haven't hooked up yet. This is Kevin's side. For Edd's side, well...he knows they are more than just friends, hence he says 'friends'. But they're not official. And Edd's not gonna assume. I went on a whole ramble on tumblr, but didn't include Kevin's concerns in this chapter in it. I've been in a lot of relationships, of pretty much every flavor available, and sweet things don't cement a relationship in any way. I've had the starlit night followed by never talking again after the next day. Edd isn't stupid, he is loving this, but he's a pessimist with a hopeful side. Just be patient. And by the way, if you comment as a Guest, I can't respond to you...so if you have a question, an observation, I can't reply to you as such. So make an account, if only for a reply, if you want one :) Hope you enjoyed.**

 **This was another 'necessary' chapter. I'm hoping to get back to fluff soon. We'll just see how it all plays out.**


	36. Dear Diary Entry No 16

Dear Diary,

Today, I made a momentous decision: I would initiate 'hanging out' with Kevin.

I happened upon the memory of leaving my novel in his possession on my prior excursion to his home, and could not help myself but to imagine returning there again. They are selfish reasons, of course; I could simply ask him to bring it over, or to school. But I truly, truly need this. Or...a certain, less-logical part of my mind does.

And so, that is how I decided to cross paths with Kevin. Generally it was chance as to if we saw each other, but I knew his schedule well enough at this point to determine where to meet him and when. I am not a stalker, Diary, but I will admit, it is near impossible _not_ to notice someone when they're on your mind every day. I'll see his hat in the corner of my eye, and know it's him.

He flashed a half-smile upon seeing me. I couldn't help but smile back. I must note I no longer force it around him. I still do around others, but...for him, do I really need to force what he already makes me feel?

He walked up and leaned a hand against a nearby locker, out of the way of the passing students.

"Sup, Double D?" I had missed that gravel voice so much my heart leapt, and I almost forgot to speak. Almost.

"Greetings Kevin! I was wondering if perchance you would-"

"Woah woah woah there," he cut me off, a hand pressed at the center of my chest. Oh my, I nearly shrieked, I barely kept my composure, "Small words, Dorko. Wanna make sure you're not hiding things from me." He smirked. Oh, that delicious smile of his...I suppose I could forgive him forcing me to speak in...a less thought-out way.

I bit my lip, cringed to try and switch my mind over, and sighed. My smile returned, just barely. Not forced, but definitely not as full as before. Not out of anger. Just...nervousness.

"I was wondering if I could come over this evening to gather my book from you. That is, if you wouldn't mind." I supposed by his saccharine smile that I already had my answer. He also looked rather pleased with himself. Ha ha, you forced my tongue, Kevin, laugh now because it won't be that easy next time. I am prepared. Or...I hope I am. Oh dear, I do hope I am.

"'Course Double D. Drop by whenever. My Pops isn't gonna be home 'til late anyhow," his aquamarine eyes were locked on me and I shivered under his prying glare. It was as though he was always trying to read me. It was unnerving...as well as flattering.

"It's a date then." I covered my mouth immediately. My eyes went wide. So did his, and an eyebrow flew up in reaction.

He just chuckled handsomely, deeply, "Yeah, sure."

He walked past me towards his next class before I could respond.

Oh my, why did my mind have to slip in such a Freudian way...

Tonight...

Oh good lord, tonight, Diary!

I am such a dork...

Your slip-tongued proprietor,

Eddward


	37. It's Only Logical

"-click- Kevin, baby, how's it swingin'?'"

"He's coming over tonight, Nat."

"Wa-wa-what? Details, dearie! Oh, do share! Did you come up with a plan?"

"No! No, just, like...he asked."

"Ooh~?"

"Yeah, and...I dunno, man. Not sure I'm ready to say anything. I mean...he'll be here, but, I just..."

"Woah woah, calm down there cowboy, no pressure! We don't want you blowin' your load all at once now, do we?"

"Pfft, dude, the fuck! Now you got me thinkin' shit I don't need."

"You're welcome~"

"You're such a freak."

"Thank you!"

"-grunt-"

"Oh, darlin', you know I kid! Now, about your boy, Eddward, is it? Oh, what was it about him..."

"Nat..."

"Love, you need to stop worrying about him and worry more about you."

"...huh?"

"'Double D' is a sweetheart, and a genius. And by depriving him of your oh-so-sweet love, you're gonna hurt his little heart..."

"Yeah, but-"

"BUT he's also brilliant. And he knows the risks, dear. We all know. It comes with the spectrum, dearie. Fall anywhere outside the realm of norm, and you know what people will do. I don't believe he'd be ignorant of something as important as this, do you...?"

"..No...but-"

"You live in a backwater town where everyone knows each other's uncle's pet fish. If you want to be with him, word'll get around. But that's okay. What isn't okay is hurting him now because you're afraid he could be hurt by some random people in the near-to-distant future."

"-sigh-"

"So you gonna stop fretting darling? Because I have some guy -ooh- feeling me up right now and I -really- gotta get back to, ehm, _work_."

"Eww, gross, Nat! Fuck...no, I just...whatever. I'll...say something...I guess..."

"When the time is right, love."

"Yeah. Whatever."

"Have a nice date, sweetheart, don't forget to write~!"

"Yeah yeah, catch ya, Nat."

"Later lovely~ -click-"


	38. Dear Diary Entry No 17

Dear Diary,

It was an eventful night...and I must relay it to you lest I forget, Diary!

Ahem.

I suppose the evening began with me leaving to visit Kevin's home. I'd taken an inordinate amount of time simply deciding my outfit, but eventually chose my 'comfort-wear' - some clothing very similar to that which I used to wear when I was younger. Indigo cargo shorts and an orange-red t-shirt, and I refused my mind's desire to change into anything else, because I'd have wasted the night that way.

I knocked on the front door, and, as with last time, Kevin answered my knock rather quickly. He smiled immediately upon opening the door, a single hand in his pocket, and he chuckled.

"Hey, Dork. Glad to see ya made it."

"Ah yes, well, I got distracted with-"

"Yeah yeah, come on, let's head up to my room. Got the book in there." I was surprised to be cut off, but honestly, I didn't feel offended by it. It seemed more-so that he knew I was going to ramble on and he didn't want me to waste time with my unnecessary tales. I followed behind him closely, letting my eyes follow the railing of the stairs instead of the sight in front of me.

Which, Eddward, you shouldn't be paying attention to. Have more control of your own mind, please! Sigh. Goodness, Eddward...why must you give in to primal thoughts.

Anyways. Continuing.

Upon reaching Kevin's room, my mind clouded by the fresh scent that wafted around me as we climbed the stairs (oh, Kevin, if only you knew what effects your mere scent has on me!), Kevin waved a hand towards his bed, beckoning me to sit. I hesitated because, sadly, I was not in a 'proper' state of mind. Kevin gave me a weird look.

"You can sit down, yaknow, Dork." I blushed...and went to do just that.

I was expecting Kevin to sit down in the computer chair he was next to, but instead, he took a seat on the bed to the right of me. To think, I was so close to him once again, and I was too shy to do a thing about it. Curse my cowardice.

And then, he did something that multiplied my nervousness ten-fold.

He leaned over, seemingly to retrieve something from under his bed. My eyes, the insubordinate little deviants they are, couldn't help but watch as his shirt pulled up his spine as it curved. His lumbar vertebrae trailed down beneath grey cotton rimmed with black, and then, past his Army-green pants. I could see how taut the muscles were as my eyes just...lingered, taking it all in.

Shame on you, Eddward. Even now, my mind is doing things it should not. What good is a healthy mind if it can't control such basic urges?

He leaned back up with a grunt, shirt lowering again (to my chagrin).

"Here ya go, dude. Kept it safe for ya." He handed me the novel, still in perfect condition. I smiled, glad to know my trust in Kevin was well-placed.

"Thank you, Kevin, I very much appreciate it."

He was smirking at me. I flinched under his analyzing gaze. My smile faded slightly, concern trying to take control.

"So Dork...did you just wanna get your book, or...?"

My mind kicked into gear, "Well, though originally it may have been my reason for coming over, I have thought about-"

"Edd, just say you wanna hang. It's cool." He snickered. That look on his face was teasing and delightful, and I couldn't help but return a smile. I knew he was poking fun at the time I called him out.

"Oh, very well then. Yes, I would very much like to spend some time with you this evening, if you'd be so kind, Kevin."

"Tst, don't mention it, Edd." Like melted butter, how smooth he said my name...goodness. Was it his voice that was smooth, or was it simply I who was melting from it?

A silence took hold for a moment, and I stumbled out some words, "I'm afraid I've not much to talk about, however..."

"That's cool," his eyes caught mine, and I blushed, looking down with a grin, "We can just talk about sh-t-uff."

Oh dear, that swear word catch was funny to watch. I simply -had- to poke fun at it.

"What sort of _shtuff_ did you have in mind, oh gracious host?"

He laughed pretty loudly at that one, "Ha, good one, Dork. But yeah, like...I mean...I kinda..." He stumbled, and his hand slid between the hairs behind his head, under his hat, "Can I, like, ask you some stuff about you? You know, cuz...I mean, I know you, but...not well, yaknow?"

Nodding, I replied, "Of course, Kevin. I suppose Nathan already got the majority of questions out of the way, what with his incessant drilling of inquiries the other day."

We both chuckled at that. He smiled a little wider at something he recalled; I could tell because his eyes lingered down, in thought.

"Yeah. So like...umm...it's kinda stupid...but..."

"There are no stupid questions, Kevin." His eyes flickered up at me, an unsure half-smile creasing his brow as it crossed his face.

"Like, what kinda dudes you into?"

"Pardon?" I was caught off-guard, I admit.

Kevin just shot me an incredulous look, and I realized it was foolish to ask that.

"I, umm...dearie me, it isn't something I've taken much time to think about, I'm afraid," a white lie, for although it was true I didn't take time out of my day to think of these things, they...found their way into my mind on their own time. Kevin just raised his brow at my answer. He wasn't buying it...or, at least not fully.

"Yeah, you think too much for me to believe that excuse, Dork." He truly was more observant than he thought he was. I didn't particularly mind.

"Well...I suppose when my mind has... _lingered_...it has tended to be upon, umm...more athletic forms, so-to-speak," a cocky grin was his response to that statement, and I sighed, "though honestly, that is about as far as my mind has gone on the subject." I could tell he wasn't buying it still, but I suppose he didn't want to argue. Much to my relief.

"S'cool. So like, other than me, obviously, you think anyone's hot?" Oh, that smugness. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I returned his cocky smile.

"Well, Nathan appears to be quite fit, himself. Though I advise against ever telling him that, as I can only imagine what he'd do with that information."

A hearty laugh shook Kevin, and the bed. It was contagious, as I felt myself giggling alongside him.

"Yeah, well, don't think I'd cheat on Nazz for someone who didn't look fucking hot, yeah?" He smiled...I couldn't return it entirely that time. My mind recalled my own diminutive frame, and I felt rather lackluster. I didn't pay any mind to the swear, just...my mind had decided to focus on the bad things.

His grin fell to a half-smile, and I felt his hand upon my shoulder.

"So you never asked what I like, Dork."

My heart fluttered, cheeks renewed in red, "I-I suppose not."

Silence.

"So...you gonna ask me?"

My mind, though extremely curious...decided it didn't want me to have the courage to ask. And so, I shook my head, a somber smile on my face.

"I'd rather ask something else, if that's alright," or, I would love to ask, but I was a coward running from something I had no confidence in.

"Shoot."

"I was wondering...what your goals after High School are? If I might inquire..." I was truly curious. I just wasn't that curious at the moment, but it was a question I could ask to shift the conversation. Because I'm a pathetic coward, Diary. And I apologize.

At that question, however, Kevin simply let out a long groan. Not one of annoyance; more of exhaustion. He leaned back on the bed, legs still over the side, his hands behind his head.

"You know, Dork, I...try not to think about it much. Cuz, like...it's a big world out there. I know what I wanna do, just _not_ how to do it, you know?"

I nodded with a soft smile, "I understand completely, but if I may ask...what are those things you desire to do one day, Kevin?"

He stared distantly at a poster on the wall, someone on a motorcycle riding down a trail in some generic, woodland terrain.

"I wanna go meet my mom again. Maybe go somewhere to learn about mechanics and stuff, since it comes pretty easy to me. Coach says I could get a scholarship for football, but hell, our team's so small I could suck and still be the best." He chuckled, somberly, I might add.

"Well, Kevin, those are perfectly reasonable wants. It's intriguing to hear about your mother; I know very little about your home life. Where does she live?"

"God knows." My eyes widened.

"I'm sorr-"

"No no man, not that way. She just, like...lives everywhere." My heart stopped racing from the near-faux pas. Kevin let himself smile a little, looking down, in memories, "I remember her when I was really young. Guess they used to call her Lyanna the Lion, cuz her hair was thick and red. I mean, I know lions don't have red hair, but you know what it meant. But yeah...she took off one day, left my dad a note. He would tell me she was off exploring the world. And when I was old enough, he told me why.

She just wasn't happy here, you know? My dad says she's got wanderlust flowin' through her veins. I feel it sometimes too I guess, but she has it like some sort of calling. Broke Pops' heart. She calls sometimes. She's..." he closed his eyes and breathed out through his nose, "she misses us. She loves us, she just...needs to live out there, I guess."

He paused for a bit, but I didn't feel he was finished, and waited. I was correct in my assumption.

"You know...she got me this bike."

"You mean Firebrand?" I asked.

"Yeah. Her. I was so proud of it, and still am. I loved my old bike, but...now, I have a way to follow my mom someday, I guess."

I stared at him, taking in the strange emotions flooding from him. I felt bad for having asked the question, but also elated to learn more about this intriguing boy before me.

"'lright, my turn," he cut through the silence. Another pause, as though he was debating his question, and he continued cautiously, "You ever, like... _scared_ people'll find out?"

It took me a moment to realize what he was asking, before I smiled gently at him, "Not at all."

He cocked a brow at me, still laying down.

"Why not?"

"Because this is who I am, Kevin. My best friends accept it, and my neighborhood likely will as well, if I know them. They accept Jimmy for...whatever _he_ is..." he chuckled at that, I imagine he was picturing the strange gender identity that was 'Jimmy', "so I imagine they will tolerate me as well. I have enough to fear in life; who I love should not be a part of it."

He smiled.

That genuine smile that filled me with warmth.

"Even Dorky is okay with it?"

I giggled, "Yes, even Eddy. Though I will say he disapproves of the fact I've been spending my time with you." I blushed at realizing what I was insinuating, but he didn't seem to notice. That, or he didn't care. I wasn't sure what sort of relationship we held yet, so I couldn't be certain what was and wasn't alright to say.

"Well, Dorky can get over it cuz you're mine too." I watched rose tint his cheeks as he stared at the ceiling, thinning his lips. I couldn't help but giggle at what he said, and felt I'd help him feel less awkward.

"Yes, all of my friends have a piece of my time. He has no right to say who I can and can't hang out with. Besides...I quite enjoy the time I spend with you."

He smiled at me. His eyes gleamed from the ceiling light, and I found myself wishing I was closer to them. My nerves held me tight though...curses.

Kevin stretched, and yawned. I looked at the time on a clock in his room, and realized I hadn't done my homework yet. Rather scatterbrained of me, but then...he had that effect on me.

"You gotta go?" He seemed rather downtrodden about his statement.

I smiled at him lightly, "I'm afraid so. Though I do quite enjoy spending time with you, I unfortunately still have homework to attend to this evening."

"Man..." He groaned out, eyes closed. It was rather endearing.

"Don't tell me you'll miss my company, Kevin. You could easily find someone else to 'hang out' with now that your situation with Nazz has improved."

He looked unamused by my statement. I bit my lip nervously, hoping I was not assuming incorrectly. He sighed, and sat up in the bed.

"'Least let me say goodbye, Dork..." The way he said it was so curiously downcast that my smile widened simply in response to not wanting him upset. True smile or not, I didn't want him upset.

"I would never leave without allowing that, Kevin, you have my word."

The slightest deviant smirk flickered across his lips.

"I'll hold you to it," he leaned in and my heart stopped dead as his lips touched mine. It was subtle, feathery, but his lips did not shake this time. And me? I was a bit too stunned to be shy. It lasted mere moments before he pulled away, a beautiful smile beneath reddened cheeks.

"'Night Edd. Hope we can go on another 'date' sometime soon."

My heart, still shocked still from the prior event, was now in my throat, and I couldn't speak for a moment. I had to fight back the paralyzingly wonderful remnant of the kiss clouding my mind.

"Ye-..yes, Kevin, I believe we do..."

He snickered at me, in a kind way, "Do what?"

I blinked, recalling the original statement, "I-I mean, we should, yes. An-n-nother date, I...umm...yes."

I felt paper slide beneath my fingers, and felt his fingers run over mine.

"Don't forget the book this time, Dork."

"C-certainly." Was that the correct response? No. Could my mind function properly at the time? No again.

"Catch ya."

I nodded, standing and walking instinctually to the door. I could hear him huff out a breathy laugh, and could almost feel his eyes on me. I simply continued down the hall, the stairs, and left Kevin's house. Hopefully he locked up afterwards.

I went home, finished my homework, and now, I'm writing in you. Goodness, Diary...oh goodness gracious.

Who is this marvelous boy who has stolen my heart, and why am I not dating him yet?

Oy vey!

Your amorous friend,

Eddward


	39. Not Just The Book

Nat,

Alright, so he came over. He was wearing his old get-up - t-shirt and these cute cargo shorts. Yeah, cute, I said it. You'd have to see him I guess.

Either way, got him up to my room, we sat, and talked. Figured out he just wanted to hang. Kinda ironic, right? Yeah, big word for me, whatever dude! And I guess I realized when I was gonna try and figure out more about him cuz we had shit-all to talk about, that I kinda knew a lot from when you drilled him with questions the other day. So thanks for that, I guess. Still don't know why you asked that dumbass question weeks ago on the phone though.

But yeah. Asked him what kinda guys he's into, cuz you know, kinda important. I fit the bill, so that's pretty awesome. Not gonna tell you his type, no. Why not? Cuz you're a fuckin' weirdo, haha.

He ended up asking me 'bout what I wanna do when I get outta school. Not an easy one, man. You remember my mom, right? Yeah, told him about her. I miss her, man. I just...wish she was around sometimes. It sucks.

So then I asked him if he's, like...scared people'll find out. Cuz I know what you told me man, but I guess it just helps to hear it from him, you know? Guess he's not scared, like, at all.

Then he had to go. Kinda sucked. Barely got to talk with him. But he had homework, and he's crazy about that stuff. It's not a bad thing, better than me with not caring half the time, just kinda wanted to chill with him longer.

Least I got a kiss out of him. Yeah. Surprised him. It was fucking great. He stumbled all over his words afterwards. Got a nice look at his ass on the way out, too. Guess he's had those shorts for a while, they were pretty tight on him. Damn, man, I swear your bad habits are getting to me, cuz right now I kinda wanna pounce on him. It's fucking ridiculous and he's not that kinda guy but fuck, man...

I really gotta ask him out. On a date, I mean. Then I can like...you know...ask him that. Needs to be a real date though. He needs to fucking -know- it. Hell if his first date's gonna be shit, I'm gonna go all the fuck out on this.

I just need to figure out where the fuck to go.

Ugh. Now I'm hard and frustrated. It's all your fault making me write all this shit. Don't get too turned on dude. Need your advice on where to take him, cuz it needs to be good and I don't trust myself. Might even ask Nazz. Maybe even...eugh...Eddy.

Talk to you later, dude.

Kev


	40. The Talk

Nat

So Eddy came over to talk to me today. Between classes, but ended up being late anyhow.

He actually kinda flipped out on me. Started telling me not to fuck with Edd n' shit. I was pissed, why the fuck would I do that? So I told him. We argued and I...think? I got through to him. You know, for a douchebag, he is a pretty good friend I guess. Guess Edd's right not to be scared of shit when his friends are around. I hate the little twerp but I don't think he'd let -shit- happen to Edd. Outside of his own dumbass scams, but I didn't point that out.

Just made me more determined, yaknow? Seems everyone fucking knows but him that I plan to ask him out. You'd think the genius would have figured it out, but he acts like I'm just gonna run off some day. Which kinda hurts, dude. I'm not gonna fuckin' run. Dork's awesome.

Then at the end of the day, Dorky flicked a paper football at my head. Missed, ha. Opened it, said to take him to some lake on Saturday to see the Orionids, some meteor shower. I've heard of it, but never really seen that sorta thing. He also said not to tell him where we're going. And to make it a date for once.

But get this: End of the note, it says, "Fuck this up and I'll fuck you up."

Pfft.

I gotta hand it to the little guy, he's got spunk. Guess I can respect him for the way he protects his friends, even if he's a fucking pain in the ass.

So I guess that'll work, you know? I'll try it. I wouldn't trust Edd's friends for the life of me, but on this, pretty sure he's not full of BS. Sounds like something Edd would really be into. I'll give it a shot.

It's gonna be a long fucking week until Saturday though.

Catch ya, man.

Kev


	41. Dear Diary Entry No 18

Dearest Diary,

Today was a fairly lackluster day, outside of the end. However, I'll still report on my day for habit's sake.

I woke from a pleasant dream. Kevin was in it...but I can't recall much of the dream, sadly. Did you know that we tend to forget 90% of our dreams within the first minute of waking up? It doesn't always happen, but this time, it did. I just remember him being there, and that it was a pleasant thing.

Eddy and I spoke today. I mentioned the weekend, and how I was excited about the Orionids. Eddy simply groaned at this as I went on in detail, as I can't help but feel passionate about this wonderful astronomical event. He tolerated, and I appreciated it. I suppose that was a lot of what our friendship was: Tolerance. We were all very different, Ed, Eddy, and I, but we were friends all the same.

There isn't much to say about Ed in regards to my ramblings. I'm afraid I can't recall the inane statements he said in response. They weren't anything of note, outside of being, well...quite queer. But that, I suppose, is what Ed is. He is strange, and we love him for it.

Eddy came into class late today. We shared our 6th period class, and generally he was on time. That, or he was late with Ed by his side. Instead, he came into class, no excuse, and the teacher berated him. He looked pretty full of himself, and I wasn't certain why that was. Generally he got upset when the teacher called him out, but right then, he looked like he had a brilliant idea for something. Maybe he had come up with a scam. I was curious, but not enough to interrupt class to ask.

I did, however, ask later. And was shrugged off. He said it was 'none of my business' in a mocking tone. I imagined that was simply payback for when I told him the same thing recently. I dropped it.

Upon the day ending, I decided to walk home with my two friends. We didn't always leave at the same time, but I occasionally enjoyed spending time with them before I got home. Before we left the school building, I saw Eddy flick some paper contraption at Kevin's head. He missed. No surprise there.

I called him out for it.

"Chill out, Sockhead, I'm doing you a favor."

I moved to respond to that when he shoved my beanie down over my head and ran. Ed thought it a game. I barely managed to keep up with my rambunctious friends, and by the time I caught up, I was too out of breath to bother inquiring further. I also knew attempting to would cause Eddy to repeat his childish action...so I let it slide for the time.

I did my homework for the evening, did some studying, and made myself dinner. And in the midst of eating, I got a call. I never got calls outside of my parents, and the rare telemarketer. I felt my heart swell.

"Hello?"

"Heya Double D." My heart fell. If only out of habit.

"Oh, salutations, Kevin.." I let my dropped mood sink into my voice. I suppose that was habit, too, since Kevin made it clear he wanted me to be genuine when speaking with him. Still, I should have hidden it.

"..What's up?" A hint of concern laced his voice.

"Not much, simply finishing up my dinner. Did you have something you needed to talk about?"

"Yeah..." A pause. "Umm...you doing something Saturday?"

I felt the corner of my cheek turn up as a witty reply came to me.

"I suppose I am."

"Oh..." He sounded so disappointed. Oh, Eddward, you are cruel!

"Oh, Kevin, I jest! I simply was referring to you obviously desiring to make plans with me! I apologize for my deception!"

A chuckle, "Ha...you got me, man."

Another pause.

"Yeah...so like, Saturday night. I wanna take you somewhere."

The night the Orionids peaked...oh, what rotten luck. I had been hoping his plans would be during the day, but...for him, I'd give up seeing them. It was merely a yearly astronomical event, nothing too important.

"...is that okay?"

I realized I'd been lost in thought, and responded, "O-of course, Kevin. I would love to. Did you have anything specific in mind?"

"It's a surprise."

"Ah." I chuckled softly, my hand over my mouth. I was recalling this happening once before. With how well last time went, I was not opposed in the slightest, no matter the night in question.

"It's also a date."

My eyes widened, staring out the window as I held the phone, glad I didn't drop it.

"Huh?"

His laughter was lovely, "I mean...if you want..."

"Yes." I forced it out.

"Oh. Cool. Great. Yeah, well...I'll see you then. I mean, if I don't, like, catch you in school or whatever..."

"Yeah..." My mind had wandered off in its own direction.

A date.

"So...I'll..talk to you later then, dude."

"Mhm." My vocabulary was lacking.

"G'night D."

"Good night."

-click-

And now I am writing in you, Diary. My mind is obviously a lot clearer now, but I'm still a bit...it's...I suppose I'm out of my comfort zone. I didn't expect it, not in the slightest.

No matter how obvious it was that it was coming, I simply...haven't allowed myself to believe it.

I suppose I have no choice now, Diary.

Oh, how long must I wait until Saturday shows herself? Time meanders when one must have patience.

But it's set now.

It's a date.

Oh my.

Your friend,

Eddward


	42. Dear Diary Entry No 19

**Hey guys...I've hit a slump. I may not update as much now, even if I have plenty of what's coming up planned out. So apologies for slow updates. I'm actually surprised I suddenly got the ability to write this. I have to be able to 'channel' the character I'm writing as or I just can't write their chapter, so wish me luck. Edd's the easiest, Kevin's also pretty easy, Nat's tough. Dunno why. Anyhow, enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

Today was rather awkward...as well as frustrating. And revealing. I digress.

I have not spoken to Kevin since last night, as it appears a new-found shyness has overtaken my being. I see him and the warmth in my chest simply envelops me...it is not at all unpleasant, however it is crippling. His eyes caught mine for a nanosecond and my heart stuttered, my knees went weak, and I don't know how I kept moving. Oh, it tingled, and I adored it, but how debilitating it is...

I suppose I must be honest with you, Diary. Until now...I've tried so hard to push back my feelings for him. I thought they were logical, merely hormones playing the game of life, when it appears the truth is much deeper than that. Our chemistry seems to intertwine on a level...I am getting ahead of myself. Most simply, I believe I do have a crush on him. Not a childish one...I've fallen quite hard, it appears. We shall see if I'm caught or if he lets me fall, but...oh, Diary, let the optimism win for once, please.

Now, as for the event of seeing Kevin...I was (unfortunately) being tailed by my friends Eddy and Ed. Eddy caught up to my side and gave me this look.

He turned his head back, "Hey Lumpy, give you a quarter if you save me the good seat."

Ed gasped, then saluted, "Reporting for duty, Eddy!" And that was all it took to get rid of him.

I shot Eddy a calculating grin, masked with disbelief.

"Why Eddy, that was very generous of you, to offer payment for something you know he'd gladly do."

"Didn't wanna chance him stickin' around or coming back. He'll be glued there now."

I raised an eyebrow, "And why would you want him separated from our little group?"

"Cuz you n' I need to talk, Double D."

Something in the depth of his tone resonated in me...I suspected I knew what it was he wished to talk about, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"What might that be, Eddy?" I smiled at him, a fake smile, but Eddy never said a thing about those smiles. It was a habit I wasn't keen to get out of, anyways...even if I'm ashamed to admit that.

"What do you see in him?"

"Pard-"

"Shovel-head, Space-for-Brains. How the hell could you fall for a moron like him?"

I stopped, crossing my arms and giving Eddy a disappointed look.

"I'll have you know he's far more intelligent than he lets on, not that it is any of your busine-"

"Yeah yeah," he cut me off AGAIN, "Ever think he's just puttin' on a show to fuck with ya?"

I furrowed my brows, but the slightest tinge of fear touched my eyes.

"It's...hard for someone to fake reading an entire novel, Eddy."

"He read a book? ...so?" Eddy and I looked like mirrors of one another at this point, standing in the hallway, ignoring the students walking past.

"So, it's one of the novels I've tried time and time again to get you or Ed to read, but you never even bothered to read the back cover."

"I still say he just wants to get in your pants."

I gasped.

"The _nerve_! I will have you know that I did not ask him to read it, he picked it up entirely of his _own_ volition and read it _himself_ , on his _own time_!"

"I'm still right you know, you got nothing."

I felt my shoulders slump. Why was he doing this to me? What was in that paper he flicked at Kevin? Was...was he trying to break us up? We weren't even dating, even if the Freudian Slip was true at least partly in what I feared...the date...what if...

"I have a friend who cares about me, but apparently you aren't it." My voice bit, cracking and high with indignation.

Eddy's smug posture...drooped.

"Well fine, fuck if I care what my best friend does to himself then."

Oh Eddy...why can't you just show what you're thinking once in a while? You're lucky I know your slips by now, else I would have left that moment.

"Eddy..." My voice was soft, regretful.

"Maybe I just don't want some douchebag hurting my pansy-ass friend or somethin'." His voice dropped out as he went, hands in his pockets, eyes angrily piercing the linoleum.

I sighed.

"I...thank you, Eddy."

He looked up at me, contempt in his eyes. Contempt he faked.

"If he fucking hurts you, man, he's not going to walk for shit anymore."

I smiled. A strange thing to smile at, I know...but I knew him. I knew him so well.

"Of course, Eddy. I wouldn't expect anything else from my best friend."

He scuffed the floor, a black rubber mark exuding his anger, and stomped off to class. I hurried off to mine as well.

The rest of the day passed by without note. Anytime I saw red in the corner of my eye, my heart flipped, but it was only him twice...and I couldn't look his way.

Oh, Diary, I am so crippled now by these emotions...I do hope he doesn't think badly of me! I hope he understands, I want this to happen. I n...need it. I admit it, I need it, Diary. Without it, I feel I will shatter, and...oh please, I know you can't do anything, but at least you exist to hear me. Whether you can read me yourself or not, you're there.

And I need something there for me until, perhaps... _Kevin_ can be.

Your lost friend,

Eddward


	43. Safety First

Hey hun!

I'm not sure who's more excited about the date - you, me, or Double Delectable over there. I kid! But really, I am quite excited to see how this all turns out.

That's why I left you a gift. I was gonna wait to tell you about it Saturday _but_...who -knows- what I'll be up to?

It's hidden in your undies, doll. Should be the right size, and trust me, you'll need the other thing. Also, I may have swiped a pair. They're -sooo- comfy! Almost makes me want to go with boxer-briefs, but...ehhh, the men love it when there's less to see. And more, if you know what I mean ;)

Love ya, Kev, take care!

Nat

P.S. I didn't _actually_ take a pair. Maybe sniffed a little...I jest! Ha, I'd give a million bucks just to see your reaction right now.

Tata love!


	44. Little Doubts

Nat

Seriously?

If you were here right now I'd smack that fucking grin off your face. Ughhh, you're so _weird_...

I checked though, even if it's still freaking creepy you touched my UNDERWEAR, man. Fuck.

How the hell would you know what size would fit me? For the love of God don't tell me we went -that- far man. Thought you said it wasn't anything like that. Ugh. Whatever, don't tell me. If I did something that fucking stupid, just don't tell me, it didn't happen, ok? Fucking hell man.

The other thing...I guess thanks for that at least. It just better not be used or I'll vom.

So I was gonna tell you about my day until you fucking wrote that shit. God you're a creep Nat!

I saw him like three times today. First time he looked at me and like, freaked out. Other times he wouldn't even look at me. So who the fuck knows, anyways...maybe Saturday's just a fuckin' myth, right? Maybe Eddy's pulling my leg.

Guess I'll try n' talk to him tomorrow. Shoulda said something to him today, but I chickened out. He looked scared of me or something...

Ughhh, man, at this rate I'll be returning your...'gifts'...

I'm going to bed. I'm in a shit mood.

Night freakazoid.

Kev


	45. Dear Diary Entry No 20

**I hope the quality of this chapter isn't sub-par. Forgive me if it way, enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

I am thankful to have the friends I have. I truly am.

I was walking through the hallway with Ed, as Eddy had to get to his class early to start on homework he didn't do...I wasn't thrilled with him, but I didn't say anything. What would have been the point?

Anyways, I conversed with Ed (as best as I could) until I caught that signature red in the corner of my eye, and locked eyes with Kevin, before I could stop myself. My body almost froze. Ed noticed.

"Did you feel the spirit of the locker room Double D?"

I stuttered a response, half-coherent, "N-no, Ed, nothing so curious as that."

His eyes examined me, lip up in a thinking face. He then turned to Kevin, and it clicked.

"Double D, your Bee!" Oh goodness, this again, I thought. Then he went on, shouting at Kevin, "Hi Kevin!"

Kevin stopped, hands in his pockets, before regaining his composure and walking up. He wore a casual smirk.

"Hey Ed. Hey Double D." His eyes only passed over Ed for a moment before they practically ate me...I felt faint. Why couldn't I go back to my standard shyness? No, I had to be paralyzed now.

Ed looked my way. "Double D, you don't look so good..."

I clung to Ed's words as a ballast, and spoke, "I-I'm fine, Ed. And greetings, Kevin." I must have been a thousand shades of red, oh, how embarrassing.

He must have found it funny, as he chuckled. His warm smile fell on me, and melted my fears (slightly), and he moved his eyes towards Ed in a questioning way. I gulped.

"I...umm...he kn-knows, Kevin. It's quite alright."

At least I understood him well enough to gather that was his inquiry, because he visibly relaxed. Ed just stood there grinning at us both.

"Yeah, so...Double D, we still on for tomorrow night?" I saw a bit of doubt in his features.

"Affirmative, Kevin. I-I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Ed butted in, "But Earth is so big Double D, and you're a bad shot!"

His peculiar mannerisms relaxed me a little, "It is merely a phrase, Ed. I do believe you'd be correct, however, if that was not so."

Ed always looked so happy when he was right about something.

Kevin smiled at me.

"Good. Was scared you didn't want to talk to me 'r somethin'."

"Aww, Double D's just all twitterpated, aren't you, you little dickens?"

I could swear I turned a shade darker. Kevin smiled even wider.

"Yeah?," he chuckled smoothly, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then Dorkable."

His eyes flickered to Ed, to me, and I saw him bite his lip. I would have queried, but I was still nervous, and more than a little embarrassed. The hallway was empty but for us three, as class had started. I didn't exactly recall that at the time, but...at least the teacher was understanding.

Without warning, Kevin leaned in and I felt a feathery touch of his lips on my jaw, and he whispered, "Seeya, Edd."

He ran off to class. Or so I assume, as I heard it...I was frozen in place. Again.

"He is a potato in a rock garden, Double D."

I let the tiniest smile creep onto my face, past the shock, past the shyness.

"I...suppose he is, Ed."

We walked to class...Ed dragged me to mine. He didn't mind. I did, his hand was filthy, but I wasn't about to protest, as I sure couldn't grasp the concept of solo movement at that point. Ed smiled when we got outside the classroom door.

"He makes you smile all nice, you need to do that more," he started walking off, "Seeya later Double D!"

Oh, my friends.

How I adore them, Diary.

Tomorrow...I hope tomorrow is everything I could have ever hoped for. I hope.

I truly hope.

And I fear my hope, my anticipation, is clouding the importance of anything else in my life, in my mind. Forgive me, Dearest Diary, but I am only human, and I err.

Next time I write within you, may it be of a wonderful night I shall never forget.

Your lovestruck friend,

Eddward


	46. Last Call

**Thanks for the encouraging words! One more chapter for tonight. Hopefully you enjoy this one. Funny having Kevin be the more detailed one for once, but he's calm under pressure and Edd's freaking out because he -finally- accepted that this is happening, and the wall he built between his hope and his life has crumbled. He's just a mess xD His confidence was only because he didn't truly believe this was all true. The final brick got removed and his defenses collapsed :P Anyhow, enjoy!**

Nat

So I talked to D today. He's not mad at me or anything, guess he's just been, you know...nervous. Cute, I know. You'd think that woulda happened after we basically grinded down at the Sun Spot but you know. He's pretty dense for a genius.

So remember Edd's other friend, Ed? Yeah, I know, the name thing is still weird. It always will be I guess. But anyways, Ed's...dumb as a box of rocks. Box is probably smarter than him. But he, like, has some freaky insight or some shit. Yeah, big word for me.

He was the one that called me over actually, cuz Edd freaked out again. I haven't really seen the trio acting like friends around each other since I was a kid, mostly it was during scams or them just running around. But I guess now I kinda see why the brainiac doesn't just ditch him. Heck...wish I had friends like him, that didn't judge and could read me like a book. You don't count, dude, you gotta be around to count, haha. And Nazz...well...maybe someday, if I didn't fuck that up too much. Still kinda awkward, but...

Yeah, forgot to say why. D was just standing there, red as a fucking rose, and Ed's telling him how he doesn't look too good. Bet Eddy woulda just shrugged that crap off...even if I still gotta give Eddy more credit these days, 'least Ed gives a shit.

I guess Ed knows too, 'bout us. Me n' Edd that is. I don't really mind to be honest. I mean, didn't really want that sorta stuff around, but...if Edd trusts em, guess I can too. Ed's an idiot but he's also a nice guy. I think. I don't see him much, but he seems it.

Anyways I'm fucking blabbing man. So yeah, told him I thought he didn't wanna talk to me or something, and Ed said he was 'twitterpated'. Shoulda seen the look on Double D's face, it was damn cute. Poor kid, he looked like he could barely stand. Guess I have that effect on people. Ha!

But he really did look cute. I couldn't help myself - Ed knew what we were, and Double D...I missed him. Those pale blue eyes of his. And I mean, he was so nervous, he didn't even remember to close his mouth. Sure, he had bracer a couple years ago, but he had this dorky gap between his two front teeth when he was a kid and I could just about see where it used to be, and I just got flooded with these feelings, man. Like...I really wanted to kiss him, man. Like, really kiss him, I wanted to be even closer than that, I just...we were in fucking school, man.

So I just kissed him on the cheek and ran off. Called him Dorkable cuz he is. He might be all fucking nervous, but the things he does to me, man...

I was thinking what you left me was kinda a bit rushed, but who the hell knows what'll happen tomorrow? He has this effect on me and I dunno what I'll do if I can't act soon.

Just hope I don't fuck this up, man.

Later.

Kev


	47. Dear Diary Entry No 21

**And thus, your M rating. Enjoy!**

* * *

Dearest Diary,

Today...or rather, tonight...I...I should tell you before I get ahead of myself. There is a lot to say.

I heard Kevin's motorcycle rather early in the evening, and leapt up as though bitten...only to find he wasn't actually coming to pick me up yet. I felt quite embarrassed, and was glad no one had seen me. I was...rather in a tizzy after that.

I'd already decided on the pair of skinny jeans I'd worn before when I went to the movies with Kevin, as he seemed to like them well enough...and this time, chose a deep red t-shirt. Not sure why, it simply felt as though it would complement me. And I wore my beanie...as I am never without it, Diary.

It was around 6:30 when I heard his motorcycle once more, not overly loud like some, but pleasantly rumbling into the cul-de-sac. And not two minutes later, I heard the ring of the doorbell. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes before walking to the door, hoping I could overcome my accursed shyness before I greeted Kevin. And, lo-and-behold...I couldn't.

For what greeted me at the door was not entirely what I was expecting.

He wore his red cap, as always, with a white shirt and some long jeans (not skinny like my own, however). And atop the shirt was a leather jacket, a black one. Needless to say...it was rather fetching. And by rather, I mean quite. It did not, however, help me regain my confidence. I stood there biting my lip, forgetting to greet him.

He shot me a sly grin, "Hey, man. Ready to go?"

I blushed... _already,_ I thought, ashamed. I nodded, unable to speak yet. Kevin let out a soft laugh and put his hands up.

"Hey, not gonna bite or anything. Just gotta wear a jacket cuz we're goin' pretty far out, ya dig?" Oh, don't worry, Kevin, the jacket didn't make me fear you in the slightest.

"O-of course, Kevin! ...should I quickly obtain something warmer to wear as well?" My fingers twiddled, and I looked at his shoes, my eyes unable to look into his liquid gaze. White and red. His shoes, that is.

"Nah, let's go." His smile was warming and reassuring, and I found myself following him despite my nervousness. At least I could follow commands, even if my traitorous brain wasn't much help otherwise.

We walked over to Firebrand, and I noticed he had a bag on his back, off to the side. Not a backpack, merely an over-the-shoulder bag. He set it down on the cycle and unzipped it, pulling out something brown, something I recognized. His favorite jacket. More akin to a hoodie than a jacket, but that's besides the point. He tossed it at me, and I barely caught it in time, despite his aim being spot-on. It smelled of him.

"Brought it just in case."

A smile crept over my lips, and I slowly put it on. It was too large for me, but it was comfortable. And it was his.

"Why thank you, Kevin."

He put a hand behind his head, running his fingers through his hair, "Don' mention it." He shot me a half-smirk, then hopped on his bike. I saw the helmet waiting for me behind him as he put his own on.

I approached slowly, still in disbelief that Kevin would allow _me_ to wear _his_ jacket. I got there and reached slowly for the helmet, and Kevin furrowed his brows at me.

"Still need me to put it on, Dork?"

I blushed again and looked to the side.

Smirking, he took it and placed it on my head, before mumbling, "You know, Dork, I'm beginning to think you just want my hands all over you." A chuckle escaped him.

My blush deepened, my eyes widened, and...oh goodness, he knew. His grin was akin to a shark at that point.

Fingertips normally quick to tighten the strap lingered longer, tracing over the length of my jawline as they made their way along. And when I felt it comfortably tightened against me, they still remained, running over my chin and down my throat before they left. I gulped.

"Let's go Dork, 'fore we waste any more time."

 _As if this was time wasted._ I bit back that remark, however, and positioned myself behind him. My arms slipped comfortably around his waste, and I settled in for the long ride.

The sun set slowly as we rode. I watched the flickers of lights from passing cars, my fingers occasionally digging deeper when we had to pass one. I recognized the way we were going, at least - into the city. I'd been there before...but...it'd been a long time ago. I didn't think much of it at that point.

Nearly half an hour later, we were there. Not in the city, but in the outskirts. I could feel us slowing down, as I watched the sun slip away behind the horizon. When we stopped, I was hesitant to move.

He got off first, and I slid off right after. He steadied my shoulder as I got off rather clumsily. I suppose I'll have to get used to doing that. He chuckled, and it made a warmth echo in my chest. He took the helmet off, not lingering as long this time, and led me inside the restaurant.

It was a simple Chinese Restaurant, with a rather generic menu, but I wasn't going to complain. Who doesn't like Chinese food? I ordered Pork Lo Mein, whilst Kevin chose the Mongolian Beef with Rice. We were served promptly, and went to take our seats around the corner, out of view of the kitchen staff, with a window view.

I took my seat and assumed Kevin would sit across from me...until he just stood there looking down at me.

"Scooch over, Dork," he said.

And so I did...and he sat down before I'd moved over entirely, his body brushing up against me. I almost froze, but moved the rest of the way over. Kevin slipped his leather jacket off, letting it fall around his waste. I did the same with...his, as it was a bit warm in the restaurant. All the while my eyes admired his arms...until I caught myself. He shot me a knowing look, and I reddened.

We spoke little while we ate. Kevin poked teasing fun at me occasionally, but mostly we talked about school. That is, until Kevin started eyeing my dish.

"Think I can snag a bite of that?" Oh goodness, if I'd thought he'd ask that, I'd have been more careful with my utensils. I blanched slightly.

"I-I'm afraid it might be a bit unsanitary, Kevin. The majority of what remains has likely come into indirect contact with my mouth, and-"

His hand reached up, effectively cutting me off as it brushed my cheek...and he leaned in and kissed me. Much more deeply than I expected. His tongue slip between my lips, tasting subtly of beef (what else would I expect right now? I tried to tune this fact out, however), and he teased it over my teeth. My breath caught in my throat as he slowly let the kiss die down. It lasted no more than five seconds, but it may as well have been minutes, with what it did to my brain.

"Heh..." He laughed breathily; perhaps it was a bit much for him as well, and he continued, his voice laced with...something, "Well, doesn't really matter now, does it?" He took his fork, stealing a strip of pork along with a few noodles, twisting them and bringing them to his mouth satisfactorily.

"I...s-suppose not." I gulped, catching my breath, blinking away the surprise which still flickered in my vision.

Kevin had finished with his dish, whilst I still had a little left to go. And, of course, Kevin decided that his free arm would do better to be around my shoulders. I...had no complaints, though it's...difficult to swallow when your mind's distracted by something like the gorgeous redhead beside me. Who was touching me. Oh goodness, the things he did to me without even trying...

I finished, finally. Kevin looked at me smugly, as though he realized what he'd done to me whilst I was finishing up. I silently cursed his ability to take my sanity away.

The stars glimmered as we walked outside, me donning the jacket despite the weather being rather mild, because I wasn't certain where we would head to next. Kevin slid my helmet on in a practiced dance of his fingers and hopped onto his bike. I looked up at the stars as I walked towards it, hoping to catch an Orionid shooting across the sky. No such luck. I sighed. Kevin looked at me, a soft smile tugging his cheek. I hopped on behind him, arms sliding around him as I settled in once more for a long ride.

Needless to say, I was surprised when we kept a slow pace, and weren't heading directly for Peach Creek. I suppose I shouldn't have assumed the date was over, but my pessimistic side still likes to get a word in.

We slowed down somewhere...familiar. A man-made lake. I recognized it. If not by appearance, as it was rather dark, then by the winding trail leading to it. Firebrand meandered down the trail, and eventually slowed to a stop. Kevin got off, his hand reaching out to help me off this time. I graciously accepted.

He removed his helmet, and mine, placing them by his bike. No one would know it was there, not in the darkness; there was little to fear.

"I got a spot all set up. Just follow me."

Easier said than done. I mostly followed with my ears, as my eyes couldn't see much but the glimmer of the stars on the lake. Soon, I saw a light...a small one. As we neared it, I saw that it was a small, battery-powered lantern, set upon a blanket. The star-gazing blanket. Did Kevin...

"Did you already know about the Orionids?" I asked without realizing.

Kevin bit his lip, hands in his pockets, looking 'innocently' at the blanket, "Umm...maybe?"

I giggled behind my hand. He grinned at that, and laughed in turn. I decided to sit down without his invitation, as I felt this small surge of confidence in my veins, and damn it, I was going to use every little bit I had! Or so I told myself. I also removed the jacket, as it truly was a pleasant temperature.

He sat down beside me, his hand immediately resting upon mine. So strong, and yet he was so gentle, as my hand was hidden safely beneath his. We simply sat there, watching the skies. A few flickers crossed the skies, and we would comment about them...but I suppose we both found that the Orionids truly did pale to our own situation. I couldn't keep my mind off of him. And as I turned my head, I found he was of the same mind.

I closed my eyes, head forward, and breathed in deeply. I smiled.

"So Edd," he cleared his throat, "ever been here before?"

I smiled slightly, looking down at my knees, "I...I have. A long time ago..." My thoughts fluttered through memories I'd long since let fall to the wayside.

"When?" I looked up at him, his eyes genuine with curiosity. I supposed I could tell him...part of it.

"When I was much younger, before my parents became so distant...we came out here, once. Just me, Mother, Father...we had a cookout..." I felt my smile fading. I didn't continue.

"I get ya..." His fingers curled tight around my hand, squeezing. I squeezed back.

"How did you come upon this location, yourself, Kevin? Very few people back home would be aware of it..."

I could have laughed at the guilty look in his eyes, "Oh, you know..."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Pfft," he looked down and to the side, "Eddy told me to...bring you here..."

That was a shock. But...it made sense. Eddy and Ed were the only ones who knew about...and I corrected my mind again.

"I see-"

He cut me off, "I just...you know...didn't want to screw this up, and like...I didn't, right? This isn't bad?"

My face softened, "It's wonderful, Kevin. I'd...like this place to hold some good memories for once."

He looked confused by that. At least Eddy didn't tell him.

"S'good..."

We watched the meteor shower again, the silence not too unpleasant as his fingers danced across my palm. It was...truly lovely...but...my mind has a way to ruin things as such. I recalled this lake...I recalled everything about it. And I remembered a truth about myself I truly, truly wished I could forget. My mind ran away with the thoughts, and they took over. It just slipped out.

"I'm hideous..."

Kevin whipped his head to look at me, shocked, "What?"

"I...I'm..."

"You're not, Edd."

I sighed, already feeling the darker part of my mind winning. The part I locked up so well, that Diane helped me combat...it just loosed its bonds and freed itself, in but a singular moment.

"You don't know.."

"Don't give me that shit, man," his hand was almost crushing mine, but I could barely feel it, so deep were my thoughts, "you're...you're..beautiful..." He said it so sweetly, so...shyly, almost, that it at least caught my attention. Enough to respond to him, at least...

"You haven't seen all of me, Kevin..." His eyes flickered up towards my beanie. I felt the heat of their gaze, and cringed. I could feel the tears coming. I stood up, walking away from him, holding myself. He sat there in a stunned silence, watching me. I walked towards a large tree, just to lean on, a single hand, as I felt the tears begin to rise.

"I..." I was losing my voice. A choked sob. In that moment, Kevin had stood up, and come towards me. I didn't move to stop him, I didn't even turn around, until I felt his hands ensconce my wrists. I turned, confused, and he pushed my back to the tree, lifting my arms, grasping both wrists in a single hand. The depth of his stare pierced through me.

"You're beautiful, Double D."

I couldn't bare to look at him, even in the darkness, though I knew the glow of the lantern would make my tears visible to him. I couldn't stop them if I tried.

"You c-can do...so much better..."

He simply stared at me and his frown dropped an octave, "So could you."

I bit my lip, hard.

"I'm a freak," I mumbled.

"You're different, and it's awesome." His eyes were locked on mine, I could feel it, even if my eyes refused to look up.

"I'm a loser, a geek..."

"You're a fucking genius and everyone who doesn't like you should get their ass kicked."

A staggered sob came from me, and I choked out, "I-I'm so ugly, Kevin...I.."

I cringed harder than ever before as I felt his hand slide just behind my ear.

"D-DON'T!" I shrieked, and he looked intensely into my eyes.

"Edd..." he leaned in, and I struggled in his grip...ineffectively. His body pressed against mine to keep me in place.

"D...don't...please...don't hate me..." I sobbed, my forehead against his, as I couldn't hold my head up straight anymore.

"I won't, Double D...I promise..." So gentle, so genuine...and me? I was too weak to argue.

His fingers moved painstakingly slow through the little hair I had outside of my beanie...and eventually, through the hair beneath it. I felt it lift as his fingers slid, and was dying to simply pull it down, hide the secret, never let him know how hideous I truly was. But he continued. Until he didn't.

"Double D...?" I couldn't breathe, tears still running down my face in a steady stream.

I felt his fingertips move again...over the scarred skin. I could barely feel it, but I knew that's what he was doing. My beanie started to slide...and fell to the ground. I watched as Kevin's eyes widened. I felt the sobs renew.

And then, after a hesitant moment, he leaned in and kissed my head.

I was shivering. His hand slid behind my neck, as his head lowered and he kissed me. How he could kiss someone so disgusting, sniffling and soaked in tears, I don't know...but the emotions in that kiss, I can never forget them. He kissed me for...as long as I could handle, before I had to breathe. I'd been holding my breath for so long, I simply couldn't help it. I gasped for air, and Kevin...

Kevin merely chuckled.

I looked at him through clouded eyes, my hands cold from being held up for so long. I could feel everything now...I could feel my shirt, stained with tears. My legs shaking. I could feel Kevin...K-Kevin against me. It finally clicked. I took a sharp breath, my eyes widening.

He smiled at me softly, "Nah, Edd...you're beautiful." He leaned in and kissed me again, deeply. My head fell against the bark of the tree and I winced, and Kevin seemed to notice. I've...never been without my hat, so it was odd, not having it there to cushion my head.

Kevin decided to remedy this...he took his hat off, and placed it on me. A pause.

"Fuck...you need to wear my shit more often."

Slowly, he let go of my hands, threw his jacket to the ground...and grabbed onto my legs...under my thighs...suddenly I found myself with my legs wrapped around him, back still against the tree. My arms immediately went around his neck, and I stared into his beautiful eyes. I couldn't see them too well, but my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and...they were still as lovely as the day I first noticed them.

And his grin...oh, that grin. I don't think I could ever forget it. It was... _hungry._

Rather than a kiss, Kevin opted to nip my ear...and I learned just how _sensitive_ that part of my body was. Well...to be honest? He taught me what a good portion of those parts were...as his lips lingered down my neck and shoulder, my clavicle and throat...good lord, it was heavenly. I let out stifled moans because I simply couldn't hold it all in. All that seemed to do was spur him on.

At one point, he didn't just nip with his lips. He lingered. And it felt amazing. I moaned into his neck, not able to stop myself from kissing him there, the only place I had access to right at that moment, as some primal force seemed to embrace my being. A short, gruff sound was Kevin's response, as he sucked harder at my flesh. I squirmed in his grasp, finding myself quite...stimulated.

I was surprised to find he was as well, as I felt something hard as he bucked back in response. I gasped loudly. His mouth left my neck and he let out something akin to a moan. His head slid next to mine, and I felt him buck against me again. Slowly, but powerfully. I was lost in a euphoric daze.

"O-oh Kev..in..." I believe I moaned out, eliciting a powerful thrust up against me.

"Oh, fuck, Edd...God..." I felt his length slide against mine, and despite all the clothing between them, the mere thought of it was sending me over the edge. The feeling...I can never forget how fucking (excuse my language, but it is most certainly appropriate) _amazing_ it felt, Diary...

I felt a familiar pressure build up inside of me, and the heat in my abdomen was unbearable. I truly regretted wearing skinny jeans, because I was trapped in them. And, unfortunately for me, it appeared I was about to finish.

"K-Kevin...th-this iss h-highly un...oh, s-sanitary!" I gasped out, in-betwixt moans. Kevin huffed a laugh, his breathing heavy.

"Y..yeah? Then...tell me to stop...Dork..."

I clung tighter. I couldn't speak, my breathing so erratic, fingers digging into his back. My mind could barely focus on anything outside of the pleasure, but I could feel his strong arms holding my legs, clawing against me. I wanted this. I...I really wanted this.

"I...ohh...mm.." I gasped out as I felt it happen. My fingernails clawed into Kevin's shirt, and he moaned into my ear. My vision flickered, and my heart practically lost itself as I felt the sweet, sweet release. I panted. Kevin slowed. He was still hard...I could feel it. And as he let my legs down...I could still see the hunger in his eyes.

And another thing...I felt filthy.

I cringed at the...feeling, despite the pleasurable tingles shooting through my body. I held onto him as my body recovered from the entire ordeal, and looked back up at him. That constant smirk...

"I...I'm afraid I've...oh dear, I need to..."

He nodded his head ever so slightly to the side, "There's a lake."

My eyes widened, "K-K-Kevin! We're in public!"

"Pfft. After that, you think -this- is public?"

I blushed...he was right.

"I...just...I'm, umm..."

"I won't look. I...gotta take care of something anyways." He shifted uncomfortably. It was very obvious what he had to 'take care of'.

"Oh...r-right then. I'll just..."

"Yeah," he put his hand behind his head, "I'll be over there." He pointed behind a copse of trees, and wandered off, hands in his pockets. I blinked. Somewhere, deep in the recesses of my mind, I oh-so-wanted to follow him.

But the _feeling_ in my pants made me decide otherwise.

I carefully removed my jeans and briefs (oh Eddward, what has become of you?) and practically jumped into the water. Why? Because I knew it'd be cold, and otherwise I'd never go in. I tolerated it, cleaned myself, and...put my jeans back on. My briefs...oh, I just...I washed them off, and hoped Kevin would let me put them in his bag. As absolutely embarrassing as that was.

I could hear stifled grunts in the silence of the evening as I put my shoes back on. I slowly crept over to the copse, curse my curiosity...but...alas, I am human, Diary.

And...there he was. His back was to me, but...his pants were down to his ankles, and his boxer-briefs as well (of course I'd notice the little details...naughty Eddward, you're terrible!), and I watched his hand work its way up and down his...seemingly above-average length, which I could at least make out in the darkness. If the cold water hadn't practically shocked my lower body into non-reaction, it'd have likely gotten me back into 'the mood', so-to-speak.

His grunts turned into slight moans, and his pace picked up. Then he...he moaned my name, "Edd..." as his movement went erratic. I realized my time spying on him was up. I felt so ashamed. My face couldn't have been redder, I swear.

But that private show...

God help me.

I returned to the tree, and spotted my hat. I recalled that Kevin's was still on my head. I quickly switched them, and held tightly to Kevin's hat, my mind still filled with the image of what he had just done. I heard a rustle.

"Alright, I'm good." _Of course you are,_ my rebellious mind thought.

He looked at me funnily.

"Why are you so red, man?"

Curses. "I...uh..."

He laughed. Loudly. He came up to me and swiped the hat from my hand, turning it around and placing it on his head again. Where it belonged. Where it looked best.

"You're somethin' else, Dork."

I smiled and looked down, and felt myself pulled into a hug. I could just barely feel 'him'...and I bit my lip to ignore my wandering mind. Instead, I let my mind wander to something else...

I pulled back, still smiling slightly, but a sorrow pulled at my lips. Kevin immediately looked at me with concern. I missed his smile already, but...I had to do this now, before I lost my courage.

"My parents...brought me here for a cookout. That much is true," Kevin slid his hands down to my waist, pulling me slightly closer, and I continued, "but I...I was distracted. I had just recently obtained a magnifying glass, and just wanted to look at all the interesting things I could find in the grass. I was young, excitable. My multi-tasking was not quite where it is now."

I cleared my throat, looking away from him.

"I...ran into the grill. It wasn't one of the big ones, it was small, on three legs. I had been moving fast enough to flip it over, and...managed to topple it onto my head. My parents said it was the most horrific scream they'd ever heard, and they work in _hospitals_ for God's sake. I...they were able to...get it looking less abnormal, with plastic surgery, but...it'll never be normal. Hair will never grow there, and I can't feel much there outside of pressure. Only...Ed and Eddy know what happened. And...now you, I suppose. I hope my trust in you is well-placed..."

"This is _your_ thing, man, it's not mine to tell. Look, Edd," his hand found my jawline again, "It doesn't change shit about you. Or how I feel."

I still looked down.

"Dork, I...I mean, Edd, I shoulda asked this ages ago, I guess I just...chickened out, you know? So uh..." His hand left my face, gliding behind his head. I finally looked into his eyes as they looked away for a moment, before meeting mine, "Will you, yaknow...do you wanna go out with me?"

My heart stopped for a beat. I took the words in, and his eyes stayed upon mine as though they were a lifeline.

I took a moment to think out my response, as a smile threatened to overtake me.

"I'd...I'd love to, Kevin."

And that was that, Dear Diary.

We sat back down under the stars, just me and Kevin, my new...boyfriend. He held me close, and I breathed him in, and didn't regret it even slightly. We didn't need to talk after that point. We were just...happy. Or I was. I hope he was too, but by that glazed look in his eyes, that smile...I supposed I was right.

He nearly forgot his jacket when he took me home. I held him tighter than ever before, he even commented on it when we were at a stop sign, that he needed to breathe. I just laughed, and held him tighter.

We got home, and once Kevin had removed my helmet, he gave me the sweetest good night kiss of my life...not that I've had many to begin with, but...I truly didn't want it to end.

And he let me keep his jacket, the brown one. I'm wearing it right now, Diary...it still smells like him.

I'm not sure I want to go to sleep, as today is a day I wish would never end.

But now that I have written in you, Diary, the adrenaline of the moments long before has passed, and I am growing weary. I can only hope that tomorrow brings more pleasant surprises, and that Kevin will be the one with them.

Keep my memories safe.

Your "Taken" Friend,

Eddward

* * *

 **It took me a few hours to write this, so don't expect the Kevin chapter for a bit. Not that anyone seems to like them, but they're important to me. I mean, don't you want to know how Kevin really reacted to the burn? I do! Nat does too. Nat will slaughter Kevin if he doesn't hear from him. As funny as that'd be, I'd rather Kevin live than my party-bombed to death.**

 **My tumblr is where I put updates for the story, as well as anything and everything else, so peek there if you're curious. I ALSO have a few drawings up from this story, including one from this chapter (from before i wrote it). Terrible drawings, but drawings nonetheless.**

 **I'm also still looking for a Cover Artist, if anyone's interested. Anyhow, this chapter's enough for me tonight, hopefully you enjoyed it!**


	48. Date Night

I did it, man.

Yeah, Nat, I did. Not _that_ , but...

Guess I should tell you, huh?

Well...guess it started with me heading out to set shit up. If I wasn't gonna spend much on this date, 'least I wanted to spend some damn time on it. I wanted it to be perfect. Or, well, perfect as I could manage. I didn't want to fuck up, okay?

So I went into the city, bought a lantern, battery-powered one, and brought out a blanket. Set it all up and left it, cuz it's like...no one was there. I don't think anyone would give a fuck, or bother with it. And if they did, oh well. I decided I'd bring an extra blanket just in case, in a bag. And a jacket, for D, cuz he'll definitely need one with how fast we'll be going. I dunno if he owns any that aren't huge, so...figured hell, he could borrow mine.

Showed up and the Dork was pretty much starstruck. Or...I dunno. Like super nervous. Guess I looked kinda scary in my jacket, haha. You know that nice Jacket my mom gave me? Yeah, that one. Works pretty well.

Tossed him my jacket. He looked pretty fucking good in it, but I wasn't about to say anything. If he was nervous already, didn't wanna scare the poor kid off. Even if he did look damn appetizing. Also found out the whole reason he wants me to put his helmet on is cuz he likes it. Like, you know. Wants my hands on him n' shit. You know what I mean!

Headed off to Dragon Flower, some little Chinese place I'd heard about in the City. Was pretty nice, actually. Talked for a bit. He's really easy to talk to, when he's not in genius mode, you know? But when I asked for a bite of his food, he got a bit freaked, like he double-dipped or something.

So, you know. I frenched him. That shut him up pretty fast. Can't really argue with someone about spit on your food when you've had their tongue in your mouth, haha.

Put my arm around him cuz we were, like, out of the way in the restaurant. No one saw us, so I figured, why not? Kid could barely eat. I felt kinda bad, but at the same time, kinda loved the fact I could do that sorta shit to him. 'Least it's not all one-sided, heh.

After that, I took him out to the Lake, and led him to the spot I put together. On the way, he figured out I already knew about the meteor shower. Fucking geniuses, man. So I kinda owned up to it. He was amused at least. Took his hand and we watched the meteors. Was really nice...but I just wanted him. If I were a corny dude, you could say I like him more than the stars, but you know...I'm not.

Asked him if he'd been here before, and he kinda told me, a bit. Like, he told me he'd been there with his family, so I kinda figured that's why he was upset, since they're not really around nowadays, so I just dropped it.

Then he asked me how I found this place and hell, I'm not gonna bother trying to lie to the Dork. Never made him mad before, so figured I'd just say fuck it and tell him the truth. So I did, and he looked like he was thinking pretty hard, so I freaked. Cuz I really, really didn't want to screw up. But then he said it was okay. And I thought I was okay.

And suddenly, he like...broke down. Started calling himself 'hideous' - his words, not mine. I told him he wasn't, I kept telling him he was beautiful...and fuck you if you judge me for it, you know what I mean, man...I just...he looked like someone threw him on the ground and bashed him, I didn't want to see him like that. I'd have done anything right then to stop it, so I did.

Cuz he got up and started towards a big tree nearby and leaned on it, crying his eyes out. And fuck, man...it hurt. Here he was, this fucking brilliant, amazing kid with a body I'd kill just to hold, calling himself all sorts of shitty things. I stopped him. Pinned his arms up and cut back every fucking thing he said because I couldn't stand it.

And I didn't write it before, but like...I figured what was under his hat was what was freaking him out so much. And I don't think I'd have done shit if Double D wasn't crying in front of me, but I needed to do something. Anything. So I kept him pinned with one hand and used my other hand to try and figure out what was under that hat.

He looked...broken, when I started trying. I swear, if I didn't know better, I would have just let it go and held him, but...this kid, something was up, I wasn't just gonna let him hide it again. So I tried again, and he just sobbed and begged me not to. I had to force myself to go further.

Man...I trust you, okay? I trust you more than fucking life itself not to tell anyone anything. So please, for the love of God, you never heard what I'm gonna say next.

Alright.

So I felt hair until I came to this spot...where there was, like, nothing. Just smooth skin. It was unnaturally smooth, man. So I moved my hand to make the beanie fall, and saw this...scar. It took up most of his head. Like, he had hair on all sides, but in the middle, slightly right almost for some of it, was this uneven scar. It looked pretty smooth, so I wondered what the hell happened to make it. But hell if I was going to even ask...he was crying, he looked terrible. I just wanted Edd back. So I just...kissed his head. It was weird, it felt really, really smooth, and it was odd, but...I didn't know what else to do to let him know it was alright. That I wouldn't judge him for it.

Then I kissed him again, and I just poured all my feelings for him into it, because I couldn't stand him being so upset. When I say I'd have done anything to make him feel better...I meant it.

At this point I was pretty much, like, completely against him, cuz I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want him to feel alone, I didn't want him to be upset. I didn't want any of this! So I just kissed him and hoped, and he broke the kiss and gasped. It was cute. Especially when I think he realized how close we were, cuz I felt when he reacted. It was pretty funny. I'll be honest, his head was distracting me, it shined and just...I wasn't used to it. It didn't bother me, it was just odd.

So when I kissed him again, and his head hit the tree, figured I'd fix the problem. Gave him my hat, because I didn't feel like letting him go just yet.

'Cept I let him go once I saw the hat on him. You know, I dunno if it's just that he wears the same stuff a lot, but seeing things like my hat on him...turned me on. Maybe he just looked good in my shit. Either way, that was kinda the turning point for me. I was in the mood, at that point and I really, _really_ needed to do something about it. And I had someone willing in front of me, so hell...I did it.

He's light, man. Picked him up and pinned him against the tree, and teased his neck n' shit. He moaned and gasped like crazy. Fucking turn me on. Holy fuck. Gets me hard just remembering. Just don't think too hard about it, Nat, ok? Decided to give him a hickey...or try. Never got the chance to give one to Nazz, so...even if I hadn't asked Edd yet if he'd let me, I was pretty damn sure of his answer. He was mine either way. I wanted him and I claimed him, fuck the consequences. I mean, that's what I was thinking, man. I'm trying to tell you everything, don't judge me man!

But yeah...he like, ground against me. Dunno if he even meant to, but it made me kinda do the same. Then he started moaning my name, and...oh God...if I had control before that, it was gone once my name came out. I didn't have the stuff you gave me in my bag, so I decided it was either this or nothing. But God, did it feel good. And he started whining about how it was 'unsanitary'...ha, I told him if he wanted me to stop, to tell me to. He didn't. No surprise there.

When he was done...he just moaned, man, and loudly. Not even sure he realized, but I sure as hell did. But I knew he'd finished. It sucked, but...hell, I wasn't about to keep going if he was done, he'd probably be _way_ too sensitive. This _had_ to be his first time doing...'this', so I didn't wanna make it suck. Instead, decided to go jerk it off myself.

Got him to head off and wash himself off in the Lake, the Dork, while I finished up. Wasn't too tough, I coulda gotten off in 5 seconds flat at that point but I kinda wanted to draw it out. Just pictured him, man. Hell, I haven't even seen him shirtless and he still turns me on. So I just cranked it 'til I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was fucking satisfying, man. Gotta be even better when I'm not the one doing it, but...one day, I guess.

Came back and the Dork was all red. Think he mighta saw me. Good. Let him know what he's missing, ha! Yeah, I got that one from you, but hell, I'm flattered he wanted to look dude. This is innocent little Double D, peeking at me. Never woulda fuckin' guessed. Hope he liked it.

So...after that, he kinda...told me what happened. With the scar thing. Guess it was a burn scar from when he was a kid, like, some family outing gone bad. He knocked over a grill, and the reason it's so smooth is cuz he had surgery and shit. But it'll never be normal...which sucks. It really fucking sucks. One mistake as a little kid and he's fucked for life. If anyone didn't deserve it, it's Edd. But I guess shit happens...shit always happens.

So I finally asked him out after that...wasn't easy. I mean, it was, but I was still kinda nervous. This guy bears his fucking soul, and what have I done?

But...he said yes. Actually said he'd 'love to' go out with me. I...won't forget when he said that. And we just sat down, and I pulled his head onto my chest, and held him. We watched the stars, and I turned the lantern off. He is so beautiful, man...I mean it. But yeah...we just laid there for a good hour. I didn't want to move, and he sure as hell didn't seem to either.

When we had to go home, I was kinda sad, but only cuz I'd have to let go of him. Still got the life squeezed out of me on the way home. Even told him I couldn't breathe, so guess what he did? He held me tighter. What an ass. Haha.

But yeah...helped him off my bike and kissed him pretty much immediately. I didn't want to stop. I just wanted it, so bad. I've missed out on all of this, man. Kissing, holding...but I finally could. He was mine. He was entirely mine.

So when he left, I let him keep my jacket. Because it's just one more thing that shows he's mine. Let the world know, fuck it. He might hide the jacket but that hickey...well...I probably shoulda thought that one through. It looked pretty damn bad. And good. I did a damn good job on it.

He's probably gonna kill me for it, but whatever.

Worth it.

Night, Nat. Don't fap too damn hard you creep.

Kev

* * *

 **A reviewer was curious why Kevin would break Edd's trust by telling...well, here's my reasons:  
\- I needed to tell you guys what Kevin saw somehow  
\- It's pretty much human nature that you have to keep a secret with someone else, even a deep, dark secret, almost everyone has their best friend that they'll share these things with, lock-and-key  
\- Nat's like Kevin's Godbrother. His incestuous, flirtatious Godbrother :D  
So hopefully that helps you understand. Nat's basically Kevin's Diary, just Kevin definitely would get more out of talking to a real person than talking to a book that'll never respond, and no one will ever read. (or, he would think, heh)**


	49. We All Have A Shoulder

"Hey Nazz…"

"Hey Kevin, what's up?"

"I, umm…I'm going out with Edd."

"That's great."

"..You're not mad…are you?"

"I..a little. More hurt than anything, but…it's okay. You and Edd will make a great couple."

"Yeah, but…so did _we_ …you know?"

"I miss it, Kevin.."

"I–"

"But the truth is, I haven't seen you this happy in what feels like years now…whatever he's doing to you, I like it."

"Umm…"

"-soft laughter- Don't worry, Kev. It'll hurt…for a while…but I'll get better. And you will too. _All_ this will…"

"'Guess…"

"I'm glad…even if I'm still going to be hurting for a long time, I'm really happy for you. You're like a brother to me, somewhat. I hope he makes you happy…"

"He..does…"

"That's good. I need to catch some z's, it's late, man. …Thank you for calling me."

"No prob Nazz…"

"Night Kevin."

"Good night Nazz."

-click- 

* * *

_~~~ Nazz's Journal ~~~_

Kevin started dating Edd today. Or, yesterday. I know I should be strong, but instead, I'm crying. __

I'm crying because I miss him. I'm crying because of all the things we promised each other we'd be. I'm crying because I deluded myself into thinking he'd be happy with me _the way I am_ , and I'm crying because I'm so, so weak.

()  
o

My mom...I love her. I love my dad too, but I really needed my mom to hold me and tell me it'd be alright. Because I know it will be. I'm strong, she told me, I'm so strong...I mean, the tears are gone, right? A moment of weakness is normal. And I'll find someone. And Kevin still loves me, just...not in the way I wanted. And it hurts, so badly, but I need to be strong.

I guess I was in denial for so long it became the truth. I knew Kevin was a physical kind-of guy. I knew. **I knew** and I pretended he wasn't and I'm such a fucking screw-up!

No, no...just remember what she told me. Don't spiral, just swim. Smile because it meant something, and let the rest go.

Don't forget this, me. I gotta stay strong. For me. I'm strong. Be happy for them. I'm happy for them. I'm stronger than this.

Just stay strong, me. 

* * *

**Still in an iffy mood, so won't be able to write the next chapter just yet. I thought this up - happened that evening. The strange circles are teardrops, and no one writes on their teardrops on a paper. It'd rip the page. Hope you enjoyed. :)**


	50. Dear Diary Entry No 22

**Sorry this took so long to get out. Might be that way for a bit, depends on how my inspiration hits me. Been having a tough few weeks emotionally. Enjoy!**

* * *

Dearest Diary,

Today began with tutelage and ended with a pleasant evening, wrapping up with an embarrassing phone call...but I get ahead of myself. Ahem.

I woke surrounded by something...foreign, yet not unwelcome, still wrapped around me. Kevin's jacket. I must have fallen asleep in it...I felt rather ashamed of myself, mentally noting to wash it prior to giving it back to him. Still, it wasn't something I minded waking up to.

After that, I went to take a shower. I was taken aback by a...development...on my neck. At the moment I saw it, I gasped, horrified. And, three short seconds later, I blinked myself out of my stupor, recalled "something" that occurred last night, and added another note to my mental checklist, but this one for after the shower. Which I did. What did I do, you might ask? I retrieved cover-up from mother's bathroom to hide the "mark". Touching the area didn't hurt in the slightest, unlike a bruise, and it looked slightly different from one, so I knew I had to be careful to hide it.

As I made myself a healthy breakfast, my mind flickered over memories of just how I got that little love bite, over-cooking the eggs in my titillation. I ate, and thought, and did my best to get a hold on my mind before I had to head over to Eddy's.

I did, somehow, manage to hide my wandering mind for the most part from my point of arrival. I pretended to read further into my textbook, a common and rather expected thing for me to do, I might add, but my heart simply was not in it. It was floating amongst honeyed words, weaving fairytales and daydreams as my friends simply continued with their work. If they noticed my slowness to turn a page, they didn't say a word to that effect.

Occasionally they'd interrupt my reading to ask me to check their work, or simply assist them with understanding a problem. This was something I loved to do, so it fortunately took precedence over my wandering mind. However, around the fifth time I was asked for help, Ed began chuckling. I assisted Eddy with his problem, but couldn't help but to see my tall friend looking in my direction, a wide grin on his face.

The smile remained even after I had finished explaining the problem to Eddy, and I decided to inquire as to what was on his mind.

"Is something amusing, Ed?" I asked, a soft smile on my cheeks.

"Did you and Kevin re-ci-pro-cate Double D?" Ed grinned, half tongue-tied, half proud of himself for successfully pronouncing the advanced word. Well, advanced for Ed.

"I believe the word you were looking for would be 'reproduce' or 'procreate', though copulate would be ultimately more appropriate, with our genders and all…however, to answer your original question, Ed, yes. I believe we did 'reciprocate'."

"GROSS!" Eddy tossed a pillow at me, and I huffily pushed it away, turning my head up in a faux-offended manner.

"Do note, Eddy, that I said reciprocate, not copulate. Unless you aren't aware of the meaning…?" I shot him an appraising glance.

He rolls his eyes, grunting, "Let's just get back to homework, Sockhead. All this Kevin mush is gonna make me ralph."

"Eddy!" I glared at him.

He groaned, and mumbled, "What's the answer to number 49?"

I almost went to retrieve my own paper from beneath my books, long since finished, when I paused.

"Didn't you only just finish number 48?"

Eddy rolled his eyes, "Yeah, but I deserve the answer anyways cuz I had to listen to that crap."

I huffed, "Well _excuse_ me for having a life outside of you two, _Eddy."_

He narrowed his eyes at me, rolling them again, "Who gives two flying fucks," I winced, "I just don't wanna think about you and Shovelhead doing the dirty when I'm in my own house."

I visibly calmed. It was just Eddy being Eddy again.

"Now now, Eddy, no need for that language. We still have plenty of knowledge left to absorb before school tomorrow!"

Eddy twirled a finger, "Hooray."

Ed just stared at Eddy's finger, entranced. Oh, the lovable oaf.

Our afternoon continued much like this, with idle banter alongside actual questions. I learned about Eddy's scam, and that it was doing quite well. He was making quite a profit, and I don't believe he realizes yet that these are real world skills that can help him in the future, not simply scams. I suppose he'll learn eventually, far be it from me to tell him how he should describe the endeavors in his life.

Eventually, Ed and Eddy finished up their respective homework, and I decided it was time to make my way home. Of course, not before Eddy pulled me aside casually. Ed didn't even notice, transfixed as he was on the television (which had only just been turned on). His arm was around my neck in a leading manner as we reached his bedroom door.

"Yaknow Sockhead, you smell like a girl."

I gave him a confused look, eyebrow arched, "And?"

"I just," he flicked at my _neck..._ yes, there, and continued, "thought you'd wanna know. Call Big Brother Eddy if you need some tips on that stuff. I gotcha covered."

I felt red creep across my cheeks, as I bit my lip. Eddy shrugged and started to walk away, hands in his pockets...

"Wait."

He looked over his shoulder, not even at me, just to hear.

"I...that is, if you don't mind..."

He smirked, "I getcha. Wait a second, willya?"

And I waited, as Eddy ascertained some sort of cover-up, I imagined. I was correct. He handed it to me, and I opened it. It didn't have a scent. I smiled.

"Thanks, Eddy. You truly are a good friend."

He waved his hand, "Yeah yeah, just give it back when you're done, I might need it for the ladies~"

I held back a chuckle. There'd been no ladies thus-far. But alas, I would humor him.

"Of course, Eddy. Goodbye, Eddy; goodbye Ed!"

Eddy mumbled a 'bye', and Ed shouted, "BYE DOUBLE D!" Oh, my ears.

After that...incident, I placed the cover-up descreetly in my cargo shorts. I was halfway across the street when I heard a shout.

"Hey Double D!" I smiled and turned, facing the redhead who was slowly making his way towards me.

"Greetings Kevin!"

He approached, a grin plastered on his face, and, surprisingly...he hugged me. Right there, in the middle of the street, for all eyes to see. I was caught a bit off-guard. You see...as much as I adore him, as truly as I loved being in his arms, I still couldn't comprehend that Kevin, who by all accounts of the cul-de-sac was still, well, _Kevin_ , would let himself be seen _hugging_ me in public. Even if, I suppose, the cul-de-sac was nothing to truly worry about, it was still quite unexpected. And unfortunately, my worries kept me from falling into the serene comfort that was his conditioned, fresh scent.

I imagine he noticed by delayed reaction, but all that seemed to do was cause him to tighten his grip on me. My heart fluttered as my cheek rested against the warmth of his neck, and I let a true smile flicker across my face. A relaxed sigh escaped me, and I heard him chuckle. I felt him pull back, hands moving to rest on my shoulders.

"Hey..."

There was that look in his eyes. I knew that look. The one that hooked me like the most naïve of fish on that first day of writing you, Diary... _that_ look.

I smiled and decided to let my heart speak ahead of my mind for once.

"I believe we've already greeted one another today. But hello again, I suppose, if you're so driven."

He let out a hearty laugh and started to walk, turning me and slipping a single arm around my shoulders.

"Sassy. I like that. Heh, where'd that come from?"

I blushed slightly, looking down at my feet, noticing Kevin's stride matched mine.

"I suppose there's still much you're yet to learn about me, dear Kevin." Where my sudden cockiness, as I can't imagine calling my peculiar 'sass' anything else, came from...I don't know. I suppose I should be glad Kevin took it in stride as easily as he took my walk cycle.

He slid his free hand behind his head, gripping the bill of his hat and tugging it. "Yeah, guess there is." His smile was sweet, and a dangerously rebellious part of my mind wondered how it'd taste. Fortunately I had more control of myself than that. In public? Now? No, no, not yet, Edd. I admit, I'm ready to face the world, but...baby steps. A kiss is a full sprint and I'm afraid I'd stumble.

We reached my house, and I unlocked the door, allowing Kevin in before I joined. His arm slid out of place from around my neck as he walked in, and I followed suit after him.

And, after locking the door...I felt his arms slide around my waist from behind. I took in a breath, and closed my eyes, smiling.

"Hello again, Kevin..." His arms wrapped tighter, and I practically purred. Not certain what inspired me to do such a thing, it just rolled from my throat as naturally as anything ever could. Kevin responded my leaning his head against mine.

"Missed you, Double Dorkable..."

I leaned back into his embrace, my voice soft, "I..missed you too..."

We stood there, neither of us saying a word, as we just enjoyed each other's presence. Kevin was the first to part, arms slipping back, hands resting on my sides. I felt his chuckle almost before I heard it, tickling the hairs on the back of my neck.

"You know...I don't have to hide how much I want you now..." the lust hummed in his voice, his fingertips sliding downwards, reaching the hem of my pants, and...I panicked, Diary.

I hopped forward slightly, careful not to hit the door, before swiveling around Kevin and darting to the kitchen, "H-how would you feel about partaking in some refreshments, Kevin? I'm keen on water, myself, but you may have whatever you'd like."

Oh, Diary, why did I have to panic?

His shoulders slumped and only a half-smile was on his lips. It looked more disappointed than anything. He mumbled something to himself, I couldn't quite catch it (if only I could read lips), before he finally responded.

"Yeah...water sounds good." He slowly made his way to the couch, hands in his pockets, plopping down in his spot before reaching for the remote. I heard the television flick on as I poured us something to drink, and returned.

I sat down next to him...closer than I would have before. Dangerously close, but I suppose he wouldn't realize I have my own little 'personal space' bubble. Kevin sighed exhaustedly before sitting up to get his drink. I held mine in my hands, desperate to hold onto something, so as to not lose my nerve. I felt entranced, watching him drink, as though it was something that would actually be worth watching. Perhaps watching paint dry. But no, no, for some reason this was truly engaging, but I wasn't sure why. I couldn't question it either, as my mind was on a tightrope.

He finished the entire cup, setting it down on the coaster. He leaned back, arms settling against the back of the couch, one behind me. I smiled slightly, looking at the television, not shifting. He looked at me; I watched him from the corner of my eye. Taking a deep breath, he closed the short distance between us, his arm slipping around my neck and shoulders. I felt my cheeks redden, and my heart went pitter-pat. And still, I couldn't force myself to look his way.

We sat like this for several minutes, watching the teen comedy play out on the television before commercials took reign once more. At their coming, he turned to look at me. I felt my cheeks grow red again, but I couldn't look back.

Until he reached his free hand to my far jaw, near my chin, turning my head.

His eyes...I could have fallen into them, Diary, I swear it. And then he spoke; not that he even needed to. I was putty already, and this was simply icing on the cake.

"You're so...beautiful to look at, you know?" I smiled, 'dorkily' I'd imagine, making him smile even wider, letting my chin go. He chuckled and pulled me closer. I was leaning entirely against him now. I could hear my own heartbeat, and did not desire to move my ear from its comfortable position against his shoulder.

"Yeah, well, you're not so bad yourself," I replied snarkily. At that, he gave a hearty laugh. I suppose he wasn't used to me speaking my mind, but then, I hide myself well. There were very few people I'd trust with my true thoughts. Well, true and without minor editing, that is.

"So who's this, Double D? Am I with the wrong guy?" He joked.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, finally having let go of my shyness for the moment, simply basking in the warmth that was this...comfort, I felt.

"I'm afraid this is the real me, Kevin. I'm certain Ed or Eddy could confirm it to you."

"Heh...about that..."

My expression grew confused, "...Yes, Kevin?"

"I just...you know...I've been thinkin', and...it's like...urgh, I dunno how to say this and not be a dick about it, sorry about the language."

I smiled lightly, "It's alright, Kevin. You can feel free to say whatever you'd like, I won't judge you...so long as you keep an open mind, that is." Because that was the truth.

He rubbed the back of his head, scratching his hair.

"Why do you like those guys? Ed n' Eddy, I mean...cuz, you know, you're so smart. And _they're_ your _friends?_ "

He looked genuinely perplexed. I couldn't fault him. I thought for a moment before thinking up a short response.

"I could ask the same about you and Nat, I suppose. Why would an athletic, handsome boy in his prime desire to be best friends with...well..."

"...Point taken." I could swear I saw him blush, just slightly.

We both chuckled. He smiled at me.

"But, man...if I'm gonna have to deal with them from now on, just...lemme know how -you- do it. Cuz I dunno if I can, man. I mean, I'll try, but...seriously? Eddy is..." he groaned.

"I suppose, to explain them both, I'll need to start with Eddy," I looked at him, and he shot me a half-smirk, nodding once to let me know to continue, "Eddy is...loyal to a fault. I mean, perhaps he has a bad way of going about things. He is underhanded, beguiling, and frustrating in more ways than even you could comprehend. But, when it counts...he's a loyal friend." I smiled, reminiscing, "For all the times in the past where he hurt me, I can honestly say he didn't mean to. His Big Brother was an insufferable being that inflicted such psychological damage on him, I cannot fault him for his baggage. He idolized someone who deserved to be spat upon, pardon my language, and honestly, Kevin? He admitted to me, once, how much I meant to him. So few people can tolerate him. Fewer still would want to be friends with him. And he truly, truly does care, he simply doesn't know how to express it in the same way everyone else does. But for these reasons, he is my friend, one of my best, and he always will be, so long as I am wanted in his life."

Kevin was looking down at his lap, deep in thought. The silence was ear-piercing, and I felt I had to continue, lest it consume us.

"Ed, on the other hand, shows his love for everyone each and every day. He may be, erm, 'special', but as are we all, in our own ways. He is still a living human being, with faults and wants, needs and fears, all the things that make a man, with more love than many of us could ever handle. He is ofttimes like a puppy, following us around, begging for love and giving it bountifully in return. I hate to imagine how he'd be without us...me and Eddy, that is...and I'd rather never find out. Someone could easily use him, if we abandoned him...he's strong, he's trusting, he's got such a big heart and all the love that comes with it. And though he is far from perfect, that is how we all are. He'll always be my friend, because he deserves one more than many people I know."

The arm around me was taut, Kevin deep in thought. The show on the television droned on, but neither of us paid any attention to it. I simply watched him take it all in, until the time came that the silence screamed for mercy, and I simply had to respond to its whim.

"So, Kevin...would you mind telling me about _your_ friends? I am quite curious, myself, if for different reasons," _such as simply knowing more about you, you fascinating creature._ That's what I recall thinking, Diary...don't judge me for it, please.

Breathing out, he slid his thumb into his hair, removing his hat and moving it to his lap, where he toyed with it thoughtfully.

"Well," he cleared his throat, "Nat's, like...I dunno, I told you how I met him, right?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, well, he was just fun. Like, he always made time for us, me n' Nazz, that is. Kid's f-ckin _busy_ , sorry, and he's busy... _you know_. He lives in the city and knows all the right people, gets to go pretty much anywhere. Been able to since he hit 16, dunno how he manages it, guess he's just really good at pretending to be the age on the card. Hell, me and Nazz didn't even bother.

So yeah, kid was bringin' us all over New York, showing us places to eat, things to do, just helping us have a blast. And he wouldn't even let us pay for it! Which I get cuz he's rich but still, we were boring compared to what he coulda been doing. But he just kept showin' us around, an' when the trip was over, he kept visiting us. Normally once a month, cuz, you know, bit costly, but sometimes more. We'd hang out and chat and have some fun, he'd always bring something to do.

You'd think he'd just piss me the hell off, but he got under my skin in a different kinda way. Like, I don't talk much. I know, with you I guess I do. But I...guess I didn't, like, at all, back then. He kinda made me. If I didn't talk he'd whine and I just gave in halfway through that first week. Besides, he always had some smart-ass remark to make that made me not regret saying things. I guess he helped me actually _talk_.

Couple months back he started telling me to write to him. No frickin' clue why, he just gave me his e-mail and demanded one a day. I didn't want to. F-...hell, I didn't want to. But after a while it made things easier. He doesn't respond much, unless I don't write him. Then he just...nah, it's the only word, sorry, he _bitches_ me the _flip_ out, Double D. Then he calls. And you thought -you- had it bad that one day! He's a nightmare when he has a _reason_ to be."

I smiled, deciding to interject, "Sounds to me like he drives you crazy more than anything."

He chuckled in response, "Nah...I mean, he does, but in a good way. He feels like the brother I never had. And before you, he was pretty much the only person I could turn to for shit...since, well, most shit involved Nazz. If Nazz couldn't help, I could turn to Nat. He's pretty smart about the way people work, kinda like you."

I giggled, hand in front of my mouth to hide it. Kevin smiled at me, and I gazed into those luminescent orbs of his...but I had to say something. I knew he was expecting me to.

"Umm...how about Nazz? I-umm, if you still consider-"

"Yeah, I getcha," his smile faded, "nah, she's still my friend. Kinda. I mean...she's done way too much for me to say she's not. Heh..."

He got a glazed look in his eyes, staring at the carpet.

"She was a good person, you know? Smart, brutally honest, would trust your every word...guess that last part's what did me in. But it's not like I said anything to her, I guess...I guess I just should-of. I shoulda told her. She was awesome, man...I loved her, I...I do, just... _fuck_ , man, I screwed up."

I watched as he gripped his hat, squeezing until his knuckles went white. I moved a sympathetic hand, shyly, over his. A minute passed, and he slowly relaxed, and looked at me.

"I...oh dear, I, um..please don't tell Nazz this, um..."

He gave me a semi-annoyed look (no malice, of course), "Yeah? Spit it out."

I swallowed, "I'm...I'm rather glad you and Nazz didn't, umm...what I mean is, I simply..."

His hand turned, taking mine and squeezing it. I steadied my heart in a moment of silence (excluding the television, of course, which was merely background noise).

"If not for...what happened...I'd have never have come to know -this- you, and...that is something I'd rather not experience."

He thought for just a moment before a slight smile slid across his lips, "Yeah, me too."

Though not nearly as poetic as I had been, I knew what he meant. He shared my sentiment. Of course, I already imagined he did, but believing and knowing are two entirely different things.

Again, we sat side by side, his arm pulling me close, and at one point, pulling my head to lay on his leg. I simply closed my eyes and relished the comfort I felt in that moment.

Another half hour passed, an entire show, and as the credits rolled, I felt fingertips curl over my chest. I looked down my chest, seeing his fingers moving slowly over it. I gulped, a flutter in my chest as my mind flipped to his original comment much earlier about 'wanting' me. I held my own hands, squeezing them, closing my eyes again.

"Heh..." so soft, I barely heard it, "You know, Double D, I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to..."

Oh, dear Kevin, wanting has nothing to do with it.

I felt his abdomen move with a deep breath, part of my head resting close to it, "Just wanna be honest that I _do_ want to...when you're okay with it, though. Alright...?"

At this point I was looking up into his cerulean-green eyes, and could see how nervous he was, even saying that. He didn't have to be nervous. I was the one who had to be...for...reasons. Reasons I dealt with that evening, but I'll explain when I get there.

"I trust you, Kevin. And I will let you know, that's a promise." I spoke, not even thinking of my words as they came out naturally, truthfully.

His smile was pure, and saccharine. I wanted so to taste it...but goodness, I was far too comfortable to want to move.

Apparently he was as well, because it was around 9:30 PM when he finally decided to head home. I imagine a snail would have beaten him at the pace he went, getting up so slowly...I didn't mind at all. Nor did I mind escorting him to the door, because it meant I could finally do as I wanted earlier. I would, I told myself, before he did.

So when he got to the door and turned to say good night, I leaned in and kissed him. In my eagerness, I missed slightly...it seems to be an embarrassing habit of mine. He moved his head and pulled mine closer with gentle hands around my head. The kiss deepened, lips parting, his fingertips sliding beneath my beanie, and I had to remind myself that he knew.

He knew, and didn't judge me for it. He slid his fingertips through my hair, places no one but myself had touched for ages, and I hummed with delight. I felt his teeth graze my lip, which tickled, as I teased back with my tongue. To think the day would come that I'd use my tongue for such an unsanitary act, but...I suppose it is only human, isn't it, Diary?

We nipped in turn and our lips slow-danced, until, breathlessly, I parted. His eyes were dark, and beautiful, and I reached a hand to his cheek.

"Good night, my sweet Prince..."

...my heart flipped over when I said that. There's a good reason why I don't let myself speak without thinking, and THAT was why.

He clicked his tongue, smiling still, biting his lip, "Night D."

And he was gone, into the night.

My lips still tingled, I could feel him still. I slowly walked back to the couch. I turned the television off, and mechanically made my way upstairs, where I decided to peruse the internet for...things. Things I cleared my browser history for, Diary. Because I...needed to know what to do. I needed to study this. I needed to be prepared, as you must be with all things in life, I believe. If you can.

That one item...I had imagined it might be necessary. I stared at the screen, taking everything in. I looked at others, found comparisons between them, and eventually, I'd decided.

Thus, I gave Eddy a call.

"What's up Double D?"

"Hello, Eddy. I have a favor to ask of you."

"Shoot."

"From whence do you obtain your..."magazines"?"

"...really? Oh man, don't tell me you want me to get you some gay stuff, cuz I'm not gonna-"

"I'm not asking you to. I...plan to retrieve the item I require myself. It would be unfair to make you go in my stead, however more _comfortable_ that might make me..."

"Well...Shady's is kinda out of the way. How about I take you there after school, you can get your stuff, deal?"

"...deal."

"Great. Night Sockhead."

"Good night Eddy."

Oh, Diary...I am in denial even to myself of what I am going to purchase tomorrow. Forgive me for it, but it is a necessity, I fear. At least, it is in m _y_ opinion. One must always be prepared. Let it never be said that I wasn't.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

Oh, don't judge me, Diary.

Your Innocent-Until-Proven-Guilty Friend,

Eddward

P.S. I just recalled now, as I was getting ready for bed, that he did not remember the hickey. I'll suppose myself lucky, and hope Eddy's cover-up does the job. Wish me even more luck!


	51. My Sweet?

Nat,

So I kinda spent half the day screwing around with video games, looking out the window. Yeah, I opened 'em. I know, it's normally a man cave in there, the fresh air "does wonders," whatever man, I can already hear you gloating. Just did it cuz I wanted to see D but knew he was at his friend's. Tried to read that new book he lent me a while back again, but I guess my mind's just too focused on _him_ to concentrate. It's fucking ridiculous. 'Least I got my homework done so he won't get me on that one.

Around like 4:30 I heard Ed shouting. It's pretty much impossible -not- to hear him, with the windows open. Knew what that meant - I mean, I'm a cul-de-sac kid. And I also knew Edd was at Eddy's place, so I looked out, and saw him. Dropped the controller and ran out. Shouted at him and he said 'greetings', cuz, you know, Dork, but cute.

Gave him a hug cuz it'd pretty much been on my mind all day, and I don't think he was expecting it. He actually kinda freaked out I think, not sure why, I figure he mighta been doing his whole, 'I'm not worthy' shit, and I wasn't having that, so I squeezed tighter. He let out this little sigh and man, it just felt nice, that I could do this, and he wouldn't stop me. I can make him happy now...it sounds fucking girly-as, but damn if I don't enjoy it.

Said hey again because I guess my mind kinda got lost when I looked at that smile of his. I know you didn't see it, but...trust me, it's worth it. And the Dork talked sass at me! It's was fucking hilarious and I loved it. Who woulda thought he had it in'm?

Also, he covered the hickey. Wasn't gonna tell him I noticed, because I felt bad enough that I gave it. I mean...I'm glad I did, the sounds he made were fucking worth it, but I didn't wanna give him something he had to hide like this. He's a shy guy, he's not like the whores at school flaunting them like trashy trophies. It's good enough I know it's there, and he's mine, and he let me give it to him.

When we got inside, I hugged him again, and the sass came back. So I just held him tighter...and God, man, the sounds he makes, they fucking drive me crazy. I told him I missed him, and hearing him say it back was...nice. Even if it was obvious, it's just good to hear sometimes, yaknow?

Then I guess my lesser brain got the better of me and I let my hands do the talking and _kinda maybe_ freaked him out _a lot_. He asked if I wanted refreshments. Yeah, I wanted _him_. Think I even said that out loud cuz he was staring at my lips after I thought it. I mean, I know, I'm not gonna push _shit_ on the kid, he's a sweetheart, I just...damn if I don't want him. I know _you_ know, I just, fuck, man, it's insane, wanting something you can't reach yet. Waiting sucks.

He got me some water, and I pretty much downed it all right then, I was so damn lost in thought. I didn't want to wait. But at least I had him. There was that. So I put an arm around him, because I was going to lose my mind if I couldn't at least be touching him in some way. Yeah, I know, you pervert, laugh all you want.

So we watched tv and I watched him because I couldn't -not- watch him. He looked so beautifully content...yeah, I know, it's weird for me to say that sorta thing, but he is. I think you'd agree with me, legit, man. So I told him. And the Dork told me I 'didn't look so bad' myself. Freakin' sass, man! I love it!

But he said something about his friends, and it reminded me that I kinda...needed to know why the hell he dealt with them at all. I wasn't about to befriend the idiots, but I could at least deal for Edd's sake.

So here's the basics.

Eddy's got big brother issues, which I kinda know firsthand. His big bro was his role model and fucked his brain up bad, and now Eddy doesn't know how to _not_ be an asshat. But I guess he's really loyal, really does care about Edd, which I do get, after he gave me that note, gave me that talk. I mean, I still don't like him, but I guess I can deal with his issues if he's a good friend to Edd. But if he does something stupid and Edd comes crying to me Imma beat his fucking face in.

Ed's dumb as a brick, even Double D admits that, but I guess he's got a heart of gold. Not surprised. He seemed like he was nice, just fucking retarded. Guess that's how it comes out. Can't hate a guy when they don't mean to be annoying. I mean, Eddy should make some damn effort not to, but Ed literally can't know better. It's like kicking a pup for not being able to ride a damn bike, and fuck if I'm _that_ stupid.

He asked about you guys...so I told him. Not gonna tell you what I told him about you, but I did tell him you pretty much force me to write these stupid things or else you get your panties in a twist. I don't mind now, honestly, it's kinda good to vent I guess. I'm a lot less, you know...temperamental I guess is the word.

And Nazz...it'll hurt for a while, man. I fucked our trust, and I hope things can go back to how they were when we were kids. It hurts, man...

But I was rambling about how I hated that I fucked up, and Double D said he was glad about it. Like, he didn't want to, practically begged me not to tell Nazz, as if. It was cute. I mean...I love Nazz. As a friend. But I guess...I'm glad I found Edd, the real Edd.

Watched tv for a bit more, cuz I think we were both worn out over talking about such emotional crap, and I started thinking again. About him, about wanting him, and about how I really really REALLY didn't want him to be scared anytime I touched him in some way that wasn't completely 'innocent'. I ran my fingers down his chest, wanting so badly to do more than touch his shirt, and he freaked again, holding his hands like, super tightly, and I felt bad. But I told him I would never do anything he didn't want...because I wouldn't. I'd never, ever do something like that. I'm a jackass sometimes but I'm not that much of a jackass. Hell, if he'd said 'no' last night, I'd have stopped in a heartbeat, but he didn't, and I'm glad. Even if it was just a big fucking tease for me anyways.

I did tell him I wanted to do things though. And he said he trusted me, and he'd tell me when he's ready, so I guess it'll be a while. I don't wanna wait, but I will.

We sat there for another few hours, making small talk about school and shit, and at 9:30 I was like 'wtf' at how late it'd gotten. Dunno how I didn't notice how dark it was, but I guess I just didn't care. I was pretty damn comfy with a cute boy in my arm, so fuck the rest.

He followed me to the door and kissed me. Dork keeps missing, it's adorable and kinda funny, so I kissed him proper. Even nipped his lips a few times, didn't hear any complaints. Hope he does it back sometime...Nazz sure as hell didn't. But she didn't like it. So I never pushed it on her...

When I pulled away, his eyes were on mine and he said...something to me. Was gonna write it, but no, I think that'll just be something I keep to myself. He freaked out when he said the thing he said, and I just said 'night to him. And left. Because I felt myself turn red as a fucking stoplight and I wasn't gonna let him see it. God, that kid's amazing, and he won't even let himself see it.

Ugh...but now I gotta think about tomorrow. Tomorrow's the big fucking day and even if I really want to tell the world he's mine, I'm not an idiot. I'm...kinda scared for him, man. When people find out, and they will, shit's gonna go down unless we do some serious damage control. Fuck bigots.

Well, wish me luck tomorrow I guess. And Edd. He needs it more than me, cuz I can't dog his steps all day even if I wanna. And I can't avoid him either. I really like him, Nat. It sucks that I have to hide it. It's not fair to anyone.

I'll tell you tomorrow, whatever happens, dude.

Kev


	52. Dear Diary Entry No 23

Dearest Diary,

Today...we took the plunge into the hallowed halls of Peach Creek High School, as a couple.

It wasn't quite as climactic as I would have thought, but...I suppose I should go into detail about the day. And the events after school, goodness knows I'd rather deny that part of my life, but one cannot deny the truth forever.

My day began as per usual, with the crisp air biting at my hair, still wet from the shower, as I walked alongside Ed. We were waiting for Eddy to emerge from his house so we could walk to school. Ed asked if I'd been bitten by a vampire. It made me self-conscious of the mark, ever-present under the gifted concealer, but I knew I'd hidden it well. Ed has a knack for seeing things no one else does, after all.

Eddy emerged, groggy from a late night of who-knows-what, backpack lazily strung around one shoulder. I couldn't help but smile at my friend, despite his attitude towards mornings.

"Good morning, Eddy! Are you excited for yet another day of learning?" I practically chanted, if only because it'd become a habit of mine to poke fun at his distaste for it.

He groaned, "I'd rather eat one of Ed's socks."

Ed looked down at his shoes, gasping, "Not Rupert!"

I giggled, and Eddy gave Ed an odd look, then he made a face, as though imagining doing what he'd just described.

"Chill out Ed, it was a joke. 'Rupert' is safe from me, unless Sockhead keeps talking."

Ed gasped, "Double D, please don't let him eat Rupert! He's like a little brother, he keeps my toesies safe even when he's taking a bath! Hey Eddy, is Double D related to Rupert?"

Ed...you're so nonsensical.

"I would never allow harm come to your sock-friend. And I'm afraid that is physically impossible, Ed, as amusing as that might be."

And thus was our conversation for the morning, if only written so I can fondly recall the inanity some day.

Suddenly, our conversation was interrupted by a distant shout, "Hey, Double D!"

Eddy looked back, before turning his head forward again, face-palming with a groan.

"What's your _boyfriend_ doing here, Sockhead?"

I smiled just lightly, amused by his failed attempt to tease me, "I suppose he's going to walk with me this morning. ...is that going to be a problem, Eddy?"

"Yeah, it's a problem. It's too damn early for this. Come on, Ed, let's go before Shovelhead starts something." Ed smiled and followed after Eddy, who had picked up his pace, leaving me behind. I was slightly upset, but I understood - Eddy and Kevin would not soon become friends, and to force them to walk together would be a tad unfair to Eddy. I shook my head and turned back.

"Greetings, Kevin!" I smiled at him, as he walked up to me, and we began walking towards school, Eddy and Ed quickly becoming specks in the distance. "It is a pleasant surprise to see you this fine morning; I would have thought you'd have gotten a ride with your father."

He shrugged, smirking, "Yeah well I wanted to walk with ya. Got a problem with that?"

"I don't, of course. However, Eddy did, as you could see."

"What _doesn't_ Eddy have a problem with?"

"...Cash."

We both chuckled.

I shivered as a chill wind blew. Kevin tilted his head.

"You cold?"

I nodded, "It is a bit chilly, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"Why aren't you wearing my jacket?"

"I...well, for one, people would assume things. And secondly...I need to wash and return it."

He gave me an incredulous look, "Why would you need to wash it?"

I blushed, "Well, I...might have accidentally fallen asleep in it the other night, which is rather unsanitary for a day garment, and-"

"Man, you can do whatever with it. Keep it, if you want. I've got spares."

"I-I couldn't, I mean, it's yours, and you look so good in it..."

He laughed through his nose, "And you _don't_?"

I smiled and looked down, feeling shy at his comment, "I...alright, I...I'll keep it in mind next time it's cold out."

He walked along side me, hands in his pockets. My mind wandered, remembering what today was, or what it could be. I felt myself sigh.

"Something up?" He looked at me with prodding eyes.

"I'm...simply finding myself thinking about the day, and what it might hold for me...us."

He looked down, "Thought you weren't worried about...you know."

"Yes, well, though I understand the risks behind people finding out about...us, I would be foolish not to feel cautious. Or...worried, I suppose. It simply...took some time to catch up with me. The reality of the situation, that is..."

I found a hand around my own, fingers lacing. I blushed.

"Hey, it'll be ok. I know about this stuff too. I mean, I know Nat. He's told me what to expect, and I...I guess I worry about you."

I let a soft grin come forth, "I appreciate your concern. I try my best not to let the opinions of others affect me, but the actions of others can't be so easily swept aside."

He squeezed my hand, "We'll figure it out, D."

And so we walked. I imagine we got there a few minutes after Eddy and Ed, but we always left early to ensure we were never late. As it happened, we were just on time. The moment we were in view of school, Kevin let go of my hand. It was upsetting, but only logical. I tried not to show my disappointment, but Kevin's was clearly visible. I suppose that was a nice consolation, knowing I wasn't the only one.

"Kevin! Double D!" Nazz was leaning against the railing of the stairs to the school, and she ran down.

Kevin just nodded his head, and I smiled, "Salutations, Nazz!"

"Hey, I need to steal your boyfriend for a sec, is that okay?" The way she said 'boyfriend' was...odd. Purposeful and somber, twisted by her happy demeanor. Oh, Nazz, I'm sorry...

"Feel free, Nazz. I should be getting to my locker, anyways. I'll see you later, Kevin, if you'd like..." My voice went shy, and Kevin smirked at me, grabbing and squeezing my shoulder.

"Yeah, catch ya, Double D."

I went to retrieve my books from my locker, a bit envious of Nazz having Kevin's attention for the morning. I looked their way; Kevin looked kind-of worried, and Nazz seemed to be reassuring him of something. I wasn't going to pry, so I decided I'd head to my first class early.

It so happened that Nazz came a few minutes later, as she and I share our 1st period class. Nazz walked up to me and sat on the desk beside me. I smiled at her.

"I assume your talk with Kevin went well?"

Nazz was grinning, and she chuckled, "Yeah dude! Listen, so me and Sarah are gonna try and figure things out for you guys. I know that sounds weird, but just...trust us, okay? We're gonna try and talk to people, and maybe by the end of the week, everyone'll know."

I paled, "I...I'll trust you. It's just, I...what do you plan to do?"

She cocked her head and grinned, "We're just gonna talk to people, figure out where everyone stands on the issue. Dude, listen, me and Kevin know all about this stuff, Nat's friends went through a whole lot of crap and I don't want that happening to you. You're my friend. So I'm gonna talk with Sarah between classes and we're gonna get things straight. You guys shouldn't have to hide this..."

"W-why thank you, Nazz. That is very kind of you...I don't feel deserving." My eyes flickered down, the last part having been spoken quietly. I felt the guilt of now being with her former boyfriend washing over me.

She saw it written all over my face, "Double D...you're a good guy. I'd do this for you in a heartbeat. Don't beat yourself up over what happened, okay? Promise me that." Her eyes narrowed at me, a cute pout on her lips.

I acquiesced, "...Alright. Thank you, Nazz. You're very kind, I am lucky to know you."

A smile lit up her face and she slid off the desk, going back to her seat.

Not much else of note occurred until lunch, where I found Kevin and Nazz seated with my friends. I was rather surprised by this, but happily so, as Kevin was seated next to my spot. Eddy looked tolerant of the situation, likely because Nazz was there. Ed seemed thrilled to have so many people sitting with him, though he was also thrilled it was turkey & gravy (with a nice helping on mashed potatoes) day in the cafeteria.

I took my seat by Kevin, and was greeted by Nazz immediately.

"Hey D, how's your day been?"

I smiled at her as I felt Kevin's finger graze mine quickly, causing me to gulp, before speaking, "It's been going wonderfully, Nazz. And how goes your campaign to determine the attitudes of Peach Creek's student populace?"

"It's going _rad_ Double D," she smiled widely, emphasizing her words with hand motions, "Seems most people don't really care. Haven't found anyone worth worrying about yet, but if I do, I'll be sure to let you know."

"Thank you, Nazz, your efforts are beyond what I'd ever imagine a friend would bequeath upon me."

Kevin chuckled. Eddy gave him an analyzing look, and Nazz seemed confused. Kevin seemed to realize this.

"Oh, uhh...yeah, Nazz, that's great. I wasn't laughing at you just then, just at Double D,"

Eddy crossed his arms, causing Kevin to bite his lip, nervously putting his hand behind his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he practically growled.

Kevin chuckled nervously, "I mean...just..." I knew what he laughed at. I figured, perhaps, he didn't know if it was alright to talk about. I appreciated the concern, and decided to step in for him.

"What Kevin means is that he finds my way of speech endearing. I have a... _tendency_ to overthink what I'm going to say, and he's amused by the excessive language I use for simple replies and conversations. No harm done, Eddy. I believe _you_ are guilty of the same thing." I gave a sly smile to Eddy, who let out a 'pfft' and decided to start talking with Nazz.

Watching him try to flirt with Nazz was like watching the beginning of a trainwreck. I squirmed, wanting to say something for several minutes, before I finally felt Kevin grab my wrist. I blushed, nervous someone would see, but fortunately we were in the corner of the lunch room, with only lunch aids to gaze upon us. I was not worried about the faculty.

"I know what you're thinking man. Just let it happen, Nazz'll sort things out," he said quietly to me. Eddy was currently going into detail about some extravagant scam he pulled, trying to impress Nazz, who was cutely giggling and egging him on.

"I can't help but worry for him...even if I suppose Nazz should also be worried, given Eddy's intentions...despite how good a person I know he is somewhere inside of him." The hand slid down my wrist to my hand, and I bit my lip. I looked up to his cerulean eyes, filled with understanding, and sighed, "I...alright."

He squeezed my hand, "It's cute how much you care about them, you know."

At this point, Ed, who was sitting across the table beside Eddy, decided to join in.

"Double D, did you get a sunburn?"

I smiled at his innocence, however embarrassed I might have been at all the eyes suddenly on my face, "No, Ed. I am merely blushing. It is often a sign of embarrassment, or simply something that occurs in the newest stages of a relationship, at times."

"Oh," Ed screwed his face up, "does that mean you're dating the sun?"

Kevin smirked, looking down. I smiled at Ed, and shook my head, "No, Ed. I'm dating Kevin. Sunburns and blushing are not the same. Sunburns damage the skin, whilst blushing is...think of it like how chameleons change color to display their mood."

Ed gasped, "I knew it! Eddy, he's a lizard!"

Everyone laughed. It took some time to calm Ed and remedy his fears, and then casual discussion continued. I'd removed my hand from Kevin's to eat, but afterwards, he took and massaged my hand with his thumb, drawing circles on the back of my hand. I truly felt at peace, Diary...even remembering it is lovely.

When lunch ended, I was saddened to find his hand leaving mine, the clamminess on my hand the only reminder of what had been there. That, and the handsome boy walking beside me to my locker.

"So you doing anything after school today? I gotta go to practice, but..."

"I-I'm afraid I do have plans, Kevin. With Eddy. I apologize for the inconvenience."

He gave me a strange look, "It's cool. Dunno why you gotta be nervous about it though."

I smiled, looking at my hands which were kneading one another as I thought of a reply, "It's nothing, simply thinking about the day ahead of me is all."

"Yeah, well, I guess I'll catch you tomorrow then, Double Dorkable."

I caught his eyes, "I suppose so..."

He leaned in close, as though to whisper something to me. A pensive look crossed my face, wondering what he might say, and I felt a soft peck near my ear.

I froze. He parted from me, looking at me for a moment, "Seeya babe..."

And he walked off, maintaining his cool. Whilst I, on the other hand, was a flustered mess as I went on my way to class.

A few more periods passed, and just before my final class of the day (Study Hall, if you recall, Diary), I was stopped by someone quite familiar - Jimmy.

"Double D, hey, how are you?" he said, his voice never having seemed to have gone through puberty with the rest of us.

"I am doing well, Jimmy, and how might you be?"

He wrung his hands, "I'm great. Fantastic, even! Sarah told me..." he covered his mouth.

I nodded at him understandingly, "I'm not surprised. I suppose you have something to ask me?" I smiled at him, hoping to calm his nerves.

"No-no, not really, I just, uhh...I wanted to...oh, jeeze," he took a deep breath, closing his eyes before looking at me again, steeling his nerves, "I wanted to say I'm p-proud of you."

I tilted my head at the curious comment, "Proud? For what?"

"F-for actually doing something, instead of hiding..."

"I...wouldn't say that, Jimmy. I'm still hiding, in a way...but I'm curious, what brought this comment forth?" I was utterly clueless.

"Well, uh," Jimmy seemed to dance in place nervously. I felt bad for the kid, and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. He bit his lip and seemed to _attempt_ to calm himself again, "I...I can't really talk about it, I just, if y-you guys can do this, it'll be a good thing. For um, well...oh, darnit," he stomped the ground, "I just don't want to hide anymore, okay? Is that so much to ask?"

I wasn't certain what he was hiding, though I admit I have my guesses, but I simply shook my head, "One should never have to hide themselves. I am hopeful that what Kevin and I are doing might help you in some way...if that's what you're referring to."

"Yes! Uh," he coughed politely, "I need to get to class. Just, don't tell anyone I said anything to you. I'm not ready yet, oh my I'm not ready at all!"

My hand squeezed his shoulder before pulling away, smiling reassuringly, "Your secret's safe with me." Whatever it was.

"Oh, thank you, Double D. I gotta run. Good luck!" He ran off, leaving me confused about what in the world _that_ was all about.

Study Hall went by without a hitch, but for my worrying. About the evening, at this point. And upon leaving Study Hall, I found Eddy waiting for me. Whether he'd gotten out early or skipped class, I couldn't know, but he pointed a thumb behind his back.

"Let's get this show on the road. It's just down Jasper Street, I know how to get there in a way that nobody will see us."

I noticed the lack of Ed, "I imagine Ed has already gone home?"

Eddy gave me a desbelieving look, "...do you really want to bring Lumpy to a sex shop?"

Goodness no. "Point taken. Let's be off, then."

It was an awkward walk to the shop. For me, at least. Eddy seemed unperturbed by the strange location we were heading to, where-as I couldn't have been more nervous. The streets weren't entirely familiar, it'd been a long time since I'd walked them. Eventually we came to a store with papered windows, with a small name above it, "Shady's", with 'Adult World' in small print beneath it. Oh goodness, what was I getting myself into.

Upon entering, the people at the counter were talking casually, when the guy looked over at us and perked up.

"Hey, it's Devin's little brother. How's it goin' little man?"

I was surprised Eddy didn't have some snark for the guy, as he casually strolled to the counter, leaning on it, "Hey Jack. It's all good. Looking to get some new material. Kid here's a friend, I know you'll look the other way."

Jack laughed, "Yeah yeah. Hell, we don't judge. Kids can do whatever they want, it's pretty obvious what's off-limits. Just don't tell anyone I let him in, you dig? You're special, he's just a guest."

"Pfft, as if he'd come back. Practically had to drag him here..."

Their conversation continued, and I found myself at a loss. I was surrounded by things I'd only ever seen in magazines and during my short perusal of the internet the other night. I supposed I looked at lost as I felt, as the woman at the counter approached me.

"Hey hun, you need some help?"

I gulped, stuttering, "I-I just need...it's s-something private, for my-oh dear-"

"Relax. I don't bite. I work here; this stuff is all just product to me. Try not to think about it like it's sex, just pretend it's groceries. It is in my book. Just, very 'adult' groceries. Now, tell me what you're looking for, hun." Her smile was gentle, with short, auburn hair framing her face. I tried my best to relax. I barely succeeded.

"I...need something to...prepare me to anal sex." I had to force the words out, and practically choked as I did. I coughed, wincing, but she just smiled.

"Aisle 3, follow me~" she said in a sing-song voice. And so I did, with nervous steps.

I won't describe to you everything about what happened, Diary. Simply to say, she was very helpful in explaining to me what each 'product' was meant for, the benefits and deficits to each, and eventually I wound up with a (costly) product I was content with. And some lubricant. Goodness did I not believe I'd be purchasing -either- of these items, Diary. But I suppose that is life, and it is never what we expect.

I rung them up at the counter, and they were placed in a discreet brown bag. Eddy was waiting outside at this point, a brown bag (likely full of magazines) at his side.

"Ya good?" His eyes flicked my direction.

"I am."

"Good, let's get out of this place."

And thus we did, and headed home.

Now, I'm sitting here with a bag of unmentionables, trying to mentally prepare myself for what I'm going to do. I suppose it would be easier if I got myself into the mood...I have done it before, but mostly after an evening with Kevin. I still couldn't believe we grinded until...oh, goodness me, and then I saw...I wonder, what will he think when he sees me? Will he be disgusted? I saw with my own eyes in the dim light that he was most definitely, umm, 'cut', I suppose is a term for it. I, on the other hand, am still fully intact, as my parents never wished to deprive me of a part of my body I was born to have.

I will say, with the pleasure I derive from it, I must agree that it is something I'd rather not live without. How it could be so popular, circumcision, that is, is beyond me.

Still...just imagining him pressing my body up against the tree trunk, feeling his erection pressing against mine...oh dear...imagining it is starting to excite me already.

I suppose I should go...prepare...oh my goodness, how can I do something like this?

Don't judge me, please, Diary, I...I have to do this, now or never...I have to at least try. Give me the will not to chicken out.

Oh dear.

Your Depraved and Unchaste Writer (oh, forgive me),

Double D


	53. Just A Day

Hey Nat,

So today was a day. I guess that's all I can say about it.

Got up this morning earlier than normal, cuz I knew how early the Eds got up for school, and I really wanted to catch Double D, maybe walk with him. Pops was pretty damn confused, started prodding me with questions, "Which Ed is this anyways? The dumb one, the smart one, or the shrimpy one?" So I told him. And he just wouldn't -stop-, man! He kept asking why I was hanging out with him so much, if there was more to it. I ended up slipping and I guess he started to catch on. Before I left, he said something like, "Look, I don't care what you do with your life, just don't keep me in the damn dark." I think it was that. So...I guess I'll have to deal with telling him sometime soon. And mom...I really need to call her again soon.

Raced out the door and yelled out to Double D, and his friends just wandered off. Not that I care, I really don't think I can deal with them yet, but still, felt kinda shit that I made them do that to him. So when he mentioned he thought I'd get a ride, I asked if he had a problem with me walking with him, jokingly. Though to be honest I kinda did feel bad about it, but he seemed pretty thrilled. He made a joke about Eddy, it was cute. He's just so cute, man, you don't even know...

So the kid was cold, right? Didn't even bother wearing my jacket cuz he thought he got it 'dirty' when he slept in it. Yeah, I got that warm feeling in my chest knowing he did that, but still, thought he was over all this hygienic stuff. I -wanted- to see him in my jacket. I hope he wears it sometime. Hope he's not just ashamed of me or something fucking stupid like that, and he's just hiding it...Idk, I'm probably making shit up, just hard not to feel kinda worthless when I'm around him. He could be anybody and anything, and I barely know what I wanna do after High School except blow money on a joyride.

Guess he's been worrying about _today_ a lot. I mean, can't blame him, not with all the shit you told me about James...I don't want that happening to him. I can't deal with it. I couldn't forgive myself if something like that happened. I just kinda reassured him, even if I wasn't so sure myself about anything. I can put on a hell of a fucking show but fuck if I'm not scared as anyone else sane in this damn world.

We got to school and Nazz pulled me aside, we talked, she had this idea that she'd start asking people things, like, not directly, but joking and stuff. Making comments about gay people, hitting on a gay actor or some shit and seeing how people reacted and shit when she asked their opinions. Idk man, it was her idea, but it sounded better than my idea of 'wing it'. Guess she was gonna get Sarah in on it too. Girl drives me up a wall, but she pretty much knows everyone, and I don't think anyone would fuck with her, so...whatever.

Got to sit with him at lunch today. And Nazz, and the other Eds. But I got to sit next to him, which was nice. Nazz told us things were looking good so far, and Dorkable kept blabbering on with his smart gibberish, I laughed. Eddy got all pissy and Double D kinda saved my ass by saying why I was laughing at him when he was just being polite. Then Eddy started flirting up Nazz and Edd looked all worried. Figured he was worried about Eddy going for her, but...honestly? You know Nazz. You know he's not gonna get far if he's really a douchebag. And she'd probably karate chop his dick off if he tried anything, and _fuck_ if I don't want to hear about that one, haha!

But yeah, told him not to worry about it, held his hand, it was a nice damn lunch. Kinda went by too quick. Asked him if he had plans, and I guess he did, with Eddy. Sucks, but what can you do? Can't expect him to be free every damn day. Least I snuck a peck in before I had to go to class. Kid looked like he was gonna faint, loved it. Man, he drives me crazy. In a good way.

So Study Hall was next, and Sarah was in it, with Jimmy. She decided it was 'annoy Kevin' day, and started drilling me with questions about Double D. Tried to answer them but good lord, it's like she pulled some of them out of her ass! Jimmy just kept quiet, he had Double D's whole _thinking_ look going on, it was weird, but... _he's_ weird. I answered every damn question she threw at me. That class was a nightmare. Wish Nazz had come over to calm her down, but she was studying...ugh. It was exhausting.

After school, had practice, all the guys were talking about Nazz's weird obsession with some gay actor. Heard Cam and Jason talk shit, they were the only ones. I didn't join in, glad they didn't know why I didn't want to. Probably assumed it was cuz of the break-up still. One of em did ask why I was sitting with 'the Dorks' and Nazz today, had to make some study group excuse, they bought it.

Now I'm bored, home alone, reading the book Edd lent me. I almost wanna call him, but I don't wanna seem that desperate...fuck, man, am I that clingy that I can't stand a night without him? Fuck me. No, not really, you have your _own_ boy toys. I'm Edd's.

Anyways, gonna hit the sack soon, just gotta finish this chapter.

Write back soon, it's been a while, man.

Catch ya.

Kev


	54. Dear Diary Entry No 24

Dearest Diary,

This morning was a cut-and-paste of the previous morning. I heard Kevin call my name, and I lost Ed and Eddy to the wind.

Kevin made a 'tst' sound, "What's with them?"

"Ed is simply following Eddy...and Eddy, well, he is simply not taking 'you' well." I looked up into those lovely eyes of his, shining from the morning's soft sun.

He looked at me, frowning, "...didya want me to not, like...walk with you or somethin'? Cuz I don't mind, I just, you know, like it..."

I smiled apologetically, shaking my head, "It is no fault of yours that Eddy cannot see past his petty grievances against you. Though I will miss my mornings with them, I suppose they'll be better spent with you, until the time Eddy grows a little more _tolerant_."

I felt a hand touch mine, taking hold. He smiled at me, and it was so genuine and lovely. My friends weren't going anywhere, but the trappings of new love, they would leave in due time. I wished to savor them whilst I could.

The day went pleasantly. Nazz updated us on her efforts to learn everyone's opinion on 'the subject', and Eddy actually laughed at one of Kevin's jokes. Baby steps. Kevin asked if he could come over, and I told him I'd give him a call when I was free (as I had some studying to do, Diary).

Upon arriving home, I was immediately accosted by a ringing. And, upon picking up the phone...

"Hello, Eddward speaking."

"Honey, hello, it's me! _It's us, you mean-_ Yes, it's me and your father."

"O-oh, greetings, I..must say I didn't expect you to call, so I apologize for answering so late, I only just arrived home from school, you see-"

" _I told you to call later-_ I'm so sorry sweetheart! But this news simply couldn't wait! You see, this weekend- _We're coming home to visit!"_ My father practically shouted, my ear ringing.

"Oh my, I haven't prepared at all!"

"Nonsense, honey, you don't need to prepare! You're a young man now, with your own life. Soon you'll flutter off to college and leave us with an empty nest- _Get on with it, Dear_ -Oh, so yes, I was hoping you'd bring some of your little friends over so we could meet them! It's been so long!"

"I...yes, I suppose that could work, I...oh goodness me! I haven't told you yet!"

"Haven't told us what- _Haven't told us what_?" They said in tandem.

"Umm, it's not something I can properly tell you over the phone, umm-"

"Say no more, dear, tell us when we get there.- _But Denise...-_ We can wait."

"Alright. I shall be looking forward to it, Mother, Father!"

"Well, we better get back to work- _Because everyone here's useless, it seems, except for us-_ We'll be there early Saturday morning. Until then, my little Raven- _Tst, been a while since you've called him that. Bye, son!_ "

I blushed, "Bye, Mother! Bye, Father!"

-click-

Oh my goodness, that gave me a lot to take in. But I had to focus, focus...studying, then Kevin. I couldn't forget, even if this was quite the bit of news!

I took to studying for a good half hour, before I called. I imagined he had only been home for a little while, he had practice tonight (that's all it ever seemed to be for now - practice), but I hoped I would catch him.

He picked up immediately.

"Hey."

"Greetings, Kevin. I have finished what I had set out to do, and you are free to come over."

"Rad. I'll see you soon...ish. I...I have something to take care of first."

"Of course, Kevin. Take all the time you need."

"Seeya then."

"Goodbye."

-click-

Around 5 minutes after the conversation ended, I heard the pitter-patter of rain on the rooftops. It cascaded in sheets not long after. No thunder, merely rain and wind...and I found myself doubting Kevin would come over at all this evening.

20 minutes later, I heard my doorbell. I swung it open immediately, gasping.

"Kevin, you have no umbrella! Come in, quickly!"

Kevin's smile was there, hidden beneath strands of fiery red hair, and he laughed, "Yeah yeah. I kinda figured if I ran I wouldn't need one."

When he was safely inside, I closed the door, turned, and placed my hands on my hips.

"It's raining cats and dogs out there. Look at you, you're drenched! You'll catch a chill!"

He chuckled again, "You're cute when you're angry."

I pouted, "Humph. At least I'm not soaked to the bone. Look at your shirt! I'm surprised your pants fared as well as they did!"

"Yeah yeah..." He waved me off.

I sighed, smiling just the slightest amount at his attitude, but hid it, going into a more 'parental' mode, "Well, the least you can do is remove it so I can put it in the drier. I won't have you becoming ill on my watch from a weakened immune system."

He raised an eyebrow at me, smirked, and looked down.

I realized what I'd just asked him to do, and felt myself redden as I watched him grab the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. His hat came off as well, but I didn't really notice at the time. My mind had pretty much stopped.

He walked up to me and placed his balled-up shirt in my hand, and I tried to keep my eyes focused on his face, his hair, anything. I smiled, and it was forced. He stared at me as though he knew just what he'd done to me. I simply turned on a dime and walked towards the laundry room, starting it up...

Upon returning to the living room, I found Kevin holding himself. I knew he must be cold, but...then I realized I had his jacket up in my room.

"Oh, your jacket! Let me go get it for you!" I did my best not to look at him, lest my thoughts go where I did not allow them stray (not with company, mind you). I ran up the stairs, entered my room, retrieved the jacket, took a deep breath, and turned. There he was, standing in the doorway in all his damned glory. How is one's mind supposed to be chaste with _that_ wandering throught one's house?!

"I-I have your j-jacket here." I stuttered out. Kevin's face was painted with a sly smile.

"Cool. Hey...so this is your room?"

I blinked and realized he'd never been inside my room before, and looked at where his eyes wandered. Science experiments, little projects, shelves of books, my room had matured but was still very much a reflection of myself. I let myself smile.

"Yes...this is my room...umm..." I squeezed the jacket. Kevin furrowed his brows, looked at the jacket, and was struck with realization. He walked up to where I was, next to the bed. He took the jacket from my hands, smiling up at me.

"Hey, is it okay if I, yaknow, sit down?" If it had been anyone else, mildew from wet clothing on my bed would have come to mind, but with Kevin...

"Certainly."

He sat...and was no closer to putting the jacket on. My willpower was waning. My eyes flicked over his abdomen, taut and lean, faint lines tracing the lengths of muscled underneath. My eyes flicked back up, and I bit my lip. Kevin yawned, and leaned back. Oh dear oh dear I saw more than I...well, I wanted to see it, but...goodness, Diary, a man needs to be able to control himself, and I was losing my grip!

"You know, it's not my jacket anymore. 'Sides, I think you like the view." His cat-like glare was analyzing me, and I felt a pawn in his little game. I decided I would at least give myself a fighting chance.

"Well...as much as I'd love to peruse your supple musculature, I imagine you are quite cold."

He narrowed his eyes. Then, that half-grin of his slid across his lips.

"So you _were_ checking me out."

I blushed, looking down. I somehow managed to reply, "A-affirmative." I still don't know why I even tried to reply. Or why I said that! Oh, how embarrassing...

He smirked at me, stretching out across my bed, moving so his head rested on my pillow. I blushed at the scene, still averting my gaze.

"You know, you can if you want. You don't have to ask."

I rubbed my elbow, biting my lip hard enough to wince.

He yawned, "Maybe I'll just take a nap here..." That mischievous smirk on his face...

I stared at him, confused, "I...well..."

"Hey, whatever you do or don't do while I'm asleep, that's up to you. But frick if I'm gonna give up the chance to sleep on your bed." I knew he was teasing me, that he wasn't really going to sleep...he was far too awake, I could see it, but...I let myself believe it. Because it was giving me the opportunity to act on things, and do things, that shy little Double D would never, ever do...

I watched his eyes flicker closed, and simply stood there, watching him breathe. I let my eyes wander, letting them take in his form. Where-as I was lithe, he was built, but subtly so. I could simply imagine my fingertips running over his smooth abdominal muscles, tracing down lower, taking in every centimeter of his toned body. I winced, trying to stop my mind, but...it was already on its way.

I took a step forward...and another. I was next to the bed now, Kevin's breathing indicative of his waking status, but I could have cared less. It was something about now being seen, being able to act without judgement, that let me do what I was about to do.

I sat down, gently, at his hip. My eyes drank him in, all the way down to where the curve of his hip poked out from the top of his genes. Attractive...handsome...goodness, if no other words could describe it, he still drove me crazy.

A shaking hand, battered by my strongly-pulsing heart, inched closer to his body. I chose the neck, somewhere I'd been, but somewhere my fingertips only barely knew. With how sensitive one's fingertips are, I knew there was a lot they could tell me. I let them touch him, feather-light, and he took in a breath. I smiled, watching his chest rise and fall, letting the rest of my fingers fall upon him. He was cold, and I felt bad that he'd declined the jacket because of my wandering eyes, but...I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

Ever-so-slowly, I let the tips run down, over his clavicle, meeting the first rib, cloaked in muscle. I haphazardly traced patterns over them, simply taking in the pleasant, smooth feeling of his skin. His breathing was no longer hushed, I could hear each time he exhaled now. I couldn't tell if it was from concentration, or something more.

My naughty mind, and obeying fingertips, traveled further, dancing over his abdominal muscles, and I let my hand curl. My fingernails just barely ran over it, and I heard a gasp. At this point, I was fully erect...but I couldn't do much about it. And stopping this? I simply could not.

A teasing line ran from his bellybutton down to the rim of his pants. I bit my lip, gulping, letting my hand touch over his abdomen. He took a sharp breath. My hand ran down over the trail, and when a rebellious pinkie finger slid down just below the top of his pants, I heard the softest of moans. My eyes flickered closed, and I bit my tongue to keep myself from acting out. I noticed the fabric move, further down...it wasn't my doing.

I lifted my hand.

His eyes shot open, staring at me, so longingly...

I looked down, blushing, embarrassed at what I'd just done, but...somehow, not entirely shy about it. Nervous of his reaction, I suppose, but not shy.

He pushed himself up and laid his arms on his knees.

"God... _fuck_ , man, do that anytime you want." His face was red, and I felt shy, finally. I looked down, twiddling my thumbs.

He looked at me, concerned.

"Hey...sorry I swore, just..."

I shook my head, "That's not it."

His smile was gone, "Then...did I do something...I mean...sorry I got kinda...you know...excited, but..."

"I just...it's odd, Kevin."

"Odd?" He was sitting up, staring at me with such concern. I felt terrible that I was making him feel such worry over something so insignificant.

"...When you think you have a certain amount of control over yourself...when you start _losing_ that control, it's...worrying, I suppose."

Kevin moved himself over to sit beside me, letting his legs fall off the side of my bed. His arm slid around my waist.

"Babe...it's called the 'heat of the moment', it's normal. Remember what you told me, right? About being human and all that?"

I blushed, looking down, my shoulders slumping, "I...I just...I can't do the same for you. Here you are, practically throwing yourself at me, and here I am...paranoid about taking my socks off..."

I heard a soft chuckle. His body leaned against mine; I craved for skin to touch skin. Oh, you devious mind...

"D...listen. I don't want anything of you that you're not okay with. Cuz that's _not_ okay. I want _you_. _All_ of you. But I can wait for freaking ever if I need to. Just..." he rubbed his hair behind his head, "...I mean, as long as I can, you know... _do_ something about it later..."

I was a bit perplexed by the statement, "Like what?..."

"Like...you know... _get off_..."

His blush was adorable.

I finally smiled.

"I'll take that as a compliment, then..."

He laughed, "Double D, you really have no freaking clue what you do with your fingers. I can't even imagine what..."

A silence. I smiled softly, and leaned my head on his shoulder. Cold, but...comfortable. Soft.

"One cannot rush these things..."

"Yeah, well...'least I can fuck your brains out in my dreams."

I froze, and Kevin's laugh shook me, deep and gravel and comforting.

"You're so Adorkable." He kissed my ear. And again. And he trailed pecks down my neck, down my shoulder, to my shirt. And when he kissed my shoulder, I wanted so much to simply take my shirt off, remove the cloth barrier. But I was nervous. And he didn't press it.

He pulled me back against the bed and kissed my lips. I felt myself straddled beneath him, and took in a sharp breath. His kiss deepened, his tongue slipping between my lips. I allowed it in. My hands roamed over his back, tracing his spine, envying his physique, marveling in it with the sense of touch alone. He moaned against my lips. He was so tight against my body, but he didn't move. If he had, I would have lost it. There was no way he didn't feel me down there, but I did appreciate his leaving it. I was still in a delicate mental state...and though now I may regret nothing happening, I know the occurrence would have been soured by my mood.

We stayed there, kissing, exploring one another's upper regions with our hands and lips, for at least half an hour. The storm had long since died out, drops of water falling rhythmically from the shingles. We were breathless, and we simply laid next to one another, and talked. I told him about this coming weekend. He told me about his life, about his father, about why he didn't come over right away...so many things were spoken of, and I remember them all, but I am exhausted. It's intriguing how tired this evening made me. Perhaps it was the rain. Perhaps, the things Kevin does to my mind. Perhaps...I'm simply tired.

Tomorrow is another day, Diary. Nazz will be starting her attempts at spreading things now...goodness knows I'd rather not think about it. I'd rather linger in this euphoric daze for a little while longer...

Good night, Diary.

Your Friend,

Eddward

* * *

 **Hopefully no one's disappointed by all the detail glossing, I just didn't feel most of it was relevant. Work has been draining me, so...I tried. I HAD to write this, because I'd finished the day, and my brain told me to. Mainly that end scene, I just HAD to write it. Edd's still never been seen shirtless thus-far, and no, Kevin hasn't touched him much beneath his shirt. He's truly chaste in that way, mostly from shyness. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed.**


	55. Fingertips

Hey Nat,

So today was pretty nice. Started with me catching Double D in the morning. Guess Eddy was still pissy with me for existing, he walked off again with Ed. I felt shit, but Edd pretty much told me he doesn't give a fuck what Eddy thinks, and he needs to grow up. Obviously he said it nicer than that, but you know, he's polite.

We walked to school, I would 'bump' into him every once in a while. He didn't say anything, and didn't stop me...but he did blush when we walked past some random person's lawn. It was cute. I felt bad when I had to let go, but I don't think he was ready for everyone to know about us yet. I know I wasn't. Not yet.

Nazz told me how things were going. A few guys were kinda pissy towards 'queers', as they termed it. We'll deal with them when it comes to it. And these girls that had been clinging all over me a while back pretty much think it's a joke. They can go fuck themselves. I just don't wanna deal with the damn rumor mill they're start, and I know they will. Sarah can't do shit about those whores.

Lunch wasn't half bad, even if Half-Pint was still spoutin' off crap to Nazz. I couldn't even tell if she was humoring him or if she really thought it was funny, but whatever. I got to sit next to D again, that's what I cared about. Even cracked a joke when Eddy made a comment about Ms. Rainor. He laughed! Surprised he didn't just huff at me and tell me to shut the fuck up. Maybe he was just being a 'good boy' around Nazz, who knows. Who even cares, anyways?

Now, shit really started stirring up when I got home. Pops was there. Guess he took a sick day...he didn't look that sick. So I took a shower, came down, and-D rang me. And fuck if I didn't forget your ringtone. Started blasting, 'Don't be surprised if I fall-' and I answered as fast as I freaking could. Told D I would be a bit because my Old Man was staring me down. Fuck. Did you PLAN this shit, Nat? Not cool.

So he tells me to sit down, and that we have to have 'a talk' before I go anywhere. I did. Wasn't happy about it. He asked who that was, so I told him, asked him what the flip it was to him. He started commenting on the fact I said 'flip' instead of 'fuck', which was stupid of me, but I guess I'm trying to censor myself nowadays, for Double D. Just did it at the wrong damn time. Tried to just tell him I felt like it, but he wouldn't have it.

He asked if Double D was _more_ than a friend, I didn't answer, cuz I still didn't know how he'd respond. I mean, sure, I figured he'd be okay with it, but it's not something I wanted to talk about with him, it was just a thing. He asked what you had to do with it, and I started getting pissy, told him to lay off, that D was there when Nazz left and so were you. He didn't get what I meant, thought I meant D caused it, so I said, and I quote, "Fuck, Edd was the only person who'd fucking talk to me, dad! Not my damn fault I like the kid!" I can't control my fucking mouth.

Asked if I was gay, I told him no. Bi, I rolled my eyes at him. He was like, 'Hey, you listen here. I'm your father, and if I wanna know who you're dating, you damn well should tell me.' I just said 'Fine!' and didn't even bother responding more. Looked at him, he had this look, that just said, 'I'm watching you'. Ugh. I asked if I could go, he said, "Only if you tell me the goddamned truth."

So I said, "I'm dating Edd. You happy?"

He was like, "I'm not anything, I just wanted to know. Go on then, I got a sick day to attend to."

Fucking hell. I mean...damn, man. I love him, he's my dad, but he can be so fucking aggravating when he gets onto something like this. I hope he leaves me alone about this.

By the time we were done wasting daylight, the rain was pretty much a blanket. And at that point? I didn't give a fuck. I ran over to Edd's, rang the doorbell, and Edd hurried me in. He was all upset with how soaked I was, it was freaking adorable, so I just told him I figured I'd make it without an umbrella. I mean, I didn't realize I'd be drenched, but you know how much I think when I'm pissed. At least his smile cheered me right up.

Then, get this: He asked me to take my shirt off. So he could dry it, but, hey, he asked. And I think he realized what the hell he asked after that, but I figured, fuck, I'd fly with it. The look on his face was priceless. He put it in his dryer, then got all freaked at how cold I was. I mean, I was chilly, but I've felt worse. So he runs up to get my jacket, you know, the one I let him keep, and I decided to follow him before he tripped himself in his nervousness or some shit.

His room's pretty much what I'd expected. Lots of scientific stuff, an insect collection, a few plants, and it was really, really clean. And there was his bed. He held the jacket out to me, I took it, but couldn't really think of much besides the fact I was finally in his room, on his bed. I mean, daydreams can only get you so far, man. I could only imagine what sorts of dirty things had happened here...I don't think a clean guy like Double D was _that_ clean here. I mean, we're guys. It's, like...necessary.

It was funny, though, cuz when I looked at him, it was like he was trying so damn hard not to look at me. So I made a joke about how he was 'enjoying the view', and the Dork pretty much confirmed it. It was great. I didn't even mean it, and still...he was checking me out. But he didn't want me to see. It was funny, but...hell, I -wanted- him to check me out. I wanted him to do anything he wanted to do. So, I pretended to go to sleep. Or, said I would. Cuz I was hoping it'd work.

He took the bait. Took him a while, but he sat next to me, and I felt his fingers run all over me. It was freaking breathtaking, man...it's like he knew exactly what to do to drive me crazy. It didn't tickle, it just...tingled, it was soft and pleasant and so freaking teasing. I had a hell of a time keeping myself down, _all_ parts of me. But when his hand started getting downstairs...I pretty much lost all control. And then he stopped. I couldn't stop myself from telling him just how much I fucking enjoyed that.

He looked all upset, and I kinda freaked out, thinking I did something wrong. I mean, I swore, but _fuck_ it was nice, I couldn't stop myself, and he never seemed to mind it when it was during things like that before. Then I figured maybe I freaked him out when I kinda lost it, cuz I know I must have, like, twitched or something, musta freaked him. But it didn't.

I guess he was, like...worried. About himself. Cuz he thought he couldn't even control himself. It's like: Paging Double D! That's normal! I mean, he has a hell of a lot more control than I do. So I just told him it's fine, it's 'human', and he can do whatever the hell he wants as long as I can get off later. His blush was adorable.

Heh, couldn't stop myself from telling him I was glad I could 'fuck his brains out' in my dreams. His reaction was fucking perfect - he froze, turned red, and was pretty much in the perfect place for me to pin him and, you know...make out. For, like...who knows? An hour? Still wasn't long enough. I kinda felt bad cuz he was so damn hard. I had trouble controlling myself as it was, but I'd already pumped one out in the shower, made it a bit easier. No, don't imagine it, freakazoid. Seriously, only D can. Just go suck on Mike for a while, you'll feel better. Haha!

By the end he was all breathless, and told me that I guess his parents called today. They'll be over this weekend, and want to see his friends. Wonder if he'll tell them about me, but hell, that's his choice. I told him about Pops, how he's kinda okay with it, how I really didn't think about an umbrella...then I just started rambling. His eyes were pretty much glazed over, I think I sucked the life out of him with all the action before. Still, told him about that one time with Brandy, talked about my classes, even about Nazz a bit. He took it all in, didn't say too much. I figured he was pretty out of it by that point.

Kinda funny though, when I had to leave, he had a steel grip on my wrist. If it wasn't getting late, I probably woulda stayed. But I still had homework, and he would probably kill me if he found out I didn't do it. Kid's all about schoolwork. I...yeah, I like him a lot, but not schoolwork. Fuck, man, I...almost slipped there. I'm not gonna rush this, I'm not gonna fuck this up. Not with him.

So tomorrow's the first day Nazz is gonna try and tell people about us. Sarah's not allowed until tomorrow, but she's got damage control covered. Kinda worried, but I didn't tell Double D, I think he'd freak. I'd rather just let things happen, I'll tell him when we get to school, maybe. Maybe I just won't tell him, let whatever happens, happen, you know?

Man, I'm fucking tired. I can't get Edd out of my mind, either...he was so damn hard, for like, an hour! How the fuck could he stand that! How the hell could he get that excited about -me-...I might need to get off again. Damn, the shit he does to me, and he has no fucking clue.

I'll talk to you later, Nat. And please fucking e-mail me back before I send out a search party, it's been a while. Makes me worry, dude.

From

Kev


	56. Dear Diary Entry No 25

Dear Diary,

Today was frustrating. Or, well, to be more specific... _Eddy_ was frustrating. Not that this is anything unusual in and of itself, but it was bad enough for me to warrant mentioning it here. That should tell you the severity of it.

It's to the point where I'd rather not even recall and rewrite the aggravating words he spoke to me today. It's clear enough in my mind, and having it linger there is not going to do me any good. I'd rather not cement it in words.

The morning began as per usual; Ed and I went to Eddy's house, and Kevin had come out to greet us. When Eddy came out, and saw Kevin, he grunted and stomped off. Kevin and I both shared a look, and Ed made this peculiar pouting face.

He whimpered and looked at me, saying, "Eddy misses you Double D. He says you're gonna leave us for good! Please don't leave us, Double D!"

"Why, that's absurd, Ed! Why would he..." and I thought, before looking back at Kevin, a pained expression laid across my face, "I'm sorry, Kevin, but this morning, I must ask that I walk with Ed and Eddy alone. Eddy is..."

He shot me a subtle half-smile, laying a hand on my shoulder, "I get it, babe. I'll catch ya later."

I almost regret not going with him instead, because as soon as I caught up to Eddy...I was barraged with accusations. From abandoning him, to being a traitor, being heartless, a terrible friend...I am loathe to recall everything. I snapped back against everything he said, holding myself strong. Ed looked so concerned, and he almost hid behind me. I knew he hated to see us fight, and I wished I could have prevented it, but...Eddy was being Eddy.

Intolerable, inconsiderate, hurtful Eddy.

But I held back my tears until we got to school and parted ways. My head ached, my eyes burned from all I held back. My mind was flickering between possible courses of action, from ignoring him, to yelling, to anything...until I felt something from behind. I was enveloped by a hug. In public. In SCHOOL. If I'd been more sane, I'd have freaked out, but all I could do was let myself sob, leaning back against Kevin. His scent was comforting, his warmth inviting, and I dared not move.

We stayed that way for around 30 seconds before he broke the hug. He turned me and smiled, running a thumb over my cheek, wiping the wetness on my shoulder.

"Hey...I dunno what's up, but I'm here, okay? I mean...we got class soon, but I'll skip if you need me to."

It was sweet, his offer...but no, I couldn't ask that of him, "No, no, I'm..." I took a breath, to compose myself, "I'm fine now, Kevin. Thank you...I...daresay I needed that."

His smile was cherubic. "Hey, look, if Eddy's giving you shit, I can teach him a lesson or two..."

I smiled, hearing the slight jest in his words, "I'm afraid one cannot beat away stubbornness, though I appreciate the offer. I'll simply have to...hold out until he comes to his senses." If _he comes to his senses_ , I thought.

He leaned forward, his forehead touching mine, "Well, I'm here if you need me. By the way, uh...Nazz is gonna start telling people. So...I guess...I mean, that's why I, uh...hugged you. And because you looked like you needed it! Not just because...ugh, you know what I mean."

I smiled shyly, blushing at his awkwardness, "I do, Kevin. I'll see you at lunch then."

"Yeah, lunch. Uh, seeya Double D."

As he parted, I looked around...to see that eyes were upon me. Many flickered away when I caught their gaze, but some stayed, words whispered to friends. To say I went a shade redder would be an understatement. I gathered my books and headed off to class, hoping no awful rumors would spread before Nazz or Sarah could get to them. Not that I imagine they could think anything but what was the truth, but...you never know these days, with how teenagers can be.

Third period, we had a group work, and I was paired with Anne and another girl whose name I'd never caught, with long, brown hair. It was a large class, and still only a few months into the year; pardon me for my ignorance at that time, Diary.

We merely had to answer some questions from the textbook, honestly I could have done it on my own, but group participation was part of the grade, after-all. The girl I didn't know the name of inquired about two questions before Anne spoke. And, of course, it was about the thing I dreaded would be discussed.

"So Double D, you and Kevin a thing now? Stacy saw you guys in the hallway-"

"Anne, look at him! He doesn't want to talk about it," the nameless girl said, and I was grateful that I wasn't entirely alone in defending myself. Unfortunately, my blush answered Anne's question anyways.

She gasped, "So it's true! Ohmygosh, is _that_ why he and Nazz broke up?!"

"What? N-no!"

"Cut it out, Anne, you're not helping," the brown-haired girl answered.

"Come onnn Jane..." Ah, that must have been her name.

Jane sighed, looking at me with a soft smile, "Hey...so I heard from Sarah about you guys. It's pretty cute. It's too bad, though; I mean, none of us thought Kevin went _that way_. Guess that's why everyone's wondering about it."

I appreciated her well-thought-out observation, and decided to entertain a response, "Yes, well...I suppose none of us knew. Least of all myself. But...we're happy together. I am just hoping no one is offended by us being together..."

Anne looked incredulous, "Alright, wait. So you -knew-, Jane? And what do you mean, offended, Double D? It's freaking adorable. Lots of girls are jealous of you, you know! But I mean, if we never had a chance in the first place-"

"I assure you, he has just as much interest in the fairer sex, Anne." I blushed as they snickered at my terminology.

"Alright, we have like, 5 minutes left before the teacher wants us to hand these in. Think you can help us finish up?"

I nodded, "It would be my pleasure, now let's see..."

Once that class was over, and the next, I was relieved to finally see Kevin again at lunch. He shot me a half-grin from across the cafeteria, and as I sat down with my lunch, I felt an arm snake around my side. I wasn't expecting it, and almost flipped my lunch, which I'd yet to let go of.

Nazz laughed, "What's got you all freaked Double D?"

I blushed, regaining my composure, "Oh, no-nothing, just n-not used to being public about _these things_ yet, you know."

I felt Kevin squeeze, before removing his arm to start on his lunch again.

Nazz smiled sweetly at me, "Hey, well, most of the school knows by now. Your whole thing this morning set off a chain reaction, me and Sarah had to clean up the mess. No harm, no foul, everyone was pretty chill about it."

Kevin snorted, rolling his eyes.

Nazz sighed, "Well, except for a few of the girls. And a couple guys on Kevin's team. But what can you do? We'll face it when it comes, yeah?" Her smile was infectious, and I tried to focus on the positives. Everyone knew, and though half the cafeteria were flicking glances our way, I'd yet to hear any unkind remarks. Things seemed to be going well thus-far. And so, I did my best to remain hopeful.

"Anyhow, one more thing, you guys," we all looked up at Nazz, who had her hands on the table, tapping her fingers rhythmically, "This Friday I'm having a Halloween Party at my house. You're all invited!"

This started excited titterings between Ed and Eddy, mostly Ed, and Kevin tilted his head my way. I gave him a subtle nod, before looking Nazz's way. Her grin showed me she acknowledged my acceptance. She gave us more details on the party, before we were all left to our own conversations...namely me and Kevin, with Eddy talking to Nazz.

I will note that Eddy was sitting as far from me as physically possible. He'd speak with Ed and Nazz, but completely ignored my existence. Kevin did his best to comfort me, but it still hurt. How could it not?

The day went on as per usual, up until the final period of the day. Upon entering the cafeteria, which was the location of Study Hall, at least for that period, the teacher called me over. Normally a number of students would sit at her table, but today it appeared that the normal rabble was not present. Two of the more soft-spoken people were, so I didn't mind coming over to sit with them. I was quite curious what Mrs. Lane wished to talk to me about.

"Eddward, how are things sweetie?" She was a very caring person, very understanding; there was a reason everyone enjoyed sitting at her table.

"They're fairly pleasant, Mrs Lane. And what of you?" I kept my tone formal, despite knowing her tolerance of almost anything people could throw at her. I felt she deserved the respect, if only from me.

"I'm good. Say, things have been flying around about you and Kevin. Now, the staff would never admit to being curious, but I'm as much staff as I am caretaker, and I can't help but dabble in the gossip, as you might say. So tell me, dear, is it true, or simply hearsay?"

I smiled; when I first mentioned weeks ago that my Study Hall teacher trusted me, I meant it. And I trusted her as well. She was very intelligent, if not book-smart, and I could not help but respect her as she respected me. I felt, if I could trust anyone with this, I supposed she could be one of the few.

"It's true. I'm not quite sure what they've been saying, but," I let my eyes flick to the other two girls at the table; they seemed curious, but not prying, which helped calm my slight nervousness, "but yes, Kevin and I are happily in a relationship."

Mrs. Lane's platinum curls bounced as she nodded, smiling sincerely, "Good to hear, sweetie! I congratulate you and wish you the best."

I blushed slightly, "Th-thank you."

She leaned nearer to me, as though to whisper, and said, "If you ever need -anything-, you know where to find me. Just ask where I'm holding class, most teachers should know. Promise me you'll come to me if anything comes up, alright?" Her voice was so caring, I could hear the concern.

I assuaged her worries as best I could, "I promise you that if anything comes up, and Kevin isn't around, you'll be the first person I'll look for."

"Good, good. I won't stand for any intolerance in this school while I can still do something about it. Now, you can head off to do your studying or whatever you'd like now, I've got a crossword calling my name." She was so sweet, I couldn't help but giggle at her enthusiasm.

School finally came to a close, with Kevin at practice, and I found myself walking home alone. I enjoyed my walks home. They gave me time to think, whether my friends were with me or not...though whether Eddy considered himself my "friend" at this point was up to debate. Upon arriving home, I started on homework, hoping to finish it before Kevin came over. And, happily, I did just so, having gotten a head start in Study Hall prior.

The ring of the doorbell was sweet to my ears, and Kevin's grin was nothing if not welcome. He embraced me the moment he stepped inside, and it took a moment for us to part, and for me to close the door.

"Hey...how ya doin'?" He cocked his head at me, hands in his pockets as we walked over to the couch. We sat down close to one another, such that our arms brushed. His hand took mine the moment I'd settled.

"I'm adequate...or, well, as much as I could be given today's peculiar developments."

Kevin raised an eyebrow at me, a knowing smirk on his face.

I sighed, letting myself smile slightly as he caught my nervous habit, "I've been better, I suppose."

He squeezed my hand, moving to turn the television on, before leaning back, removing his hand to rest an arm around my shoulders. I squeaked, just barely. As much as I enjoyed the contact, as new as it -shouldn't- have been...I suppose I still found myself surprised at all the affection he showed me on a daily basis. Hopefully I'll get over it soon; I'd rather enjoy it than jump at his every, wonderful touch.

"This cuzza Eddy? Cuz, you know, my offer still stands," he emphasized his point by holding his arm out, flexing. I blushed, rolling my eyes as a playful grin slid across my face.

"I'd rather you not waste your evening teaching Eddy a lesson he'll never learn."

"Oh?" He pulled me closer; I eeped, "So what you're sayin' is, you'd rather me spend it with you?"

I huffed playfully, "Need I be more obvious?"

He chuckled, that lovely, reverberating tone, and pulled me a little closer than before. I felt myself against his chest, and sliding, as his grip was not as tight as I expected. I must have looked surprised, because he laughed, adjusting himself so my head lay in his lap. I wasn't expecting it...I didn't mind it, either. I turned a shade darker as he moved to pull my legs up on the couch. Goodness, it was embarrassing...but also lovely.

"So Dork, whenya gonna tell me what Dorky said?" I couldn't quite tell if he was smiling or frowning, so new was I to this position, so I took a moment to think out my response.

"In...in due time. I've still yet to fully comprehend what he intended with his words, myself. I..." Kevin narrowed his eyes, and I realized I'd been speaking in 'big words' again, "I suppose I just need to think it all over. Let him cool down, and let myself grasp the situation. Lest I fly off the deep end."

Kevin practically cackled, "Haha, you? Fly off the deep end? Babe, you're too much of a gentleman, I can't even picture it."

I pursed my lips, feigning offense, "I'll have you know I am -not- a gentleman. I simply put on a mature guise, as a young man such as myself should."

He snorted, "Yeah? Well, you're still one to me. Try and prove me otherwise, I _dare_ you."

I let the air vibrate my lips in an unsophisticated manner as a breathed out, both irked and amused by his request. He chuckled.

Smiling, I said, "You would like that, wouldn't you? Well, it'll still be some time until then, I'm afraid."

He sighed, looking at me with a soft smile, a hand trailing up my chest and neck. It reached my cheek, tracing my jawline. I laid there, my eyes closed, as he repeated the comforting motion. Eventually, though, I felt his fingers slip...purposefully, beneath my hat. I bit my lip, my smile fading.

His fingers traced down again, and back up. They wove a slow dance routine over my jawline, in front of my ear, until I felt my hat begin to lift. In the course of a minute (and a very tense one at that, for me), I felt my hat fall, the cool air of the room hitting my scalp for the first time in ages. My eyes cringed behind closed lids. His hand motions stopped. After an awkward silence, I found my voice. And I say _my_ in an unpleasantly honest way.

"Ogling the grotesque, are we?" My voice was laced with glass, whether _I_ meant for that to be or not, is something only my subconscious knows.

I felt his hand close on my neck, in a cradling way, "What? No. Hey, don't talk like that..."

My eyes flicked open, my body unmoving as I glanced up at his gentle eyes. They seemed shocked; I wasn't surprised.

"I am simply speaking my idle thoughts, Kevin."

He furrowed his brow, "What happened to the _optimistic_ Sockhead?" His voice carried a tone of worry, almost fear.

I let a hushed laugh escape me, sardonic as only that part of my mind could be, "I suppose he left with the _Sock_."

Kevin's shoulders fell, his hand moving up my neck again, my jaw, behind my head...there.

"Double D..."

"It is so easy, you know...to be someone else. Dress the part, smile a lot, pretend you're as 'pretty' as everyone else. No one questions it, and you're taken for granted as you would be otherwise. Sometimes, though...the face drops. The charade is practically me at this point, I just...some days I just want to be the ugly boy that I am. Drop the act, frown, and see who still likes me."

Kevin fingers ran soothingly against my head, but I felt numbed. How I'd managed to get myself to that state of mind, I wasn't sure. And, honestly? At that point, I felt so undeserving of Kevin, I laced every word with venom such to drive him away. _Let him see the real me,_ I thought...even if, in truth, it was simply another shade of me. A shade rarely seen, and one I barely remembered. But a shade, nonetheless.

I couldn't understand the silence. My mind told me it was rejection, despite his warm touches, his compassionate eyes. Some little part of me held out hope, but this other part had taken hold. Fear ruled me, and made me someone else.

"You know, you don't have to put on a face around me-"

"I'm not. And I don't." My eyes were locked on the ceiling, and he sighed.

"-hey, listen to me, okay? So you're not perfect. Who the fuck cares? I'm not gonna lie to your face and tell you it's not there. It is, it sucks, I'd give you my own damn hair if it'd help you, probably, but I can't. Shit happens, man-"

"Woe is me, I suppose."

"-dude, let me finish," his other hand squeezed my arm, and I looked down and to the side brokenly, "D, I...man, you're fucking -important- to me. You're smart, you're kinder than anyone frickin' deserves, you...just..."

I'd closed my eyes, the numbness fading and leaving me with pain. Kevin was looking off to the side, biting his lip. He closed his eyes.

"Babe, _you're_ the reason I want to wake _up_ every morning... Please, just...don't forget that, okay?"

I felt my breath leave me, as a choking feeling shook up my throat. I felt the wetness in my eyes, the ache of tears. He pulled my head against his stomach, and I breathed his scent deeply, holding the tears back as best I could. I felt so worthless, I couldn't believe his words...

"Hey...hey, I'm here...just...just don't forget what I said, okay? I know it's...kinda..."

I mumbled softly, "Th-thank you, Kevin..."

He smiled at me, and it melted my heart, how tender his aquamarine eyes were as they gazed upon me.

"Anything for you, babe..."

Diary, I...I admit it. There are things I don't tell you. Things I probably should. But they're also things I don't tell myself. They eat at me, and tear through me until they come out, and I bleed for it. I didn't simply see Diane for worries, I sometimes needed her because this... _other_ mind of mine would take the reins, and it's hard to argue against yourself.

As for my night with Kevin, well...it didn't differ from most nights after that. The only exception being that Kevin placed his hat on me again. I still believe it belongs on his head, but...I suppose it's his way of showing me he's there for me. And even if I knew it was only Kevin seeing me, that he knew what I hid and didn't hate me for it, I still felt so defenseless whilst it was showing. I suppose, one day, I could get used to it. One day.

For now, it'll still be there, hiding. And I'll still hide. Even if Kevin helps, I...I know I'll still hide. It's part of me, and has been for a long time.

I suppose I'll make do with the fact I'm apparently his reason for waking...

Goodness...how could I be that? I simply...I just...

Oh, Kevin...I hope your beautiful words were true...

I'll cling to them as if they are, though...you've never lied to me yet, have you?

Let me have this one thing, Diary.

Your friend,

Eddward 

* * *

**Finally got this up. Been getting a mix between writer's block and lots of work, so I hope it's worth the wait. I apologize if Edd's change seems peculiar, I am using my own experiences as a basis for the emotional changes, only problem is that my emotional changes have slightly different patterns than others. So I tried to make it more like what I think others might experience, hopefully to some success. Apologies if there's any typos anywhere in...well, ANY of the story. Feel free to send me a message if you spot any, with their locations. I just can't stand rereading my work until I've gotten to the point where it feels like I'm reading someone else's work. I appreciate all your reviews, and hope I can get the Kevin chapter up in less time than this one took. Hope you enjoyed!**


	57. PLEASE RESPOND

Alright, Nat, where are you?

It's been, like, way too long since you've responded. I thought you would have been all over me and Double D hooking up, but you're not there! Where are you, dude? I'm getting worried. I mean, I can't, like, do much. Might even send you a text, I just really, really wanna know you're fine. This isn't normal, even for you. If I'm asking, you normally respond.

Dude, be okay.

Kev

* * *

 **Nat hey are you there i haven't heard from you in a while. You okay? Just lemme know k?**

* * *

 _ **I'm alright, things with Mike are just crazy love, I'm coming to Nazz's party, we'll talk them, gtg Mike's back**_

* * *

Nat,

Alright, glad to hear you're fine. Was worried...ugh...but I guess I didn't really write to you before, did I? Umm...

So I went to walk with Double D this morning, right? And Eddy just storms off. Not fucking unusual, he's just such a pain in the ass, but then Lumpy got all worried. And I guess it really -was- a big thing cuz even Edd got scared. Told him it was cool, went back to hang with my dad. He was all like, "Trouble in paradise?" so I flipped him off. Least he laughed at that. I mean, even if it's fucking awkward, having him know this, least he doesn't hate me or that shit.

So when I got to school, Edd was practically crying. I pretty much wanted to smash Eddy's face in right there for whatever the fuck he must have done, but he wasn't around, and it hurt, you know? I couldn't stand to see him like that. So I kinda, you know...walked head-first into the damn flames and hugged him. Yeah, everyone was looking. No, I didn't fucking care. I just wanted him to stop crying...he doesn't deserve it, man. He just doesn't.

He looked so hurt when I pulled away, but I didn't wanna push my luck, some of my Teammates was coming down the hall. I didn't know who thought what yet, but wasn't gonna risk it with Edd like this. Even if I still didn't wanna move away from him. I just kinda faced it so they'd just see the back of my head. He wouldn't tell me what Eddy said, by the way...but he wasn't crying anymore. That's what mattered, I guess. Fucking shithead Skipper.

So these dumbass girls who had been hitting on me a couple weeks ago, ended up being the first ones to piss me off. Started acting like I only ignored them in the first place cuz I was gay or some shit. I blew it off with a comment about how I likes girls, not skanks, they just rolled their eyes and started whispering. Airhead bitches.

Got to see D again at lunch. Put my arm around him and he jumped a damn foot, was hilarious. Can't believe he's still so shy, guess it musta been the whole 'in public' thing again. Either way, Nazz told us who said what about us, and also told us about her party. So I guess I'll see you there, man. Oh yeah, and Eddy was still a supreme douchebag. Hope Nazz does him in one of these days so I don't have to, cuz I think Edd would be pretty pissed if I did. I can't blame him for protecting his 'friend', but the short kid deserves it.

Had practice later, and the dumbass Center decided to make a comment about he "doesn't want some fag staring at his ass". Coach Sansone blew a fucking _gasket_ at that one, almost thought he'd kick him off the team, his face went so red. Was fucking hysterical. Most of the team laughed at him. Cameron didn't, but I kinda figured he was a pissant as well. So Ricky and Cameron...fuck them. Whatever. After the 10 minute spiel Coach Sansone went on, don't think he's gonna try anything anytime soon. If he so much as _looks_ at Edd, he's dead. I don't give a shit what happens to me, but Edd's not gonna hear head of tails of this BS as far as I'm concerned.

Anyways, went home, showered, headed over to Edd's. He still seemed kinda upset, but still didn't want to talk about it, so we just sat there and watched tv for a bit. Well, I sat there - kinda made D lay on me. Head on my lap, you know, cutesie stuff. I know, I'm a fucking sissy-ass, who gives a shit, it makes him smile.

Kinda...screwed that up though. Was just kinda zoning out, you know, just...letting my fingers and mind go wherever, ended up near his hat again. I still remembered that night, and as much as I knew it hurt him, I kinda wanted to see again. See if he'd let me do this, just see it in the light...Idk, man, but I fucked up. He looked like I put something sour in his mouth, was cringing n' shit, and when I pulled his hat off...Idk, I guess I started to realize I fucked up, right then.

I didn't say anything. Was just looking at it, thinking how much he had to hide, how he didn't deserve it...then he said something really, like, _mean_ about himself. Saying he was 'grotesque' or something. I was pretty fucking shocked, cuz he's not like that. I didn't think, I mean. Told him not to talk like that, and he just acted _cool_ about it. Cold, even.

Like, the look in his eyes, looked like fucking ice. I mean...I love his eyes. Don't get me wrong, he's genuinely just...I dunno, man, but the look hurt, like he hated something. Not me, just like...himself, I think. The world, maybe, I couldn't tell, but it wasn't me. He got all dark, started talking about how he hides, how he didn't want to, and I felt like shit. How could I make him feel like that? I couldn't stand it, he didn't deserve -any- of this. I just kept pulling at straws, _anything_ to make him stop, to make whatever _this_ was go away.

I almost...I mean...I almost said something. I looked at his face, his closed eyes, he looked like he was in so much pain, I couldn't bear it. I wanted to say it, but it's just...I can't yet, man. I just can't. I don't know what he thinks, and if he ran off right then, if he shoved me away, I couldn't even fucking -think- of what I would do. So I just...told him something corny...something I did think. Cuz I...think a lot of corny things. I just don't say them, cuz I'm Kevin Barr. And I just don't. But...I guess, around him, I'm just Kevin. I'm his...I'm _something_ to him. I wished he'd call me it again, but I'm not sure I'm doing a good enough job to even fucking deserve a nickname like that...

At least it...it worked, you know? I got him to stop hurting, or, he looked like it. I think he was faking the smile for me, but I was just so relieved to see it again. Sure, he shouldn't have to fake his smiles, but...to see him hurting that much? Without being able to do anything but plead, beg, hope and fucking pray he'd listen...I took it as it was.

I put my hat on his head, and he seemed to relax a bit. I could have used his Beanie, but I was so afraid I'd lose him at that point. He's so smart, he could find a thousand better guys than me...just seeing him allow my hat on his head, helped me believe he could be mine. I could see the faded hickey still, beneath the cover-up. He was mine, but he's still a stranger to me, I guess. I want to know him for who he is, but does he even want me to...Idk.

I didn't even get to kiss him good night. He still blushed when I kissed his forehead, but he looked so meek. I hope it was shyness. I really, really hope I didn't fuck everything up, Nat. I just can't. I...I need him, okay? Fuck, I know I used to hate writing my feelings to you, but I guess it's, well, it's good to get it out. To have your take on it, even if you never reply. Guess I can even look back if I need to, if I forget something.

I fucking hope I can do this right, man. I just...

Fuck. I think I love him. I don't know what else to do.

I'll see you on Friday, ok? Just...just read these I guess. I can't...I can't lose him. I barely fucking know him.

Fuck. Bye Nat.

Kev 

* * *

**Mrs. Lane in the prior chapter was a callback to a teacher in my high school, with a different name. Not so much sweet, but always an ear, and one of the few people who didn't judge anyone. Anyhow, I was debating if Kevin would ever mention it, but by the end of writing, all the rage and confusion he felt just made it come out. It's scary, not knowing what to say, or why someone reacts one way or another. Sometimes it's not you, and others it is, it's a frightening walk on an invisible bridge. And those three words and some of the scariest of them all. Say them too soon, and you end up crushed. Too late, and you might lose them. It's dangerous and I've no envy for those who can't read the ones they love. Kevin...Kevin's lost all his confidence after his long, neglectful relationship with Nazz. Edd doesn't realize what he conveyed came off as it did, and thus...you see how it is.**

 **Not sure how long until the next chapters, have to think them out still, apologies. I hope you at least enjoyed this one!**


	58. Dear Diary Entry No 26

Dear Diary,

Today...I met Kevin's father.

But we'll get to that later, as I must first recount my day, as is my custom at this point.

I began the day as I usually would in the past week, what with gathering Ed, and later acquiring Kevin's lovely presence. When we approached Eddy's door, we were greeted with a sign:

" **STAY OUT** "

My smile fell, a half-forced perk at the corner of my lips for Ed, as I said, "It appears Eddy will not be joining us today, Ed."

Ed looked at the sign, then at me, "Did his bedroom eat him again?"

I let a soft smile out, "I'm glad to say that would not be the case; however, it appears he does not desire our presences. Let's move along, gentlemen."

Kevin gave me a weird look as I pushed Ed along, his grin fallen into a pout. Though Ed would always assume the worst when one of us was sick, I knew better. And, in this case, I knew exactly what was going on. Or, perhaps, _not_ going on, in Eddy's case. That sign was his, 'Alone Time' sign. It meant, on a 'sick day', that he had decided to stay home for purposes other than illnesses. And much to my chagrin, it likely was directly related to me. I tried to ignore this fact, though it hurt, to think he'd skip school simply to avoid me for a day, rather than simply for the 'fun' of it, was he usually would. Often for rather _unsanitary_ purposes. Eugh.

Kevin slipped his arm around my waist, our hips occasionally bumping as we walked, and I couldn't help the heat spreading across my face.

The mood lightened immeasurably once the Party was brought up.

"Oh, oh, I wanna be a bat, Double D! Can I go as a bat? Pretty please?" His pout and puppy dog eyes had little effect on me, because I had already planned to create his costume.

I smiled, patting his head, "Of course, Ed. I simply ask that you stop by after school for me to take your measurements."

Kevin raised his brow, "You make his costume?"

"Mhm. Why, have you not noticed all the things I've created for my friends in the past? Do you truly believe Eddy could sew? Let alone hold a pair of scissors..." I shuddered at the memory, and Kevin chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. Heh, just weird, thinkin' of you sewin'..." I shot him a dirty look, but couldn't keep it, and giggled, as he started again, "So, yeah, umm. What're you goin' as, D?"

My eyes flicked down, I hadn't thought of that. "I'm afraid I haven't the slightest. Normally Eddy comes up with the ideas, I simply put them into action. No matter it be a scam, a prank, or even a costume, he was always the one to think of those things."

"Huh," he was silent for a moment, uncomfortably so, until I looked at him...and saw that, ahem, _'shit-eating'_ grin on his face, pardon me, Diary.

"I suppose you have an idea, then, Mr. Kevin?"

"Maybe."

I rolled my eyes, "Rapscallion."

Kevin chuckled loudly, and I felt his body move as his side touched mine, "Haha, I'll show you tomorrow night, I have the perfect thing. Trust me."

I sighed, "Very well then."

We continued to school, Ed making occasional inane comments, whilst Kevin let his fingers run over my ribs on the occasion Ed looked away. My mind wandered, dare I say...and once, it fluttered back to last night. No, not an entry, Diary, just...well, I've been practicing every nigh. Ehem, 'training', preparing...oh, whatever, it's not important! And it's so embarrassing to mention, let's simply say I had 'dirty thoughts' and leave it at that.

When the time came that we arrived at school, we were greeted by Nazz and Sarah. It was peculiar to see Sarah, being that her locker and classes were at the other end of the school, but I supposed she had time before class.

"Hey, I've been wanting to see the cute couple! Aww..." Sarah proclaimed as she walked up to me, making a cooing expression. I giggled at her enthusiasm, where-as I caught Kevin in a rare blush. His hands were in his pockets, his hat pulled down, and it honestly looked rather adorable.

"Why, thank you, Sarah. And I must also thank you for your efforts this week, they were much appreciated, and by no means required of you!"

I felt an arm slide behind my shoulders...it wasn't Kevin's. Sarah's grip was tight, but weaker, than I was used to, and I did all I could not to squirm away immediately.

She said, "Aww, anything for you, Double D!..." and she hushed her voice, leaning in, "Just remember this if you and him ever hit tough times, hehehe."

Her giggle was sinister as it was overly-sweet, and Kevin gave me an odd look. I bit my lip, letting out a nervous laugh.

"Y-yes, well, I..."

Meanwhile, Nazz had whispered something in Sarah's ear, and her lips pouted angrily, "Oh, boo." Nazz chuckled, and Kevin and I were left to look at each other, utterly confused.

"Well, I gotta head off to class now. You two cuties better not break up, or there'll be hell to pay. I've got a lot of people rooting you on, you know," she waved, turning and walking off down the hallway. I felt a little stunned by her statement, where-as Kevin simply rolled his eyes, the blush still lingering on his cheeks. I thought it was cute. A phenomena I rarely got to see.

"Yeah, better head off before we're late. I'll catch ya later!" Nazz waved, a bright smile on her face, as she walked off to her locker. I felt something warm take my hand, and looked to see it was Kevin's own. I smiled, looking up at him. He smiled back, squeezing, before removing his hand and looking back, biting his lip.

"Seeya Double Dork..."

I let my eyes flick up to his, "See you."

His smile got a little wider, and he walked off.

The school day went off without much of a hitch. Kevin didn't seem quite as cheery as usual when I saw him at lunch, but I wasn't about to prod him in front of everyone. I knew he wasn't open about things bothering to him, not in front of others. Even if it was only Nazz, Ed, and I, I felt the public setting of the cafeteria would have deterred him, and prevented me from learning more in the future. I felt it best to inquire at another, later, time.

When I got home, I showered, and began the homework I'd yet to finish. I was quick to complete it, and not long after, the phone rang. It was Kevin.

"Hello, Eddward speaking."

"Hey Dork, wanna come for a ride?"

I heard a purr of an engine outside. A smile slid across my lips.

"I don't suppose I have a choice," I said, with a sarcastic grin on my face. Apparently my tone wasn't clear, however.

"Well, I mean, you don't have to, I just-"

"I'd love to, Kevin. I only need a moment to gather something."

I heard a sigh of relief, "Oh, okay. Well, I'm out here. I'll see you in a sec then."

"Roger that." He chuckled, and it made me smile to hear.

-click-

I went to obtain the one thing I needed - a certain lovely jacket that stayed on the corner of my bed nightly, hung, of course - and went downstairs to go see Kevin. Upon opening the door, I smiled at the sight of him on Firebrand. It was as though it was an extension of his own body, he looked so natural upon it. Surely, few things in this world go together quite like Kevin with his bike, and I would not be one to try and argue against that.

He nodded his head back, and I took that as him beckoning me to come his way. I approached, and the moment I was within reach of him, he grabbed my forearm. I was stunned as he pulled me close, using his other hand to lift his helmet. I gazed into his eyes, saw something of fire flicker behind them with how intense they were, and my own eyes closed as I felt myself pulled into a kiss. I could feel the 'hum', the vibrations of the motorcycle, through his lips, as they danced against mine, mine dancing in turn. It may have only been five seconds, but they stole a good thirty seconds of air from me by the time we'd parted. I was flushed red, and he...was not. I suppose the confidence always returned when he was alone with me. I couldn't help but grin.

"So," I asked in a half-lidded state, blinking myself back, "where are we headed?"

Kevin lowered his helmet, lifting the spare one off his lap and putting it on my head as he spoke, "Nowhere special. I was thinking the, um...well, I dunno, we'll figure that out when we get there, yeah?" His fingers were electric as they danced over my jaw, and I could feel the energy that had seemingly taken over his being.

I felt a little unsure, but still smiled and nodded, "Alright then."

As I got behind Kevin, gripping his abdomen tightly, I felt him let out a breath I didn't realize he was holding. His body seemed to loosen as I held him, and it made me blush, to think I could have any sort of effect on him as such. Soon, the wind roared past us, and I clung simply to avoid falling off. I wasn't particularly afraid of it, but I preferred not risk it.

It wasn't long before I realized he had begun driving upon a dirt road, and my memory was jarred. Several minutes later, my suspicions were...somewhat confirmed. We came to a hill, with a view of a small town down below. Kevin and I both got off the bike, and he removed my helmet gently. Not long after, he removed his own, and I caught those lovely eyes of his, and looked away, blushing.

"Heh, remember this place?"

I made an unsure nod, "It was rather dark the last time we were here, but...this is the first place we went, isn't it?"

A half-smirk, "Yeah. It is."

I removed his jacket, as it was a pleasant temperature at that time, and I tied it around my waist. Kevin had gone out to the edge of the hill, and sat down. I looked at him, curious, before walking up and joining him. His arms around his knees.

"Is...is something bothering you, Kevin?"

His eyes flicked to me, and then down at the streets far below. He sighed, "Just people being stupid n' shit...you know."

I recognized his voice. I remembered how he'd been, way back when. How I'd been helpless to do anything back then. I scooted closer to him, letting my cheek rest against his shoulder. He flinched. Then relaxed.

I spoke softly, "I imagine it has to do with the topic of ' _us_ '..."

He clicked his tongue, and sighed deeply. There was a short pause before he spoke again, "People just need to...I dunno, leave us alone n' shit...f-...just pisses me off, you know, Edd?"

I blushed with how tenderly he said my name, and nuzzled at his shoulder, feeling him tense up.

"People are as they are, Kevin. These are the same people who left you to your own devices after your break up with Nazz," I stopped for a moment to gauge his reaction, and, there being none, continued, "I suppose fate would have it that their actions would bring us closer both then and now, though. Ironic, though, is it not?"

He looked at the moment, before I heard a subtle laugh, his lips still unsmiling. I felt his head rest against mine.

"Hey D?"

"Yes Kevin?"

He paused, and I couldn't see his face, because of our position. Suddenly, he continued, "If you say...you know...'fuck them', I'll listen to you. Just tell me that. Tell me they can all go fuck off. If I hear it from you, it's gotta be true, because fuck if it's hard to listen to myself..."

Funnily enough, Kevin's swearing didn't faze me that much anymore. That being said, I had to mentally prepare myself.

I cleared my throat, and he moved closer. His arm dropped from his leg, and slid around my shoulders. It was...comforting.

"Kevin...in two year's time, we'll be off in college somewhere. Or, I will be; perhaps you'll follow...ahem, I'm getting ahead of myself. N-none of these people matter, not one. They'll be bridges burnt in less than two years time, smoldering in all their ignorant glory, on styrofoam pedestals with zirconium crowns...trust me, Kevin, when I say, f- _fuck_ them," and I hushed my voice almost infinitesimally, " _not literally..."_

I felt the chuckle before I heard it. He held me close, so close, and I smiled as I breathed in his lovely, clean scent, which had practically become the norm to me. I always notice it, but it's hard to remember to write about such a constant thing. It is always pleasant, and I imagine that it always will be.

But alas, all pleasant things must come to an end, and a mere thirty minutes later, Kevin decided it was time for us to depart back home. I was still curious what the kids at school had said, but if Kevin did not desire to repeat it, I would not ask him to. It was enough that I knew something was said at all. The subject matter was in no way a mystery to me.

And, upon arriving home, or, Kevin's garage, in this case, we were greeted by...surprise, surprise, Kevin's father. Immediately I felt nervous; here I was, clinging to his son on the back of his motorcycle. I couldn't think of much else that I could do to announce our relationship to the world...I mean, yes, technically I'd rode with him before, but...honestly? With Kevin, it almost feels intimate. This was his prized possession. He only allowed those close to him near it.

Kevin parked his bike, taking off his helmet slowly as he stared at his father. I stayed put, sitting behind Kevin, wanting desperately to both let go of Kevin (to spare myself this embarrassment), and cling tight enough that all of this would go away. Neither seemed likely.

"So...you gonna introduce me to your Boy Toy, Junior?"

I felt Kevin release a breath, and groan.

His father cocked a brow as a silence ensued. I took that moment to truly take him in. He was likely the same height as Kevin, with that red hair I'd grown familiar with. He also had a goatee, which didn't look particularly bad. What I also noticed were his eyes. Amongst the chiseled features I recognized, were subtle blue eyes. I realized then that he must have had his mother's eyes; it explained the wild dreams and gaze of her son. But looking at this man...it was no wonder Kevin was fit. It seemed he had quite the genetic prerequisite for it.

When Kevin spoke, I could almost swear I heard his teeth clenching, "Dad, this is Edd. Edd, Pops. There. Can I go now?"

'Pops' cast a steely glare at his son, before letting his eyes move to me. I felt paralyzed, and very, very aware of where my arms were.

"So, Edd. Nice to meet the guy that's been stealing my son away."

Kevin huffed audibly, but I decided I had to reply, "I-I apologize if it seems that way, Mr. Barr-"

"Call me Greg," he said politely, but his tone still commanded respect.

"Greg, sir, I ne-never meant to remove your son from your custody for any given time, and I do apologize for any time lost due to my presence in his life." Oh, the rambling, it began. I may be able to get over it around Kevin, but for others, it's still a necessary shield.

Greg laughed. Heartily.

"Ha, get a load of this one. He really -is- smart, ain't he, Kevin? Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds for a bit, but I got dinner in the oven, so you a good 20 before I expect you at the table." And he left. The tension in the room dwindled immeasurably, and Kevin groaned, leaning back against me. I was a little stunned, almost falling backwards, when Kevin seemed to 'catch' himself and sit back up, hopping off the bike and grabbing me.

"Woah, sorry about that. Didn't mean to knock you off." To think he went from standoffish to this caring boy in but a minute was peculiar, and yet, almost amusing.

"I assure you I'm fine, Kevin, but thank you for the concern. Now, onto another matter..."

He gave me a look as he began to remove my helmet, "Yeah...?"

"Your father, 'Greg', as he calls himself..." Kevin's eyes went to the side, and I smiled, "You do realize he's simply curious, right?"

He removed the helmet, gripping it tight as he stared down, before putting it on the seat of his bike.

"Yeah...just..." he learned his head back, an exasperated sigh escaping him, "He's my dad. I don't -want- to talk about this stuff with my _dad_...it's _weird_...like, with Nat, it's ok. But him? He's gay-as, he gets it. My dad doesn't. I just, I dunno, I don't want to let him down...I just want things to be like they were."

I bit my lip, still smiling at him, taking his wrist in mine, sliding my hand over his and grasping it.

"I believe that you, sir, are a 'worry-wart'." I pronounced the word in a silly way, eliciting a confused, and surprised, look on Kevin's face. A moment later, he chuckled, and sighed.

"D, I-" And he stopped. Right there. He looked...afraid. I immediately felt concerned, did I say something wrong? Was I...

And he squeezed my hand, pulling me closer as he turned, embracing me tightly. I sighed, my heart calming, as I breathed him in.

"You mean a lot to me, Dou-Edd." His voice was hushed, and carried a gentle tone I couldn't help but melt for.

I smiled, and mumbled into his shoulder, "I'm one lucky guy then, aren't I?"

I felt his nose run over my neck as he nuzzled me, and I felt my heart jump, causing me to squeeze him tighter. We simply stood there, holding each other, for a few minutes. Our parting, even then, was slow. When I first caught his eyes again, they carried an air of mystery to them, one I direly wished to unearth.

But alas...that night, it wasn't to be. As Kevin pulled away, he sniffed the air, and smirked.

"Smells like bacon. You up for some breakfast for dinner?"

I made a disbelieving face, grinning, "Why, Kevin! That is the most _absurd_ thing I've ever heard!"

He chuckled and slid an arm around my side, hugging me against him before letting go. He opened a door leading into the house, and I followed behind.

After that...well, I suppose there wasn't much that's worth mention. I ate with Kevin and his father, Greg, whilst I listen to them fling stories back and forth. I rarely interjected, but I enjoyed the warmth they exuded towards one another, a fatherly bond I wished I had, and relished to experience now. Greg's eyes were upon me often, but they didn't seem upset. They simply seemed as though trying to figure me out.

Dinner was over far too soon, and I had to take my leave, as I had a costume to make (not that it was much trouble; I had a lot of experience at it, and would surely finish before my self-imposed curfew). Greg assured me I was welcome over any time, and Kevin rolled his eyes. It's strange, how quick he went from admiring his father, to being bothered by him. I supposed it was something fathers and their sons did, perhaps something I'd missed out on. C'est la vie.

Kevin walked me home, the short, thirty second walk it was. Upon turning around, he leaned in and kissed me chastely upon the lips. So soft, I almost didn't notice when he pulled away, but for the cold wind I felt upon my cheeks. He raised a hand, cupping my face, and smiled.

"'Night Edd. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? And come over after school, I got that whole 'costume' thing for you, alright?"

I smiled, seeing the fire behind those eyes, curious to their devious plans.

"Of course. Pleasant dreams, Kevin...an..d..." I hesitated. He kept his gaze on me, and I took a deep breath, "and just so you know, I-I wake for you as well." Corny, I know. A copycat? I suppose. But it'd been eating at me, that I'd never returned it...and thus, I had to.

The look on his face was thanks enough...but the passionate kiss was a pleasant, and welcome, surprise.

We parted, hesitantly, arms still around one another.

"Seeya, Double D..."

I squeezed his shoulders, not wanting to let him go. He chuckled, moving back and turning around.

"Goodbye, Kevin."

Though, within ten minutes, you'll be all that's on my mind...oh dear, Diary, what has become of my mind? And why do I not want to chastise myself for it right now? Goodness me.

Your Unchaste Author (despite my shame to admit it),

Double D


	59. Chew Them Out

Dude,

People need to back the **fuck** off.

So seriously. Okay, so this morning was fine, walked with Edd, Eddy didn't show, but that's not the big deal. Like, I'd tell you more, but I'm still fucking seething just thinking about it.

Got to my locker this morning. Some fuckwad put _gum_ on the God-damn lock. Fucking hell! Like, seriously? Who the fuck does that? Then I opened my locker after fucking with the disgusting stuff, was still damn wet, there was this note. And guess what it said? I have the stupid thing right here, I plan to fucking burn it later, just...UGH. It's their handwriting. I'm trying my best not to flip shit and rip it up, flush it down the damn toilet, but...I just, I dunno. I should probably keep it, if I need it later. Just for proof of this shit.

So yeah...

"I heard you like swapping spit with other guys, so here's some for you!"

Yeah. That's what it said. If you were here, I'd -let- you smash their face in, whoever it was. I have guesses, but what the fuck am I supposed to do? Tell a teacher? Yeah, cuz that'll go over well. "Hey, some kid put this note in my locker and stuck gum on my lock." Useless to fucking bother saying when I don't know who did it.

Fucking hell.

I think Edd picked up that I was pissed, but didn't say anything. Which was good, cuz I didn't want the whole cafeteria seeing me blow up. I wasn't gonna let them know this did anything to me. Let them get fucking bored. I'm not giving them _shit_.

By the time I got home, I was just _done_. I'd spent the whole day trying to figure out who it was, but I still had no damn clue. I told Nazz. She said she'd try to figure it out, but I don't think she can. It's just fucked, man.

So I got home, took a shower, hopped on my bike, and headed over to Double D's. Gave him a call, and got ready to head off. Because I just couldn't handle anything at that point. I just wanted to go, leave all this shit...but I didn't want to do it alone, you know? I can sit alone in my damn house. And the moment he stepped outside, I knew I was right to call him. This guy, he got me. Looked at me, almost _through_ me, but it's like he knew what I was going through, even if he had no idea. So I just grabbed him and kissed him, because that's all I could do at that point. And it helped, a little.

I took him out to the Point. I guess that's what I'll call it, you know, the first place I took him, the place that...yeah, you know, I know you do. Sat down at the edge, and he sat next to me. Actually, he put his head on my shoulder, surprised the crap out of me. Normally -I- make the first move. But either way, I wasn't gonna complain. It was nice, that he was there next to me.

He tried asking what was wrong, but...I didn't want to tell him. It's stupid, it's a fucking lie to keep it all from him, but, like, I don't want him worrying about me. Let him think it's all stupid words, even if more happens. Just let him be safe, I guess is what I was thinking. I don't want this stuff coming after him. I can take it. I don't know if he can...I mean, he's not weak, but...I want this on _me_.

But I did ask him to do something. Cuz you know how much I trust the kid...fuck, I don't think I trust anyone more. I mean you, yeah, but you're harmless. Ha, yeah, I said it.

I asked him to just say 'fuck em', to tell me they can all fuck off, because if he said it, I could believe it. I needed to hear it from him, even if he didn't know what happened, I just wanted to hear him say it, so bad. So he did. And he said some really smart stuff too, I wish I could remember his wording, but I'd probably screw it up. You remember how he talks, I can't do it justice.

Just sat with him for a while and calmed down. I loved every damn minute of it, but I knew my dad was gonna be making dinner tonight, so we had to head off. And, my luck, he was -waiting- for me. Outside. You know, with the garage door open. Called Edd my 'Boy Toy', which pissed me off. I just wanted to be with Edd, fuck everyone else, fuck life, just let us be...but I couldn't exactly tell him that. You know Pops, he wouldn't have heard it.

So he kinda said hello to Edd, told him to call him 'Greg'...weird to hear him called anything else than Pops or dad, but whatever. And he invited him to dinner, and went back in the house. Me and D were outside, and I guess he thought I was upset with my dad or something. I mean, I was, but...I was just pissed with everything. All of this. All the damn people who can't let me just be fucking happy, but...ugh. I mean, my dad acts like he gets it, but how am I supposed to know? He'd never tell me what he's really thinking. It's stressful.

Edd called me a 'worry-wart'. The look on his face was precious. I...almost slipped. Caught my tongue. Wasn't gonna say something like that then. Not when my dad could burst in, not when I was stressed and pissed. It's...so damn true, but I'm not gonna say it yet. I think he'll be alright with it, but I want to say it at the right time. I can't screw this up. I screw -way- too much up, Nat.

So Pops didn't bug him at dinner. He was pretty normal, which was good. Talked about his day at the Jawbreaker Factory, I talked about the team, and it was all good. Then Pops said something about him being allowed back anytime, and I was just thinking that he had no choice in the damn matter. My boyfriend, my rules, he wouldn't know shit about it anyways. But whatever.

He had to go...he had a costume to make. Yeah, weird, I know, but I guess he is really good at that stuff. I remember a lot of it from when we were kids, just didn't realize he did so much himself. He was making Ed's costume. I still had my costume from last year, you know, the vampire. Edd didn't have shit, but I have an idea. You're gonna love it. You can see tomorrow, I bet you'll do your stupid eye waggle thing. Haha, well, I'll see you then, man.

And curse those fuckheads with the gum for me, alright? I know you got friends into Voodoo. You have friends into fucking everything. Make it happen!

Seeya later dude!

Kev


	60. Dear Diary Entry No 27

Dear Diary,

I would like to say today was average...but alas, it was anything _but_. And I have to forget myself before I can write.

I will live the day through you, Diary. Up until the end.

My morning began rather early. Now, I rise early as it is, for my own rituals, but this morning I woke before the Sun itself. I lay there pondering, glancing at the wall as the twilight slowly lit up my room, and thought of Eddy. Of his unkind words, his immature behavior. And I decided, then and there, that I had to do something. Lest we never speak again, as, with Eddy's stubbornness, it was quite likely to happen. Though I did wonder if I'd be better off, I decided against it; if mostly for Ed's sake. And my memories.

A shower, a quick breakfast, and I left. My destination? Eddy's room.

I knocked at the door, and heard nothing. Knocked again...still nothing. He could very well still be asleep, or...he anticipated my coming. Either way, I'd made up my mind, and wasn't going to take either as an answer. I leaned down, tilting an inconspicuous rock amongst the the rubble beneath a bush, and procured a key. And, with a single turn, I let myself in.

His room smelled _acrid_ , as though it'd been weeks since he'd let the air in, let alone washed his sheets. I knew the latter to be likely. Eddy was seemingly fast asleep on his bed, facing away from the door, and I tilted my head. I didn't hear him breathing. I wouldn't expect Eddy to know how to properly pretend to be asleep.

"Kind tidings, Eddy."

"Go away, Double D, I'm trying to sleep." I heard his voice through the muffle of covers, which were tucked further around him in an angry shrug.

"I'm afraid I cannot. I came here with a purpose, after all."

I heard Eddy spit a groan from his mouth with disgust, his bed creaking under him as he turned. I watched him lethargically remove himself from his bed, and sit. Not facing me.

"What, Sockhead?"

"Eddy..." my voice took a forlorn tone, "We are friends, remember?"

Another spat sigh, "You never thought of me as a friend."

"How could you th..."

"Cuz you've got 'bigger and better' things in your life, brainiac. Figure it out for once."

My shoulders slumped, and I walked toward his bed. He didn't shift, didn't even react when I sat down. I faced the opposite wall. It was rather poetic; facing away from one another, sitting on either side of the bed. Two friends bereft of friendship.

"I...I could never-"

"You already did, _jackass_."

" **How**?" My voice echoed in the darkness of the room.

"-We- were your friends, Double D, not Shovel-chin. But no-O-o, now it's all 'Kevin' time."

"I'll have you know I've chosen you over him a multitude of times now-"

"Shove your sock in it."

"No, Eddy, **YOU** shove my sock in it."

We turned. Or, he did, and I reacted to the shifting of the bed. In the darkness...

Were there tears? I couldn't tell. The light could have danced over the Sandmen's grains, or travelled from his 'Disco Ball' light...but still.

I knew him. And, though I hated how he could be...I could understand. And it hurt me, to think that, perhaps...this was goodbye. For though I knew he could 'get over' this in soon time, act like it'd never happened, it'd simply be one more cog in the machinery of his damaged mind. One more shove as the rock edged closer to falling from its precarious station, rolling, cracking, shattering to bits. I only knew a little of what Eddy's brother did to him, and it was what I -didn't- know that worried me. For those who reach the highest highs, can fall to the lowest lows.

And Eddy rode the waves of life to their peak.

There were no more words to be said. I sat up, staring at the shag carpet beneath my shoes, blinking slowly. I felt broken, concerned, and...numb, to the situation. Eddy had made his mind up, and there would be no changing it. I would simply have to give it time...perhaps all the time there was to give. I could only hope.

I left for home, to get ready for the day.

Eddy left for school long before Ed, Kevin, and I assembled. They both knew something was wrong, but they also seemed to realize I did not want to talk about it. Ed simply walked up to me and gave me a long hug...I tolerated the smell, and tried to focus on the affection. And Kevin...Kevin took my hand, and led us on our way. He practically pulled me to school. I did not see Eddy, and that was for the best. I was dreading lunch as it was.

However, when lunch came, it wasn't as painful as I'd feared. Nazz and Eddy were sitting off at a table on their own for some reason, and Kevin just shot me this knowing grin of his. I tried to return it, but I didn't feel I had it in me. Still, his gentle eyes caressed me, and I felt myself lulled by the rhythmic strum of his fingers over my back. I supposed at the time that a lost friendship could have had a worse day to call its own.

At the end of the day, I was walked home by Kevin; or, perhaps, _I_ walked _him_ home, since I never entered my own home again that evening until, well...a bit ago. I let Ed retrieve his costume, after informing him of where to find it. As peculiar as he was, as little as I trusted him not to ruin things (not that it'd ever be on purpose), I at least trusted him to enter my home with his copy on my key and remove a costume from next to the door, where I'd hung it.

When we finally arrived at Kevin's household, and he let me in, I made a beeline for the sofa and took a seat. I had no desire to stand any longer, I simply wanted to sit and sulk. Kevin wasn't having any of it, apparently, as he slammed the front door with his foot.

"Alright, Edd, what's eatin' ya?" He walked over to me and took a seat next to me, his leg against mine as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I sighed, looking down, arms crossed.

"Y...it's..." I felt too weak to lie, despite my desire to simply explain away my mood with intricate wordings, "It's Eddy. There's not more more to be said, it's simply..." I paused, taking in the silence of the room, "I'm not sure he's okay with 'us', despite how he acted before..."

I couldn't look up at Kevin, I had no strength to. Kevin pulled me closer, and I felt a hand on my leg. If I'd been in a better mood, I would have blushed.

"But he...huh..." Kevin sounded disheartened, and I felt him turn his head, his nose running against my ear, a soft breath making me shudder. I heard the quietest laugh of contentment from him, so silent I wasn't quite sure it was there, until I felt a soft nip at my ear. I squeaked in surprise. I turned to him as he pulled slightly away, and he was smiling at me. It...it warmed me, to see it, so genuine and caring, I could almost forget...almost...

My shoulders fell again, and I looked down.

"D..." I slowly turned my head to lean it against his shoulder, not desiring respond in spoken word, "Look, I...I know he might be an asshole right now, but, like...I get how much you care about him, okay? I just...want you to know that. Hell...he helped me ask you out. He pretty much threatened me if I hurt you in any way. I just...if things don't get better, just...know that I'm sorry...okay?"

"It is not your fault in any way, Kevin, it is merely Eddy's irrational behavior. What's done is done."

Kevin flinched. I looked his way, and he looked...worried? Not about Eddy, no, it appeared to be directed towards me. I thought back, and realized that perhaps my voice had darkened a tad. Fortunately, I felt him relax again, and his nose brushed up against the rim of my ear. He sighed.

"L...look," I shifted my head beneath his, nestling it closer to his neck, as he cleared his throat and continued, "I know it's not much, but...maybe I can make you dinner or something? I mean, if you want...I know I'm not a good cook, but-"

My voice came forth weakly, cracking, "I would like that very much, Kevin..."

He shifted, pulling back enough for me to see his smile from the corner of my eye, "Great, umm...I'll get to that, then, I guess...uh, yeah, so I'll just..." He slowly parted from my side, leaving me missing the warmth of his body, but I tried to focus on the positives. Kevin, making me dinner...who would have expected such a thing?

...The funny part was, he obviously didn't either.

As I heard him searching the kitchen, the dissatisfied groans became quite apparent. I forced myself up from my depression in the sofa and went to the frame separating the rooms. He appeared distraught. It was a rather cute look on him.

"Umm...I just..ugh..."

"Having troubles?"

He whipped his head around and bit his lip, his hand nervously rubbing his neck.

"Uhh...how would you feel about, umm..." I watched him open the fridge, glancing at the contents, "...leftover chicken parmesan?" He sounded so nervous, as though expecting rejection.

The smallest smile crossed my face.

"That sounds heavenly."

The relief was instantaneous, "Choice. Uh, I'll go...yeah, it'll just be...yeah."

Seeing him be nervous for once was freeing, even if I felt a tad guilty for souring the former mood. I could have easily gone to help him retrieve dishes and silverware, or help with heating our meals, but I simply leaned against the frame. I suppose...I was alright with letting someone dote on _me_ for once. It had been so long since I'd allowed anyone have so much control over something in my life, even so small as a home-made meal, and it felt refreshing. I felt...happy.

We ate in relative silence, though it seemed to have been getting to Kevin. It was getting to me as well, so I shouldn't have been surprised. Still, I needed the silence to think, to sort my memories from the morning into neat and tidy hiding places within cabinets to be opened...eventually.

I finished a few minutes after Kevin, having been taking my time, and looked in his direction. He appeared to be fidgeting, his leg tapping the floor.

"Hey, so, umm, costumes, right? Yeah, I got 'em in my room, and it's about time, so..."

"Then I shall accompany you to your room, Kevin."

"Right," his nervousness was peculiar, but I didn't take much note of it at the time. I suppose I should have, but either way, he continued, "So, yeah, follow me, I guess."

And so I did...whilst trying my best to tame my unruly eyes. No matter the power of mind, matter has a way to act according to its own whimsy.

We did eventually arrive at Kevin's room, the stairs having been a tedious obstacle for my own mental state. Upon entering, I wasn't surprised by what I saw. Unlike prior visits to his bedroom, I saw dirty clothes strewn about, mostly concentrated at the foot of his bed. On the bed, however, there were two folded sets. They caught my eye as Kevin turned around, smirking with his hands in his pockets.

I queried, "I suppose those are our costumes, then?"

A half-smile tugged at the corner of his lip, "Yeah. One on the right's yours. You can, um," he scuffed his shoe on the carpet, "I...bathroom's down the hall to the right, last door on the right." He seemed to rush what he said, and it was spoken with a tinge of...regret? I suppose now I know, but at that time, I did not. You shall understand, Diary.

I smiled and approached the bed, lifting my "costume"...and realizing that it was not a costume at all. I actually recognized it.

"Is this _yours_ , Kevin?"

"Haha, yeah," he put a hand on his neck, "figured it'd fit you, couple years old but I washed it. I figured hey, it's Halloween, you should be something you'll never be."

I rolled my eyes, a sarcastic laugh rolling from my throat, "Oh yes, a jock...how fitting."

He chuckled.

"Yeah, Imma be a vampire, myself," I gave him a look, "...what are you looking at?"

My mind was still on the, 'things you'll never be' bit, and thought back to the defining mark on my neck, which was naught but a few freckles over a yellow oval, carefully hidden beneath a healthy layer of cover-up.

"Oh, _nothing_ , good sir." I decided not to tell him what was on my mind. He gave me a queer look, then rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Dork."

I took my leave to the restroom, where I donned the 'outfit' bequeathed upon me. The shorts fit rather snuggly, and the shirt was peculiar around my shoulder area. I imagined it was due to my build, as I was never athletic in the slightest, where-as Kevin obviously always had been. I wonder when he works out, or if he's simply primed for it by genetics...oh, excuse me, Diary, I am letting my mind wander, though I suppose it's best it wanders upon _these_ sorts of things right now, rather than...anyhow.

I returned to Kevin's room, which was open barely a crack whilst Kevin changed. I heard frustrated grunts, and decided it best to peer inside rather than disrupt Kevin in whatever he was endeavoring to do. Needless to say, I probably should have minded my own business, as what I saw upon glancing inside was, well...he was practically dancing, trying to fit in a pair of pants that looked two sizes too small for him. The struggle would be fruitless, I could see it with my own eyes...though the show before me wasn't particularly minded.

I cleared my throat.

Kevin looked at the door as I pushed it open slowly. I saw his eyes do a once-over, and he stopped his incessant hopping.

"Heh, nice. Least it fits."

I smiled, suddenly realizing how red my face was, "Y-yes, and fairly well. However, it appears you may have to substitute that pair of pants with something else."

I could have fainted when he simply let go of them, letting them fall to his ankles. Instead, I blinked, and my mind went blank. He didn't take much notice, instead opting to turn to his closet, the pants left behind as a puddle of cloth on the floor. When he leaned over, I turned my back to him on instinct. It's as though he had no shame! I just...Diary, how could he not know? Was he teasing me? I can't truly believe this was all accidental, he _was_ teasing me, wasn't he?

"Fuck," I heard him mumble, and I almost turned, before stopping myself. He groaned, "...Well, looks like I'm gonna have to be the vampire in the cargo shorts then. Damn."

I couldn't help but to chuckle.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up, Dork. Alright, you can look. Jeez."

I finally turned, and found him...appropriately attired. Excluding the fact that he was a vampire in shorts. A cape adorned his shoulders, the neck of it flaring around his head. A white dress shirt, black shorts, and black dress shoes...there wasn't much to the costume, but it wasn't as though we were trying to win any competitions. I smiled.

"Shall we depart, then?"

He smirked, "Yeah, probably. I mean, I could just stand here and stare at you all night, but we should prob'ly go, right?"

I shot daggers at him through my eyes, if only in jest, and he held his hands up, closing his eyes and walking past me. I rolled my eyes, a smile playing across my reddened face once more, and followed behind him. It's a lot easier following him on the way down.

As we left the relative safety of Kevin's household, I felt a warm arm slip around my lower back. Lower than normal, I might add. Now, I don't know what spurred on Kevin's _advances_ this night, but...oh, Diary, don't fault me. I wanted to say I was above it, but I know at that time I was merely fending off any less-than-flattering urges I may have had, hiding away in the depths of my psyche.

We quickly arrived at Nazz's house, and Kevin let go. I was rather relieved, despite my _other_ self desiring more. The door opened.

"Hey Double D!" Nazz said excitedly, sporting a simple fairy outfit complete with a tiara and tutu, and I spotted Eddy a little ways behind her. Eddy simply wore casual clothing. _How quaint_. The moment he saw me, he groaned. I could see Kevin tense from the corner of my eye, but as it happened, Nazz turned and punched Eddy in the shoulder. _Playfully,_ I might add, but playful for her was rather painful for Eddy, I observed as he rubbed his wound.

"Greetings, Nazz. Kevin and I are here to enjoy the festivities."

She giggled, "Rock on! It's good to see you both! You're actually the first ones here, it's just me and Eddy...oh, and Nat. He's hiding _somewhere_ around here..."

As if summoned, Nat strolled out of the kitchen in high heels, hot pink bell-bottoms, and a tight white half-shirt with one shoulder. I imagine my shock was obvious, but Kevin paid to mind to it as I heard him snort out a laugh.

"Double Delectable! How's my favorite guy's favorite guy doing?" He got a little closer than I expected, reaching out as if to take my hand. As if in response, I felt Kevin's hand lace around mine.

"Won't Mike mind?" Kevin snarled deeply.

Nat waved his hand carelessly, "P'shaw! Darlin', Mike has far too much to worry about. Which is part of the problem," I heard his voice lower on the second part, and was rather surprised. Kevin's grip loosened, and I turned my head to see him cast a half-grin my way, "I love him, swear to the Lord Almighty, but he's clingy as gum and I simply need a breath of fresh air. And boy are **you** a breath of _air_ , my dear." He cast a smoldering smile my way, and I flushed. Kevin's grip tightened on ce more.

"Alright, _Casanova_ , now back off if you know what's good for ya." I heard jest in his tone, but also...jealousy? Nat held his hands up defensively.

"It's all a game, darling. And I'm playing it with you, too, my dear." He winked, and I heard a groan escape Kevin. I simply looked down in something that was a mixture of embarrassment and shyness.

"Double D!"

We all turned to see Ed bounding inside the house, the cardboard wings attached to his sleeves still quite firmly attached, much to my pleasure. I'd hoped to make the costume able to cope with at least _one_ night with Ed.

"Woah, you _made_ that?" Kevin turned to me, eyebrow raised. I smiled lightly.

"Of course. I -was- the one behind all of the costumes and inventions for our 'scams' way back in the day, if you recall."

"Huh," Kevin smirked, nudging Nat with his elbow, "see? This is the kinda thing I told you about. He must have a hidden craft room or something somewhere. Kid's a savant for making somethin' outta nothing."

I blushed as Nat nodded his head in agreement. Ed looked quite proud of his purple bat costume.

"You're quite a fearsome Chiroptera, Ed, if I do say so myself," I said as I gave him a light pat on the head. He grinned widely.

"Aww, you're just saying that!"

Another knock at the now-closed front door. Nat opened it this time. Through stepped Jimmy and Sarah. Sarah was wearing a princess outfit (how fitting), whilst Jimmy donned something akin to 'The King', and by 'The King', I mean Elvis. I suppose his blonde locks didn't match, but I wouldn't fault him for his style. Even Nat seemed impressed.

I hung by Kevin's side whilst the duo greeted everyone, until Jimmy's eyes landed on me. He seemed frozen for a second, thinking, before his eyes widened, and a peculiarly impish smirk crossed his face.

"Ooh, Kevin, you _sly dog_ , you!" His high tenor voice was intermixed with a hint of naughty thoughts...and I suppose that's what made it click. Yes, I am ashamed to admit, Diary, that I didn't put the pieces together until then. But my brain processed it quickly, as he continued, "How did you manage to get him to-"

"Perhaps it was my _own_ idea, Jimmy." Not in the slightest, but I put on a slightly arrogant air, if only to spare myself any embarrassment from my ignorance. I can be naïve at times, Diary...forgive me. Kevin raised an eyebrow my way, before looking off to the side, a hand going to his neck. I caught a slight blush gracing his cheeks, and couldn't help but smile at it. Oh, Kevin, you cruel, tricky man, you.

And, at last, the final guest arrived. Or, should I say, _guests_.

Johnny didn't look much different to when I last saw him, though it had been a while. He still held Plank in his arm. He was dressed as...I wasn't certain. A colander on his head, a cape...honestly, I wasn't going to question it. He walked up to us, and appeared to turn to Plank.

"Huh, what's that?" Kevin and I shared a look. "Plank says you two are dating?!"

I smiled, and replied, albeit shyly, "That's very astute of you, Plank." Though I knew Plank was inanimate, I knew he was very real to Johnny, perhaps even a separate mind inside Johnny's own psyche.

"I was sure it'd be you and Nazz that'd hook up. You two were closer than barnacles on a sea scallop!" He looked at Kevin confusedly.

Kevin shrugged, looking to the side, "We did..."

"You **did**?! Wowee, we're really out of the loop, aren't we, buddy?" He turned to Plank again, raised an eyebrow, and spoke again, "Huh? What?"

Kevin and I shared another look. He was smiling in slight disbelief. I suppose Johnny's old habits were new to us once again.

"You've got a point _there_ , buddy," he looked my way, "Why is Eddy giving you the stink eye, Double D?"

I bit my lip, thinking of a response, when suddenly Kevin decided to get a word in instead, "You know how Eddy is."

"Amen to that, brother!" He seemed satisfied with that answer, at least.

Kevin squeezed my hand, and I leaned a little closer to him. Not long after, Nazz came out of the kitchen once more, and clinked a spoon against a large punch bowl.

"Hey, can I have everyone's attention?" Silence fell, "Alright, so, welcome to my Halloween Party, guys! Now, before we get this party started, I have a few rules. One, if you spike the punch, I'll spike _you_ ," Nat and Nazz shared a glare, though I saw Eddy also shift. I was hopeful her warning was in time, seeing as the punch hadn't been poured just yet, "And two, we're gonna have a great time, alright? Now everyone find a seat, I'll be out in a second with pizza and cupcakes, we're gonna have a great night!"

I enjoyed Nazz's enthusiasm, her sweet demeanor, it lightened the tension in the room that Eddy exuded towards me immeasurably.

Now, as much as I did enjoy the party, Diary...I've just now realized how truly late it is, and how little I've written of the other matter that occurred this evening.

So to sum the party up, we participated in a variety of 'party games', such as Bobbing for Apples. That one was the only one that stood out to me, perhaps because of Nat's obvious flirting with Jimmy. Jimmy had failed to retrieve an apple, and thus, when Nat retrieved his own, he removed it from his mouth and...handed it to Jimmy with this sly look and some whispered words. Whatever those _words_ were, they made him blush. It was cute, I suppose, but also a tad awkward, until Nat shouted loudly that whoever was next needed to hurry up before all the apples spoiled or something to that effect.

After all the games, Nat had a surprise for us...he had apparently mailed a cell phone to Rolf, all the way in the old country. How he managed to get the farm boy to use it, or even understand it, I've no idea. However, we called him, and had a pleasant talk. Apparently, he was well on his way to obtaining his own farm, though he seemed quite nostalgic about his times in the neighborhood. There was a point where he started cursing at the 'blasphemous doohickey' that was his cell phone, but...otherwise, he was in a pleasant mood. And everyone was quite ecstatic to reconnect, even Eddy, strange as that may seem.

Lastly, we all watched a Halloween movie together, most everyone sitting on the couch or one of the chairs. Kevin and I opted to sit on the floor, leaning against one another. I felt slightly shy about it, but no one batted an eye. I mean, perhaps Eddy did, but...I was doing my best not to look in his direction. Kevin laid his hand on my leg at some point, prompting Ed, who was in a seat next to and above us, to inquire as to why he couldn't do the same. I had the lovely task of trying to whisper an explanation that even Ed could understand. It wasn't easy, Diary...I love him, but he is dense. Not quite so as Eddy, but...intelligence-wise, his mind rarely takes kindly to new information.

Once the movie had finished, everyone got up and said their goodbyes. Kevin parted from me for a short time to speak with Nat. There was laughter, smirks, and whispered words. Kevin came back to my side and slipped an arm around my shoulders, causing me to smile, as I watched Nat walk up to Jimmy and say something to him. Words were spoken, something was written, and...Nat turned back to Kevin and winked. I can only imagine what could have been said, but alas, Diary, now is not for speculation. Now comes the meat of the evening's events...

We arrived at Kevin's abode again, and I followed him dutifully up the stairs. Fortunately, my mind was still gliding between thoughts of the party and the loss of my friend, and thus I didn't have to distract myself purposefully. Upon entering Kevin's room, which he kindly held open for me (which I now realize was pointless, since his door would have stayed open, and was merely a ploy to get behind me), I felt Kevin's arms slip around my waist and slowly walk me backwards. I almost shrieked at first, but his tight embrace was comforting, and his steps were slow. I couldn't help but to follow his steps as he carefully led me back to his bed, sitting down, pulling me down to sit between his legs. An awkward position, to be sure, but not one I minded.

"D..." his voice was hushed, but pleasant, the gritted texture of it rumbling at my shoulder as his chin sat upon it. I turned my head a little, my cheek resting against his, causing me to blush, despite how common this sort of thing was now. It was just rare enough to still affect me as such.

"Yes, Kevin?" My voice was apprehensive, not truly out of fear, but out of curiosity.

"I," he paused, and I felt his arms shift, his hands taking hold of my upper arms, caressing them slightly, "Can you...can I ask you to just, trust me?"

I furrowed my brow, lips creasing, and I turned my head enough so my eyes could flick towards his. He was looking at the floor, and his eyes seemed distant, but kind.

"Why, whatever for? I've much trust in you already."

"I know, but...jeez, I just..." I felt the sigh tease the hairs on my neck, "I want to try something, but just...don't freak out, okay?" I felt him shift, and was made quite aware of our current position. I was comfortable, I can assure you of that, but I was fairly bound by him. He had me, and...I wasn't scared, per se, but...I suppose I was wary of what he might be suggesting. I did some mental calisthenics, testing myself, seeing how far I could let myself _trust_ in something so unknown.

"...I'll trust you, Kevin." I had decided that I simply could not know without trying.

"Good," was all he said, before the silence of the room consumed us. But, in time, I felt his hands begin to linger down my arms, and he let out a long, held breath. "You know, Double D...when I see you in my clothes, it kinda makes me wanna take them off."

I gasped inwardly at his bluntness, though I suppose I should have expected something as such. It wasn't as though he hadn't hinted such things prior, but...it simply slipped my mind. Multiple times in the same night, too. Kevin, have you any idea what you've done to the inner workings of my mind? They're all out of balance, working in conjunction with things other than logic and planning! I've so little control of myself nowadays, Diary...so little...

I felt him shift his body, and his head moved. He raised one of his hands, pulling my head to my left shoulder, and we met in an off-centered kiss. It was soft, a slow dance of sorts...until I felt his free hand linger down my arm, underneath it...to the bottom hem of the shirt I wore, and under that as well. The moment I felt the minutely cold touch of his fingertips at my bare side, I unconsciously bit down. I suppose it was bad timing that the kiss had deepened enough that I'd caught his lip between my teeth. His touch hesitated, and he pulled back, grinning at me as I blushed, an embarrassed smile on my face.

"You're pretty cute when you're feisty, you know that?" Oh, it wasn't anything of the sort, Kevin, merely an accident caused by a stray, daring, mischievous touch. Entirely your own fault, I would say.

Rather than meet my lips again, he opted to kiss softly at the base of my neck, where it met my shoulder. I let my eyes flutter closed, relaxing against him, despite his teasing fingertips demanding me tense. His other hand joined, both ticklishly dancing up and down my sides at a slow pace. I breathed deeply, and tried my best to simply accept how it felt, and not overthink it. I have such a tendency to overthink, Diary, you know this quite well. Or, _I_ do, since technically _I_ am the one writing you, but...eh, details.

My shirt, or technically, Kevin's old shirt, began to lift. Slowly at first, until I felt it meeting resistance. I had been distancing myself so much from what was happening, I barely realized I had to lift my arms to allow him remove the shirt. I froze when I realized exactly what was happening, but was shaken from my reverie by tender kisses against my shoulder. I felt a very slight gasp escape me as the kiss deepened, and his arms lifted my own. I felt the shirt slide up my arms, and heard him toss it somewhere onto the floor beside us. I couldn't open my eyes to the situation just yet, and simply focused on the tender way Kevin grasped my wrists, lowering them, before sliding his arms around me.

I felt him shift again, and my eyes flickered open. I could see his hair from the corner of my eye, as he made my head lean away from him. I suddenly gasped as I felt a pressure on my shoulder, somewhere previously covered, and a memory came forth.

"K-Kevin, th-this is highly illogical-l...ma-marking me as such merely means I've another th-...ah..thing to hide," I tried to say my thoughts, but I admit, it felt far too pleasurable to speak as I wanted. "Ma-my parents will be home tomorrow, I ha...have to go to bed t-to be r...re...ready." Kevin stopped...for a moment.

"No excuses, babe...just...you."

I didn't understand, "But it's..."

"If you don't want this...tell me. I'll stop. I promise I'll stop. But it has to be _you_ saying it, not excuses. I...I know you want to hide. Hell, I'm scared around you a lot, too, but if I don't freaking do something soon, I'm gonna lose it. So tell me if you don't want this, but damn it, it better be _you_ that's deciding it, and not all the things around you...just...just _you_ , Edd."

I listened to him breath for a moment, his fingertips paused over my ribs, curled and waiting.

"I..." I cringed, "I...of _course_ I want this, Kevin...I just...I have to be...oh, just get on with it already before I stop this again with another treasonous thought!" Because I knew my rebellious, fearful mind would simply come up with more reasons to hide from all of this. And besides...no one else would ever see it. I could allow him to be a vampire this evening if he so desired, not that he even recalled that he was dressed as one. How fitting; how ironic, and...oh _goodness_ , how it felt...

I had thought it was to be chaste. I...was wrong. I won't say that was a bad thing, but...I wasn't entirely expecting his fingertips to slide under the waist of my shorts. I gasped loudly. He seemed quite amused by this, but slowed his touches. For several minutes, I simply leaned back against him as his fingers teased as far as they could past the tight waistband. He was getting antsy. I could, well...with how I was positioned, I could _feel_ it...I was afraid, at the time, he'd want _that_. I wasn't quite ready...but he didn't ask that of me.

No...instead, he removed his hands, sliding them up my waist, thumbs sliding back into my shorts and tugging them down. Now, at this point, I was...ehm... _visibly excited_ , Diary. I may have been wearing briefs, but the shorts were quite tight on me, and didn't do a very good job _hiding_ anything. I felt a mixture of shame an embarrassment, despite the fact I could feel Kevin's prominent erection against my lower back. And truly, I should **not** have been surprised when his fingers danced beneath my briefs as well. No, I really shouldn't have. But, alas, I shrieked...quietly.

Kevin chuckled softly, his fingers sliding back up. Then back down...over my briefs. Over a certain _protrusion_ I could not conceal nor control. Again, I should have expected it, but my mind was so far from reality at that point, that I truly was 'living in the moment'. And the moment felt very, very nice. I could practically feel my own eyes glaze over as they shut, and I leaned back against him, biting my lip. When his palm slid over my erection, I let out a moan behind closed lips. I felt his head turn, his nose nuzzling against my ear.

"Yeah?...You like that, huh?" His words were teasing, and I mentally rolled my eyes. Physically, I was merely attempting to process the fact that Kevin was _groping_ me!

"I...ah-mm...Wh-why would you ask when the answ-AH...er is so obvious, y...you malevolent tease..."

He chuckled once more, his wrist moving in a practiced motion over my length. I moaned, "K...Kev..in..." and I felt him shift behind me once more. My breathing was getting heavier, my mind entirely blank at that point. I could focus solely on the pleasure, on who was giving it, on that fascinating patch of carpet on the floor my glazed eyes were seemingly fixated on.

His hand ceased its movements, fingertips sliding up over the cloth of my briefs, and beneath them. This time, I didn't shriek. I purred, a moan of longing. I felt his fingers touch my lower self, and I gasped loudly in response. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, fingertips grazing over the entirety of my length. I could feel as one finger dragged something wet down the shaft, and felt as his fingers apprehensively encircled the head. In my hazy state, I imagined it was due to inexperience doing something like this to someone else, that he was simply figuring it out, but...now that I'm of a clearer mind, I realize he was likely baffled by my uncircumcised state. I am relieved, at least, that it did nothing more than make him hesitate. I was afraid he'd have been disgusted...then, I suppose he's still yet to truly see it...

His hand began to work its way up and down, and he paused again. I believe having the extra skin makes it feel a tad different, because he really seemed unsure for a moment...but eventually he continued. I panted heavily, subconsciously thrusting inwards to meet his movements, feeling myself quickly coming close to my limit. He seemed to realize this, his speed picking up, hand a little tighter. His other hand was around my waist, groping at my side. I could hear him breathing hard as well, perhaps from the heat of the moment, or his focus on the act. It only spurred me on, as I found myself moaning his name once again, earning a tighter grip. That was all it took.

I couldn't quiet myself as I bucked against his hand, feeling the warmth spread in spurts over my lower abdomen, and Kevin's grip around my body tightened. His hand slowed, and he removed it. A wet spot was quite visible at the very top of my briefs. I was out of breath, and in euphoric bliss. I leaned back against him, truly enjoying his warmth, oblivious to the mess I'd left all over myself...and him.

It took me a minute to recover, as I felt him plant butterfly kisses up my neck. I turned my head as far as I could and kissed him, as passionately as I could.

It was then that I felt the warm liquid shift and drip down. I almost jumped, but Kevin held me still, and chuckled.

"Stand up slow, I'll grab a tissue." He grabbed a few, actually; from a tissue box on his bedside table. I watched him clean his hand. He didn't go to wash it...but I wasn't in the state of mind to tell him to leave and wash it at that point. I cleaned myself off, and tried not to blush too hard at the fact I was nearly naked in Kevin's bedroom. My clothes were folded neatly on the end of the bed, and I moved to put them on. Kevin grabbed his and left the room, likely to both change and wash his hands. When he returned, I was still in a pleasurable fog, but now a lot more aware of what had happened.

He looked at me with glazed eyes and a half-smile, and his eyes seemed to cast that oh-so-familiar look that first entranced me with him.

"Beautiful." He said, walking up to me, placing a hand on my cheek. I could feel the sweat as his thumb ran down it. I felt disgusting.

"I..." I panted, catching my breath still, trying to recover from a bit ago, "I'm glad _you_ think so...but I must say, I _feel_ as though a swift gust took me for a ride to the beach and dusted me with a spray of salt. Wouldn't you say?"

"Heh, you say that like it's a bad thing."

I smirked at him, one eyebrow raised, and he flashed me a smile. I let my eyes flick to his clock, and my eyes widened.

"Oh, oh dear, it's rather late. I simply _must_ have a good night's rest, lest I won't wake in time for my parentals!"

"Parentals?" He gave me a weird, teasing look.

"You've caught me disheveled, no need to tease. Now would you be so kind as to walk me home?"

"Only if I get to walk behind you."

I rolled my eyes at that one. I wasn't surprised his ego was over the moon, so I simply tolerated his playfulness.

"Very well, ye of tainted mind. Now take me home, the night isn't getting any shorter, you know!"

He smiled and led me out, and when we were outside, he was quick to fall in step behind me. He was strangely quiet. We reached my door rather quickly, both to my pleasure and chagrin. Kevin stepped around me and embraced me warmly, and I sighed. His hugs were lovely. I couldn't help but feel safe and wanted as he held me. I was going home to an empty house, but...all I truly needed to do was cross the street. I knew he'd be there. His arms told me this. And his words...

As he pulled back from the hug, strangely hesitantly. Not that I minded, despite the late hour. It was just...unlike him. And what came next...

I heard him almost say something, and almost pulled back to look him in the eye. Instead, I felt him pull me closer.

He whispered, so quietly, "I love you, Edd..."

My breath hitched. And not but two seconds later, he broke the embrace. His eyes met mine. It almost seemed as though they'd lost their color, as I stared into them, struck by what he'd said. I'd only had two measly seconds to take it all in, before Kevin's arms left me, and he turned on his heels and walked home. I was so taken aback, that I didn't stop him. And he slammed the door.

I'd made a mistake, in not saying anything in time. My heart dropped the moment I heard the wood of his door meet the frame, and I ran to his house, knocking. My voice was caught in my throat, my eyes showing all the pain that was crashing against me. The light was out inside the house. Even his room's light was no longer on.

I ran home as quickly as I could, fumbling with my key and the lock for a moment before dashing to the phone. I had Kevin's number on a sticky note next to it, along with other important numbers, and dialed.

By the fourth time, I realized he wasn't picking up.

I...Diary. Today just...could it have been any better? Any worse? I...I lost my best friend, got entranced in the throes of passion by a wonderful boy, who even spoke the three most meaningful words ever spoken by a human soul, only to have him run off before my mind could speak. Was he...did he mean it? Is he...he's not...please don't let him be gone, Diary.

I need to rest. My parents are coming tomorrow. My head aches from all the tears, my chest feels worn from sobbing so hard...it's so late, nearly 1 in the morning. I let myself numb, I blocked this off...and...n-now it's back. I wrote it, and it's back, and he's not.

I...love him. I do...please don't...don't take this away from me.

Please.

Edd

* * *

 **A long time coming, I know. Hit 7.6k words with this one. And I'm sorry. I'll write Kevin's chapter when I can, bear with me, don't hate me too much. Hope you enjoyed, despite all of this!**


	61. Darlin' Dear

**Nat:** Sweetie, you didn't send me an e-mail last night, or even this morning! Come now, tell Uncle Nat what's up~ Okay?

 **Kevin:** nothing

 **Nat:** And I'm supposed to believe that?

 **Nat:** Kevin baby...

* * *

 **(unknown number):** Thank you so much for giving me your number. I'll try not too bother you too much, I know you have a busy life

 **Nat:** Dollface, you couldn't bother me if you tried. This is Jimmy, right?

 **(unknown number):** Of course

 **Nat:** Nice to hear from you again! Glad to see you didn't faint and lose my number when you got home~

 **Jimmy:** It did happen as though out of a dream, but I'm not that frail. And I'm glad you have a cell phone too, it's easier to talk this way

 **Nat:** Good to hear. Listen, I'm actually glad you contacted me, I need someone for something kinda important right now.

 **Jimmy:** Like what?

 **Nat:** Like...a real big friendship problem. Possibly relationship-related. All drama.

 **Jimmy:** Sounds juicy. How can I help?

 **Nat:** Just...check up on Double D for me, okay?

 **Jimmy:** You sure? I know his parents are around today, I heard he likes to be alone when that happens

 **Nat:** I'm 100% positive. Do this for me and I'll save you a moonlit dance next I'm in the neighborhood, doll.

 **Jimmy:** Alright! Anything you want me to say?

 **Nat:** Just ask if he's okay. And if he knows about Kevin.

 **Jimmy:** Kevin? Did something happen?

 **Nat:** Wish I could answer that one.

 **Jimmy:** Alright, I'll head over there right now

 **Nat:** Thanks. xoxo

* * *

 **Jimmy:** He said he wasn't sure, but that it was really personal and he didn't think Kevin would want anyone to know

 **Nat:** Did you mention I wanted to know?

 **Jimmy:** No, I didn't think you'd want me to tell him that

 **Nat:** Oh well. Anything else?

 **Jimmy:** He looked like he'd been crying. Not today or anything, I just know what it looks like. Did something happen last night at the party? He and Kevin seemed so happy

 **Nat:** ...no, I'm pretty sure it wasn't at the party. Any more?

 **Jimmy:** He said he hopes Kevin knows he loves him. It was so sweet, I could have melted from how sincere he was, but he was so sad when he said it! Now I really want to know what's up

 **Nat:** You and me both, love. Thank you endlessly for this. Can I ask you one more favor?

 **Jimmy:** Sure

 **Nat:** Check on him tomorrow too. And if it's the same thing, get Nazz to break into his house.

 **Jimmy:** What?!

 **Nat:** Trust me, it's for the best, doll. You've known Kevin a long time, and you should know how stubborn he can be. Probably near as stubborn as Eddy, even.

 **Jimmy:** I guess, but isn't it rude to break in?

 **Nat:** Do you want to see Double D look like that again?

 **Jimmy:** Never

 **Nat:** Then help me out tomorrow if you can, I need someone who's actually there to help me out with this. I have a few guesses as to what happened, and all of them revolve around Kevin being an asshat.

 **Jimmy:** That's not very nice to say about your friend

 **Nat:** But it's fine to say about my BEST friend. Please trust me on this, alright?

 **Jimmy:** Alright

 **Nat:** You're a lifesaver. Thank you, darlin dear, I won't forget this!

 **Jimmy:** No problem

* * *

 **Sorry for such a short chapter, but Kevin's refusing to write right now. I'll write the next few chapters when I have everything figured out, LOTS of characters to play around with right now. And lots of working, too. Woo. Enjoy!**


	62. Recluse To A Nightmare

Oh, my, gosh, Diary, I just had the most _amazing_ night last night! I wanted to tell you earlier, I promise, but you know I can't just put off my beauty sleep, it's unbecoming!

So last night, this adorable hunk named Nat, or was it Nathan? I think that's just what Double D called him, but anyways, back to the hottie. He totally flirted with me! I know, I can't believe it either! Last time this happened was when Sarah brought me out to that dance club in the city, and even then it was a girl. And she didn't call back, but whatever! All in the past now, I live for **today**!

Oh golly, you wouldn't believe the things that happened! First, oh, first of all, he...oh gosh! So we were bobbing for apples, right? And I couldn't get one, you know how my bite is, Sarah gave me a pat on the back. I felt pretty bad, but no one laughed at me or anything. Then Nat went and managed to snatch one up, and when he came back up, he took it out of his mouth, sauntered right over to me, and slipped it into my hand. And then...my gosh, what he said, he said, in these sultry, whispered words, _"From my lips, to yours..."_

I could have fainted, Diary! I swooned, and Sarah caught me. My heart was flipping pancakes and Sarah was excited for me, too! All during the our talk with Rolf, he kept looking at me. No, I swear I'm not making this up! He kept giving me this smoldering look that took my heart to new heights, and by the time the movie came, oh, I wasn't prepared!

Nazz only had a few seats for everyone. Ed took the single seat, Kevin and Edd sat on the floor, then me, Sarah, and Nazz shared the couch. I was farthest to the right, and Nat still didn't have a seat. So, instead of sitting on the floor, he hopped on the arm right next to me, and announced, "Shot-gun, I called it! Scootch over, dollface~" As if I'd decline!

Throughout the movie I kept feeling him messing with my hair. I think Sarah saw, she was all on alert because _no one_ touches my hair, not with all the effort I put into it. But it wasn't like he was messing it up, it was...kinda nice. If he'd knocked one hair out of place I'd have probably said something, but he was so...practiced, as though he knew exactly what to and what not to do. I suppose I should have expected it, after observing his own styled, dyed, gorgeous hair.

I was rather upset when the movie ended, because he hopped off the arm of the couch immediately. Kevin left Double D to join him, and I took the time to gush about the gorgeous, teal-haired Adonis, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was _him_ , and Sarah just rolledher eyes at me. I was ecstatic, words pouring out of my mouth without any thought whatsoever. He didn't mind, he just smiled that precious smile and said, and I quote, "It's always nice to meet someone lovely as you, hun. I can give you my number if you'd like to continue _this_ anytime."

Goodness, he was suave. I could see that Kevin regarded him so differently than this, but to me, he was a charmer, and I couldn't help myself. He wrote down his number, and he was gone, like a stallion into the night. Oh, what I would give to join him in the City of Lights, dance my way through parties every evening...oh, stop me now, I'm drooling!

Today, I sent him a text...and he replied! He r-e-p-l-i-e-d! Do you know how amazing that is? To finally have someone reply? My heart leapt from my chest, oh! He actually had something to ask me, too, and in exchange, offering me a 'moonlit dance'. I'm no babe in swaddling, I know the meaning of a moondance, but it could just mean a dance under the moon, and oh, how romantic! I agreed without barely comprehending his request!

As it was, he asked me to check on Double D, today and tomorrow. I'm actually glad he asked me, because I really do respect Double D, and seeing him like he was today broke a little part of my heart. I'm afraid something happened between him and Kevin, and I have no clue what! How could something happen? They were so in sync, and I beheld them on the highest pedestal, and to think of them fallen was to think of a dove without her wings. The tragedy!

I simply **must** get to the bottom of this, Diary, my kindest and most trusting of companions, oh, please please **please** let them be okay. They gave me hope that some day I could be myself at school, be true and honest and _me_! Oh, how I've dreamed of it for years now! Sarah has been the only one to know, bless her caring heart, but I need the sun to shine on **me** , and not the mere shadow I cast! Oh, how poetic of me!

I must go now, I promised Sarah I would tell her _everything_ tonight, and I can't be the one keeping her up late, it would be so _rude_ of me!

To another great day, Diary! And to a better one for Double D!

\- Jimmy

* * *

 **Because I had to. He started swooning _all_ over my moleskine, and I wasn't just gonna leave it unwritten. Yes, Edd will speak next, but you're not going to like what he'll have to say. Not because he's being unkind, just...he's not having a good day. :( I'm with you, Edd. I've been there, too.**


	63. Dear Diary Entry No 28

Good evening, Diary...well, more a simple 'evening than that, I suppose.

My parents arrived at 9:30 AM sharp, bearing gifts, adoration, and the simple pleasure of chatter. Unfortunately, it was all taken with an unwanted grain of salt, every bit soured by the night prior. Despite the loveliness of his words, his actions so loving as to not require anything in return...all of it means nothing now. It is nil, it is null, and I am numb. I hide it well, though, I would think.

I suppose Mother was the first to catch on. She did inquire, but I shrugged it off.

"My friends and I all engaged in a party, a 'Halloween' gathering, you could say. It wore me out, as our stay kept us up later than I would have otherwise planned."

I've hidden myself for so long, that...that it worked. They didn't see me often, and when they did, my smiles were true as sunshine, my words spoken from my heart to my lips without a second thought. I am an actor; today, I had to play my part. For them. Because I love them, I truly do. All they do for me, and for others. And that they left me here, to be happy, with my friends...I could never not be thankful for that.

Still, the game had to be played. Movies watched, a bedroom dusted, jokes and teases at sneezing and particulates of dust hazing over the room...I could almost have been happy.

But I missed him, Diary. Even with my mind distracted, there was this hole in my chest that ached for him. Those words would occasionally tick through my head like a stray song worming its way in, and my chest would shout with a flourish of emotion, a spark, warm...and then burning. Because something happened, and perhaps, it was all my fault.

Jimmy came to visit this afternoon. I did not expect it, and it...honestly, until I opened the door, I hadn't recalled that my view was that of Kevin's house. My heart sank, but I held true to my smile. He asked questions, but I had little I could tell him. Kevin told me something, and it was his to tell, not mine...not that it likely means anything.

I'm not sure what I did, Diary. Did I mess something up? Did I...did I not do something he wanted me to? Perhaps I should have berated Nathan for his flirting. Or maybe, he expected me to respond to his advances, rather than foolishly take and not give. I am so selfish, Diary. So useless.

He wanted so little of me. He wanted me to smile. To say what I want to say, and not these vile contraptions of vocabulary I contrive for the purpose of hiding when forced to speak. He...perhaps he wanted me to stop being so intimidating. I think highly of his intelligence, I _know_ I've told him that, but have I told him _clearly_? Does he know I respect him far more than most others in my life? That I wait on his every word and action, that I hang on his eyes and feel his touch linger when he parts...

Does he know that I love him? Will he even care, with how little I've done for him? I've never done this before...been in a relationship, that is. I admit, I could have been screwing everything up. I likely am. Why else would he have walked off.

But...why did he tell me he loved me?

My heart aches. Mother put me to bed, and Father watched me with calculating eyes; perhaps my guise couldn't fool him, but never mind that. I managed, somehow, to get through the day. But they expect me to call my 'friends' over tomorrow. And to learn of the 'surprise'...

 _"Oh Mother, oh Father, I've one friend left, the other left me because of a guy, who I've ignored to the point of losing! Isn't that wonderful?"_

I should sleep. Though my mind is in a dark place, I can't bear to be awake any longer. The thought of tomorrow, of even _trying_ to call Kevin again...and him not picking up... _again_...

I'm so afraid. I've never been more afraid in my life.

Keep my secrets safe, Diary.

Edd


	64. Dear Diary Entry No 29

Diary,

Yesterday, I was an actor, in the guise of a boy named Eddward. Today, Diary, I am less than that. Strange, how one man, one singular aspect of one's life, that wasn't present the entirety of a month ago, could leave such a void in me such as to deprive me of the will to wake.

The birds had long since stopped when I rose. My parents were surprised, knowing me to be an 'Early Riser'. Well...I _was_. But why should I rise when I've fallen so far?

Today, I'd promised them that they could meet my friends again. It had been some time since they'd seen them. I keep my promises, after all.

I decided it would be best to call Ed.

I apologize for my lack of desire to relay conversation. Surely it's in there, but I've little desire to connect to it right now. I am writing, surely, to keep my head on straight, and nothing more. Because...I, just, I need to continue.

Eddy.

I asked Ed to bring Eddy over, and to inform him that Kevin would not be present. And to do it for my parents, not for me. I was fortunate that he was kind enough to do me that much, as they both arrived at the door. Ed immediately ran up and hugged them, and I watched their faces shrink at his malodorous scent. It would have been amusing, in other time. After, they approached and greeted Eddy in a more normal fashion; Mother with a hug, and Father, a nod.

Lunch was served, and Eddy kept watching me. It was disquieting. I met his gaze, at one point, and he merely furrowed his brow and looked back down at his food.

We shared stories for an hour afterwards. Ed had to go, he had chores. Eddy decided he should leave as well, but the moment before he left, he took hold of my wrist, pulling me outside.

"Alright, what did he fucking do to you?" he shouted under his breath, eyes burning. I was slightly struck by the fact he cared, but I had no fight in me, no desire to start anything with anyone.

"Nothing, Eddy."

"Tell me or-" he seemed to glance behind me. I imagine my parents were in view somewhere, so he quieted further, "look, if something happened, tell me. I'm home all weekend, alright? Just... _don't_ fucking leave me out of the loop, **okay**?" He punctuated the okay quite loudly, then turned and left. Even now, I'm not certain if the normal me would have bothered doing anything in response to what he said. I feel virtually nothing. And, afterwards, I donned my smile again.

"It was lovely meeting them again, sweetheart. But now, I wonder, what is this 'surprise' thing you're to show us?" Father seemed to fidget, and Mother continued, "It appears your Father is growing _impatient_." The way she said it implied it was a long time coming. If it was anything else, I'd have poured my heart out to them. But I was...I am...not who I normally was, and I merely smiled, blankly.

"Ah, yes - I may need a little time to prepare for that. Would you give me, let's say, an hour or so to ready it all?"

Mother smiled, sweetly, utterly fooled by the farce that was my own smile...

"Of course, sweetie. Take as long as you'd like. We're leaving a little past midnight, just keep that in mind, alright?"

"Understood, Mother." I smiled still. Father just looked at me. Mother pulled him along to the couch, as I made my way upstairs, to my room.

To write in you. And relish the sensations, the pained tingles throughout my limbs and fingertips. Because I feel so little right now but for this...this...I just...

I'm so utterly scared. The phone is right there, I've the number as well. But thinking of dealing those numbers freezes me to the bone, and I'm paralyzed. I've written in you merely to keep me sane. Please, please, give me the strength to call.

One...two...gah! Three already! 

* * *

**The inspiration is flowing. The next chapter will likely come either tonight or tomorrow night. I didn't plan it, but when inspiration hits, you just gotta go with the flow. Hopefully nobody minds :x It's coming to a close. Little remains to be written. I better get to writing whilst my fingers still tingle! Tata!**


	65. Dear Diary Entry No 30

Dearest Diary,

I...I need to write.

I called him. Two rings, then it picked up. My heart fell when I heard the voice.

"Hello?"

"Oh...g-greetings, Nazz..."

"Double D!" A pause. "Did you want to talk to Kevin?" Another pause, this one likely my own fault.

"I...a-um, so-sorry if I'm interrupting anything, I'll j-just-"

"Nonononono, Double D, don't be sorry! I'm seriously just here as a friend, please, don't hang up!"

I didn't reply. I was holding back tears. _Don't assume, Edd. For the love of all things living, don't assume._

"Double D...? You still there?"

"Yeah." I managed to eek out.

"Hey, I heard your parents are there. Did you want Kevin to come over?" I could hear some hushed sounds on the other end.

"I...umm...I... _had_ , but..." I felt like I was going to break. I was holding onto the phone so tight, the plastic should have snapped.

"Great, he'll be right over!" A click, and my senses came rushing back to me.

He was coming over. I...oh dear, what do I do now? I...I'm reliving it, Diary, I have to. I can't remember it any other way than panic. I rushed downstairs so loudly that my parents' heads whipped back.

"Something happening, Sport?" Father asked in his gruff, raspy tone. He seemed concerned.

"Oh, na-nothing! Nothing at all, just, um...oh yes! A visitor is coming, yes! That's it! And they're due to arrive any moment now, and I was merely not prepared!"

My parents shared looks. I knew they didn't buy it...but Mother smiled at me anyways.

"Of course, dear." They were simply going to allow it. One less worry. My mind was unraveling as it was...I was thankful, so thankful.

Until I heard the knock. Three hard knocks, unlike the normal greeting. I heard scuffling outside. I took a deep breath, my nerves shot, fingertips electric...and reached forwards, to grab the doorknob. I opened the door. So slowly.

And there he was. He looked...well...I'd seen myself this morning, in the mirror. He reminded me of that. Worn down, empty...what happened? My heart fell. The smile I'd worked so hard to keep up shattered into a thousand pieces, the shards stinging as they cut through my heart, reminding me of how I truly felt. Alone. Foolish. Idiotic. Selfish. His eyes echoed mine, and it hurt. I wanted so to let myself step forward, wrap my arms around him, and forget. About everything. But...but this is real life. And things aren't that easy in real life.

"Are you going to invite him in, sweetie?"

I watched Kevin's face pale, before a mask took its place. It looked so odd, from someone so honest about his feelings. If he was angry, he showed it. If he was sad, he showed anger. Happy? Happiness. But no, now? He hid everything, and it hurt. The beautiful boy with the aquamarine eyes...I truly didn't deserve him.

I parted my arm from the door, taking a step back and gesturing him to walk inside. He took a few steps. Forced, I noted. Hands in his pockets, shoulders defensive. Cap pulled down. Back to how I met him, I supposed...he did nothing to deserve this. I wanted to tell him that. I wanted to. Why didn't I?

Instead, I turned around and faced my parents. It was Father's eyes that told me how clear everything was. Mother...hid it well, but she seemed to have her suspicions. The entire room felt cold. I knew I had to speak, though. The silence was biting. So...what do I say? He's...was he...I didn't know. I didn't know, at that point, what he was to me. I loved him, I was...I...I _had_ been dating him, but...did that...that didn't matter anymore, did it?

"Mother, Father..." I spoke, my chest taut, hands clenched as they squeezed one another. I cringed my eyes, before looking down, taking a deep breath, and speaking the only words I knew were true at that moment, "This is Kevin...the boy I love."

Mother reacted first. She smiled so widely, teeth bared, curled brown locks bouncing as she held her hands together excitedly. Father smiled, and I watched his eyes, as they darted in Kevin's direction.

I was glad to make them happy, even if I didn't believe it mattered anymore. Perhaps, I thought, Kevin would put on a show for them. My heart sank at that minute thought, but my eyes, still focused on my Father, noticed the slight nod in Kevin's direction. I turned my head barely, just to see him. I was afraid, but...but what? I don't know. I simply acted in response to stimuli, I suppose. The rest of my body wanted to hide from it all.

When I turned, Kevin's face was practically painted red.

I bit my lip, hard, my shoulders moving up defensively. Kevin just stood there, looking at the floor, and...I watched him gulp. And turn. And the slightest smile spread across his face...I'm not sure I even recognized it myself at the time, but I know it was there. He chuckled, so quietly it must have been unnoticeable to my parents, as I only saw his chest jump to prove it happened.

He took a side-step, and reached out with his left hand...taking my right from its worried, clenched position at my chest. He pulled me so my arm was entirely against his, and I blushed. I couldn't smile yet, but the warmth...the feeling in my chest right then...it wasn't as bad. But I was still afraid.

Until he spoke, "Yeah...I'm his boyfriend." He bit his lip. Mother shouted excitedly, and Father stood up.

"Congratulations, my boy. I was sure you'd stay single until you were 30!" That didn't help my blush.

"Dad..." Yes, Diary, I slipped. I suppose embarrassment makes me forget my formal terms.

At least Kevin was there, squeezing my hand so hard it should have ached. I squeezed back. I didn't know what it meant, I just knew I had this moment, and he was there again. And I loved him. I truly, truly loved him, and I couldn't let go of him if I tried. Literally.

We all sat down. Mother and Father were squeezed on one end, whilst Kevin and I sat at the other...well...KEVIN, sat. He had the brilliant idea that, since there was so little room left, I should _sit_ on his _lap_! Goodness me! If I hadn't gone through such a tortuous weekend, I'd have snarked and complained for... _minutes_ , at _least!_ But, as it was, I was exhausted from the pain, from all the emotions, the lack there-of...and, to be honest, Diary? If my parents hadn't been there, I would have wanted nothing more than to be this close to him. To feel his chest rise and fall, his arms hold me tight...but...but my **parents** were there! Good lord!

Mother had no end of comments at this. She demanded photos (and subsequently took them), and asked every question that could ever be located in a "What to ask your child's significant other" book, as I imagine there is one. And I wouldn't put it past her to have read it! Father, on the other hand, just gave me a knowing look. And gave Kevin a glare. And the way he withered, well...were I not as relieved to be with him, and happy he wasn't gone from my life, I'd have teased him for it. My Father was a small man, Kevin shouldn't have been afraid, but he was. Perhaps another day I'll bring it up...

Dinner was quaint. There was no silence to be had, though Kevin and I didn't say much to one another. Occasionally Father would ask something Mother had not thought about, but then it was back to the string of questions. Eventually, it went onto stories about work. Casual talk. I relaxed. ...well, until I felt a hand on my knee. I nearly smashed the table upwards. Not literally, I'm not THAT strong, but I did give it a good jolt. Kevin laughed and apologized for 'bumping me', but I knew that was a fib. Especially when I felt his fingertips upon my leg not a moment later. I rolled my eyes, and tried to ignore it. Or, to pretend to. Because I wanted it just as much as before. I was afraid, still, that today would disappear in the blink of an eye. It can happen so easily...I've always known this.

But...it didn't.

Father had a word with Mother, and came out to us. Kevin and I sat quietly on the couch, not looking at one another, for some unspoken reason. But I, at least, still smiled.

"Say, you two probably want some time away from us two Geezers. Your Mother and I are gonna go take a drive, maybe go see Kathy. Won't she be surprised?"

"Oh come now, dear, she'll probably say she 'saw it in the cards'." A hidden meaning behind that joke spurred on rowdy laughter, and Father smiled my way.

"Don't do anything _too_ bad while we're gone. We'll be back in an hour. We have a plane ride to catch later tonight, you know, and this trip's so we can see _you_ , not Crazy Kathy."

"Oh, Kathy..." Mother laughed quietly to herself as she left. Father followed behind. The lock clicked.

Silence.

I heard the rental car start, listening intently as they drove away...

When suddenly I felt myself pinned down against the couch, enveloped by the scent of...not conditioner this time, no. That scent was there, yes, but...this time, it was Kevin. He smelled like his room, like his jacket, and my heart fluttered. I should have complained, being crushed against the couch and all, but I couldn't think of such frivolous things. I could see short tufts of red hair dancing before my vision, the curve of his red hat. His neck was bare before me. I merely had to purse my lips, and kiss it. Deeply. Because I couldn't reach his lips, but I felt so much, and I couldn't just ignore it. I could lose him, but he couldn't lose the mark I'd give him, not yet. Why was I still thinking these frightened thoughts, of losing him? Well, because as far as I knew, this could have been one final night. I wanted to make up for everything. And I wanted to remember everything about him. His skin, his hair, his scent, the fabric of his shirt under my fingertips...

"Edd, I'm so sorry..." His voice was pained, and light.

My fingers clawed into his back, another moving to the base of his neck, pulling him tighter against me.

"It's not your fault...I'm just...glad we have tonight..." I felt him tense beneath my curled fingertips.

"...Tonight?" My heart seized a tad.

"I...I presumed that...I..." a sob ached my throat, and I willed it back, though my lip quivered, "V...very well then, you may go when you desire..."

"I'm never letting go of you again...you'll have to make me." His voice was deep, threatening, and...very much afraid. I could tell that much by how tight I was held. But my heart was in denial, or so the clenching in my chest told me.

"You've no obligation to me...I should have been a better boyfriend..."

That got a reaction. I felt him pull away instantly, but was still pinned. He took hold of my upper arms, near my shoulders. His face was unreadable.

"What?"

The sob flickered in my throat, and I bit my cheeks, hard. I felt one of his hands leave my shoulder, and rest against my chest. The worry in his eyes poured over me, and he stared into mine. He seemed to be struggling to speak.

"I...thought we were done..."

I let my head loll off to the side, lip quivering as a sob teased my throat, readying its escape. His hand moved from my chest, to my cheek, my ear...and slid just under my hat, caressing the hair beneath it.

"I love you... _so much_ Double D...it hurts to think about. I couldn't..." his voice cracked, and I saw a shimmer in his eyes, "I couldn't breathe after I told you. And when you didn't reply, I...I thought I...that I fucked up...that I fucked everything up...it was too early, I should never have-"

I moved my hands up, pulling his face down and kissing him. His chest bounced against mine, and I lost my breath.

But I didn't miss this time.

For minutes, we stayed like that, neither of us speaking a word, simply lingering upon one another's lips as though they were the only way we could breathe. Though we did take breaks to breathe, I'll admit...still nestled nose to nose, however. By the end, my lips felt...tired. But I felt warm. And I _felt_...I felt!

"Kevin...?"

He sat up on his arms, legs around me, looking down at me with glazed eyes and reddened cheeks.

"Yeah?"

"You're a dork," I completed the phrase with a smarmy look, one I didn't even know I had in me.

And he laughed.

And it was beautiful.

And we continued where we'd left off, the night flying by in a way the previous days envied. My parents returned home, and I smiled with them for the first time. I think they could both tell what we were up to...I...am fairly certain I saw Father's eyes on Kevin's neck the moment he came in the door. But after his eyes widened, he said something. He just gave me a strange look. I was embarrassed. I'm not sure Kevin noticed at all.

It was a school day the next day, but I stayed up late anyhow. I had finished all my assignments, and I could rest tomorrow. Tonight, I was with my family. I was surrounded by the people who loved me.

Tomorrow was another day. Where I shall wage war against the tyrannies of high school and...whatever Eddy decides to do tomorrow. I've decided that, even if he distances himself from me, I can't let that effect me too much. Kevin isn't going anywhere, and I can't baby him forever. He'll have to grow up, and face the fact I can love whoever I want. Because I _do_ love him, Diary.

I love his smile, his hair, eyes eyes...the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me...that silly thing he does with his hands behind his neck, and the way he smells when he's on his way to school. I love his outlook on life, and the way he tells me to smile, and **means** it.

And I love that he loves me.

Diary, I've likely forgotten something. Good thing I have you to remind me of all the reasons I love him, because after tonight, my brain is frazzled. But I don't mind, because Kevin stayed after my parents left. He fell asleep on the couch, holding me. I managed to get out of his arms...after lying there for a while, and realizing I couldn't sleep upright. And now, I'm writing you.

I believe it's about time I rejoin him. With a blanket. I'm not like _that_ , Diary. But after this weekend?

I think I'll allow myself this one thing.

Whether or not I deserve it, well...he'll tell me in the morning, won't he?

Good night, Diary, and pleasant dreams.

Yours Truly,

Eddward

* * *

 **There will be more; epilogue sorts of stuff, as well as Kevin's reply chapter to this, but this is likely all for tonight. I stayed up way too late writing all of this, and need to go to sleep. I hope you all enjoyed!**


	66. Dear Diary Entry No 31

**I needed an escape from the world today, so I wrote.**

* * *

Dearest Diary,

This morning, I woke long before Kevin. The silent buzzing of electronics were the only thing that gave notice to the fact we were inside, as a soft blue glow invaded the room and dyed it the color of the sky. It was a cold glow, but I wasn't cold, not at all. I decided, however, that I would not have this offer from time and fate again...and thus, I sat up from my make-shift sleeping bag on the living room floor, and leaned my arms on the couch cushions, next to his face.

He looked so peaceful while he slept. Everyone does, but...it was pleasant, to see him like this. Not hurting, not upset, just serene in the still blue light of the morning. His lips were slightly parted. I decided it best not to kiss them, lest he have some sort of exaggerated reaction and slap me away. No, I enjoyed the moments. I could ask for his lips later, perhaps.

Still donned as I was in pajamas, I strode upstairs and retrieved a change of clothes. Back downstairs, and I showered. He didn't wake, though he seemed quite deep into his sleep cycle. I knew enough to know he would be asleep for a little while longer. Hair still wet, I went to the kitchen, and started preparing a breakfast for myself; and Kevin, if he so desired.

The scent of pancakes must have roused him, as I watched him sit up groggily, a groan, a stretch. I smiled at it, seeing him so unaware. And also that moment of realization. I took a guilty pleasure in that too, I admit, Diary. He looked back at me, as I was in the only lit room, and his eyes were filled with shock. I could have laughed, but I held it back, and smiled.

"Good morning, Kevin."

He blinked.

"What...happened, last night, I mean...?"

Was he asking me, or himself? I chuckled, though, and moved to the doorway. The pancakes were finished, sitting on a plate near the stove. I leaned there, crossing my arms in that 'cool' way I knew Kevin to do so often.

"You of all people should know, Kevin."

The way his color drained from his face? Priceless. Oh, Diary, am I becoming a sadist? But I couldn't help myself! No really, I _couldn't_! When I saw his face go red, his eyes darting away and his body curling...I had to dispel his doubts.

"We merely 'slept' together," that made him jump, oops, "I mean, _near_ one another, Kevin. I even 'roughed it' on the floor, so-to-speak, so to allow you the comfort of the couch. You are nothing if not a sound sleeper, by the way."

"Oh...yeah...right..." He sounded groggy and unsure, but at least he didn't seem as worried anymore. I was glad. He continued, "So...uh...whatcha makin'?"

"Why, flapjacks, of course!" Well, pancakes, but the word flapjacks was quite fun to say. And I was in that sort of mood.

"Nice...what time is it?"

"Don't worry, you have plenty of time before school starts!"

At that, I heard the couch thump. I then heard a muffled, "School..."

"Is something the matter, Kevin?" I inquired, though I was well-aware of his, and most teens', opinion of school.

Kevin groaned, pulling the blanket back over his head. I was amused that he did not say a word about the fact I had tucked him in last night, but I suppose I'll let him think of that later. It was enough that I could. It was enough that I was simply close to him...or in the house with him. Or...anything, for that matter.

I turned back to the pancakes, opening the drawer below them to retrieve some silverware. I heard the couch shift, but didn't turn. As I reached up to obtain plates for the both of us, I felt a pair of arms slide around my waist. A head fell on my shoulder, and I blushed. Funny how my cocky attitude departs the moment Kevin and I make physical contact.

"Mmm...wanna skip?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in disbelief, all the while smiling as I pulled the plates down.

"Kevin, that's preposterous! Do you realize the impact a single missed day can have on one's grade point average?"

He snorted, "Yeah, well, I kinda didn't have a chance to do anything all weekend..." His voice drifted off.

I found myself looking down, a soft, negative thump pounding my chest as my heart felt the sorrow of the day prior.

"Ah-h...I s-see..."

"Yeah...so..."

In that limbo of silence, we stood, for the good part of thirty seconds. Before my morning-readied mind decided to pipe in, and give me something to say. Something worthwhile...I hoped.

"...You know, I would miss you."

"Huh?" You heard me, Kevin. Oh, but I suppose I'm apt to give in to your questioning, simply to hear your voice...c'est la vie.

"Seeing you at school is...rather the 'highlight' of my day."

I felt his arms tighten, "Yeah?"

I rolled my eyes, and laughed lightly, "'Yeah'. Now, we must partake of our meals before they get cold. Hurry up, you."

So he did. And after, he left for his home, to get ready for the day...after parting with a kiss. I've not a single complaint about that.

I'm not entirely sure what the day will hold yet, Diary. I'm sitting here in my room, writing as I await the lovely ring of the doorbell, as Kevin wishes to walk me to school. I have no idea if Eddy will treat me differently now, but...he still cares. That much I know from yesterday afternoon, and I am very thankful. For all of my friends. I am so lucky to have them.

There's the doorbell. Au revoir, Diary, and here's to another lovely day.

Yours truly,

Double D


	67. Words Speak Volumes

Nat,

Alright...I think I can tell you now.

Umm...how fucking long has it been? Last e-mail...Thursday, damn. I guess Friday...yeah. Friday. Fucking hell.

Alright, alright, I gotta think...I'm sorry, man, alright? I just want you to know that. And, uhh...thanks. For sending Nazz over. Or, like, getting Jimmy to. Just...thanks.

Anyways.

Yeah...Friday, uh...Friday was the day Eddy decided to basically be a dick to Edd, I think. I don't know exactly what was said, but he was _broken_ , man. I was afraid to touch him cuz he looked like he'd shatter, but maybe holding his hand held him together, yaknow? But when we got to school, I went up to Nazz and asked her to talk to Eddy, you know, _smooth talk_ the smooth-talker and see what was up. If anybody could get into his head, she could. Or at least she could make him blab. I knew all I'd do would be piss Eddy off more.

So she pulled him to another table at lunch, and I tried to cheer Edd up, but he just wasn't talking. It sucked. Even walking him home, he walked like a wind-up toy, not sure he even wanted to be there. It hurt, seeing him like that, you know? So when I got him inside, and he, like, _immediately_ claimed the couch, I went up to him and asked him what was up. He actually told me it straight, no messing around. He was _that_ bad, man. Fuck Eddy. I guess Eddy wasn't happy with 'us' still. I mean, seriously?

But it's like, I thought about it, and just, it didn't make sense. He's the one who gave me a fucking note telling me when and where to bring Double D! I mean, what's wrong with him, if he hates me so much? I just...I just told Edd that, and that I was sorry I fucked things up between him and Eddy. Because I was. I never meant to, even if I hate Eddy. Cuz I hated seeing D like this.

So I...uh...I kinda offered to make him dinner. Yeah, I know. _Smooth move._ Especially since I can't cook a can of beans. Do you _cook_ beans? Who knows. Anyways, it worked. Just made some leftovers, and he seemed to cheer up a little.

Got him to come up to my room for the costume after, and...I kinda chickened out. Yeah, I know, _lame_ , but look, I couldn't take advantage of him when he was like that! I did enough the night I asked him out, wasn't gonna do something like that when he was feeling like this, _again_. But yeah, wanna know what I got him to wear? My old baseball outfit from a few years ago. Didn't look half bad on him.

I kinda didn't fit in my costume. Hell, I dunno if I got bigger or what, but those pants from the vampire thing just -did not- fit. Did you leave yours here or something instead of mine? I dunno, but either way, didn't fit, Double D came in to me hopping around like a jackass. Guess he got a good view though, heh, right? Don't answer that, creep.

Just wore some dumbass shorts instead, turned around, Dork was staring at a wall. Kinda forgot I was half-naked, ha! So I grabbed him and we went over to Nazz's place.

You pretty much know what happened. I mean, you were fucking -there-. Oh, and it was actually kinda cool that you and Jimmy hit it off. Bet he lost his shit when you gave him your number. You're such a player. Sarah's gonna smash your head in if you hurt him though. Don't believe me? You'll see, haha!

But yeah...after everything, walked him home, and kinda...my mind was kinda on him the whole damn movie. By the time we got to my room, I pretty much jumped the kid. Asked him to...you know...trust me, n' shit...cuz I really, really wanted to do something. Even if he didn't wanna do anything back, I just had to.

I bet you wanna know what I did. Well, I'm not gonna tell you. Just that I made him all hot n' sweaty. I'm writing a fucking -book- tonight, man. Don't ask for more, you'd only wanna know so you could visualize it, dirty creep. Nah, I just wanna keep it to myself. After that thing you pulled at the party, you're getting zilch, dude.

But...damn. What happened after that was...ugh. I was fucking stupid. I felt a high from what I just did, was riding it like a dumbass, and when I brought him home...I told him. And he looked at me, shocked. And didn't say anything. I guess I didn't wait long enough, I just...suddenly I realized what I'd fucking done. And I remembered the time with Nazz...did I ever tell you about that? I will, just...I ran. I went home, locked the door, put my phone on silent, and just laid in bed. Cuz I was done, with everything. I thought I'd screwed everything up. I believed it, man...

Before Nazz and I were dating, we did this whole on-and-off thing for a while. I'd like her, then she'd like me, then back and forth. And one stupid time, when I was all for her, and she wasn't really into me, and it was fucking stupid we kept going off and on each other like addictions but anyways, I told her. I said I loved her, and she just looked at me. And I stayed there, and waited, and she just gave me this look like, 'Okay?', and walked home. I didn't talk to her for a fucking week. One of the worst weeks in my damn life. I mean, we started dating a few months later, but I never forgot it. She 'forgave' me for saying it. Forgave! Like it's something to fucking be forgiven! But whatever. I took it. I figured I was in the wrong. I mean, who the hell was I to say that to her? Did I even mean it? I felt like a fucking idiot.

And then, I say it to Edd. One damn week into our fucking relationship. Less than that, even! And he stares. Just like Nazz did. Or maybe it was the dark, but...fuck, whatever. I saw what I saw. And I couldn't take it.

Spent all Saturday either lying in bed, trying to sleep, or watching tv. I'd sleep until my head hurt and my eyes went groggy, then watch some tv, then go back. At one point, I saw Jimmy go over to Edd's, and it hurt. I just left the fucking living room and slept for the rest of the day after that. Or, like...stared, at the ceiling. I dunno if I slept much. I don't remember much. It hurt. Everything was grey. Even my dad didn't bother me, it's like he knew I wasn't clocked in.

Then Nazz came over the next day. Came in the back door, snuck up to my room, opened that too. She fucking pinned me against the fucking wall and looked sooooo pissed, man. I was almost scared, but then I realized I didn't give a shit about anything at that point. I think that's when she let me down, too. She asked what was up, and I just said I didn't want to talk about it. That was a fun fucking conversation, man, let me tell you...whatever.

She just stuck around for a while as I laid there in bed. Like, an hour, even. Then I saw my phone light up, and Nazz saw it first. She answered it. I didn't even want to think at that point. Then I found out it was Double D, and I was freaking out. Then she practically asked me over FOR him! I was cursing at her to stop, but she didn't give a shit, and dragged me over anyways. And knocked on the damn door for me. She's fucking strong, I gotta hand it to her. That, and I didn't wanna bother moving at that point, so I didn't have the will to stop her, no matter how afraid I was. I figured I'd just get it over with.

He opened the door, and my heart broke. He looked terrible. Beautiful, fucking beautiful...but beaten and hurt and it was all my fault. His parents were there too...I...tried to hide the fact I felt like trash. Not that I was any fucking good at it. Then, like...he invited me inside, and, umm...the way he introduced me to them. It just...he said, uh...something like, "This is Kevin, the boy I love."

I mean...who says that other than the Dork... _my_ Dork...

Fuck, man. If I'd ever felt like an ass, that was it. But I felt so fucking great, too. Like the stupidest fucking idiot with the most amazing guy and just...I pretty much couldn't process anything else for a moment. Think I went pure red, even. Embarrassing, but...what can you do? So I stepped over to him, took his hand, and told them I was his boyfriend. Because damn if I wasn't gonna be proud of that fact. So proud, I had him sit in my lap at the couch. We probably coulda fit, ya, but I didn't care. I'd just had the worst day of my life worrying I'd lost him, and he was mine again. Fuck embarrassment, I wanted him close to me as I could get him. I'm just glad that, you know...his parents didn't care. Well, his mom took photos. No, you can't have them. Yeah, I'm gonna ask for them. For -myself-. Oh, and his dad kinda gave me this look, but...you know, the whole, 'Dad' look. Yeah, that one.

Had dinner with them. Got Double D to jump, too. Put a hand on his leg, and he freaked. Didn't get him to do it again, but oh well. Was worth it to see his reaction. To see him smile, laugh, and just...be himself again. To see the guy I loved.

His parents had to go visit a friend or something, so I got to have him all to myself for a while. Which was good, cuz I kinda couldn't hold back anymore. I guess he couldn't either...cuz he kinda gave me a hickey. Yeah. It's great, right? That -he- would give me a hickey, I mean. Yeah, it felt rad, but...whatever, man! I just, like...yeah...it was nice. He was still scared, and he was actually **sorry** , like he did something wrong Friday night! Hell no! I fucked up. I wasn't having any of it. And in the end, he just told me I was a dork. It was fitting, I guess. I was the dumbass this time. Still, he'll always be -my- Dork. My Dorkable Double D.

Pfft. Don't tease me for that, I just...yeah. But yeah, stayed over at his house after his parents came home, then...guess I fell asleep there. On his couch. I woke up and was freaking out, wondering what happened. Cuz last time I woke up in a weird state like that...yeah. So it was a deserved freak out, but instead, there was Edd, making breakfast in the kitchen. I figured I could get used to waking up like that.

He didn't wanna skip school, no surprise...didn't want _me_ to skip either, cuz I guess he'd miss me. Which is nice to think about. Someone actually giving a shit if I'm there or not. I like that. So I headed home, took a quick shower, got dressed, and headed back. He took a bit to answer the door, guess he was busy with something. Walked him to school, Ed didn't join us this time. Asked Edd why, he said he would know to walk with Eddy. I wasn't gonna question it, I like all the alone time with him that I can get.

The assholes at school were, well, asses. Nothing physical like the gum thing this time, just stupid fucking teases every once in a while. I don't know how Edd avoided it, but I was glad. I guess they knew if they touched him, I'd get violent. Or something. But I could shoulder all the shit they piled onto me if I had to. For the rest of high school if I had to. But I figured people would get bored eventually, if I never reacted. I just decided I'd keep most of my interactions with Edd out of view of others. Even if most people didn't care, I still didn't know who did really, cuz shit started even when they didn't see anything. Whatever.

Eddy was there at lunch. It was like nothing ever happened. He shot me looks like I'd stabbed his dog or something, and talked to everyone else like normal. I didn't mind one bit. Meant I could focus on my boyfriend, and on making him nearly inhale his food by a well-placed tickle or something like that. Amused me to no end. The little things, man, gotta love em.

Alright, so it's nearly 5 now, and he said he would be over at 5. We're just gonna hang and read, maybe more if it happens, ha. Well, either way, I'm just glad to be with him still. I'm an idiot, man. I almost lost him, but I didn't...thanks for being a friend to me, and checking up on me.

He really is the Sun to me, man. Everything's so dark without him, I just...thanks, man. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for bringing me back to him.

I'll catch you later, man. And thanks again.

Kev


	68. Immaculate Desires

**The most 'Mature' chapter. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

Dear Diary,

This is a...a recount. For my own sake. Goodness knows I'd sooner perish than allow anyone access to this.

Ahem.

It has been a week and a half since we'd "made up", so-to-speak, and I'd gotten back into my ritual of, ehm..."practicing." I'd fallen out of practice due to the terrible circumstances of that weekend, but now...now, I've returned to my habit of... _you_ know what I mean, Diary!

As such, I...goodness, how can I write so easily about Kevin pleasuring me, and yet be so embarrassed admitting that I perform such acts on myself? Good lord, I'm blushing! I'm alone! Oh dear. Oh, whatever! I need to write about this, I shan't allow myself forget any of it, no matter how embarrassing this is. I will thank myself in the distant future, I'm sure.

I...started my habitual evening by retrieving my "toy" from the bottom drawer of my dresser, hidden beneath various clothes, folded neatly to hide the presence of any possible "disturbances" beneath them. Not that anyone would look, but I don't take chances, Diary. I also retrieved the, ehm...the "lube," as well as a box of tissues. How cliché can I be? Goodness. And I'd, ehm...I'd lay down on the bed, and...well...ugh, I just need to force my way through this or I shall be here stuttering my words around the issue for hours! I've school in the morning, for goodness sake!

So I laid down on my bed, after carefully stripping my clothes and placing them at the far end of the bed. I'd then...ehm...I'd...goodness I can't do this!

I touched myself, Diary, is that enough for you? Future self, I apologize. You know what I would do. I'd..."prep" myself for the toy, by...somewhat _teasing_ myself. It was a game, almost, though I feel ashamed to admit I'd stoop to such a thing, but I suppose I am only human, am I not? Eventually, I'd feel ready, and I'd...I'd insert it. And it always felt like it wasn't going to fit, but it was easier every night or so. Just a bit.

I...have to note, I -do- shower if need be beforehand. I'm not an animal. That would not just be unsanitary, that would be downright -disgusting-!

Anyhow, as I let my mind linger to...well, the only events I had in memory to let it linger _to_ , and the way Kevin would tease me, I would tease myself further. And I'd imagine all the things Kevin would do to me, if I'd simply -let- him. Not that he hadn't done a fair bit by this point...and how he's tolerated waiting this long for me to return anything? I'm not certain. I tried not to worry about that. I would be ready when I was ready, and I knew my mind would tell me.

The one thing I didn't anticipate, however, was receiving a call from Kevin midway through my "session."

"V-Vincent residence, Eddward speaking." I held the phone with my left hand, using my right to grab a tissue and clean the, ehm, pre-cum off my hand. Joyous.

"Hey Double D." Like the voice from my daydreams, his voice was that husky, pleasant gravel over the phone. If I wasn't already red in the face, I would have turned it. Though whether it was something in his voice that caused my reaction, or something in my mind, -that- is debatable, Diary.

"Hello, Kevin."

"...Hey. Umm, so what's up?"  
 _  
Oh, you know. Simply stroking my manhood to a mental image of yourself._ "Not much, and yourself?" How I kept my voice steady, I wasn't sure. My heart was still aflutter from what I'd been up to...what I WAS up to, honestly.

"Just wanted to know if I could come over and, you know, chill for a bit...If that's okay, I mean! I don't wanna, you know, screw up your homework or anything."

 _Not so much screwing up, more-so..._ goodness! My mind was not my own at that time. My thoughts were entirely unbound, but I kept my thoughts from being spoken as best I could.

"That sounds adequate." Though I couldn't have worded it in a more Dorky way, to be honest.

"Heh, alright. I'll be right over." Click.

...and that was when I realized he would be -right- -over-.

I panicked. I sat up, grabbing my clothes and throwing them on as quickly as I could, cursing under my breath, as I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I stumbled out of bed, making my way towards the stairs, which I quickly ran down. I winced as I felt the lubricant which was still down there. It was...unexpected, even if I knew what I'd been doing. I went up to the door, and took a deep breath to center myself. And I opened it.

I suppose the guilt was written all over my face, because Kevin looked at me with this cocky grin the moment I opened the door. I bit my lip.

"Come right in, Kevin! Make yourself at home."

"Think I will." He walked in, smirking and slipping an arm around my waist in a practiced gesture, pulling me alongside him as he walked. I winced, his touch evoking thoughts in me that were...quite far from the norm, Diary. Goodness...to be honest, my entire body was a-quiver! Not to mention the fact that I was concealing...something...in my briefs. Not _well_ , but...well enough for him not to see, at least. I hoped.

He sat down and took my wrist, pulling me down beside him and into an embrace from behind. I leaned back against him as I felt myself slide downwards, as it's not exactly an easy position to remain in. I ended with my head on Kevin's thigh...and good _lord_ that did NOT help. He smiled down at me, innocently, as though he had no idea how much of a tease he was being right then. I suppose he didn't, but still!

His fingers wrapped around the right side of my jaw; I way laying on his left thigh, if that's of any note. They curled and delicately slid along the curve of it, up to my chin, back down, over my throat. My eyes fluttered shut, and I bit my lip yet again. Such tender touches between us were not uncommon at this stage, since Kevin knew how fond of them I was. However, it was pure torment as I struggled to keep myself from shifting even slightly. My knees were raised; both to fit on the couch comfortably, and to hide my ever-present "problem" from Kevin's eyes with the folds of fabric that my shorts created.

He smiled down at me, before narrowing his eyes, "Why are you so red, anyways? I haven't even tried anything yet."

My heart fluttered as I found myself searching for any sort of white lie, "I-it's hot up there, in my room. I suppose I haven't recovered from it yet."

...he didn't believe it, from the look on his face. He raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Yeah... _sure_ , Double D. Whatever you say." He chuckled, and his wayward fingers continued their path, sliding over my throat, soft as a feather. I gulped, breathing in deeply, my eyes closing once more. I felt his chest tremble for a moment; a silent laugh, I presumed. Then, his fingers skated downwards, teasing at the collar of my shirt. They traced it, dancing over my collarbone, then running over my shirt to my shoulders, up my neck again. He squeezed. I bit my lip a little harder than before.

He removed his hand. I immediately opened my eyes, missing the feel of his fingertips against my skin, and caught him looking down at me...but not at my eyes this time. He had his, ehem, "shit-eating grin" present on his face, and I realized that I must have...reacted, in some way. And...of _course_ , he must have seen it. I cursed internally, turning a deeper scarlet.

"Damn, Edd...didya wanna take 'this' up to your room or somethin'?" He said slyly, not likely expecting a response. I know I wasn't.

"Yes." And yet, I did. By some unknown force of my own vocal chords, I spoke that word, and sealed my fate. But was it a fate I did not desire? No...no, I...I suppose it was something I'd been toying with for a while, in my mind. And my mind decided to speak _for_ me from behind my normal guise of a false chastity.

I had no complaints after that point, however. Not a single one.

He finally replied, eyes wide, "...Okay then...I'll just..." He seemed confused for a moment, before he turned to his side, standing up, and slipping his arms under my knees and around my shoulder, successfully lifting me up. The movement caused an oh-so-sensitive part of me to react, and I shuddered. Kevin flinched, probably thinking he hurt me...but when he caught my eye, he smiled, and blushed. That rare, sweet blush...how I cherish that I can give it to him.

He carried me slowly up the stairs, every jostle making me wince, in a good way. But I felt impatient, and overly-stimulated, and I wanted nothing more than for Kevin to...to 'take me right there,' I suppose would be the way to describe it. Goodness, the places my mind has gone...

When he entered my room, he stopped suddenly. I looked up at him, and saw his eyes were locked on something in front of him.

"...Whoah, D."

I turned my head, and...

"Oh, good lord!" I, um...in-a-hurry me apparently forgot to put away a certain "toy." I surpassed even the reddest of reds then, I swear upon it.

He stood there for at least half a minute, his grip on me never wavering, as I rested my head against him and tried to tame my terrible, tainted mind...and finally, _finally_ , after far too much time and embarrassment had passed...he spoke.

"...Yaknow, that's...kinda hot, babe." I looked up at him, his face red once more. I felt the slightest smile creep onto my cheeks.

My heart spoke before my mind had a say in the matter, "As they say, my Prince, it takes one to know one." It didn't even make sense! But I said it! Why, Diary, why? But either way, it made him shift. I felt him take in a deep breath, and looked up to see his cheeks even redder than before, his lip between his teeth, eyes closed. He looked them and looked off to the side, biting his lip.

"... _Fuck_. Babe, don't _say_ things like that. I'll end up taking you right here and now, if you keep that up..."

Yet again, my heart spoke first.

"I might like that, actually..." Such impure thoughts, was this actually _me_ talking?!

Kevin began to move again. I looked up, and his faced was still dyed red, but his eyes had a...fire, to them. I wonder if, perhaps, mine did too...

The next thing I knew, I was falling on the bed, bouncing slightly as two arms took my shoulders, pushing me down. I felt Kevin climb onto the bed, his legs on either side of mine, and I saw the burning hunger in his eyes. He pinned me down, his hands on my arms, holding them down tight as he leaned and kissed my neck. And _bit_ it! He _bit_ my neck! And...and...G-God did it turn me on. I felt a muffled gasp escape my throat, and Kevin breathed against my neck, tickling the hairs as I felt his tongue slide over the area he'd bitten. His mouth moved to the right, up my neck, leaving little nips at every location. How I feared the possibility of a hickey...oh, how I really, really wanted to throw caution to the wind and beg for one. For anything! God, his body was starting to grind down against me, and...oh my...

His hands left my arms to steady himself against the bed, leaving my hands free to roam again. They found their way around his back, quickly grasping at the hem of his shirt. I let my fingertips slide under, clawing at him slightly to try and keep myself connected to this world as the loveliness of his mouth tried to remove me from its presence. I heard him purr a low growl, and he moved to my ear, nibbling at the lobe. I gasped, my fingers moving up his back, pulling his shirt with them. I wanted it off. I wanted my _own_ off. I wanted to feel the blissful touch of his skin against mine, I _ached_ for it...oh God, did I _ache_...

I bucked upwards, biting my lip, "K-Kevin...I...I na...need...it h-hurts..." I whimpered, clawing over his ribs. He leaned back a little, looking into my eyes, face flushed.

"What hurts?...When I bit? I didn't mean to..." I moved a hand to his neck and pulled his forehead against mine.

"I'm so hard right now...and I...I just-"

He sat up almost immediately, his shirt falling down a little from where I'd pulled it. I was a little upset by that, until his eyes caught mine, and he seemingly read my mind. He slowly moved his hands down to the bottom of his shirt, and lifted it up, and off. I blushed as I found myself staring at his toned features, my eyes tracing over every muscle, almost completely oblivious to the fact his hands had found their way to the front of my shorts. I felt something move against me _down there_ , and gasped, my eyes moving from their fixed position on Kevin's chest. Kevin carefully maneuvered the button out, sliding down the zipper, before moving his hands to either side. I moved to help him pull them down, despite my embarrassment. I still needed more. I bucked up very slightly, rubbing against my briefs. I was ready to beg for it, if I had to.

He must have known...but he still _taunted_ me. Instead of removing the damnable cloth below, he slid his thumbs under my shirt, pulling it off. I allowed it, despite my desire for something else; the heat really _was_ getting unbearable. Though I suppose that was just me. And then, he...he started to mess with his _own_ pants' button. And I watched as he - tantalizingly slowly, I might add - pulled down his own shorts, letting them fall to the floor behind him. For the first time since that evening in the dark of night, I saw him... _that_ part of him. Through cloth, yes, but...but it didn't leave much to the imagination, Dear Diary.

My eyes flicked up to meet his after staring for...well, an embarrassing amount of time, I imagine, and I caught him giving me a cocky grin. I shrunk a little against the bed, and his smile softened.

"Heh...like what you see?"

I blushed and let a small smile creep onto my face, "I..." I cleared my throat, mumbling, "I v-very much do..."

I watched as he looked down at me, and I felt rather exposed. The last time he'd seen me shirtless was after the Halloween party, and even then, he hadn't seen me straight on. I felt extremely conscientious, my frail body nothing compared to his own breathtaking anatomy. He cocked his head a little, moving a hand forward to slide over my lower abdomen. I gasped at the touch.

"Edd...I mean, _damn_ , babe...just, _damn_..." His fingertips teased over my hip bone, and I thought he was finally going to...and then, the impish, _teasing_ things trailed back up, playing a fine tune across my ribs. He repeated this several times, but it was truly torment, no matter how pleasant it might have been. I was squirming beneath him, desperate for more contact. Finally, and I mean _finally_ , his hand moved south, the palm drifting just beside my very visible length, which was hiding under but a thin layer of cloth. They slid to its lowest point, over my...well, _you_ know, Diary. Goodness, there's no way for me to say it without it sounding rather immature. But he cupped them, and let his thumb drag over the base of my length. I moaned, my lips just barely parting. I heard him breathe out in satisfaction.

His entire hand slid up my length, curving around it, squeezing. I let out a muffled squeak of pleasure, trying my best to stay calm. He was only teasing me right now, only teasing...and how _cruel_ he was, doing so!

I was desperate, "P-please..."

The look on his face was of pure want, and he leaned forward and kissed the very tip of my ribs, sucking the area lightly. His hand continued to slide up and down around my still-covered length, and I wanted to beg and plead even more for him to let it out from its cloth prison. I felt him kiss lower...and lower still...until...I felt the softest touch of his lips through my briefs, upon the head of my shaft. I gasped loudly and reached out for him, fingers sliding through his hair. I felt his breath tickle over my waist, and I looked down at him. He seemed...apprehensive. But determined. I wanted so badly to beg for more...but I was using all of my willpower to simply let him do what he planned, and not force him. I could only wonder if he really planned to...to...

He hesitantly touched at the rim of my briefs on either side, gently tugging them downwards. The cool air touched at the wet pre-cum that had been leaking for...ages, at that point, and I winced. I watched him breathe in deeply, and just...look at it. Finally, he pulled them entirely down. They fell to the floor with an anticlimactic, nearly inaudible 'plop' sound.

His eyes were still fixed on...um...on 'me.'

I felt I had to speak, "If...if you don't want to...I'd n-never ask such a thing of y-"

"No, I want to. I just...it's...different, you know? Reading about it, and...actually, _you know_..." The corners of my mouth turned up the slightest amount, and I leaned my head back, tiring from holding my neck up to look his way. I settled on a partial view from a laid-back position, my fingertips still behind his head. I couldn't help myself. I simply -had- to touch him right now...I really, -really- wanted him.

He leaned forward, and I held my breath. When I felt his tongue touch me, it...it felt...warm, wet. But nice. And, when I felt him slide it down my length, I gasped; it sent shivers through me. He was very cautious at first, just barely teasing with slight licks...I endured the all torture, the tempting touches that lingered for only moments, that caused so much desire to flood through my veins. But, at last, I felt his lips...his velveteen, wet lips, engulf me. And I let out a deep, guttural moan.

It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, but then, I've little else to go by when it comes to experience. Needless to say, it was a -lot- better than a mere _hand_. And that's putting it lightly. He'd slid his lips over my length but a handful of times before I felt that familiar feeling growing in my abdomen. I knew it was coming, every movement was bringing me closer to the edge. I clawed my fingernails into the back of his neck, as I pushed myself up with my other hand, needing to look at Kevin, what he was doing. I was _craving_ it. I was...I was going to...

"K-K-Kevin I'm...I'm gon-..na...mmm..." I grabbed at his hair, pulling against his head as I almost bucked upwards. I tried so hard not to, but I couldn't prevent it entirely, as I felt my seed release into the warmth of his mouth. A few more stifled thrusts of my hips, and I found myself exhausted, blissfully. Kevin pulled away slowly...and coughed into his hand. I saw something drip from his lip to the sheet as he coughed a bit more, before taking a deep breath, and...swallowing. Does that turn me on? It's hard to know, but...imagining it now, it definitely causes a reaction, so...I suppose it does.

I leaned my head back against the pillow, bathing in the afterglow as I heard Kevin clear his throat. I looked to see Kevin's hand behind his head, rubbing at it. I suppose I may have, ehm...scratched him a little bit in my fit of passion. Curse my perfectly manicured nails.

He looked at me with curious, shy eyes, cocking his head. I felt my heart melt, despite its rapid, but descending, beat.

"That...was... _wow_..." Because it's hard to say something intelligent in afterglow, Diary. I imagine all my censors were off at that point, all wit straight out the closed window. Kevin smiled at me, and I saw the gleam in his eyes. He still wanted me. Probably even more now. He's gotten me off _how_ many times now, Diary? Every night, in the lust-drunk stupor of passion...every wet dream that had plagued me since. Finally, I...I felt ready. He wanted me, so badly, and I knew he was holding himself back. I needed to tell him. I needed him, I needed him -now-. Hands down. And he needed me... _he_ needed _me..._

"...Kevin..." I mumbled softly, and he cocked his head at me again.

"Yeah?" he whispered, his voice thick with restrained lust.

"I'm...I'm ready for you...for...for _this_..." I blushed, the warm blush on my face no longer from the euphoria of climax, but now the shyness of admitting such a thing to Kevin...

But the reward was the predatory look in his eyes, the...the _twitch_ in his boxer-briefs, that I longed to remove. ...did I dare? Would he...could I? I was so lacking of reason at that point that I decided to act on instinct. I sat up, leaning forward and catching his lips in mine, one hand around his neck, the other lingering dangerously close to his ass (I suppose that's the least embarrassing term to use, at that point, goodness me). My fingers slid down of their own accord, dipping beneath his teasing undergarment, groping at whatever lay beneath. They slid over his hip as I felt his moan vibrate my lips, and I moved further, feeling the curls of his pubic hair under my fingertips. I _really_ wanted to remove them...and so I did.

I slid them down, not even looking, as I was too busy enjoying the way Kevin's tongue teased my lips. He was on his knees, but he pushed forward, pinning me down against the bed once more. He pulled away from the kiss, just long enough to toss the meddlesome boxer-briefs off to the side, and leaned down to kiss me again, hard. But kissing wasn't what I wanted right then. I wanted _him_. My arm slid free of his grip, and I moved the back of my fingers to his chest...running it downwards until I felt something soft touch my hand. I knew the softness, it was...familiar. But, for once, it wasn't my own. My hand take hold of it, thumb running over a droplet of wetness, and sliding it down his hard length. Kevin let out a husky moan, and the quality of his voice made me quiver.

My hand moved slowly, as I examined his length with the sensitive palm of my hand, the surfaces of my fingers learning all the curves and bumps of the soft surface of his shaft. I slid it lower, delicately teasing his sack (because lord knows there's no more mature thing to call it. I've given up at this point, Diary). I felt his nose touch my shoulder, his breathing heavy. I let my hand work back up...and down. A steady rhythm, a tight palm, and he squirmed above me. For once, I had the power, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.

Alas...he did not allow me to finish the job. As his breathing got heavier, I felt a strong hand grab my wrist and remove it, and I was worried for a moment that I'd done something wrong. I looked into his eyes, and the fire was bright, the aquamarine shining with lust and desire. He backed up, off the bed...and stood up straight. My eyes gazed at his swollen member, red and throbbing with each beat of his heart, and I watched him lean down to get something. I admired the view. He stood back up, and held something in his hand...something I recognized.

"I...see you're prepared." I wasn't entirely expecting it; I had some hidden away in my drawer of "things" just in case something ever arose. I am always...umm, well, ALMOST always prepared, Diary. Forgive the phone call and the "toy" catastrophe, it was a _pleasant_ mistake.

"Y-yeah, uh...sorry if it seems like I...I mean, I've just...kinda been carrying one around with me ever since-"

"I'd never think anything bad of you, Kevin."

He nervously rubbed the back of his head, sitting down beside me. He sighed.

"Do you...I mean, I didn't really bring _lube_ with me..." He trailed off.

"I do." I'd gotten some out and placed it back in its drawer earlier, so it was not quite as 'out in the open' as my "toy" was. I nodded over towards the drawer, "The bottom one...beneath everything."

He got down on the floor, out of view of me, and I heard the drawer open, clothes being scattered. I heard the plastic container, and knew he'd found it. He got back up and sat on the bed, and he turned to me.

"Are you...you know... _ready_?"

I blushed at the question, "...I...before you called, I was in the middle of... _something_...so I am _a bit_...umm...still, it'll be better if you, umm...if...oh gosh, don't make me say it!" I blushed brightly and hid my face behind my hands, and he chuckled. It was an endearing sound.

"Yeah, yeah...I...kinda know what to do...I asked for advice..." From who...I didn't have to ask.

"I-I see. Well...c-can we..."

He smiled, and the lustful look flickering through his eyes again, "Yeah."

He opened the container, a finger sliding through it carefully. I felt myself pushed down gently, and I looked into his eyes. I could see he was nervous, likely worried he'd do something wrong, but I wasn't concerned. I just...I really wanted this. I had waited for so long, had made _him_ wait for so long...and I almost gasped when I felt his fingertip touch me, sliding inside me smoothly as the lube did its job. I bit my lip, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. He slid it in as deep as it would go, and I looked up at him. He had a worried, questioning look in his eyes, but it left quickly. I imagine the blush on my face was enough of an answer for him.

It wasn't long until a second finger joined in, and he finally found that spot that made me writhe under him. He grinned confidently, but I knew this was affecting him too. Each time I made a sound, even a face, he reacted. Little gasps, hums in his throat, the way he slowly blinked at me and breathed in deeply. His reactions affected me almost as much as the fingertips teasing at me. A third entered, and I winced for a moment, but it still wasn't my limit. I sighed deeply, and he did as well. I felt his cock touch against mine, and I squeaked slightly. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I...p-please, take me..." I looked pleadingly up into his eyes, and he looked down at me with a passionate, lusting gaze that stopped my heart.

" _Fuck_..." I felt his fingertips slide out, slowly. He sat up just a bit, removing the condom from its wrapper, and carefully sliding it over the entirety of his length. He threw the wrapper to the floor, and took a dip of lubricant from the container. This time, he moved it to his hard cock (forgive me, Diary, my mind is in the throes of lust in memory, and I've little time for word games), covering it smoothly with the substance. I watched, entranced. He wiped his hand off on the bed...I forgive him for that, the sheets are there for the sake of being dirtied...and took hold of my legs. He pulled me back as he stepped off the bed, my legs around his waist, I held them there as he used one hand to guide his length, leaning forward. I was thankful for the height of my bed right then, it appeared to be just right for this, at least for Kevin... _goodness_ , as if I could _prepare_ for something like _this_! I must simply thank the fates for that!

I felt the tip tease against me, and as it slid in, I felt myself stretch...and it hurt, like it had the first time I'd used the toy. The pain was...nearly unbearable. I cringed tight, letting out a whimper as I felt his head slide in. I heard a moan escape him, but he stayed still, eyes glazed but still on me. I took a deep breath, and looked back at him, nodding almost imperceptibly. He continued. I whimpered, moving a hand to my mouth, biting hard on the skin of my index finger. The pain from the bite didn't do much to distract me, but it kept me attached to the world that that I was quickly fading out from. I didn't look at Kevin again until I felt him stop moving...his hips seated warmly against me. He'd bottomed out, and all that was left was for me to get used to it. It could have taken longer, but I'd been preparing. I will _never_ not prepare, Diary. It's far too important.

I looked at him, a tear in the corner of my eyes. He looked filled with guilt, a frown on his loving face where there should have been a smile, so I let a small smile play across my face. He let his shoulders fall, gripping my legs tight still, looking into my eyes with so much love...

"Are you...ready?" He was so concerned, and it touched my heart. But...yes. I was.

I nodded silently, and he took a breath. I felt him slide out, and when next he slid back in, it didn't hurt as much; though I still gasped. The third time, it was a bit faster...and the pain was nearly overwhelmed by the pleasurable feeling. I gasped, and he looked at me, worried for a moment. A half-smile crept onto his face, then faded as he began to move into me faster. He kept shifting a bit every few thrusts, and at first I wasn't sure what was wrong. Until I felt that familiar, euphoric feeling as he hit my prostate, and I gasped out a moan much louder than I'd ever meant to.

"Ah-h! Kevin, I...oh...oh K-Kevin..." I couldn't make sense of my words, I just spoke, and he reacted with harder thrusts, listening to the rhythmic sound of his body slapping against mine. Each moan of my own was coupled by one of his, an echo of sorts.

"Edd...you're so...fucking... _hot_...God...so _tight_...you have no...no fucking **idea**...God..." His panted breaths did nothing but stir me on, as my hand lingered down to my own length, which had been slapping against my stomach at each thrust. I tugged rapidly, moaning loudly, my voice vibrating as Kevin kept pounding. I was starting to lose myself to the pleasure again.

"Kevin...I need...I need you, _please_ , hold me!" I begged, and he let go of my legs. I held them against him even as he stopped thrusting for a moment, and he leaned down and pulled me up against him. He continued. The feel of his taut chest against mine...it was unreal...and my cock sliding against his abdomen was going to drive me insane at the rate he was going. I moaned into his skin, his sweat-covered, soft skin, and he whispered a mixture of dirty words and sweet nothings into my ear...

"I'm gonna fuck you raw... _Goddamn..._ your ass is so fucking tight...it feels _amazing_..." He would pause to moan occasionally, and continue, "You're mine, you're all mine, babe...I'm going to fucking take you...God...I love you so much...E-Edd..." He stopped, after a time, his breath too heavy to continue. I bit his neck and he growled, pulling back just enough to lean back in and bite my lip. He kissed me in such an animalistic manner, and I kissed him back with just as much fervor. I was getting close again, I knew I was, and I moved a free hand to stroke myself. His thrusts got faster, deeper, and I knew he was getting close as well. Just knowing that drove me mad, and I jerked harder, moaning desperately against him. I felt it, it was so close.

"Kevin...I'm gonna..." I moaned into his skin, the warm liquid shooting out over a mixture of his chest and my own as I came. He held me tighter than ever before, fingers clawing deep into my back.

"F...Double D, it's so tight...I can't...hold it, f-fuck...Edd..." He moaned loudly as he pounded inside me erratically. His cock twitch as he came, each thrust desperate for depth, and I was loathe to let him stop. And the sounds he made...I don't think I've ever heard anything more tempting, more enticing. To think, I could make him sound like that...make him scream my name in pleasure...I'm _so_ hard writing you Diary, and though it isn't pleasant... _God_ if I don't want to call Kevin up and ask for more. But I don't know if my body could take it twice in one night. In all honesty. Not that my body seems to want to agree with my mind and all my logic on that.

He finally stopped moving, panting heavily. He leaned over over and moved to lie on top of me, still inside. I didn't want him to move. I was in heaven. The boy of my life, his beautiful body bare atop me, his cock inside me, still twitching with lust...forgive my perversion, Diary, but I'm...I'm not sure I'd trade it for anything in the world. I was oily, disgusting, covered in my own bodily fluids and Kevin's sweat as well...and it was truly and utterly beautiful in every way.

I love him, Diary. In every possible way.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll ask him over...for I'm not certain I can wait that long again. And I know, for a fact, that I will never have to.

Goodness me. I need to take care of this _problem_ I've developed now. Forgive my sins and all that blah-de-blah, Diary. I will never be innocent again, I suppose I should get used to the fact. The "chaste" Double D is no more. I cannot deny what... _happened_ tonight.

And why would I?

Well...good night, Diary. And thank you for being my ever-present ear. You've been with me from the beginning, and will be a lasting account for all of this. From the subtle beginnings, to the chastest kiss, you've been there.

Thank you for bearing with me. I shall take my leave now.

Keep my secrets safe...and keep my memories clear.

Yours truly,

Edd

* * *

 **There will be an epilogue** **, don't worry. But work will be swamping me soon, so it might be a bit. I hope you enjoyed!**


	69. It's About Time

Alright, Nat, so here's the skinny.

I got laid tonight.

Yep. And it's not just that, but I mean, that's all you're gonna care about, right? Tends to be your kinda thing anyhow.

...alright. I was gonna send this and leave it at that, but I have this feeling you'd flip out on me if I did. I'm right, right? Yeah, thought so. Just save it. And...I'm never gonna talk about this stuff again, got it? No, you don't...but seriously, just...remember why I write this stuff to you, okay? You've been good about it so far, but just don't push it. Okay? _Okay?_

Alright.

I guess it all kinda started when I gave Double D a call. I had shit-all to do, homework was done, I was just plain **bored**. So I decided I'd give him a call, see if he'd let me come hang maybe. He answered the phone kinda weirdly, shoulda been my first clue, but I didn't really notice. But he said I could come over, so I was glad about that.

Showed up at his door, he took a minute to answer it, which was kinda strange since normally he's right there. When he opened it, he was all red-faced like when we'd been up to something, so that was kinda weird. But again, I didn't know, so I just pulled him over to the couch and got him to lay down on my lap. It's nice, having him there. Hard to explain why, you probably know anyways, so yeah. So I just messed around with him a bit, cuz I liked the way he looked when I did certain things, and he'd close his eyes, so he wouldn't know I was staring at him the whole time. It's embarrassing enough as it is, man...better he doesn't know just how into him I am, haha! He'd probably be creeped a bit.

But he wasn't really getting any redder. Actually, he was kinda losing the color, and that was really weird, so I asked him what was up with that. Guess what he said? He said it was cuz his room was hot. I mean, seriously? I know I'm not THAT smart, but come on, I'm not gonna fall for that one. Don't think he expected me to believe him anyhow, so I just said whatever. Decided I'd mess with him, maybe he'd slip up. And he kinda did, like, literally. His leg slid down a little and I looked over at it cuz something looked odd...he was sporting a damn tent. Didn't expect that at -all-.

So I decided I'd tease him for trying to lie to me about it, asked him if he wanted to take the whole 'thing' we were doing upstairs. And he said, and I fucking quote man, "Yes." Like, just yes. Caught me off guard, took me a second to actually process what he said. But it also made me wanna run up there right away, but...with the way D was reacting to every little touch, I didn't wanna let go of him.

Okay, so here's where it gets weird. Walked into his room, and on the bed? There was some sort of dildo. I didn't expect it, like...at all. Hell, I bet your jaw just dropped too! Am I right or am I right? So the cogs in my head started turning, and D freaked out a bit when he saw it, and I figured I must have called him when he was in the middle of something. And damn, that was a nice thought. Sure, I've been able to get him off myself. But I didn't even know he -touched- himself. I had NO CLUE he'd do something like this, but fuck did it turn me on.

Told him that, pretty much...and he kinda used that nickname I won't tell you about. Makes my head all screwy. Mind went straight _there_ , and I tried to catch myself before I ended up taking him right there, but he said he'd be fine with it. He said he'd _like_ it. And...yeah. I kinda jumped him. Threw him on the bed and pushed him down, tried things I'd never tried before because I really, really wanted to, but didn't know how he'd react. Figured it was a safe bet right then to try things, and by the sounds he made, I was right.

He started digging at my back and trying to take my shirt off. Fucking _hot_ man...God. Then he started saying 'it hurts' and I freaked out, so he pulled my head against his and said he was so hard it hurt. I swear, he was shooting bullets at my sex drive and hitting the target every fucking time. It was hard to control myself. And his eyes were, like, undressing me. So I made it easier for him and helped him out. Doesn't feel half bad being ogled, though I guess you know that. Then I got my chance to do the same. Damn, did I want my mouth all over that body of his...it was so soft, kissable...it's true, man! Don't judge!

I couldn't keep my eyes off him, and pretty much _had_ to, man. The sounds he made drove me fucking wild, so I just put my hands all over him, groping him n' making him beg for more. Literally, he begged for more. So I started kissing him down there, and by that time, -I- was so hard it hurt, man. I wanted to hear more of it, fuck, I couldn't stop myself. I mean, I knew what I was thinking about doing next, it just...took some thinking myself up, you know? But I did it...and you shoulda heard the sounds he made. If I wasn't so damned focused on doing what I was doing, I'd have been jerking one out, but I didn't wanna screw it up, you taught me about that shit, and it was my first time trying.

He didn't last long, and I got a fucking throatful. But I cringed and just dealt with it 'til he was done...then I ended up coughing. There wasn't really anywhere to spit it, and it just tasted kinda salty and weird, so I swallowed it. It stuck in my throat, but I pretty much forgot about it when I heard him tell me how it felt. I mean, he looked beautiful...like he always did when he came. Something about him, he just glows afterwards...

Then he told me he was ready. I mean...ready for _that_. He leaned up and kissed me, and slid my boxers off, yes the tight ones you perv, and...he actually started to jerk _me_ off. And I was losing it at that point. Here I was, in my hot boyfriend's bedroom, on his damn bed, him begging me to take him, while giving me a handjob and making out with me...I kinda had to stop him. I mean, I wanted it. Fuck knows I did. I just couldn't blow my load that early, so I grabbed his arm to stop him and got off the bed. Grabbed one of the "things" you left me...yeah yeah, "so proud."

He actually had some lube stashed away, so I grabbed that. And he told me he'd been 'practicing' and stuff...for...you know...guess that was what the dildo was for. But I started slow anyways...man, when I hit that spot you told me about, he really did lose his mind. I almost did too, with all his squirming around and those damn sexy sounds he made, I didn't wanna wait, but I didn't wanna screw anything up either, so I just...kept at it. Until he started begging me again. _God_ it was hot.

Pulled him halfway off the bed, got myself ready...and started with it. Took a few minutes to get him used to it...I mean, I think he was fine with it after the first, I probably coulda moved way faster, I was just worried as hell. But once I started moving...he started moaning my name, and he was so damn _tight_ dude, I couldn't believe how good it felt. He begged me to hold him, so I did, grabbed him up and held him tight and just pounded him, and at that point I just couldn't help myself. I told him how bad I wanted him, how fucking good he felt, everything, and he squeezed so tight, I know he loved every fucking second of it.

He started jerking himself off and I knew I wouldn't last much longer if he kept up screaming my name. And when he came...God, when you said...the way he clenched around me, I just couldn't hold it, I pretty much lost it all in one fucking thrust it felt so good. I felt so damn drained though after it, I just kinda laid on him, in him too...and kissed his neck. And shoulder, and ear. And he just rested, and I didn't mind.

I told him how much I loved him again, how fucking amazing he was, I told him so many things, but he'd passed out right there under me. He woke up a bit later, but I still just laid next to him and held him. Didn't even bother cleaning up. I probably smelled like him, and I liked it. I didn't leave for another hour. He insisted I shower there, so I did...he was writing in some book I always see on his desk when I got out, but he stopped when he saw me. Kinda makes me wonder what's in it, cuz he was starting to get all red again. I just left it, though; I was already starting to feel sore, even if I work out. Not used to using those muscles. Guess I'll be used to it soon. Ha!

But yeah, now I'm just chillin' here at home. He called me a bit ago, asked if I wanted to come over tomorrow. I asked him if I should bring a condom, and he got all sassy about it, it was cute.

Well, I should probably hit the hay, it's pretty late and I still got school in the mornin'. By the way, this is it for that. You're never hearing more outta me about these sorts of things. I held up my end and kept you _way_ more in the loop than you deserve, and I think it's me n' Double D time. You can stick with Mike n' Jimmy n' James n' whoever feels you up in the bar next. You know, the usual.

Alright, I'm headin' off now. I'll write you tomorrow, but if I do anything, it's none'ya anymore, got it? Good.

Seeya man.

Kev

* * *

 **4:41 AM is a good reminder why I take sleep medication, I'm not even tired. Oh well. I do need to sleep though, I just felt the urge to finish this while I still have everything fresh in my mind. But that's it for the evening, heh. Hope you enjoyed. Epilogue will come when it comes.**


	70. Epilogue: A Trip Down Memory Lake

Dearest Diary,

I've grown lax in my writing within you. It has been - what, three weeks since my last entry? It's absurd, really; you've done so much for me, and yet I treat you like a forgotten childhood toy. **Probably cuz you've grown up a lot. I mean, you don't really _need_ it anymore, Babe.** ...Well, that's true, yes, but it brought us together oh-so long ago. You may not believe so, but writing in my Diary here brought me peace in times of great turbulence, organization when my mind was a flurry of abstract thoughts. **You're such a Dork.** Yes, well...I'm _your_ Dork. Don't forget that, Mr. Barr. **Heh, you won't be able to say that soon, Babe.** Shush, let me write!

Now, as I was saying, it has been some time, but I simply _must_ write in you! The events of today were...were... **Come on, Babe, you can say it. I'm right here. I wanna hear it.** Umm...gosh, Kevin, as much as I love using you as a headrest, I'd rather write without a backseat driver. Don't laugh at me! ...Hey, that tickles, don't! I'll start writing things down wrong and there'll be eraser dust all over! **Tst, details** **.**

 **He needs to write this, you know. I can see it in him. He gets this look in his eyes and has to "transcribe it to words," to quote his Dorkliness. I mean, it's kinda cute, but it sucks when I just wanna cuddle with him after** -Kevin! Dear oh dear, I know this is the third one, but please refrain from taking up _to_ _o_ much space, I have a lot to write. **You're just being shy** **.** I am, and I shall continue to do so.

Ahem.

To start off, I suppose I should give the setting, as, in the future, I know I'll not wish to read through _every_ entry to recall the little details that led up to this point, not every time. No, I must state it here and now. **So state it, Dork.** Watch it, mister. **Whatcha gonna do, bite me? Try it.** No thank you, we both know what that incites.

Now, continuing from that lovely _interruption_ , Kevin and I graduated high school last summer. I'd managed to get him to come along with me as I attended a nearby community college, on the hopes that my professors were right in recommending that for my first few years. I had high hopes for my future, but I knew I'd be one in a thousand at a large university, and truly desired the one-on-one between student and teacher that a community college could provide.

Kevin came along, having been accepted easily. **Yeah, well, hard not to when I had a nerd like you helping me with my homework every night.** So cheeky, Kevin. Anyhow, we decided to live off-campus, with my parents paying for our housing. Yes, Diary, we were living together at that point. Not in the same room at first... **Not officially.** No, definitely not that. Though I imagine you changed your tune a tad the first time I screamed when I woke to a stranger in my bed. **Yeah, falling off and wedging myself between the wall and the bed, not what I had in mind. Was hoping for some morning-** Ahem.

We've only recently begun sharing a bedroom, having "pushed" our beds together. I will admit, Diary, that I don't mind staring longingly at Kevin's features in the streams of the morning sun...oh, Kevin, don't groan! No one else will ever see this but you, and me. And I know you like when I say these sorts of things, I've seen the faces you've made when rereading my Diary when you thought I wasn't looking- **Babe, you're such a sneak.** Thank you, Kevin dear.

Now as I was saying, we've been sleeping "together" for a bit now. Perhaps only a few weeks, but I only wrote about it...last entry. I'd check the date, but...Kevin has _so kindly_ stolen my hand, and is massaging my digits and knuckles with a tenderness I didn't much expect of him. I didn't say stop! Kevy...oh, I can't stay mad when you do that. Your kisses are- **Either you write about today _now_ or I'm gonna start doing things to you, take your pick.**

Today started as the first day of Kevin and I's planned vacation. **Pfft, course you'd pick writing.** Hush! Kevin hadn't told me where he'd planned to take me on our "vacation," but I knew we were taking his notorious Firebrand. I've grown to like her, honestly. It gives me plenty of reason to hold Kevin as tight as possible, whilst also being in the public eye. **Still shy, huh?** Yes, well, not everyone is as accepting of us as the cul-de-sac. **I'd protect you from _anyone_ and _anything_. ** I know, Kevin...I know. I really do. **God I love that smile...** Y-yes, well- **You said that already.** Shhh!

The trip was a long one, two hours in all just to get there, with a stop at the gas station included. I was relieved to find that I recognized where we were going. The road signs grew familiar. I was, however, thrown off by the fact we turned _away_ from the road leading to our small little neighborhood. I was _also_ perplexed when I noticed the Lake in sight. It was different, seeing it during the day... **Was it bad though?** At...at first. **Sorry.** Don't be. Never be sorry for what you did. Please, my Prince...never regret it, I beg of you. **...You're so corny, Dork.** You're _so_ blushing, Kevy. It looks good on you, you know...

Anyways, umm...took me out to the Lake, but not to the same spot as before. Actually, the place he brought me out to was somewhere...I... **It's ok, Dork, you don't have to say it. I asked Eddy and Ed to help me with it.** I'm...wait...you did? You're on _speaking_ terms with _Eddy_? **How do you think I got the-** Oh! I assumed it was Nazz!

Oh, Diary, sorry to leave you in the dust, I didn't mean to get ahead of myself! Kevin brought me to a spot from my childhood. _That_ spot, to be specific. I _was_ going to say I had no idea how he found it, but I suppose I know now...don't laugh at me, I was genuinely curious! Excusing all my deviations from the point, Kevin let me off there, and I noticed a grill set up. Needless to say, I froze, for a moment. Until Kevin hugged me from behind and I...well, I really, really _tried_ to relax. It was just unnerving, Diary. Very, very unnerving. **At least it had 4 legs.** And a fifth that I believe Eddy made, now that I know it was him. **Oh yeah, I didn't even notice.** Perhaps you did, but other details were what concerned you. **Yeah, probably...**

I sat on the grass, and Kevin made us burgers. It was sweet having him cook for me, to be honest, since I was generally the one to do that sort of thing when we were home. Whilst eating, I kept seeing Kevin look at something, and eventually became curious as to what it was. I moved to get a better look, and noticed a stream of ants going back and forth between the grass in a thin line. I found it intriguing. **I was kinda freaking out that they might get on me and shit.** Fortunately for you, they tend to keep to their scent trails rather than straying.

I was leaning in to take a closer look, when I felt something cold touch my hand. I turned to see that Kevin had placed a magnifying glass; my magnifying glass, to be more specific; into my hand. I winced as my thoughts tried to pull at me, and it was only the kind look in Kevin's eyes that kept me from turned down that dark path. ...I'm sorry, Kevin, I have to write this. I love you, my Prince, you do know that, right? ...I knew you did. Your face is rather adorable, painted red like that. I...I need to continue, I keep getting side-tracked by your presence, my dear. I must persevere!

Shakily, I took the magnifying glass closer to my eye. I leaned down and examined the lovely little creatures, their tiny worn trail winding its way through blades of grass like a river through the Amazon. And when I felt Kevin's hand shove at me...I decided to follow. Carefully. Hesitantly. But he stayed right behind me, a hand hovering around my waist, the loose tether attaching me to reality and disconnecting my fear for a bit. I followed the stream of ants carefully, each step shaky, my subconscious trying to hold me still. I kept going, somehow...I just _kept going_...until it stopped.

The mound was small, but quite well taken care of. No footsteps had trodden their domain, and for that I was relieved. They were beautiful specimens, pristine, and...there was only one flaw. Loose dirt, a tiny ways from their hill. It didn't make much sense. Was it a collapsed hill? And what was that imprint, that depression? I tilted my head, leaving Kevin's arm behind as I knelt down to examine the dirt more closely. It wasn't natural...was it...man-made? No ants were anywhere near it. The sandy soil was loose. Was there something...

I let my fingertips graze over the top, shifting a bit of the dirt away. The depression remained visible. I did another quick sweep, and saw something glint. Curiosity taking over, I let my fingertips dip into the loose dirt, and gently, ever-so-gently, I lifted a shining silver object. My mind blanked for a moment, and I found myself wondering who would leave such an object behind, let alone _cover_ it...and then...

I-I stood and turned around, and saw Kevin on one knee, looking up at me. His eyes went down to my hand, a-and...

 **You were beautiful, Edd... All the things you love to do bring that out in you. It's why I took you there, and planned this out. When you looked into my eyes, I almost... I almost lost my words, alright? I had to mentally slap myself to take your hand, and that helped me figure out what to do.**

I was shaking as he took the ring from my fingers, all the remaining dust and sand falling to the ground. It shone brilliantly in the sun. But my eyes were locked on Kevin's, and my heart was beating too fast to catch.

 **I could barely breathe. I'd planned this out for months, I'd even fucking _practiced_ it, but I could barely hold it together...**

When he finally spoke, I realized how silent the world was around me.

"Edd...I...um," he cleared his throat, fingers twiddling against my hand before he started to force himself to speak again, "I-I've known you for a while, now...I mean, we've pretty much known each other our whole lives, right? Haha...I...I guess we've only really known each other a few years though, l-like this, I mean. And I...what I'm trying to say is, I really like you. No, fuck it, I **love** you. I fucking **love** that amazing brain of yours, the way your body curves when I see it in the middle of the night when I've stolen the blanket off you. I frickin' **breathe** to see you smile and hear you laugh, and I can't stand a day without you because it feels like I'm missing the damn **Sun** in my life!"

He squeezed my hand tight in his shaking fingers, his other hand crushing his knee as he stared desperately into my eyes, and said, "Edd, will you marry me?"

 **The look on your face was...wow, I wish I had a camera. I was so afraid for a second though, when you fell. I mean, I caught you...I'll always catch you, Edd. No matter what. But I was still scared. I'd...I'd lost you once, or at least _thought_ I did, and I was seriously afraid I'd screwed things up again, no matter _what_ all the others told me. When I heard you choke out those words...write them out for me, Babe, you're better at it than I am.**

I...I s-said, "Never in my life have I ever wanted to say 'yes' more than now...a-and so...yes...I will...my Prince, I will...I will..."

 **The tears on your face stung me, I thought I'd done something wrong despite everything, but your words just...I had to pull back, see you smiling behind every sob. I doubt you remember when I measured your finger...it was a month ago. I tried to hide it as me just playing around, but-** No, Kevin, I had no idea. **I'm...glad. That I was able to manage hiding it. Cuz your reaction...I was so damn happy to make you smile like that, and when you said yes, Edd...there's no words for how amazing I felt. There's zilch, nada, I was so fucking happy.**

H-he took my fingertips close to his lips, placing the softest of kisses on the joints, before slowly slipping the ring onto my finger. I immediately collapsed within his arms, and sobbed...and he was so warm...

 **Babe...I love you. More than anything. I'd give up anything just to see you happy, I'd throw away everything I am for your smile at this point. You _do_ things to me, make me feel things I'd have never dreamt of. I love you, Edd, I love you and I'm never letting you go.**

...While that's all fine and good, I can't breathe well at the moment. You don't have to let go! Just...a little less tight, my love. Aw...you're sweeter than you think. I know you try to be all macho, but you're truly a softie at heart. **Your fault on that one, Dorkable.** If it is, I've no regrets.

There's no set date yet, but...Kevin wants to have it at the Lake. And he's going to do everything in his power to make sure my parents are there. I'm so lucky...

 **Hey Babe...about the Lake. The memory...is it...?** When I think of the lake now...it's...a tumult. I'd love to tell you it was all gone, but...it's not. Still, now, whenever I think of it...I have **two** precious memories of here. **Three when it happens...** Kevin, I still can't believe you thought of this yourself. **I had help...I'm not proud of it.** I wouldn't expect you to be, my Prince. Oh, that blush...I really should call you that more often. Hey, careful, I'm writing, that tickles! Ahem!

Well...my heart is still a-flutter, and my finger is...well, to be honest, it itches. **You're not taking it off.** Not tonight, but perhaps tomorrow...? **Nope.** Kevin, do you understand how much of an irritation this is to my skin? **So was the hickey but you didn't take _that_ off.** That's hardly relevant, and also quite impossible. I'll just need to wash under it occasionally- **No.** What do you mean, no? **I mean, I'll shower with you if it means keeping that ring on.** K-K-Kevin! Please! **Haha! You're so cute when you're mad, Babe.** I'm glad it's amusing to you.

And thus was my day, Diary. **Well, yesterday now.** And whose fault is it that midnight was hit? Could it perhaps be the boy who keeps stealing the writing utensil from my hand? **You love it.**

...I do love it. I love the way your arms ensconce mine, your breath tickling my hair. I'm enamored by the scent of your clothes, the way your fingers fit just right in mine. I'm in love with your laughter, and that bewitching smile you've enslaved me with. And in the late of the night, I listen to your heart beat, and your breath grow deep, and I wonder if you're dreaming me me.

 **I'm always dreaming about you. Even when I wake up.**

Then don't wake from this.

 **We gotta get to bed sometime, Double D.**

Eventually...but not yet. I'd rather stay here in your arms while I can, and remember how it used to be...remember how it is now...

 **You've got your Diary right here to remember it with, you know.**

I do. But in order to turn the page, I have to end this account...

 **Well, now's good a time as any.**

But I don't want it to end.

 **It won't, Babe. I'm still here.**

Never let me go...promise me that, Kevin.

 **I...I promise you, Edd. I'll never let you go, so long as I live.**

Good night, Diary...and pleasant dreams.

Keep my memories treasured and clear.

 **Seeya.**

* * *

 **With Love,**

Yours Truly & Betrothedly,

 **Your** Dualing **Authors,**

 **Kevin** & Edd


End file.
